Fighting For Air, page 23
“Is she okay?” She runs a hand along one of the weight machines, and I wonder if she’s thinking about bashing my head in with a weight.
“She’s sleeping. I turned her alarm off.”
I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing, but my body seems to relax. She didn’t skip practice on purpose. That’s good, at least. It doesn’t mean she knowingly decided not to see me. “Is she okay?” I repeat.
“Yeah. She kind of freaked out last night. It’s not your fault, so I’m sorry for yelling at you. I’m just frustrated.” I wonder what to say to that but she doesn’t stop long enough for me to come up with anything. “She’s going to want to run and push you away. I’m here to tell you not to let her.”
“Oh?” This is a new twist. I thought for sure she was going to be chopping something off me.
“It’s none of my business, I know, but she’s happy and she’s safe with you and I don’t think I’ve ever felt so relieved. I honestly thought she was done. Like shut down and never trust again, done. But then she met you.” She smiles, and I realize her tone has softened. Everything about her has.
“I’m not going to hurt her.”
“Not intentionally, but shit happens. This isn’t a romance novel. Life is messy and you make her happy and I think she’s scared of losing that. She’s been sad for too long.”
“That’s something we can both agree on.”
“Good.” She laughs a little and I want to ask what she’s thinking about. I don’t though. If she wanted me to know she would tell me. She seems like the kind of girl who you don’t have to pry for information. The kind of girl who gladly throws it in your face. I can’t help but think, despite the inappropriate timing, that Jason would really like her.
“I think I’m going to like you, Caden.” The words pull me out of my thoughts and I smile at her.
“Ditto.”
“Good.” She claps her hands together once, like it’s solved. “She’s taking the day off. She needs it.”
“She needs to be here.” She rolls her eyes and I step forward. I place my hand out in the open air between us and start my small lecture. “She needs to be here because it’s a coping mechanism for her. Her career and all that bullshit aside, she needs to be here to work through all the shit in her head. She’s angry and afraid and she can’t run from that.”
I want to tell Myla that even if she’s sleeping, she could still be in hell, but I have a feeling she knows what I’ve just recently found out about Aubrey’s dreams. She lives in the same apartment with her after all.
“She was up until two last night, freaking out. She was exhausted.” Myla places her hands on her hips. “I’m dragging her to therapy today. Don’t expect to hear from her until she’s calmed down a little more. There’s stuff she needs to work out.”
“Okay. I’m glad you were there. I should have stayed.”
She fixes a stare on me that could probably petrify a weaker individual. “Next time, you will. Aubrey is not the type you bang and leave.”
“It’s a little more complicated than that, but trust me, I know. If I could have stayed, I would have.”
“Okay.” She seems to take my word for it, her glare turning into a slight smile. “Now the only thing I have to complain about is the fact that you ruined one of my pots last night. No amount of soap or scraping is getting that burnt rice off.”
I give her my best attempt at an apologetic smile. “I’ll buy you a new one. It’ll even be purple.” Myla nods like I’ve passed the test.
I watch as she exits without a goodbye and pull my phone back out. I know it’s silly, Myla just left, but I don’t want to miss Aubrey’s call. I’ll just have to be glued to this phone for the rest of the day.
Chapter Sixty-Four
Aubrey
“I’m dragging your ass to group,” Myla announces as she pours coffee into our travel mugs. Green eyes lift to look at me, a dare to argue. There’s no reason to. It’s time.
“If you’re holding me hostage, do I at least get a list of demands?”
“Sigh.” The travel mug is warm when she hands it to me. It’s comforting, like I could curl up in a blanket and read. I’d give anything for a lazy day like that. “You get three demands, Miss Crab Ass.”
“I pick the music.” I slip my feet into my shoes and grab my purse from the hook on the wall. The emptiness in my stomach is from a lot of things, but one of the major issues is hunger. “We stop at the gas station for snacks, too.”
With a sharp salute to the forehead, she follows me out the door. “You wanna drive?” She jangles the keys like I’m a grumpy cat whose trust she’s trying to gain. I suppose that’s not too far off.
“No. You go ahead.” I start by plugging my phone into the radio, scrolling through my song list. With Robert Plant’s voice filling the car, I feel much calmer. I know it won’t last. The group I go to is almost an hour away. Plenty of time for my anxiety to swell.
Once we’re stocked with combos and licorice, we head north. We listen to song after song, Myla groaning but still singing along. As much as she complains, I think she secretly likes my music. Not better than her annoying pop artists, but it’s a step in the right direction.
When we’re five miles out, she turns down the music. She’s lucky it’s just Journey, or she’d get the same lecture as Caden.
“You still have a demand left.”
“Sure do.” I pop a combo in my mouth, chewing extra loud just to annoy her. “I want you to come in.”
Her grip tightens on the wheel. She’s been going with me since the first meeting, starting the day after I got released from the hospital. Yet, she’s never come in. Instead, she spends her time at the library across the street.
“Why would I go?”
We both know the answer to that one. Myla didn’t go into foster care until she was twelve. All twelve of those years would be worth discussing in a group like mine.
“That’s such a waste of a demand, man.” She slides the car into a parking spot and breathes through her nose. Red hair hides her face from me. I’m in the dark as to what she’s thinking.
“Fine. But I’m not talking.”
I reach for her hand. “Deal.”
Chapter Sixty-Five
Aubrey
Group is full of familiar faces. The only person I don’t recognize is a boy to my left, clutching a Styrofoam cup hard enough to make it crack. Myla sits to my right, knees bouncing.
“Good morning, survivors.” Emma’s maxi dress sways as she gestures to the room. Her kind eyes settle on me and she smiles. “Aubrey. Welcome back.”
“Thanks.” I squeeze my fists as everyone turns to look at me. The cuffs of my sweater are crumpled and damp in my hands. It’s been over a year since I came. Just after Elliot’s trial finished and college was starting. The nightmares had slowed, the panic attacks were manageable, Rob had a gym looking to train me, and I was moving on.
When I finish telling them all this, Emma gives me a sad smile. “So, what changed?”
Everyone in the circle is leaning forward. We all dream of moving on. Surely, they want to know what I did to ruin it.
I tug at my cuffs again. Myla’s knees are finally calm now that she knows the attention isn’t on her. When the silence gets too much, I finally tell them. “I found a guy.”
The announcement is met with an equal mixture of cat calls and groans. Emma just does that annoying nod and smile that means she understands. “Being with someone for the first time is hard.”
Izzy, a twenty-three year old that used to be married to a financial advisor that saw her as a ragdoll, raises her hand. “Izzy, do you have something to add?”
“When I met Michael, oh, wait. Aubrey, I met someone too! While you were away.” She smiles wide. “Anyway, when I met him, the triggers all came rushing back. It felt like starting from day one.” She fiddles with her brand-new wedding ring.
“The worst part is that I still sometimes miss him.” I bite my lip. “No. Actually, the worst part is how much I’m learning. Like, I knew I was abused or whatever, but Elliot was my first boyfriend, ya know? I didn’t know what normal felt like. How good it could be.
“It’s like getting abused all over again. I’m just now realizing how bad it really was, because there’s something to compare it to.” I brush my cheek against my shoulder to get rid of the stray tear rolling down it.
The entire room sits in silence. Then the boy beside me coughs and leans forward. “So, we’re better off just being alone?”
“No.” Izzy, Emma, and I all say at once. I look at the boy and give him a firm head shake. “I used to think that too, but I was so wrong. Being with someone again is hard, and messy, but it’s also amazing.”
He rolls his eyes down to his empty, broken cup. That’s when Myla speaks.
“Plus, staying alone? No thanks. Being alone sucks.”
“What does that mean?” Emma asks Myla. “And what’s your name and story, if you don’t mind?”
“Sucks being the new kid.” The guy teases, probably excited he isn’t the newest here anymore.
“Oh, um.” Myla’s knees return to bouncing. “I’m Myla. I, uh.” She looks at me in fear.
“You don’t have to,” I whisper.
She nods and slumps forward, arms wrapping around her waist to hold herself together. Despite the defensive position, she still speaks. “I’m a survivor, I guess? Um, sexual and physical child abuse.”
Everyone calls out to her in variations of greeting. She smiles at me, proud that she did it.
“So, Myla. What did you mean about being alone? Are you happily with someone?”
“No.” She laughs at this. “I’m a firm believer in one night stands and not getting attached. Guys suck.”
Everyone gives Emma a nervous look. This is usually an issue she tackles head on. Her favorite thing is teaching us how to have healthy relationships and trust again.
This time, probably because Myla is new and she doesn’t want to scare her off, she just smiles. “Everyone copes differently. Hopefully, when you’re ready, we will work on changing that.”
Myla just shrugs, and the group turns its attention back to me. “So, what do I do? I don’t want to sleep around.” I stick my tongue out at Myla. “No offense.”
“None taken.”
“Have you opened up to this new guy about your past?” Emma asks.
I nod. “Yeah. He’s been great.”
“Good. Then all you can do is what, everyone?”
The group says, “Keep coming back,” in a jumbled cheer.
I sigh. “For how long?”
Emma gives me a sad smile. “For as long as it takes.”
Chapter Sixty-Six
Caden
“I really think we should go.”
“No. I’m not going. It’s stupid and it’s not a part of this investigation.”
“It is. Jessica is friends with Heather, who’s friends with Kyle. And Kyle-”
“Larson.” Jones looks up at me, his eyes pleading. I turn my attention away from my phone and sigh.
“If he thinks you should go, you should go.”
“It’s a birthday party.” He says this like it’s dirty.
“It’s a birthday party where you’ll get to interact with X again.” I’m slightly annoyed. Jameson is doing a great job remembering to call X by his codename. It would make our lives easier if he would just slip up, and he knows that.
“What’s the point of interacting with him when I don’t even know who he is?”
Elliot sighs. “Because he needs to come to you, or he’ll know that someone in the group gave him away. You can’t act suspicious and you can’t act interested in him. Only a few of us even know that he’s the one running things.”
I let out a dramatic sigh and stare at my phone. This is giving me a headache. Why do I even have to be here for this shit? I feel like a glorified babysitter.
“Larson.”
“Jones.” I roll my eyes in his direction and he seems to second guess himself. I make it easier for him. “His reasoning is sound. You’ll go to the party.”
“But-”
“You guys have to stop coming here all the damn time. You have to handle these things yourself.” I stand up and collect my stuff, dismissing them without saying so. Just then, my phone starts to vibrate.
I don’t care that I’m not alone or that I probably come off too eager, I answer on the second buzz. “Hello?”
“Hey.” She sounds relieved that I answered, and maybe a little nervous. An image of her lying naked across her bed flashes in my head and I push it away to focus.
“I missed you this morning.”
“I know, I’m really sorry. My alarm got turned off.”
“Yeah, Myla stopped by the gym and told me. Wanted to make sure you wouldn’t get in trouble.”
I wait for her to answer. It takes a moment. “What else did she say?”
“You had a rough night.” I wonder if she’s okay. I really hope so. “I wish you would have called me. I could have talked you through it.”
She gives me a breathy laugh. “You didn’t want to be talking to me. I was in a bad place.”
“Bad place or not, I’m still here.”
“That’s,” she pauses, and I think I hear her sniffle. “That means a lot.”
I turn around and see that Jones is gone but Jameson is still sitting there, playing with a pen. Aubrey sniffles again. I just want to hold her. “We can work out tonight if you want? I’m not off until six and I’ll have to bring the girls with me but I can do it.”
“I actually have a ton of homework to do. I could come early tomorrow to catch up?”
“Yeah, that works.” Jameson is staring at me now, his eyes cold. “I actually have a random day off tomorrow. We could do two sessions?”
“Yeah, um.” There’s a bang in the background and she curses under her breath. I smile at how cute she is. When she speaks again, she sounds out of breath and possibly in pain. “Sorry, I tripped.”
“Over what?”
“Oh, um.” She laughs a little. “Myself.”
“Where are you?”
“Walking to class.” I have to stop myself from laughing when I picture her walking with her little backpack and tripping. She’s adorable. “I have two today. Not as busy as Wednesday, because of the extra-long class in the morning, but still busy.”
“What’s your schedule like for tomorrow?”
“I just have one on Tuesday and Thursdays. At eleven.”
“We could do our morning workout, then grab a late lunch after your class? Then workout again later, at some point.” I smile to myself and lower my
voice. “Maybe the second one could be in bed.”
“Mmm. That sounds tempting.” Someone yells in the background and I wonder if it’s at her or someone else. Hopefully someone else. She’s had a hard-enough time as is. “There’s this great little restaurant by campus. I’d like to show you it.”
“Sounds perfect.” Jameson stirs in his chair and gives me a strange look. I turn so I can pretend he’s not there. “I can’t wait to see you.”
“I can’t either.”
“You’re okay, yeah?”
“Yeah.” She exhales and it sounds cleansing. “I’m actually really good.”
“Alright.” I have to hide my smile. I don’t want Jameson to see it. “I’ll see you tomorrow then, bright and early.”
Chapter Sixty-Seven
Aubrey
My phone vibrates three times before falling off my bedside table. I grab it and answer it, still half dreaming about a strange grocery store where everything is chocolate.
“Hello?” I glance at my alarm clock and groan. I need to be awake in three hours, so whoever is calling me better have a damn good reason.
“Bree?” My name sounds foreign, yet so familiar, in his husky voice. The room collapses around me, the weight of it crushing my chest and leaving me breathless.
“It’s me,” I finally say.
The sheets are tangled in between my legs. I kick them away, as if they are the rubble that’s causing me to suffocate. It doesn’t work. I still can’t breathe.
“I thought you would have changed your number.” I should have. I meant to. He never called from prison and I thought I was safe. If he was calling from prison, I should have had to accept the call. Doesn’t that happen in all the movies and shows?
My head feels so damn heavy. “I miss you.”
“Oh.” Is that really the best I can do? I should tell him that I don’t miss him. I should tell him to leave me the hell alone. I should go get Myla. I should hang up and call Caden right now.
“Are you still mine?” The words are thick and heavy. He sounds drunk. How can he be drunk in prison? He sounds sad. My heart aches for him and my hands start shaking. I can’t do this. I can’t be speaking to him. “Bree?”
“Elliot.” His name is like a grenade falling from my tongue. Every memory, every hit, comes rushing back.
Does he know where I live? Is he here?
“I shouldn’t have called.” He hangs up, leaving me to cling to the phone and wonder what the hell just happened.
My entire body is shaking and the room is spinning. The combination leaves me nauseated. Sure enough, I find myself stumbling to the bathroom just in time to spill the contents of my stomach into the toilet.
I brush my teeth after the dry heaving stops. My reflection tries to get my attention in the mirror but I openly ignore it. There’s no time for soul searching right now.
My skin starts to crawl as I search my room for clothes. It feels like I can’t get dressed fast enough.
I can’t be here anymore. I can’t be anywhere.
My bedroom door creaks as I open it. I cringe, but don’t hear Myla stir. I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing, because maybe I want her to stop me. Maybe, I want her to fix things this time.
Am I really doing this?
Chapter Sixty-Eight
Aubrey
The gym is dead silent. I meant to leave town, I really did, but this place was too hard to leave. Almost as hard as the idea of leaving Caden and Myla.
“She’s sleeping. I turned her alarm off.”
I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing, but my body seems to relax. She didn’t skip practice on purpose. That’s good, at least. It doesn’t mean she knowingly decided not to see me. “Is she okay?” I repeat.
“Yeah. She kind of freaked out last night. It’s not your fault, so I’m sorry for yelling at you. I’m just frustrated.” I wonder what to say to that but she doesn’t stop long enough for me to come up with anything. “She’s going to want to run and push you away. I’m here to tell you not to let her.”
“Oh?” This is a new twist. I thought for sure she was going to be chopping something off me.
“It’s none of my business, I know, but she’s happy and she’s safe with you and I don’t think I’ve ever felt so relieved. I honestly thought she was done. Like shut down and never trust again, done. But then she met you.” She smiles, and I realize her tone has softened. Everything about her has.
“I’m not going to hurt her.”
“Not intentionally, but shit happens. This isn’t a romance novel. Life is messy and you make her happy and I think she’s scared of losing that. She’s been sad for too long.”
“That’s something we can both agree on.”
“Good.” She laughs a little and I want to ask what she’s thinking about. I don’t though. If she wanted me to know she would tell me. She seems like the kind of girl who you don’t have to pry for information. The kind of girl who gladly throws it in your face. I can’t help but think, despite the inappropriate timing, that Jason would really like her.
“I think I’m going to like you, Caden.” The words pull me out of my thoughts and I smile at her.
“Ditto.”
“Good.” She claps her hands together once, like it’s solved. “She’s taking the day off. She needs it.”
“She needs to be here.” She rolls her eyes and I step forward. I place my hand out in the open air between us and start my small lecture. “She needs to be here because it’s a coping mechanism for her. Her career and all that bullshit aside, she needs to be here to work through all the shit in her head. She’s angry and afraid and she can’t run from that.”
I want to tell Myla that even if she’s sleeping, she could still be in hell, but I have a feeling she knows what I’ve just recently found out about Aubrey’s dreams. She lives in the same apartment with her after all.
“She was up until two last night, freaking out. She was exhausted.” Myla places her hands on her hips. “I’m dragging her to therapy today. Don’t expect to hear from her until she’s calmed down a little more. There’s stuff she needs to work out.”
“Okay. I’m glad you were there. I should have stayed.”
She fixes a stare on me that could probably petrify a weaker individual. “Next time, you will. Aubrey is not the type you bang and leave.”
“It’s a little more complicated than that, but trust me, I know. If I could have stayed, I would have.”
“Okay.” She seems to take my word for it, her glare turning into a slight smile. “Now the only thing I have to complain about is the fact that you ruined one of my pots last night. No amount of soap or scraping is getting that burnt rice off.”
I give her my best attempt at an apologetic smile. “I’ll buy you a new one. It’ll even be purple.” Myla nods like I’ve passed the test.
I watch as she exits without a goodbye and pull my phone back out. I know it’s silly, Myla just left, but I don’t want to miss Aubrey’s call. I’ll just have to be glued to this phone for the rest of the day.
Chapter Sixty-Four
Aubrey
“I’m dragging your ass to group,” Myla announces as she pours coffee into our travel mugs. Green eyes lift to look at me, a dare to argue. There’s no reason to. It’s time.
“If you’re holding me hostage, do I at least get a list of demands?”
“Sigh.” The travel mug is warm when she hands it to me. It’s comforting, like I could curl up in a blanket and read. I’d give anything for a lazy day like that. “You get three demands, Miss Crab Ass.”
“I pick the music.” I slip my feet into my shoes and grab my purse from the hook on the wall. The emptiness in my stomach is from a lot of things, but one of the major issues is hunger. “We stop at the gas station for snacks, too.”
With a sharp salute to the forehead, she follows me out the door. “You wanna drive?” She jangles the keys like I’m a grumpy cat whose trust she’s trying to gain. I suppose that’s not too far off.
“No. You go ahead.” I start by plugging my phone into the radio, scrolling through my song list. With Robert Plant’s voice filling the car, I feel much calmer. I know it won’t last. The group I go to is almost an hour away. Plenty of time for my anxiety to swell.
Once we’re stocked with combos and licorice, we head north. We listen to song after song, Myla groaning but still singing along. As much as she complains, I think she secretly likes my music. Not better than her annoying pop artists, but it’s a step in the right direction.
When we’re five miles out, she turns down the music. She’s lucky it’s just Journey, or she’d get the same lecture as Caden.
“You still have a demand left.”
“Sure do.” I pop a combo in my mouth, chewing extra loud just to annoy her. “I want you to come in.”
Her grip tightens on the wheel. She’s been going with me since the first meeting, starting the day after I got released from the hospital. Yet, she’s never come in. Instead, she spends her time at the library across the street.
“Why would I go?”
We both know the answer to that one. Myla didn’t go into foster care until she was twelve. All twelve of those years would be worth discussing in a group like mine.
“That’s such a waste of a demand, man.” She slides the car into a parking spot and breathes through her nose. Red hair hides her face from me. I’m in the dark as to what she’s thinking.
“Fine. But I’m not talking.”
I reach for her hand. “Deal.”
Chapter Sixty-Five
Aubrey
Group is full of familiar faces. The only person I don’t recognize is a boy to my left, clutching a Styrofoam cup hard enough to make it crack. Myla sits to my right, knees bouncing.
“Good morning, survivors.” Emma’s maxi dress sways as she gestures to the room. Her kind eyes settle on me and she smiles. “Aubrey. Welcome back.”
“Thanks.” I squeeze my fists as everyone turns to look at me. The cuffs of my sweater are crumpled and damp in my hands. It’s been over a year since I came. Just after Elliot’s trial finished and college was starting. The nightmares had slowed, the panic attacks were manageable, Rob had a gym looking to train me, and I was moving on.
When I finish telling them all this, Emma gives me a sad smile. “So, what changed?”
Everyone in the circle is leaning forward. We all dream of moving on. Surely, they want to know what I did to ruin it.
I tug at my cuffs again. Myla’s knees are finally calm now that she knows the attention isn’t on her. When the silence gets too much, I finally tell them. “I found a guy.”
The announcement is met with an equal mixture of cat calls and groans. Emma just does that annoying nod and smile that means she understands. “Being with someone for the first time is hard.”
Izzy, a twenty-three year old that used to be married to a financial advisor that saw her as a ragdoll, raises her hand. “Izzy, do you have something to add?”
“When I met Michael, oh, wait. Aubrey, I met someone too! While you were away.” She smiles wide. “Anyway, when I met him, the triggers all came rushing back. It felt like starting from day one.” She fiddles with her brand-new wedding ring.
“The worst part is that I still sometimes miss him.” I bite my lip. “No. Actually, the worst part is how much I’m learning. Like, I knew I was abused or whatever, but Elliot was my first boyfriend, ya know? I didn’t know what normal felt like. How good it could be.
“It’s like getting abused all over again. I’m just now realizing how bad it really was, because there’s something to compare it to.” I brush my cheek against my shoulder to get rid of the stray tear rolling down it.
The entire room sits in silence. Then the boy beside me coughs and leans forward. “So, we’re better off just being alone?”
“No.” Izzy, Emma, and I all say at once. I look at the boy and give him a firm head shake. “I used to think that too, but I was so wrong. Being with someone again is hard, and messy, but it’s also amazing.”
He rolls his eyes down to his empty, broken cup. That’s when Myla speaks.
“Plus, staying alone? No thanks. Being alone sucks.”
“What does that mean?” Emma asks Myla. “And what’s your name and story, if you don’t mind?”
“Sucks being the new kid.” The guy teases, probably excited he isn’t the newest here anymore.
“Oh, um.” Myla’s knees return to bouncing. “I’m Myla. I, uh.” She looks at me in fear.
“You don’t have to,” I whisper.
She nods and slumps forward, arms wrapping around her waist to hold herself together. Despite the defensive position, she still speaks. “I’m a survivor, I guess? Um, sexual and physical child abuse.”
Everyone calls out to her in variations of greeting. She smiles at me, proud that she did it.
“So, Myla. What did you mean about being alone? Are you happily with someone?”
“No.” She laughs at this. “I’m a firm believer in one night stands and not getting attached. Guys suck.”
Everyone gives Emma a nervous look. This is usually an issue she tackles head on. Her favorite thing is teaching us how to have healthy relationships and trust again.
This time, probably because Myla is new and she doesn’t want to scare her off, she just smiles. “Everyone copes differently. Hopefully, when you’re ready, we will work on changing that.”
Myla just shrugs, and the group turns its attention back to me. “So, what do I do? I don’t want to sleep around.” I stick my tongue out at Myla. “No offense.”
“None taken.”
“Have you opened up to this new guy about your past?” Emma asks.
I nod. “Yeah. He’s been great.”
“Good. Then all you can do is what, everyone?”
The group says, “Keep coming back,” in a jumbled cheer.
I sigh. “For how long?”
Emma gives me a sad smile. “For as long as it takes.”
Chapter Sixty-Six
Caden
“I really think we should go.”
“No. I’m not going. It’s stupid and it’s not a part of this investigation.”
“It is. Jessica is friends with Heather, who’s friends with Kyle. And Kyle-”
“Larson.” Jones looks up at me, his eyes pleading. I turn my attention away from my phone and sigh.
“If he thinks you should go, you should go.”
“It’s a birthday party.” He says this like it’s dirty.
“It’s a birthday party where you’ll get to interact with X again.” I’m slightly annoyed. Jameson is doing a great job remembering to call X by his codename. It would make our lives easier if he would just slip up, and he knows that.
“What’s the point of interacting with him when I don’t even know who he is?”
Elliot sighs. “Because he needs to come to you, or he’ll know that someone in the group gave him away. You can’t act suspicious and you can’t act interested in him. Only a few of us even know that he’s the one running things.”
I let out a dramatic sigh and stare at my phone. This is giving me a headache. Why do I even have to be here for this shit? I feel like a glorified babysitter.
“Larson.”
“Jones.” I roll my eyes in his direction and he seems to second guess himself. I make it easier for him. “His reasoning is sound. You’ll go to the party.”
“But-”
“You guys have to stop coming here all the damn time. You have to handle these things yourself.” I stand up and collect my stuff, dismissing them without saying so. Just then, my phone starts to vibrate.
I don’t care that I’m not alone or that I probably come off too eager, I answer on the second buzz. “Hello?”
“Hey.” She sounds relieved that I answered, and maybe a little nervous. An image of her lying naked across her bed flashes in my head and I push it away to focus.
“I missed you this morning.”
“I know, I’m really sorry. My alarm got turned off.”
“Yeah, Myla stopped by the gym and told me. Wanted to make sure you wouldn’t get in trouble.”
I wait for her to answer. It takes a moment. “What else did she say?”
“You had a rough night.” I wonder if she’s okay. I really hope so. “I wish you would have called me. I could have talked you through it.”
She gives me a breathy laugh. “You didn’t want to be talking to me. I was in a bad place.”
“Bad place or not, I’m still here.”
“That’s,” she pauses, and I think I hear her sniffle. “That means a lot.”
I turn around and see that Jones is gone but Jameson is still sitting there, playing with a pen. Aubrey sniffles again. I just want to hold her. “We can work out tonight if you want? I’m not off until six and I’ll have to bring the girls with me but I can do it.”
“I actually have a ton of homework to do. I could come early tomorrow to catch up?”
“Yeah, that works.” Jameson is staring at me now, his eyes cold. “I actually have a random day off tomorrow. We could do two sessions?”
“Yeah, um.” There’s a bang in the background and she curses under her breath. I smile at how cute she is. When she speaks again, she sounds out of breath and possibly in pain. “Sorry, I tripped.”
“Over what?”
“Oh, um.” She laughs a little. “Myself.”
“Where are you?”
“Walking to class.” I have to stop myself from laughing when I picture her walking with her little backpack and tripping. She’s adorable. “I have two today. Not as busy as Wednesday, because of the extra-long class in the morning, but still busy.”
“What’s your schedule like for tomorrow?”
“I just have one on Tuesday and Thursdays. At eleven.”
“We could do our morning workout, then grab a late lunch after your class? Then workout again later, at some point.” I smile to myself and lower my
voice. “Maybe the second one could be in bed.”
“Mmm. That sounds tempting.” Someone yells in the background and I wonder if it’s at her or someone else. Hopefully someone else. She’s had a hard-enough time as is. “There’s this great little restaurant by campus. I’d like to show you it.”
“Sounds perfect.” Jameson stirs in his chair and gives me a strange look. I turn so I can pretend he’s not there. “I can’t wait to see you.”
“I can’t either.”
“You’re okay, yeah?”
“Yeah.” She exhales and it sounds cleansing. “I’m actually really good.”
“Alright.” I have to hide my smile. I don’t want Jameson to see it. “I’ll see you tomorrow then, bright and early.”
Chapter Sixty-Seven
Aubrey
My phone vibrates three times before falling off my bedside table. I grab it and answer it, still half dreaming about a strange grocery store where everything is chocolate.
“Hello?” I glance at my alarm clock and groan. I need to be awake in three hours, so whoever is calling me better have a damn good reason.
“Bree?” My name sounds foreign, yet so familiar, in his husky voice. The room collapses around me, the weight of it crushing my chest and leaving me breathless.
“It’s me,” I finally say.
The sheets are tangled in between my legs. I kick them away, as if they are the rubble that’s causing me to suffocate. It doesn’t work. I still can’t breathe.
“I thought you would have changed your number.” I should have. I meant to. He never called from prison and I thought I was safe. If he was calling from prison, I should have had to accept the call. Doesn’t that happen in all the movies and shows?
My head feels so damn heavy. “I miss you.”
“Oh.” Is that really the best I can do? I should tell him that I don’t miss him. I should tell him to leave me the hell alone. I should go get Myla. I should hang up and call Caden right now.
“Are you still mine?” The words are thick and heavy. He sounds drunk. How can he be drunk in prison? He sounds sad. My heart aches for him and my hands start shaking. I can’t do this. I can’t be speaking to him. “Bree?”
“Elliot.” His name is like a grenade falling from my tongue. Every memory, every hit, comes rushing back.
Does he know where I live? Is he here?
“I shouldn’t have called.” He hangs up, leaving me to cling to the phone and wonder what the hell just happened.
My entire body is shaking and the room is spinning. The combination leaves me nauseated. Sure enough, I find myself stumbling to the bathroom just in time to spill the contents of my stomach into the toilet.
I brush my teeth after the dry heaving stops. My reflection tries to get my attention in the mirror but I openly ignore it. There’s no time for soul searching right now.
My skin starts to crawl as I search my room for clothes. It feels like I can’t get dressed fast enough.
I can’t be here anymore. I can’t be anywhere.
My bedroom door creaks as I open it. I cringe, but don’t hear Myla stir. I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing, because maybe I want her to stop me. Maybe, I want her to fix things this time.
Am I really doing this?
Chapter Sixty-Eight
Aubrey
The gym is dead silent. I meant to leave town, I really did, but this place was too hard to leave. Almost as hard as the idea of leaving Caden and Myla.
