Kingdom of Exiles, page 34
Tears welled and rolled down her cheeks. With one hand, she traced the angles of my face, lingering on the scar on my cheekbone. My chest cracked open wide, and I swore I could feel a tether surging between us.
Shuddering, I dug my fingers into the flesh of her hips. She was my everything. And I was finally able to acknowledge my love. Express it.
“You’re real, right?” she whispered, tracing my face with light fingers. “This isn’t a dream?”
“I’m real. I’m here.”
A wet sob ratcheted through her chest, and she pressed her lips to mine. “I missed you. Gods, Noc. It was so hard. I didn’t…I didn’t know if I’d make it out alive.”
My fingers worked their way through her hair, massaging her scalp. “I missed you, too. I was a wreck. I had no way of proving to you that I didn’t know Winnow would take you as payment. And after everything you’d told me about Gyss…I should’ve listened. I’m so sorry, Leena.”
“I believe you.” She leaned her head into my hands, and some of the tension in her shoulders eased. “And you’re right—you should’ve listened.” She glanced up at me, the hint of a smile teasing her lips.
Just that glimmer of her old self broke me, and I slanted my mouth across hers. “Forgive me?”
“Always.” She trailed kisses along my neck, dug her hands into my back. “What kind of anam-cara would I be if I didn’t?”
The pattering of the water falling around us dulled in the wake of her words. Cupping her face in my hands, I begged her to meet my gaze. “Tell me what that means for Charmers.”
“It means I’ve chosen you. And I will continue to choose you every day of my life, through the good and the bad, because I can’t imagine loving anyone else but you.” Her eyes were full. Shining. “For Charmers, no bond is more cherished. It’s more revered and protected even than the connection we share with our beasts.”
Slowly, I brushed my knuckles over her cheek. She was so light. Pure. I couldn’t believe she’d honored me with her love. I didn’t seem worthy of such devotion, but I would spend my life trying to be the man she thought I was. I would devote myself to her like she did to me, because choosing her was the easiest decision I’d ever been faced with.
We still had so much to discuss, so much to learn about each other, but for perhaps the first time in decades, I wasn’t afraid.
“In Wilheim, two people who choose each other are called pair bonds. I’ll gladly be both your pair bond and your anam-cara—and anything else you need me to be—for the rest of our lives.” I ghosted her lips with mine. “You have no idea… Every day around you was a struggle. A constant battle between what I felt and what I didn’t want to admit. Saying it now, feeling this way… It’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever been able to experience. And that’s all thanks to you.”
A beautiful look of relief washed over her face. “I love you, Noc. With everything that I have.”
A deep groan shattered my chest, and I buried my face in her neck. “I love you, too.” Gripping her waist, I pulled her close. Felt the steady beat of her heart against mine. To love and be loved, after I’d locked away my emotions for so long… The feeling shook my world and tied me to her. Forever.
Fire sparked between us as she trailed her hands down my back. Pressed herself close. Her lips skimmed my chest before she tilted her head up and sought out my mouth. Heat and longing uncoiled low in my stomach. After declaring our love, all I wanted was to be with her. Fully. But only if it wouldn’t break her further. She’d been through so much.
Pulling away for a moment, I brushed my thumb along her lips. “We don’t have to do anything here.”
“I want to be with you.”
There wasn’t an ounce of hesitation in her hazel gaze, and I didn’t have the strength to deny her. Nor did I want to. Pressing her flush against the wall, I tasted her neck. She gasped, arching her back and leaning into my touch.
I hoisted her up against me and guided her legs around my waist. She hooked her ankles together to anchor herself in place. Desire rippled from her, a thick and heavy scent flirting with my nose, and wetness unrelated to the shower slicked across the base of my abdomen. I’d never grow tired of her smell. Still working the skin of her neck, I dropped my kiss lower toward her breasts.
Gentle. We could be frantic later, but not now. Not after what she’d been through. She needed soft touches and tender devotion. Feelings of true love to erase all that she’d suffered.
I laved her nipples with my tongue, and her grip tightened.
“Noc.” Her moan made me light-headed. She needed me as much as I needed her. Softly, she rocked her hips into me and rubbed her clit along the head of my cock. Wetness and heat and desire flooded from her to me, and I cursed at the feel of it all.
Intense hazel eyes locked with mine, and I was undone. Bit by bit, I sheathed myself inside her, and I slanted my lips across hers. Wrapping my fingers in her hair, I held her lips beneath mine. Our tongues danced, an unhurried exploration full of emotion. I continued to move inside her, torturously slowly and so wonderfully deep. Her breaths mingled with mine, and together, we fell into each other completely.
The heat of the shower didn’t compare to the warmth of her skin. She was a mess of water and breathy moans, and she was the most stunning being I’d ever seen. Breasts and stomach slipping against me. Thighs squeezed tightly around my waist. The deep heat of her core as she wrung tight around me.
She was the ache in my heart. The breath in my lungs. This was Leena. This was my life.
She kissed me with enough raw passion to bring tears to the backs of my eyes. I broke our kiss to trail my lips down her neck. Along her necklace. Over her heart. She trembled and snuck a finger under my chin, bringing my mouth back to hers. I angled her hips against me and ground into her, rocking deep into her core and drawing heated moans from her chest.
“Don’t stop.” Her voice was no more than a breathless groan.
Meeting her gaze, I whispered, “Never.”
Her body shivered and tightened, pulling me in deeper, and she pressed her head against the wall. Mouth open, she cried out as her orgasm throbbed through her, and the sensation wrecked me.
“I love you, Leena.” Pressing into her, I rode out the last of her tremors. Heavy breaths spilling from her, she cupped my face and slid her tongue into my mouth. The taste of her shattered the last of my control.
Groaning, I spilled myself inside her and clutched her tight against my chest. Never again would I lose her. Never again would she endure the horrors still lingering in her teary gaze. Never. She was mine to protect and love.
And I would follow her anywhere.
Thirty-six
Leena
I never wanted to leave the safety of the shower, but while Noc would never say it, I could see the anxiety in the depths of his eyes. He wanted to get back to his people. To check on Calem. To assure himself that his brothers were safe like the Council had promised. So we dressed and ate in hurried silence, each of us consumed by the unknown path our future would take.
When we emerged from our room, Gaige was already waiting for us. Dressed in a cranberry-colored tunic, a black vest, and slim-fitting trousers, he wore a nonchalant smile that didn’t match the curiosity burning behind his steel-blue gaze. “Ready to go? I’ll be accompanying you.”
Tension sparked like an electric current between the men. Noc’s lips pressed into a thin line. “Thank you.”
Gaige didn’t falter. “Shall we?”
Waiting at the edge of the forest, our assassins lingered in a darkness of their own making. Standing near Oz and Calem, Kost said something to his brothers and smiled. Then he turned, caught me with his stare. His smile strained but didn’t disappear completely. With a pointed look between me and Noc, he nodded, just the slightest tilt. I wasn’t sure he’d ever count me as a friend, but at least he seemed to accept my relationship with Noc. There was hope yet.
I glanced at Noc in time to see a pained tightening to his jaw, and he sped up to meet Emelia and Iov. He could finally feel again. Show the breadth of his emotions. And not a moment too soon, because his brethren needed comfort. He placed a gentle hand on Iov’s forearm, worried eyes inspecting the bandages clinging to the wound just above his heart.
Morbid silence deafened the life of the wood, drowning out birdcalls and keeping beasts away. Beds of furling shadows carried our dead. Assassins walked beside them, eyes tight and focused on the path before us. I couldn’t bring myself to look at them for more than a moment. Noc floated between them all, whispering condolences and soothing whatever pain he could with his words.
The gate to Hireath appeared on the horizon before Gaige spoke, breaking the reverie. “He’s a good leader.”
Dragging my gaze away, I studied our escort. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Any sentry could have escorted us to the border.”
He smirked. “That’s not a question.”
“Why you?”
Running a hand through his windswept brown locks, he shifted his stare to the assassins walking in front of us. “I’m an ambassador for Charmers. I’ve held council with the king of Lendria for the past ten years. Prior to this whole debacle, Yazmin had tasked me with a quick errand into Wilheim. Taking you to Cruor is simply on the way.”
“Sure. And this sudden journey doesn’t have anything to do with Noc’s supposed doppelgänger, right?” Unease flared in me, and I reached for the ring on my finger, only to come up empty-handed.
“Right. Though admittedly, there are other things prompting me to escort you.” Gaige’s eyes bounced to Kost, walking a few feet behind Noc, along with Calem and Oz. Kost cast a cursory glance in our direction. Light glinted off his glasses, and he smoothed his hair before looking back to the path ahead of him.
Gaige’s smile deepened, revealing small dimples at the points of his mustache.
I couldn’t stop the laugh from escaping. “You’ve got your work cut out for you.”
“Good.” He winked.
My gaze traveled back to Noc, to the strong, corded muscles of his back peeking through his thin tunic. We’d gone through a special kind of hell to find each other, yet here we were. It wasn’t over yet, either.
As my hazy memories slowly showed signs of returning, I was increasingly sure Raven was the one behind Wynn’s delusions and the oath still lingering on Noc’s wrist. But why would they need an army for anything? The last war the continent of Lendria had seen was some fifty years ago when the prince of Wilheim murdered the princess of Rhyne. A lovers’ quarrel gone wrong, and we weren’t even involved in that skirmish. So why did Raven think the Charmers needed to protect ourselves? And what did her spell entail?
Gaige whistled beside me, twirling the ends of his mustache while tipping his head to the heavens. The gods only knew what he kept hidden in that library brain of his.
“What exactly are you doing in Wilheim again?”
Gaige waved away my question with the brush of his hand. The jeweled, citrine shade of his symbol reflected in the sun. “Just research. Join the Council, and I’ll be able to share every lovely detail with you.”
I folded my arms across my chest. “Maybe. I need to see what’s happening at home first.”
Gaige’s brows disappeared into his hairline. “Home? Interesting.” But he didn’t push the matter. Instead, his gaze shot back to Kost. “Guess I’d better get to know some of your new brethren.” Straightening his vest, he quickened his pace and left me alone with my surprise.
Home. Not Midnight Jester. Not Hireath.
Cruor.
Oz. Calem. Even Kost. But most importantly, Noc. They were my family. My home. We’d endured so much over the past few weeks, and we were finally done.
Noc peeled away from his brothers to return to my side. Harsh obsidian eyes trained on Gaige, he wrapped an arm around my waist. “Something I should be concerned about?”
“I’m not sure. But Kost, on the other hand…” I bit my lower lip to keep my grin masked. Gaige was already rubbing elbows with him, talking with animated hands and a wry smile.
Ease wiping the wrinkles from his forehead, Noc smiled. “I guess we’ll leave him to Kost for now.”
I nodded. “He can handle himself. If Gaige really is a historian, I’m sure they’ll have plenty to talk about. Speaking of, what was he getting at with that doppelgänger bit?”
Noc’s gaze flashed to Gaige, as if worried he’d hear our low conversation. “It’s tradition in Cruor to leave your past in the ground when you’re raised. Most of us don’t talk about the lives we had before.”
“But what does that have to do with Gaige?”
“Nothing. Possibly something. Look, Leena,” he paused, interlocking his fingers with mine, “some things are better left buried. I wasn’t the greatest person before I was raised. I made…horrendous mistakes.”
I squeezed his hand tight. “That won’t change how I feel about you.”
Something darted through his dark eyes. “Maybe. I haven’t talked about it in so long. My past could invite…problems. And there’s already so much to do here. I need to make sure Cruor is safe from Darrien. I need to find a way to sustain the guild without bounties.” He dipped his head low, whispering against my temple. “And I need to enjoy what I’ve found with you.”
Leaning in to him, I let out a contented hum. “Fine. But after everything at Cruor is settled, we’re revisiting this. You’re not the only one who wants to solve this puzzle.”
He chuckled. “Understood.”
“I just hope things settle down for a while. I want happiness—for all of us.”
He brushed tender knuckles along my jaw. “We are happy, Leena. So long as we’re together, that’s how it’s going to be.” Placing a gentle kiss on my lips, he stole my breath away.
Happiness. Yes. This was it. I pressed my forehead against his, closing my eyes against the wellspring of hope opening up inside me.
No matter what the future held, we would tackle everything—together.
Epilogue
Noc
Returning to Cruor—our home—with my brothers and Leena filled my soul with a kind of warmth I’d long since forgotten. Before, it’d been a place of refuge. A sanctuary. It was still that, and yet it was so much more. Full of potential and life. After checking on the wounded, we’d each retreated to our quarters for a while, Leena following me to my room and picking her side of the bed. She’d made a big show of testing out the pillows before laughing and throwing them at my face. I had no choice but to fight back, and the sheets were quickly covered in feathers. She’d collapsed into the bed and they billowed around her, caught in her hair. One stuck to her nose. It was the most innocent thing I’d ever seen, and after everything we’d been through, it was exactly what I needed.
For a while, we simply lay together without saying a word, until our stomachs protested and we met Kost, Calem, and Ozias downstairs for dinner. It was so good to simply feel again. To talk with them, to listen and answer and not worry that my words might condemn them to death. The laugher of our conversation lingered long after we’d cleared our plates, and we sat together around the crackling hearth with brandy and coffee, finding joy in each other’s company.
Reclining on the couch, I draped my arm over Leena’s shoulder, and she leaned in to me, eyes light and glued to the tiered game board erected on the table before us. Klimkota. She’d mentioned seeing a handful of assassins playing it when she’d first arrived, and Ozias and Calem were eager to teach her. Even Kost joined, after some dogging from Calem, as they needed four players. I’d settled for being Leena’s partner. It wouldn’t have been fair otherwise.
“This is futile.” Kost studied his emerald knight on the lower level of the board and scooted the armchair an inch closer. “We’re not playing against Leena—we’re playing against Noc. He’s never lost.”
Leena raised her brows. “You’ve never lost? Not once?”
I grinned. “Never.” Lazily, I dragged my fingers across her hand and guided her toward an obsidian crown. “Move this one three spaces up and one to the left.”
“How is that even fair?” Calem griped from his seat on the floor as Leena moved the piece on top of a gleaming ivory sword. She knocked it off the board with the flick of her wrist and a giggle.
“But I’m not really playing. Just offering suggestions.” I nuzzled the side of her neck, and gooseflesh bloomed down her throat and across her collarbone. She spared me one heated look before batting me away.
“Not now, I need to win.”
Gods, I loved this woman.
Kost lifted a brow. “If you tell her every move, then it’s the same thing.” He dove his fingers into his breast pocket and pulled out a bronze key, summoning Felicks from the realm. “Seems fair to even the playing field.”
His beast let out a happy bark before jumping into his lap. After two quick circles, he nestled against him and turned his sharp stare to the board. The gem atop his head clouded.
Calem threw up his hands. “Yeah, because that’s fair.”
A grin tugged at my lips. What kind of challenge would this pose? Would I still be able to outmaneuver them? My gaze tore apart patterns across the board, searching for viable outcomes. Of course I’d let Leena make the moves, but I was eager to see what would happen if I ever truly played against Kost and Felicks.
The orb cleared, and Kost offered a wry smile. “Assassins don’t fight fair, Calem. You can thank Noc for teaching us that.” With light fingers, he snared his knight and moved it a few spaces up. Safe from Leena’s lingering ebony shield. He was the only one who ever came close to besting me in a game.
