Bombshell for the Boss, page 14
“Europe?” Tony was astonished.
Sadie sighed at the romance of it all. How wonderful must it be to still love so fiercely that you wanted more time together, even after all those years.
“That’s right,” his mother said with a bright smile. “We’re going to have some fun for a change. And stay up late every night, since your dad won’t have to get up at three o’clock in the morning...”
“Looking forward to that,” Richard said, grinning at Ethan.
“So this was all for nothing,” Pam whispered.
This was such a private moment, if not for Ethan’s tight grip on her hand Sadie would have felt like an intruder. But for now, anyway, she and Ethan were united. He wanted her there and that meant everything to her.
“I feel like an idiot.” Pam looked at Gabe. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to betray you. Or lie to you.”
“I know,” he said, pushing up from his chair to walk around the table and pull her to her feet. “I love you, Pam Cassini Donatello.”
She gave him a watery smile and leaned into his chest, sighing when his arms came around her. “I love you, too, Gabe.”
“Isn’t that lovely?” her mother said. “Maybe we’ll get a wedding to plan, too.”
“Mom!” Mortified, Pam turned her face into Gabe’s chest as he laughed.
Ethan shook his head at his younger brother and Sadie could almost hear him thinking Not love, Gabe. Anything but that. And her heart hurt as she realized there was no happy ending in this story for her. She and Ethan would part ways and all she’d have were the memories she’d made over the last weeks. That sounded unbearably sad.
Ethan turned to Richard. “So the deal’s still in place? No more negotiating?”
“It better be in place,” Marianna said. “I just made reservations for the cruise today.”
“We have a deal,” Richard said, and held out one hand. “I know better than to disappoint my wife. But if you don’t mind my saying, you should hire my son, Tony, there. He’s a hell of a chocolate chef.”
“Dad!”
“Done,” Ethan promised, as the two men shook hands.
* * *
A half hour later, Ethan and Sadie left the house together. Gabe stayed with Pam and Sadie had a feeling that Marianna was going to get the wedding she was hoping for. Sadie felt a pang of envy she tried to bury. Just because she wouldn’t end up with her hero didn’t mean she couldn’t be happy for someone else.
“I’m glad that all worked out,” she said, as Ethan held the car door open for her.
“Yeah.” Ethan glanced back at the house. “Me, too. Gabe’s in love. Never thought I’d see that.”
Sadie took a breath and held it. She could let this go, but what would be the point? “It can happen to anyone, Ethan.”
He looked down at her and shook his head slowly. “No, it can’t. What you and I have is different, Sadie. I don’t want to hurt you.”
God, she felt cold. “Then don’t.”
Pulling her into the circle of his arms, Ethan held her close for a long minute. Sadie inhaled the scent of him, wrapping it around her like a cloak. She held on to him, luxuriating in his strength, his warmth, for as long as she could, because she felt like this was already a goodbye. He was letting go of what they had. Even if she wasn’t leaving yet, a part of Ethan already had.
When he stepped back suddenly, his eyes were shadowed, like a forest in twilight. “Sadie, it’s not that easy.”
“I wonder why you’re looking for the easy way, Ethan,” she said softly. “Nothing worth having comes easy.”
She couldn’t keep looking into his eyes, watching as the shutters came down and the walls went up. So she slid into the car and he slammed the door after her. A couple seconds later he was in the driver’s seat, turning to fix a hard stare on her.
“I’m not looking for easy. None of this is easy.” It was a demand that she understand, and she’d heard that tone so many times over the last five years, Sadie didn’t even blink in the face of it.
“It is,” she said flatly, and watched a flash burst in his eyes. “It’s much easier to walk away than to stay and work for what you want.”
“I’m doing this for you,” he said, clearly angry and just as obviously trying to control it.
“Doing what, Ethan? Turning away? Shutting me out? Thanks, but I didn’t ask you to.”
“You didn’t have to,” he countered. “You think I don’t see what’s happening between us? What you’re hoping for? I already know I make lousy husband material, Sadie. I made Marcy miserable. I don’t want that for you.”
Under her breath, a short, sharp laugh escaped her. “And it’s all about you, is that it?”
“In this, yes.” He snapped his seat belt, fired up the engine and pulled away from the curb with a squeal of tires. “You should be thanking me,” he muttered.
“Right.” Sadie turned in her seat and glared at him. “I should thank you for breaking my heart.”
“Damn it, don’t you get it yet? That’s what I’m trying to avoid.”
“Well you’re too late,” she snapped. “See, I already love you, you idiot.”
Ten
Ethan swung the car to the side of the road, turned the engine off and said tightly, “Don’t. Just... Don’t.”
“You don’t tell me what to do, Ethan,” Sadie said. “FYI.”
“Damn it, Sadie. What’re you thinking? I didn’t want you to love me.”
“You don’t get a vote in everything,” she said, shaking her head in complete amazement. Of course this was how he would take being told she loved him. Most men might feel a little surge of panic and then be happy about it. But not the man she loved. Oh, no. He fought like a caged wolverine.
“This is exactly what I was trying to avoid with you, Sadie.” His voice was so low, she almost missed the words, and she really wished she had.
“Contrary to your own belief system, Ethan, you don’t actually control the universe.”
He turned his head to look at her. “You’re making jokes about this?”
“Would you rather I cry?”
“God, no.”
“Then laugh it up. I intend to.” Eventually. At the moment it was taking everything she had not to give in to the tightness in her chest, the burning in her eyes. But damned if she’d cry in front of him. That really would be a cherry on top of the humiliation sundae.
“Really.” It wasn’t a question, but that’s how she took it.
“Yes, Ethan.” Sadie tipped her head to one side to stare at him. “I’m going to laugh at the absurdity of me loving a man for five years and he never noticed.”
“Five...” His shocked expression would have been funny if it hadn’t been so damn sad.
“Or how about the fun of telling that man I love him and having him order me to stop.”
“Sadie—”
“I’m going to laugh because it’s ridiculous.” Her heart hurt, but damned if she’d let him see it. Whatever tears she would shed, she’d cry them in private. And maybe she wouldn’t cry at all.
She’d known going in that loving Ethan was futile. She hadn’t been able to help herself, so she was willing to accept the pain that was the inevitable result of being a damn fool. Sadie had seen today that it wasn’t all Hart men who were incapable of loving. Just the one she wanted. And maybe it was time she simply accepted that and moved on.
“Look, Ethan, we’ve already agreed that I’ll be leaving when we find the right nanny.” She took a deep breath. “So let’s just find her fast and pretend we didn’t have this humiliating conversation, okay?”
“Damn it, Sadie...”
“Seriously, Ethan,” Sadie said, giving him a hard, steady look. “I’m so done with this. I don’t want to hear you’re sorry or you’re angry or whatever, okay? These are my feelings and I don’t need you to tell me what to do with them.”
“Fine.” His jaw was tight and his green eyes were on fire, so situation normal.
“Good.” She turned in her seat, faced the front and said, “Now, let’s get back to the house. I want to see Emma.”
That tiny girl wouldn’t be in her life much longer. As hard as it was, Sadie was going to make finding a nanny her top priority. She couldn’t stay with Ethan now that he knew she loved him. Because the one thing she never wanted from Ethan was his pity.
* * *
She loved him.
Ethan felt twin jolts of differing emotions—both pleasure and panic, with a little guilt tossed in. He shrugged his shoulders, trying to drop the burden. Hell, he hadn’t asked her to love him. This wasn’t his fault. Yes, she was wounded now and that pained him more than he wanted to admit. But her pain was far less than she would have felt if he’d tried to make a relationship work.
Ethan nodded, silently reassuring himself that he was doing the right thing as he stared out the office window at the steely sea. Sunlight pierced the clouds and slashed at the surface of the water like a golden sword. And the beauty of it all should have been enough to clear his head. But it wasn’t.
It had been two days since her confession. Two days since they’d solved the Gabe and Pam problem, only to fall into one of their own. They’d lived like polite strangers ever since and the tension in the house was so thick Ethan could hardly breathe.
Emma was the only bright spot in his life and he didn’t miss the irony in that. The baby girl was the reason all of this had happened to his once orderly life in the first place, and now that everything was turned upside down, it was Emma alone who could make him smile.
He’d interviewed four nannies in the last two days and Ethan felt the pressure to find someone fast. The sooner he did, the sooner Sadie could leave and they could try to get past this mess.
Sadie. Leaving. It was the right thing, but it didn’t feel that way.
A knock at the office door had him turning. “Yes?”
Sadie stepped inside and Ethan’s heart gave a hard jolt in his chest. He ignored it. That was hormones. Lust. He hadn’t touched her in days and his body missed hers. Hell, the sex had been great, so why wouldn’t he react to her? It had nothing to do with her big blue eyes. Or the way she sang to Emma first thing in the morning. Or how she smelled. Tasted. The sound of her laugh, the touch of her skin.
“What is it, Sadie?” He sounded gruff even to himself.
One of her blond eyebrows arched. “Rick’s taking over for me this afternoon. I’m going to the house to get Emma. Take her to a doctor appointment.”
He straightened at that. “What’s wrong with her?”
“Nothing, Ethan,” she said, tipping her head to one side, and he knew she was doing it on purpose now. “She needs a checkup.”
His heartbeat settled down as he nodded. “All right. Can Rick handle your desk?”
She lifted her chin. “I’ve been working with him. He can do the job if you’re patient with him at first.”
Since Ethan and Gabe weren’t at war any longer, there’d been no reason why Rick from Marketing couldn’t take over for Sadie. He wasn’t as good at it as she was, but then no one would be.
“I’m not going to slow walk him, Sadie,” Ethan grumbled. “If he can’t do the job find someone else.”
“He can do it, Ethan. Just don’t be a jerk and you won’t scare him into paralysis.”
Shaking his head, he said, “Still feeling free to say whatever you’re thinking, huh?”
“Freer than ever,” she said with a sharp nod. “I’ve got to go.”
She left and Ethan was alone again. Damn it.
* * *
They found the nanny that afternoon.
The woman was impeccably qualified and Sadie was trying very hard not to resent her for it. Teresa Collins was perfect. Her résumé. Her references. She’d been trained at a world renowned nanny academy, for heaven’s sake, and Emma had taken to her instantly. Not to mention that at forty plus, Teresa wouldn’t be leaving to start a family of her own. In other words, the woman was everything they’d been looking for.
Standing out in the backyard, where she could be alone and think, Sadie noted the finished fence—four feet of terra-cotta-colored brick topped by another two feet of wrought iron. Emma would be safe, she told herself. And happy.
She’d grow up in this beautiful house with Julie and her daughter, with a perfect nanny and with Ethan. The only one missing would be Sadie. And since she was so young, Emma would never know that someone else had loved her, too.
Instead, the nanny would get all Emma’s smiles and hear her first words and see her first steps. At that thought, Sadie had to wonder if Ethan would stay involved with the baby. Would he back away and leave it all to the nanny because it was easier?
This was Sadie’s own fault, of course. She never should have stayed the extra time. Never should have moved in here with Ethan and absolutely shouldn’t have had sex with him. But that part was really hard to regret. In fact, the only thing she was sorry for was that he hadn’t touched her in days.
Not since the night she’d told him she loved him and he’d reacted like a vampire to a rope of garlic.
“Sadie?”
Speak of the vampire... She turned from the ocean view to watch Ethan walk toward her, and her heart did a spin and jolt just looking at him. She really needed to go. Soon. For her own sake.
“What’re you doing out here?” he asked, when he was close enough.
“Just looking at the fence.” She glanced at it again. “They did a nice job.”
“Yeah. The view’s screwed, but the baby will be safe.”
Shaking her head at that, she faced him and scooped windblown hair from her face. “What did you want, Ethan?”
“I’ve given Teresa the bedroom beside Emma’s so she’ll be close.”
“That’s good.”
“And I asked Julie to pack your things.”
She sucked in a gulp of ocean-scented air and swallowed the knot of pain lodged at the base of her throat. “Well, that’s...abrupt.” But not surprising. Looking into his green eyes now, she didn’t see the slightest hint of the man she’d spent the last nearly three weeks with. Ethan had tucked that man away and maybe he’d never escape again. He was back to being the all-powerful, distant CEO. The man who never let emotion touch him. And it was clear to Sadie that he’d already said goodbye to her and what they’d shared.
“It’s best this way.”
“Your way, you mean,” she said softly. “The easy way.”
He tucked his hands into his slacks pockets and his expression went blank, giving away nothing of what he was feeling, thinking. “The deal was you’d stay until we found a nanny. Well, Teresa’s here now, so—”
“Time to get things back to normal, is that it?” Well, she’d planned on leaving today, anyway.
“It is.” His jaw was tight, the only signal to her that he wasn’t completely at ease with this. Funny how it was such a small thing that could ease what she was feeling.
“You’re right, Ethan. It’s time for me to go.”
He nodded, clearly relieved, and she laughed shortly.
“What’s so funny?”
“This whole situation. I’ve loved you for a long time, Ethan.”
He winced at the words and she couldn’t help the sharp jab of pain in her heart. But she ignored it to say what she had to say. “I know you and I know you’re going to try to hide from Emma like you’ve been hiding from me.”
Scowling, he insisted, “I haven’t been hiding.”
She held up one hand for silence, because she wanted to finish this before she did something ridiculous and cried. “Yes, you have, but that’s not what I’m worried about.”
“You don’t have to worry about me.” The wind tossed his hair across his forehead and somehow that simple thing made him seem more approachable. More vulnerable.
“I probably will, anyway, but that’s my problem, not yours.” God, just looking at him made her want to cry for what they could have had together. “What I want you to do is promise me that you won’t ignore Emma.”
“Why would I—”
“Because it’ll be easier,” she said, and she knew he was remembering when they’d talked about taking the easy way before. So was she. “Easier to turn her over to Teresa and tell yourself it’s better that way. But it’s not, Ethan. Don’t cheat Emma, and more importantly, don’t cheat yourself.”
“Sadie...”
She shook her head. She didn’t want to hear whatever he might say, because she was certain it wouldn’t be what she most wanted to hear. That he loved her. That he needed her. That he didn’t care about past failures and he wanted only her.
“Good luck, Ethan,” she said, and started walking. Sadie really hoped that Julie had finished packing her clothes because she needed to get out of there fast—before her heart convinced her to stay and fight for what she wanted.
* * *
For the next week, Sadie slept in late, painted the living room in her condo, bought new plants to kill and visited her nephews and new baby niece. She drank with Gina, cried on Gina’s shoulder, then came home to her empty place and told herself that it would get better.
Soon, she hoped.
Because sleeping was almost impossible. She worked in her garden, moved furniture around and played with her nephews, all in an effort to exhaust herself, and still she didn’t sleep. How could she when her bed was as empty as her heart?
“Okay, this is enough already,” Gina said, pouring another glass of wine for each of them.
