Boy vs. Girl, page 12
I would be lucky if Mr. Jacobs even let me meet my kid. If he was my kid.
“I have a son,” I blurted.
“You have… What?” Ginny asked.
“A lawyer called my dad about a month ago looking for me. My ex-wife…she had a baby and didn’t tell me. She never told me. I didn’t know. And she deserted him. But they can’t put him up for adoption unless I sign away my rights. And I…”
Ginny’s arms slid around my waist. Her head pressed to my spine, centering me. I didn’t want to lean on another person, especially a woman, but Ginny wasn’t like Jane.
We stood there for a few minutes, letting the news sink in. It was easier telling Ginny than it had been telling Kiana, but I cared more about what Ginny thought.
“What are you going to do?” she finally asked, moving to lean on the counter next to me.
I shrugged. “I don’t know. The first thing is a paternity test to make sure he’s really mine.”
“Is there a question of that?”
I laughed and nodded. “I told you my ex cheated on me. The baby would have been conceived the last time we were together, almost two years after we split up. I was stupid and lonely and… But I have no way of knowing how many other men she was with around the same time. The lawyer said my name is on the birth certificate.”
“Then he’s yours,” she said adamantly.
I shrugged again. “Maybe. She told the lawyer she wasn’t positive who the dad was. We were married when she got pregnant, so I guess she figured I was as good a choice as any.”
“Are you going to raise him if he’s yours?”
I shrugged and stared into her rich brown eyes, full of emotion and concern and so many things I wish I could name. When I met her, it was supposed to be fun and easy and casual.
Jane fucked that up.
Chapter Fourteen
Ginny
I wanted to support him, be there for him, but I didn’t sign on for parenthood. I wasn’t equipped to be a mother. I knew that from an early age.
I really thought he was done with whatever we had going on. He blew me off all week and barely responded to my texts. I only showed up at his house so I could tell him off for being an ass.
I didn’t expect a baby bomb.
Micah carried his second beer to the couch. I tucked my feet under me and sat next to him. How long did I need to sit there? And how was I going to help him?
Was it bad that I was hoping the baby wasn’t his?
“If he’s mine, I’m going to take him. I have to. How can I give up my kid? How can I go on knowing I made a person and he’s out there somewhere? What if he got sick or hurt? What if he wondered where his parents were? I can’t turn my back on my kid.”
I asked myself every single one of the same questions before, but I had a very different answer than Micah did.
“You have to do what’s best for you. Is raising a baby the best thing?”
“I don’t matter. He does.”
“How do you know it’s a boy?”
“The lawyer told me.” He slumped back against the couch and set his beer on a side table. “I know this isn’t what you signed up for. You don’t have to stick with me through all this.”
If I left, I was a bitch. If I stayed, I was a mom. I had no good options. Except that test turning out negative.
“I can’t walk away from you like this.”
He sighed and pulled me in for a hug. “Thank you. I don’t know what I’d do by myself.”
“Just so we’re clear, I’m not interested in being a mom. I’ll help you through all this, whatever this is, but my plans haven’t changed.”
Micah bristled. “I didn’t ask you to change your plans. I wouldn’t expect you to. We’re sleeping together, dating, not building a life.”
I checked my anger and nodded. “You’re right. And that means I should go.”
“Ginny. I didn’t mean it like that.”
I shook my head and stood up, out of his reach. “No, it’s fine. You’ve obviously known about this for a while, and you clearly had no intention of telling me. That’s fine. It’s your life. So I’ll get out of it.”
He followed me out of his house, but I was in the car and gone before he got to my door.
I drove to the beach instead of going home. I needed to be alone for a little while. I needed to think.
I left my shoes in my car and walked onto the sand barefoot. It was cool and soft under my feet. I headed for the surf, needing to feel the water.
The surf sucked back away from my feet before returning with a slap against my calf. I walked down, enjoying the push and pull of the ocean against me. It cleared my head and helped me to remember who I was.
I wasn’t that scared girl who got pregnant at twenty and gave up the child. My kid would be fourteen by now, almost fifteen. There was no doubt in my mind I made the right decision for both of us. I’d have screwed up a kid many times over. She deserved better than me as a parent.
I thought about her a lot over the years. The dark-haired little girl with the big smile and pretty brown eyes. She was proof of another one of my mistakes. Another wrong choice when it came to men. She didn’t deserve to be punished for that the rest of her life.
She had a good life. She was happy and healthy. I made sure I stayed in touch with the social worker who handled my case. She got my daughter adopted by an amazing family that loved her like she was always theirs. They adopted another girl a few years later, then a boy after that. My daughter had a full life, with love and family and everything I never would have been able to provide.
I made the right decision.
“Kiki wants to put up a tent. Did you know she wanted a tent?” my dad asked the next morning when I came in for breakfast.
I had to admit, working outside had its benefits. I got plenty of fresh air, worked muscles I didn’t get to use surfing, and I stayed away from my dad.
Until food demanded I risk it.
“Yeah, she told me. I thought you agreed to that.”
He shook his head and studied what looked like a blueprint. “When she was here and we walked around, it wasn’t this close to the house. She wants it right outside the house. How are we going to keep people from coming inside?”
I looked at the map he had spread out and saw there was a good gap between the house and the edge of the tent. And it was a side of the tent where she was going to have a panel down.
“I don’t think it’ll be a problem.”
“How can you say that? You talked me into this and now you’re saying it’s no big deal. They’re going to destroy the plantation.”
It was definitely time to get back on the water. Sex with Micah was keeping the stress of dealing with my father on a regular basis at bay, but I wasn’t going to count on that being an option any longer.
“Call Kiki and ask her to come show you everything. I looked at it and approved it all, but if you don’t trust me, then you do it.”
I grabbed my toaster waffle and headed out the back door, foregoing any butter or syrup so I could get away. I needed to get away.
I walked through the rows of beans higher and higher into the plantation. I could see the ocean beating against the shoreline. I ached to be down there in it.
Surfing was my life for as long as I could remember. My dad insisted I get a college degree, so I went to school for business. I knew as a surfer, I was a brand. I was a business. I needed to know how to manage myself and my image.
More than half of my earnings went to savings after every tournament. I lived on a tight budget and really didn’t need much. Being close enough to the water to see it, but not touch it, was killing me. The water was what I needed. It healed me fifteen years ago when my daughter was born. It would heal me again.
Lawrence walked up and nudged me. “Your dad still going crazy about those plans?”
I nodded. “He doesn’t get it.”
Lawrence shook his head. “He gets his mind made up and all bets are off. I’m still shocked you got him to agree to do it in the first place.”
I grinned. “Not me. Kiki talked him into it.”
Lawrence tipped his head back and laughed. “Well, that explains it.”
“She can talk anyone into anything.”
He nodded. “Is she getting married soon? I thought I heard something about that.”
“Not that I know of. She’s with someone, good guy, but I don’t think they’re engaged.”
Lawrence looked up to the sky. “I wish her parents were here to see her. And Kapena. They’d be proud of those kids.”
I smiled. “I think they are anyway.”
He nodded. “Agreed.”
He went on his way and I walked around the plantation, checking on things. Everything was quiet at the moment, but harvest was coming soon. My dad was getting better every day, and I hoped by the time harvest was over, I could leave. Then I could catch one or two tournaments before the season was over for the year.
If I was lucky.
My phone dinged with a new message. I was surprised to see Micah’s name on my screen.
Can we talk?
I sighed.
When?
Where are you?
Working.
Shit. I work tonight. Can you come over after?
I didn’t know what I was going to say to him, but I wasn’t ready to walk away and be done with him so I said yes.
Micah was supposed to be a fling, a guy I spent a few hours with every week. Not someone who wrapped me up and spun me around. I didn’t want to want him like I did. I wanted to be able to walk away, but I couldn’t.
I was waiting at Micah’s house when he got home that night. He was dragging and looked like he’d barely slept the night before.
That made two of us.
“Thanks for coming,” he said, letting us into his house.
I thought about making a smart ass comment, but I didn’t know where we stood so I just nodded.
“Want a drink?”
“Sure.”
He handed me a beer and we leaned against opposite sides of the counter, staring each other down. I sipped and toyed with the label on my beer bottle, wondering when he was going to say something.
“I shouldn’t have put all this on you,” he finally said. “It’s not your job to help me figure all this out. I’m sorry.”
I shook my head. “It’s fine. I just didn’t sign up for an instant family.”
“Neither did I,” he said with a laugh. “I go back and forth between hoping he’s mine and hoping he’s not. And then I feel like shit for it. Shouldn’t I want him?”
I shook my head. “No. And that doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s not like you planned this, or had time to get used to the idea. Most people have nine months to decide if they’re ready to be parents. You’ve had a few weeks.”
He shook his head. “I found out Monday.”
“Monday?”
He nodded.
“Shit.”
“Why did you think I knew for a few weeks?”
“You said the lawyer called your dad a month ago.”
He nodded. “Yeah, but it took that long before I actually talked to them. I’ve only known about the baby for six days.”
I smiled. “Most people would be taking another test and waiting to see a doctor at this point, not planning to take home a kid that’s a few months old.”
He sighed and visibly relaxed. “Thank you. I’ve been kicking myself all week.”
I forced a grin and asked the question I wasn’t sure I wanted the answer to. “Why didn’t you want me to know?”
He looked at me and shrugged. “I didn’t want anyone to know.”
His admission stung more than it should have. He wasn’t just anyone to me, but obviously he didn’t feel the same.
He couldn’t go through everything alone, so I asked him a few more questions and made him promise to keep me posted about all of it. I also assured him I’d be available if he wanted me to go to any meetings. He wouldn’t, but I tried.
I could try. I would try. Going through the whole thing alone was hard.
I left his house before it got too late. He asked if I wanted to stay, but all the baby talk ruined any mood I could have conjured up.
The house was dark when I got home. I snuck in through the back door and tiptoed upstairs. My dad’s door was open slightly when I crept by. He made a noise that had me pausing and listening for more.
Fear replaced my normal disinterest in living with my father. It always did when I was home alone with him. If something happened, how long would it take rescue workers to get to us? Would I know what to do to keep him alive until then?
I couldn’t lose him, too. I barely remembered my mother, but Dave was my best friend when we were growing up. We played hide-and-seek all over the plantation. We climbed trees. We tasted the bitter coffee that made our lives possible. We were inseparable. Even in high school, we were together all the time. We had the same friends, and we did everything from surfing to riding to school together.
I wasn’t sure I’d ever recover from losing my brother. I was just barely pulling myself out of my grief when Kapena and Kiki’s parents died. The grief started all over again.
I tried to be there for Kapena, but there was only so much I could do. I got into destructive habits and ended up pregnant after a drunken night with a man I couldn’t even remember.
No kid needed to grow up knowing that she wasn’t conceived in love. My daughter knew the parents she had loved her and hoped for her and would give their lives for her. She was in the right place.
My dad finally settled and stilled in his sleep. His breathing was back to normal again, so I told myself I could breathe. I continued down the hallway to my room. I took a quick shower and slid into my bed naked.
I cried myself to sleep. For my baby. For Micah’s baby. For my dad, and my brother, and my mom. For Kapena’s parents. For all the losses and all the heartbreaks.
I got up the next morning determined to shove all of it behind me again. I’d be there for Micah, but if he was a dad, I’d step back graciously and let him figure out his new stage of life on his own. It was the right thing to do.
I checked on my dad before I headed outside. He was still sleeping peacefully. Even if I hated being home, I was glad my dad was getting some rest. I knew it wouldn’t be long before he was up, and if I wasn’t outside before he got up, he’d go out and check on things himself.
I ran through the morning routine and made sure everything was on track for harvest. We were getting close to the date for everything. Harvest was going to start a few days before the wedding. Because of the heat, we did all our harvesting first thing in the morning. With the location of the tent Kiana was bringing over, we were going to have to change a few things, but for the most part, it was going to be business as usual.
I sent a text to Lawrence and asked him to meet me behind the house. I was almost there when he said he was waiting for me.
“Morning,” Lawrence said.
“Hi, Lawrence.”
“Everything okay?”
I nodded. “I just need to double check everything for this wedding coming up. What am I forgetting?”
Lawrence glanced around and shook his head. “I think you’ve got a handle on it. Someone is taking care of most of it for you, so you can just sit back and count your money.”
I laughed. He knew my family didn’t do what we did for the money. Kona coffee had grown in popularity and price over the years, but the plantation had been a part of my family long before then. We did it for tradition and loyalty and to provide jobs to the people in our area.
“If only it was that easy,” I said.
Lawrence smiled. “Walk me through it again. Something’s obviously bothering you.”
We walked the layout. I showed him where the edges of the tent were going to be and where the archway was going to go. We talked through the work that needed to be done the couple days the tent would be up, and worked out a plan to get everyone around it easily.
“What do you think?” he asked as we walked back to the house.
I nodded. “I think we’re good. My dad’s just making me anxious. He didn’t want to do this.”
Lawrence nodded. “Yeah, I know.”
“Do you think I made a mistake agreeing to it?”
He shook his head. “I’ve known you since you were born. I’ve watched you and your brother grow up, and fight with your father. I know you have your reasons for doing this, and he doesn’t see it or get it, but he doesn’t have to. One day, this will be your place to run. You’ll be the one making the decisions. He’s going to struggle with that, if he’s alive to see it, but you will have to find a way to run this place your way.”
I waited for him to say more, but he didn’t. “Does that mean yes or no?”
Lawrence laughed. “You always wanted a quick and easy answer. No, I don’t think you made a mistake. I know your dad does, but he’ll see that this was the right call eventually. When he’s ready to see it.”
I cocked my head, wondering what he meant, but he was already walking away. I’d find him later and find out. At the moment, I needed a break.
Chapter Fifteen
I left the lawyer’s office and headed straight to the hospital to get blood drawn. When I was done with that, I went to get some lunch, then Kiana wanted an update.
Opposites Attract was quiet. Mondays were always quiet. We almost never had weddings on Mondays and Kiana gave everyone the day off. She said the quiet would make it easier for us to talk.
Sawyer was in her office when I walked in. “Hi. Sorry,” I said.
Sawyer stood up and closed his tablet. “Not a problem. She said you had a meeting. I was just catching Kiana up on the pictures from the weekend.”
I nodded and watched Sawyer leave the room. “He didn’t have to leave.”
