Falling in Luck, page 28
“Ice is very hard.” I ran my finger across his lower lip, and his smile disappeared. He leaned in for another kiss, but I pushed him back. “You haven’t explained anything yet.”
He sighed and sat back. “I had this whole thing planned. The ice skating, then dinner at a fancy restaurant. I’d get you all liquored up. And drink some liquid courage of my own. Then I was going to confess it all.”
“And?”
“And we spent the evening in the emergency room. And I lost my courage.” He laid his hand on my bare arm, lightly skimming the skin, and I sucked in my breath.
“But in all this time?”
“I guess I was scared, too. I thought I was lucky to have you in my life at all. Above all, you’re my best friend, Mallory. All this?” He wrapped his finger around the strap of my bra and slid it over my shoulder. My eyes rolled up in my head. “Icing.”
“Benji?”
“Yes, Mallory?”
“Would you please shut up now?”
I ran my fingers along his tattoo and down his arm until he caught my hand in his and pulled me back toward him, skin pressed against skin. He sucked in his breath and, in one daring move, unsnapped my bra from the back where his fingers had been delicately tickling my skin.
His hands moved over me, searching for the top button on my jeans. At the same time, I desperately gripped at his waist, unproductively pulling on his pants without having tried to unfasten them first.
Remembering how pants worked, I shifted around and began undoing my own. He did the same. We shimmied out of our garments and found ourselves sitting on our knees, facing each other in nothing but our skivvies. I looked down at the tent forming in his boxers, and for the first time, it occurred to me to wonder what kind of package my future husband sported. I looked back up at him appreciatively.
He shrugged. “I got lucky.”
“You’re about to.”
He cast about. “Is there a bedroom in this house?”
The climb upstairs gave me time to feel awkward again. I lay down in the large bed in the master bedroom, pushing out thoughts of the creepy Pascal, hoping he hadn’t had marital relations since whenever this room was last cleaned.
Half-naked with my best friend in someone else’s bed, I started to shiver.
Benji wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. “Do you want to wait?” I could feel him against me and knew he didn’t.
“I don’t think you could even if I asked you to.”
“You’d be surprised. I’ve waited this long.”
“Can we lay here for a minute? Can you just hold me?”
Lying on our sides, he held me to him, but our hands betrayed us and began to explore each other again. I had a feeling he wouldn’t take the next step until I made him believe I wanted it.
I ran my finger along his boxers, and his skin rippled. I slid the waistband a little lower, and in return, his finger traced my stomach, just inside my underwear.
He kissed me once more and then ran his eyes over me. “You so beautiful, Mallory. I’d be happy just to look at you.”
I took the opportunity to give him a solid once-over, appreciating the dusting of hair on his chest, and the trail leading toward the unknown. I lifted the waistband a little higher to get a peek, and he chuckled.
“We’re definitely crossing the line here. Are you ready?”
I nodded, keeping my eyes locked with his as he slowly slid my underwear down and off over my feet, removing the last thin vestige between our friendship and the current of desire we’d sublimated for so long. I lay there, feeling unbelievably self-conscious.
Nude. I was completely nude. I tingled everywhere.
“Turnabout is fair play.” I tugged at his boxers and then there he was, oh, my God, there he was. I lightly laid my finger on his erection and was surprised when it jerked up slightly. “What the hell? Does it have a life of its own?”
He laughed. “Ha, yeah. Kind of. Definitely a mind of its own.”
I traced my finger along the shaft and explored the feel, the absolute heft of it.
Benji’s eyes closed, and his breathing intensified. “Mallory, I’m going to have to ask you something. Either you have to agree that we’re going to do this, and soon, or you’re going to have to stop doing that.”
I tightened my grip and began to move deliberately up and down. He pushed my knee away and reached between my thighs, touching me gently and then slightly harder as I let loose a strangled groan. I could feel his finger slip inside me and arched my back.
He rolled back up so he was looking down at me and kissed me so hard, I thought I might explode on the spot.
“Benji, I don’t want to wait any longer.”
“You’re ready?”
“Now, please. Now.” I could barely speak. “I want you now.”
“I want you so bad, Mallory. I’ve always wanted you. Just you.”
He slid slowly inside of me. I felt him deep, and then he was back out. The dragging against my body was driving me crazy. He thrust again, and I cried out.
He stopped. “Oh, no. Am I hurting you?”
I couldn’t speak. “Uhn. No. Uhn. Go. Go.”
He began to move more quickly, falling into a natural rhythm, and I opened my eyes to watch his face contort in a way I’d never seen on him.
“Oh, God, Mallory. Mallory.”
“Benji.”
“I love you. God, I love you.”
He worked my body so hard, I felt pain, but it was a pain on the verge of something visceral, and I grasped for it. A small detonation in my inner core spread deliciously out to the rest of my body. I started to shudder. A powerful secondary explosion echoed deep within me, and Benji began to slow down. Finally he collapsed on top of me, panting.
His breathing slowed, and he rolled off me.
“Jesus.” He expelled a gasp of air. “God, I’m sorry if that was too fast. I couldn’t help it. Are you okay?”
I laid my hand across his chest. “More than okay. It was, how do you say, mind blowing.” I randomly burst into tears. “Why have we waited so long?”
He pulled me closer and kissed my temple. “We haven’t waited at all. We’ve had it all, you and me. This is just another level.”
We had, hadn’t we? Friendship, love, partnership, trust. There was romance if I hadn’t been too blind to see it. And now we had this, too. And it was damn good. I smiled and nestled against him.
Benji wrapped his arms around me, and we slipped off to sleep.
I woke in the early morning, confused. I’d dreamt Jean-Luc and I were married and had returned to his apartment after the wedding. He’d taken off my dress and touched my arms. I stepped back away from him. “I can’t. I don’t love you.”
My mind unclouded, and I opened my eyes. It took a moment to place where I was. Benji pressed up behind me with his arm draped across my stomach. The blanket was the only stitch between us and the open air. I didn’t even feel a twinge of embarrassment or remorse. Thinking about the day before made me shiver with excitement.
The movement must have stirred Benji. He gently traced my stomach upwards with his fingers. His hand found my breast and rested there. He hardened against the back of my thigh, and my body responded with a pulsing need. His lips kissed my back, and the hand that had found a home on my breast was now moving, caressing and exploring.
I rolled over on my back and looked up at his face.
He said, “Good morning. I love you,” as though it was one word.
I smiled and stretched. I felt perfectly content and slightly charged. Benji’s eyes were focused on mine, looking deep into my own. It was the look he’d given me so many times over the years that I’d read as him taunting me. Now I saw it for what it was.
I touched his cheek. “Did you really think I found you unattractive when we first dated?”
“It doesn’t matter. I found myself unattractive.”
“I liked you so much from that first date. And I was attracted to you, idiot.” I gently pushed his shoulder.
He lay back and looked at the ceiling. “I swore I’d improve myself. I’d go to the gym and work hard at my classes and do anything it took to make myself into someone good enough for you.” He laughed. “Of course, I didn’t expect the friend zone to complicate matters.”
“You should’ve told me.”
“Then I met Sandra, and for all the pain that came from her cheating on me, she did me a great favor of raising my own self-confidence. At first, anyway. If someone else could like me, it proved I was likable. And for a time, it helped me forget about my feelings for you.”
My finger moved from his cheek to his chest and down his arm to his hand. “I was so worried then that we were going to stop being friends.”
“She was crazy jealous of you.”
“Me?” I snorted. “But she’s so gorgeous.”
“So are you, Victoria Secret.”
I sat up on my elbow. “Benji, when you two split up, why didn’t you tell me how you felt then?”
He rolled onto his back and closed his eyes. “By that time, you’d started drooling over Jean-Luc, and how many times did I hear about how beautiful he was? How could I compete with that? Plus, all that money and charm? And in a way I did tell you, but you couldn’t hear it.”
I put my head down against his shoulder. His arm automatically wrapped around my back. “I’m an idiot.”
“Yes. Yes, you are.” His chest rose up and down with his quiet laughter. With his free hand, he traced his finger down my cheekbone. “A very beautiful, funny, smart idiot.”
“A smart idiot, is it?”
“A smidiot. Are you hungry, smidiot?”
“Starved.”
We had ten days in the country with nothing to do. The Chevaliers seemed to disdain the television, but we had music and food and wine. We had plenty of places to walk. We found the gazebo where Shauna had kissed Jean-Luc and defiled it anew.
We talked nonstop, sometimes about ridiculous things, sometimes about serious things. We spent one entire morning in a pun competition, trying to think of breakfast food Radiohead song titles.
We walked along the sycamore-lined drive and carried food out to the gazebo. And time slipped through our fingers.
35
Lucky Chance
We stood out on the balcony, looking across the hills—he in his boxers and I in my robe.
“All I need is curlers in my hair, and we’d look like any number of old married couples sitting on a stoop in New Jersey,” I laughed.
He reached over and pushed his finger through my hair. “I don’t think you need curlers.”
“Shut up. I don’t have a flat iron.”
“Thank God. I’ve missed your curls.”
His finger moved to my cheek and down my neck. “I don’t think I’ll ever get over the fact that I can reach over and touch you.”
I ran my hand up his back. Feeling his skin react to my touch gave me more goosebumps than his touch on me. I was about to suggest we continue this discussion back in the bedroom when a horn honked around the front of the house.
“Oh, visitors!” Benji went back into the bedroom and pulled on a pair of pants. He tossed me a dress that was lying on the floor and then stood at the door, waiting. He had such a look of eagerness that I suspected he might know who was knocking at the door.
A voice called. “Salut? Are you home?”
I came down the stairs before Jean-Luc had completely entered the vestibule. He dropped the bags he was carrying and reached out to grasp my shoulders. The obligatory kiss on both cheeks was followed by a series of questions.
“Where is Benji? How is your week? Are you surprised to see us?”
Rémy pushed through the door, juggling bottles of wine and leaning forward for the bises.
I clapped my hands with joy. “I’m so happy to see you both! Is it weird that I’ve missed you?”
Jean-Luc laughed. “Well, I should hope so. We wanted to come and bring you some dinner. Do you realize you have been here a full week?”
I frowned, and he amended, “But you have a few days more and then a wedding! Marie-Laure has been arranging everything. It will be beautiful.”
He’d somehow transformed in the past week. He was as beautiful as always, but all that anxiety and exhaustion had disappeared. He looked . . . happy. I wanted to throw my arms around him and hug him tight. I really had missed him. Not like I’d missed Benji, but Jean-Luc was a friend now, and one I’d always cherish.
Benji came down the stairs, dressed in his nicest shirt and pants. I looked at him and then back at the bags. “Are we eating here? Or going out?”
“Here.” Benji greeted both Jean-Luc and Rémy. “Thank you both for coming.” He peered into the bags. “Perfect.”
In the kitchen, the three of them went to work, slicing, dicing, grinding, boiling. I felt like a heel for not helping but they seemed to know what they were doing. So I poured myself a glass of wine and sat back to watch.
Soon Benji threw five place settings down on the large table, and before I could say, “Who?” there was another knock at the door.
Marie-Laure let herself in, and the volume of conversation ratcheted up another eight decibels. “Am I late?” she shouted. “Have I missed it?”
I met her on her way in and kissed her. “No, they’re just starting to put it all together. You’re right on time.”
The table filled with dishes smothered in food and glasses of wine, all of which slowly disappeared between an endless stream of words.
There was so much booze, so much food, I thought at one point I might have to void my stomach or risk bursting. But a glass of cognac ate a hole through the food, and I continued to soldier on.
Marie-Laure told us about the wedding preparations. She said, if we wanted to, we could get married in the same church where Jean-Luc and I had rehearsed. “The arrangements are made. If you want to wait until you get home, I will understand.”
I turned toward Benji. The laughter fell from his face, and he grew suddenly serious. He cleared his throat and looked from Jean-Luc to Rémy, from Marie-Laure to me. The conversation stopped as he formulated something he clearly wanted to say.
He took a deep breath and started talking.
“Mallory, a week ago, I proposed marriage to you on a whim. My God, you were about to marry someone else. I didn’t even have a ring. At that moment, I thought I loved you more than it was possible and that I’d feel that way forever.”
I started to feel sick. I took a drink of water and blinked back welling tears.
But he continued.
“A week ago, I thought I knew what I wanted, and I would’ve swept you up right then and there to run to the chapel. If we’d been in Vegas, we’d be married now. But it’s a week later, and we’re not married, and I was wrong.”
All that food I’d managed to keep down churned in my stomach as I waited for him to tell me it was all a mistake and he’d changed his mind. I would have run to the bathroom, but Benji walked around to my chair and knelt at my feet.
He took my hands, and a tear dropped from the corner of his eye. I didn’t think I could bear being dumped right here in front of everyone. I couldn’t bear losing him after I’d finally realized that I needed him. That I loved him.
“Benji.” My voice cracked, and now a tear fell on my cheek.
“I was wrong because I didn’t know what it would feel like after I allowed myself to fall completely in love you. I thought I couldn’t live without you, but I nearly let you marry someone else without fighting for you.” His smile was like the sun through dark clouds. “After a week with you, I’d walk through fire to keep you. I don’t want to live another day without you.”
He reached in his pocket, and I sucked in my breath.
“I did this all wrong last week, but I want to do it right, now. Before these witnesses, our friends, with a proper ring, I ask you, Mallory Pech, will you do me the honor of making me the luckiest man in the world?”
He produced a small box and popped it open to reveal a sparkling diamond ring.
The floodgates were opened. Tears were falling fast and furious, and I threw myself down on the floor and into him, hugging him tight. “You fucking asshole,” I laughed. “You scared the shit out of me.”
He laughed. “Did I? Is that a yes?”
“That’s a yes. Of course it’s a yes.”
36
Second Chance
Jean-Luc and Rémy stood together holding hands as they said their vows, so handsome in their tuxedos. My heart was filled with happiness to see the two of them making public the relationship they’d protected for so long. My stomach flipped a little when I thought about how close Jean-Luc and I had come to making a mess of everything. I shook my head and chuckled.
Benji put his arm around me and pulled me close. “Stop laughing, you goof. This is solemn.”
Once we had witnessed their civil union, Jean-Luc and Rémy switched places with us. Benji took my hands in his and looked into my eyes. Standing in this drab bureaucratic office, in this enormous dress, I couldn’t stop giggling.
“Stop laughing.” He was laughing too.
I giggled through his vows, despite his attempts to look serious. Or maybe because of them.
“I knew I shouldn’t have let her drink before.”
I contorted my face to control the big stupid grin and look appropriate as I repeated my vows.
“Benji, je te prends, comme époux. Je promets de t’encourager, de te chérir, de te respecter et surtout de t’aimer. Dans la santé aussi bien que dans la maladie, à travers la peine et la joie, pour tous les jours de ma vie.”
At least that’s what was written out for me to butcher.
We signed our papers, and Benji said, “And now you may kiss the groom.”
