Selling Out (Sheppards in Love Book 3), page 16
Want to go for a walk instead?
Austin
In your PJs?
Mia
Are you embarrassed?
Austin
Never. Meet you outside in three.
I slip on a pair of sweatpants and pull a t-shirt over my head as I hurry down the stairs. Paul isn’t around—he promised to give me the bus to myself tonight, which is why I asked Mia to hang out.
Mia’s already waiting when I get out there. For some reason, I’d been expecting an oversized onesie, but she’s wearing loose sweats and a fitted t-shirt. How does she look every bit as amazing in that as she does in that silver sequin dress?
She smiles as we start walking without a specific destination in mind. She’s got that after-concert glow I don’t know what to do with. I’m not in the habit of letting myself fall for girls like I have for Mia, and I’m definitely not in the habit of letting myself fall for someone who hasn’t already made it clear they’d welcome that with me.
First world problems, I know.
“How are you feeling after tonight?” I ask.
“Amazing,” she says, grinning as we turn onto the bridge over the Sâone River. “I think I get it now.”
“Get what?”
“How you can get so hyped from a crowd that you rip your shirt off.”
My eyebrows shoot up. “Wow. Was that something you were tempted to do?”
She shoves me, but I grab her arm, so we both stumble for a second.
“I mean that feeling… It’s powerful.” She stops in the middle of the bridge and rests her elbows on the iron rail.
“It is.” I search her profile, wondering how powerful it was for her and how it’s affected her. “I assume you plan to repeat it in Paris?”
“Um, yes.” She looks over at me. “If that’s okay with you?”
“Yeah… I mean, it would’ve been nice to know beforehand.”
Her eyes widen. “Did Noah not tell you?”
“Oh, he did.” I look out over the lamp-lit city. “In the dressing room.”
She clenches her teeth. “I’m sorry, Austin. I told him I needed to clear it with you and Paul, and he said he’d do it. He must’ve forgotten.”
I snort. “Yeah. Something like that.”
She searched my profile for a few seconds. “You’re not a big fan of his, are you?”
“No.”
She turns and faces the other way so she’s leaning on the iron rail but looking at me. “Why is that?”
I shrug. “I don’t like the guy.” I could say a lot more, but I’m in dangerous territory here. It’s not a good look to talk crap about a person everyone else likes.
She frowns. “He’s been really nice to me.”
I give a soft chuckle.
“What?”
I search her face. “You assume everyone is as authentic as you are, Mia. That what you see is what you get. And it’s not always the case.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? You think Noah isn’t genuine?”
I don’t respond right away, and she turns her body fully toward me.
“Please, say what you mean, Austin. You think Noah asked me to sing with him for a reason other than my voice?”
I face her. “I think he asked you to sing with him for reasons more than just your voice.”
“Ouch.”
“Mia, you know I love your voice. I have since the second I heard it. No one believes in your voice like I do, okay? I’m telling you to be careful with Noah Hayes. That’s all.”
“You still haven’t told me why you hate him so much.”
I want to tell her. But how do I do it without sounding petty and jealous? What if Noah’s not the problem? I’m the one who can’t manage to keep a girl around.
She turns away. “I think I know why,” she says softly.
“And why is that?”
She takes a second before responding, and when she does, her voice is still quiet. “I think you feel like you sold out, and you’re jealous of Noah because he didn’t.” She turns to meet my gaze.
I swallow. Those words hurt. For more reasons than one. “If you think Noah wrote his own songs, Mia, you’ve got another thing coming. Besides, I’m not the only one selling out here.”
“What?”
“Weren’t you the one who said you want to make it on your own talents?”
“And?” There’s danger in that tone.
I hesitate, then turn toward the river again. I don’t want to hurt Mia, and that’s where this is heading. “Never mind. Forget I said anything. I just don’t want you to get hurt, okay? I know you think highly of Noah.”
“I have no reason not to.”
“Except that I’m telling you to be careful. He has a reputation. He’s not quite as chivalrous as his songs make him sound. I don’t want him using you.”
“Using me? For what exactly?”
I shrug. “To get under my skin? To prove he can have whatever he wants?”
She looks at me for a few seconds. “Not everything is about you, Austin.”
I swallow. This is exactly what I was afraid of. She thinks I’m being petty.
She lets out a breath through her nose. “I should head back. I’m getting weird looks for these pajamas.”
So we leave. But I know that’s not the real reason.
25
MIA
We talk on the way to the buses, but things are weird. In a very official way. There are no kisses between the buses when we say goodbye, not even a shadow of a thought about kissing. Just a quick goodnight.
What follows is a very drawn-out stint of lying in my bed, staring at the ceiling.
Austin thinks I’m selling out. He thinks I’m trading on Noah’s name for my own benefit. Not just that, though. He thinks Noah has ulterior motives for asking me to sing with him—namely, to make Austin jealous.
I think Austin is making this about himself. I don’t think Noah asked me to sing with him because of that. I think he saw my talent and went for an opportunity to do me a favor and make a performance fans would love. And they did.
I don’t think Austin can see straight when it comes to Noah. He says Noah has a reputation, but guess what? So does Austin, and I’ve seen firsthand how inaccurate it is. Austin’s not a talentless womanizer. He’s fun and thoughtful and very talented. So why should I believe Noah’s reputation?
But the thing Austin said about me selling out?
I’m worried he’s right. This whole time, I’ve been so adamant I want success on my own terms and on my own merit. I don’t want any legs up. But then Noah comes along, and I jump at the chance to sing a duet with him. Why did I say yes? I told Austin it’s because Noah has my same style, but doesn’t that just mean I’m hoping his fans will become my fans?
I convinced myself that touring with Austin had nothing to do with my hopes and dreams for my own career, but I was kidding myself. If getting exposure from other artists is selling out, I took a step in that direction the second I said yes to Austin.
The bus ride to Paris takes five hours, and for the first hour of it, Kelly and Rose are eager to rehash my experience singing with Noah. Not that I mind. It was amazing.
But my thoughts keep turning to Austin. I can’t even tell whether I’m mad at him or myself. Both, I guess.
“Look at you,” Kelly teases. “Performing with Austin Sheppard. Kissing Austin Sheppard. Performing with Noah Hayes. Who knows what’s next?” She wags her brows.
“Movin’ on up!” Rose says, putting out her palm for a high-five.
I smack my hand against hers and laugh, but it’s as genuine as the cubic zirconia on my finger. I love Noah Hayes’s music, but there’s no spark with him, and I don’t want Kelly and Rose—or Austin—thinking I’m making a habit of performing with musicians and then… doing more than that with them.
The day is a blur once we get to Paris. It’s a big venue for us, and the stage configuration is different from any of the others so far, which means extra rehearsing and blocking.
I’m probably being hypersensitive, but when Noah puts his hand on my waist at one point during rehearsal, I get stiff, and my gaze darts to Austin, who looks away.
It’s almost midnight when we finish and head for the buses. I feel strange not having talked with Austin much today, but things are still weird between us, and it’s leaving a sour taste in my mouth.
So sour that the next day, I’m not even sure I want to go out and explore Paris. Part of me wants to lie on my bed with my headphones in all day. Is the song I want to listen to on repeat one of Austin’s?
No comment.
But I go out anyway because Rose and Kelly persuade me to. We’re sitting in the Louvre courtyard to rest our feet when my phone buzzes.
Gemma
You really shouldn’t hunch when you sit.
I frown and reread her text.
Mia
Wrong thread.
Gemma
You’ll get wrinkles if you make that face too much.
“What in the world?”
I start typing out a text, but another comes through.
Gemma
Are you going to say hi to me or stare at your phone all day? Look up.
I whip my head up, and fifteen feet away, my sister Gemma watches me with a huge, mischievous smile on her face. Standing next to her are a few unfamiliar faces… and a very familiar face: Austin’s.
My jaw goes slack as I push myself to stand. Gemma runs over and throws her arms around me. “Surprise! Also, Austin has my full approval, FYI,” Gemma whispers into my ear.
I blink, too shocked to register what she said. “How…when…?”
She steps back and links her arm through Austin’s. I kind of want to punch her for it. “He flew me out to surprise you.” She looks over at him. “I’m thinking it worked.”
Austin’s gaze is fixed on me, his expression impassive. “I think so.”
“You must be Kelly and Rose,” Gemma says, letting go of Austin. The three of them start chatting, and I scan the faces of the strangers. One is definitely Austin’s mom. Then there are two women and one guy near my age.
“Mia,” Austin says, “this is my mom, Sue, my sister Tori, and our good family friends, Madi and Rémy. They live in France.”
Austin’s mom smiles and gives me a hug. “Has my son been taking good care of you, Mia?”
I glance at Austin, who chuckles and rolls his eyes. He’s been kissing me to help me with my hiccups, Mrs. Sheppard. “He’s done a great job.”
Madi and Rémy greet me next, and we talk about Paris for a minute. Apparently, this city is where they fell in love. How magical must that have been?
“My turn,” Tori says, pulling me into her arms. She’s got a head of fluffy blonde waves that temporarily obscure my vision. These Sheppards really know how to hug. “I watched your performance last night with Noah Hayes. You were incredible. Austin’s lucky to have you.”
My gaze darts to Austin again, and there’s a short, awkward pause as we stare at each other. Does he feel lucky to have me here? Or is he regretting the choice to ask me to come on tour?
Kelly and Rose introduce themselves to the Sheppards and Scotts, leaving Austin and me to stare at each other a little more. Just in case I hadn’t stared at him enough over the past couple of weeks.
I can’t believe he flew Gemma out here for me. I didn’t even realize how much I wanted someone from my family here until I saw her.
“Your parents really wanted to come,” he says, “but the notice was too short. Maybe they can make it to one of the shows during Noah’s tour.” There’s no bitterness in the words.
I wrap my arms around him. “Thank you.” I swallow, burrowing my head in his shoulder so there’s no chance he sees my emotion slipping through. “So much.”
His arms tighten around me. “You’re welcome.”
My arms have a mind of their own, and they want to hold on for dear life, but we have an audience, so I pry them from Austin’s body and smile at everyone like I’m not about to lose it over Austin’s kindness.
“What are you doing?” I hiss, scrambling to get out of the sheet Gemma threw over me.
“Trying to help you.” She pulls it off.
“I need to be surprised,” I say, putting my hands to my hair to make sure it’s not completely ruined. “Not suffo—hic!—cated.”
“Go find Austin, then,” Gemma says, tossing the sheet to the side.
It’s not even the performance that’s got me nervous. I don’t know exactly what it is. I know it has to do with Austin. And Noah. The whole situation is weird. There’s a palpable tension between the three of us I’d like to take a pair of scissors to.
“I’m not doing that,” I say. Not that I don’t want to kiss Austin. But things are still off between us, and I don’t want to use him like that. Especially after how nice he was to bring Gemma here.
Hic!
“Two minutes,” Bobby says.
I nod, then turn to Gemma, clenching my teeth. I need to get rid of these hiccups. Stat. And Gemma is failing me. Part of me is afraid I’ve crossed the border into only-Austin’s-kisses-can-save-me territory.
“What do I do?” I ask, not expecting an answer.
“Mia!”
I whip my head around as Austin jogs over.
Hic!
He gives me a smiling grimace, and Gemma moves out of the way. “She’s all yours, buddy.”
I shoot her a look that says you’re so not cool, then look at Austin standing in front of me. My heart speeds. How is he so ridiculously handsome? And how am I so ridiculously pathetic?
“Austin,” I say. “You don’t have to—”
He takes my face between his hands and stares into my eyes. “You’ve got this, Mia. Okay?”
I nod.
“I’m sorry for the things I said last night. I was jealous and scared and being a complete idiot.”
I laugh softly and shake my head.
“You belong on that stage,” he says. “They need to hear your voice. So go out there and give it everything you’ve got. And enjoy yourself doing it. Okay?”
I swallow and nod quickly, waiting for the thing he came to do: kiss these hiccups away.
I breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.
His hands drop from my face, and he steps back.
No hiccups.
I glance at Gemma, who’s ten feet away, staring at us with wide eyes and mouth slightly agape.
“That’s your cue,” Austin says as Noah announces a special surprise.
“Thank you,” I say, then I turn toward the stage, take a deep breath, and walk out.
26
MIA
The crowd tonight is five times the size of last night’s, and even though the stage lights are blinding me, I can see it’s almost sold out.
You belong on that stage. I feel that in my bones as I wait for the cue to begin my verse. Is it so wrong for me to be on this tour? To get a little help to do the thing I feel I’m made to do?
Noah stands closer to me than he did during rehearsal, and when we get to the chorus, he slips a hand around my waist and pulls me to face him so we’re singing to each other rather than the crowd.
My heart gallops, and my voice wavers, but the audience goes wild with whoops and cheers. I can smell alcohol on his breath, but Noah’s smile grows as we sing, and my gaze shifts behind him to where Austin, Gemma, Rose, and Kelly stand offstage, watching.
Austin’s expression is impassive. I have to turn my gaze away to focus on my breathing so I don’t mess up. As soon as the chorus is over, though, I shift my body away from Noah and toward the crowd for the bridge.
I know it’s all a performance—like Austin’s shirt gimmick—but I’m not used to it. And as I leave the stage to applause, I can still feel the places Noah’s fingers pressed into my side.
Austin’s nowhere to be seen, but Gemma smothers me with a hug and a slurry of congratulatory words, followed by Rose and Kelly doing the same. I break away and hurry to the place set up for my quick wardrobe change, searching for Austin.
Did he stop watching because he was jealous? Or was there some other reason? It’s got to be the latter. Of all people, he understands crowd-pleasing.
Then again, he didn’t kiss me before I went on stage, and it was the perfect opportunity to. What does it all mean?
Austin appears just in time, and before I know it, I’m back on stage, this time next to Kelly and Rose.
Whatever the reason for Austin’s disappearance, it doesn’t affect his performance negatively. In fact, he seems extra energetic tonight, getting closer to the crowd to touch their hands and crouch to sing to random front-row fans.
They eat it up. And I get it. One hundred percent. But all these girls and women wearing shirts with his face on them… they know Austin can sing, they know he’s a gorgeous human specimen, but do they have any idea about the other parts of him? Like how funny he is? Or how kind? How supportive? How cute he is with his mom? (I got that on full display as we walked around Paris together earlier today.) How fun his relationship with his sister Tori is?
Maybe it’s for the best they don’t. If they knew what he’d done for me flying Gemma out here, they’d lose their minds, and some of them are already crying.
I can see how Austin would worry about death threats against any woman presumptuous enough to take him off the market.
The room for the meet-and-greet is filled with the high-strung chatter of young females anticipating the opportunity to acquire photographic evidence they touched the physical form of Austin Sheppard.
I hang out near the refreshment table with Gemma, Tori, and Mrs. Sheppard while Kelly and Rose chat with Noah. The way he interacts with them makes me think maybe I overreacted to his ad-libbing on stage. He’s just one of those people who’s comfortable with a much higher degree of physical contact than I am. Or the alcohol has made him more loosey goosey than normal.
