Jack of All Maids (Hawthorne Hall Book 2), page 17
The stage was set. The smug smirk he’d always misinterpreted as healthy confidence was bigger than ever. Dani’s twisted admission from hours earlier still echoed in his head, but he wondered what satisfying sound would soon be replacing it. Screams of anger? Sobs of sorrow? The thud of her fainting head bouncing off the floor when she realized she’d never see a pence of his money? Any would suffice, but more than anything, he couldn’t wait to hear Zuri say yes. Jack then turned to take her in.
He didn’t even care if Thomas noticed his enamorment with his little sister. She was too beautiful not to look. But…looking came with an unexpected revelation…she was absolutely miserable. Just as she’d virtually always been anytime he had anything to do with her. And he couldn’t bear it. A flood of mean pranks, hurtful words, and innumerable images of the very same face she was yet again making drowned his mind in sorrow and regret. He’d always struggled to know what selflessness looked like in any particular situation, but in that moment, he finally understood.
“Dani.”
Jack didn’t take his eyes off Zuri, not even as Dani threw her arms around him and took the last puzzle piece. He studied Zuri’s non-reaction, and in it, he found the incredibly painful truth - he’d made the choice she wanted.
Chapter Eighteen
WITH OR WITHOUT YOU
The next two days felt more like a hazy movie montage than real life. Faces, sounds, and events blended together. They sped by like a whirlwind of soul-crushing frivolity and monotonous drivel. He’d experienced a similar phenomenon many times before but never like this - never under the influence of sobriety.
Still, he remembered some things. For one, he hadn’t yet eliminated Dani. Obviously, he would have done it in a heartbeat if given the chance, but she lost a challenge where the winners went on a two-on-one date, and one was eliminated in lieu of an elimination ceremony. Then, she won a challenge where immunity was half the reward. The other half was a night in the Bundling Suite, where, in true Regency fashion, Dani was sewn into a bundling bag for a night’s worth of steamy make-out sessions. Fortunately, before he had to kiss She-satan, Jack came down with a pretended case of dysentery and waited in the bathroom until he was certain she was sleeping.
Jack wasn’t even sure he remembered which of the other girls were still there. Probably Naia, Connie, and Elena, but who knew? He tried. He really did. They were all supposedly very sweet and kind and good, but none of them were Zuri. None of them lit that fire in him that was probably bad for his heart but good for his soul the way she did. So, when he wasn’t required on set for a challenge, date, or an elimination ceremony, Jack spent most of his time waiting by his window - hoping Zuri would make a quick appearance in the northern yard with her baby niece and little nephew. For obvious reasons, she couldn’t walk the grounds when the other women were out and about, but every once in a while - usually when the others were eating - she’d take the kids down to the swing by the stream and look happy without him.
On the third day after her elimination, Jack was once again waiting by his window when he heard a knock on his door.
“Jack. You in there, mate?”
“Yeah. Come in.”
Thomas looked great; well-rested, energetic, happy…everything Jack hadn’t been in days.
“You feeling alright?” Thomas asked. “I feel like I’ve barely seen you lately.”
“Yeah. Just been busy, you know?”
“I bet. The final elimination will be here before you know it. I can’t even imagine the pressure you’re gonna be feeling over the next few days - making sure the choice you make is the right one…”
“Eh. I’m not too worried. No idea what I’m gonna do, but not worried.”
“Hey! Buck up, will ya? This is the opportunity of a lifetime! And what’s more, you should be proud of yourself! No drinking…no one-night stands…”
“So what? I haven’t been that guy in a while, mate. I already told you.”
“I know. Well…now I know. When you told me the first time, I was skeptical. Skeptical about the show, too. But I think the whole Regency theme gave you an opportunity to slow down, date sober, and avoid making it all about the physical stuff. Other than a food fight and a couple of crude jokes, you took a very mature approach and showed you were ready for a serious relationship. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but there was even a moment or two in there where I found myself almost wishing you and my sister weren’t just pretending.”
Jack’s ears perked up. “Yeah?”
“Well, I mean, how brilliant would that be? I know we’ve been blood brothers since we were eight, but that would make us literal family. Tae’d be your nephew; Talia: your niece. It’s crazy to think about.”
It wasn’t crazy. It sounded incredible.
“How’s she doing, anyway?” Jack asked.
“Zuri? Fine. I think she’s maybe got a little cabin fever - having to keep out of sight of the rest of the girls. It’s made her a little more mopey than normal, but she’s in her element with the kids, so she’s good.”
“Good. I’m glad she’s doing good.”
“So…you still haven’t told me; who do you think it’s going to be when all’s said and done?”
“Umm…let’s see…which ones are left?”
“Hahaha! Kind of a whirlwind, eh? I get that.
“I’m actually kind of serious.”
“Stop. You are not. What are you playing at?”
“Nothing. I just don’t know if I’m going to walk out of here with a fiancée.”
“What? Why?”
“It’s a bloody dating show, mate! You think this is how lasting relationships are made? You think a little over a week of dating a bunch of strangers makes me ready to propose, or…or them ready to accept? I’d have to be loopy to ask! They’d have to be loopy to say yes!”
“You’re getting cold feet.”
“I’m getting through the show for Mick, but that’s it.”
“So you’ve got no feelings for Connie? Elena? Dani even?”
“Ha! Dani…” he said with a spiteful scoff.
“Where’s this coming from? I thought you were way into her.”
“Yeah, but then…” Jack said before remembering that Thomas couldn’t know.
“But then what?”
“Nothing. It’s…it’s nothing.”
“Jack,” Thomas said as he sat down on the bed, “I don’t mean to get mushy, but I think you need to hear this: Jack Adamson deserves happiness!”
“No, I don’t.”
“Yes, you do. I don’t know what’s going on with you. I don’t know what’s making you so scared, and it sounds like you’re not ready to tell me, but I do know one thing: real happiness comes with a scary price tag. I know you’ve heard me say it before, but I’m saying it again. Pay the price, Jack. No matter what it costs, pay the price. It’s frightening, but it’s worth it.”
Pay the price? What if it cost Mick his show? What if the cost was his and Thomas’s brotherly bond? What if it embarrassed Zuri or - worse - led to a life with him she forever regretted? With that, Thomas stood up to leave the room.
“Wait…Thomas.”
“Yeah?”
“Would you do me a favor?”
“Anything.”
“Will you make sure to be there at tonight’s elimination ceremony?”
“Of course.”
“Avi?” Jack asked as he entered the puzzle room.
“Yeah?”
“I need you to do me a favor.”
“Wait…don’t you owe me one?”
Jack completely forgot, and his facial expression must have said as much.
“I’m kidding,” she said. “What do you need?”
Jack surveyed the room with a sense of urgent paranoia, then said, “We can’t talk here. Too many eyes. Too many ears.”
“Then…what do you recommend?”
Jack reached into his tailcoat and removed a wadded-up piece of paper. He then unfolded, looked around one more time, and threw the following note on the table in front of her before exiting the puzzle room:
AVI,
PeopLE hAve been Saying thEy are GratETful for the Zen yoU bRIng TO hawThOrNe hall. however, It would be Great if you Helped more Than juSt madE puzzLes all the tIMe. Im Not sAying you can’T ever puzzle It up. ON the Contrary, EveRy onE Makes wONderful Yay sounds AFTER all THe Ones you MAke. juSt know: All of us aRe Really InVESted in seeing more of you,
JACK
“Jack…the floor is yours…”
As Mick stepped offscreen, Jack froze. Thomas arrived fifteen minutes earlier, and Avi left the library just after, but neither she nor Zuri were back. Had Avi even gone to fetch her? Perhaps the deciphering capabilities she exhibited with his first encoded letter were more flukish than skillful. Had he put his trust in the wrong person? He couldn’t go through with this without Zuri there, but what else could he do? The cameras were rolling.
“Umm…” he said. “First of all, thank you all for being here.”
The women nodded as Jack searched for something to say.
“I uh…as I stand before you this evening…I can’t help but feel like I now know exactly what Elizabeth Bennett felt while trying to choose between Mr. Darcy and Mr. Wickham. Although…I suppose there are a few differences. For example, there are four of you instead of two. Another example: I’m not a lady, and none of you are men. Finally, I don’t have a younger sister named Lydia with whom you can sully my family’s good na—”
Just then, Avi appeared in the doorway with an indiscernible poker face. Was Zuri coming? Jack waited as the rest of the room waded in his silence. He sensed everyone’s focus shift away from him and his idiotic ramblings toward whatever he was staring at behind them. Avi’s blushing face and restless eyes indicated she sensed it too, but only she and Jack knew it wasn’t her. In an instant, Tae appeared from around the corner of the entryway. Jack’s face became consumed by smile at the thought of who Tae must be with. Like a luminous, angelic being floating in slow motion, Zuri made her appearance. The audible gasps of surprise in the room did not do her justice. They should have been singing an eight-octave anthem alongside a heavenly choir.
“Umm…Mr. Adamson,” he heard Dani say, “I find it highly inappropriate that someone who’s already been eliminated - not to mention assaulted another contestant - has once again snuck onto the premes—”
“I have something to say,” Jack interrupted. “I…uh…I came on this show with the best of intentions…” It was the first time Jack looked at anyone other than Zuri since she made her grand entrance, and Thomas was the predominant recipient. “But after I got here, I said some things that began as jokes. Those things grew into white lies…then big lies, and secrets…until I finally realized I’m the only person in the world who knows the whole truth about everything that’s happened here. And I can’t do this alone anymore.”
Thomas looked intrigued. Mick looked fearful for his show. Zuri looked away.
“Ladies, I cannot choose any of you. And because I now know that, I cannot in good conscience drag any of you along any further.”Naia, Elena, and Connie looked genuinely hurt. Dani just looked enraged. “You’ve been incredible. You gave me so much of your time and selves in the hopes of finding love, and I wasted it. I am truly, truly sorry. There’s someone else. Someone I never expected when I met you all.”
Zuri’s eyes lifted up. Thomas’s eyes drifted down in contemplation as if he were beginning to piece it all together.
“You ladies deserve so much more than honesty, and while I can’t give you everything you came here hoping to find, I wanted to show you how grateful I am for each of you. So, for giving me so much of yourselves, I will be giving each of you a half-million pounds to hopefully help you find the true love you deserve on the next step of your adventures.”
Jack watched as much of their hurt subsided.
“Wow,” Dani said. “I mean, that’s sad you didn’t choose us, but thank you for your generosity. That amount of money’s life-changing!”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Jack said, “I should have been more clear. That whole thing I just said about being incredible, and apologies, and money; I was talking to Naia, Connie, and Elena. You are a dodgy, money-grabbing bint, and you get nothing.” Dani’s shocked and confounded expression seemed to delight the other women as much as it delighted Jack. “You’re free to go, and don’t forget to say goodbye to Tae on your way out.”
Dani looked at him once more as if she was trying to wake up from a bad dream. “Tah-tah,” he said as he waved her away with a nonchalant smile.
As Dani stormed past her, it was as if Zuri didn’t even notice. She just stared back at Jack, waiting for her turn.
“Sorry. I’m…that was probably an immature thing to do and say. I’m working on that. I’m working on a lot of things: selfishness…cowardice…” he said as he looked out at Tae, “but I never thought I’d need to work on honesty. Especially with you, Thomas.”
Thomas clenched his jaw and braced for the truth he already seemed to know.
“Mate, when I promised you I had no feelings for Zuri, I wasn’t lying. When I told you you’d never have reason to come after me, I meant it. I was just…wrong. But once I knew I was wrong, I should have told you.”
Jack then shifted his attention back to Zuri. “Zuri, I’m falling for you. And I don’t know, maybe I’ve already fallen. That might sound loony. I know it’s insane that a guy could spend a week on a show dating a bunch of strangers and come out of it feeling these feelings, but that’s not what happened here. You weren’t a stranger, and it wasn’t a week. I’ve known you almost as long as I’ve known my best mate. I’ve had ample time to show you my worst face and, in return, see yours. Yet despite your worst, I want more of you and hope - despite my worst - you want the same.”
Even from the opposite end of the library, he could see her tears welling up.
“You’re the only girl I’ve ever met who despised me despite my wealth yet kissed my worst face. I chose to let you go before…for you - because I thought it was what you wanted. But if the past couple of days have taught me anything, it’s that I can’t live with that. And if that makes me selfish, you only have yourself to blame for becoming so essential to my happiness.”
Zuri wiped a tear from her cheek as Jack drained the well dry of everything real worth saying. Jack knew much had been lost in translation from his heart to his lips and again from his lips to her understanding, but if even a fraction of what he felt had been received, it was enough.
Thomas looked back and forth at them, shook his head, and took his son’s hand before saying, “Come on, Tae. We’re leaving.”
“Thomas,” Jack said. “Please, don’t. I’m sorry.”
“You just stay away from me, Jack. My sister’s a big girl. She can do what she wants. But you stay away from me.”
“Thomas, you don’t understand. You’re not even trying to.”
“You’re right!” Thomas said as he spun around with the sheer speed of anger. “I’m not. You know what else you were right about? I don’t know you. My best mate who would never lie to me…who hated my sister…who had the loveable quirk of never being serious about anything…that man is clearly gone. But as Mick’s show gets ruined…as these women have their embarrassment aired to the entire world…as you throw away our friendship…at least one identifiable characteristic remains completely intact: you’re still a selfish prat.” With Thomas’s free hand, he took Talia from Zuri and said, “If you want a ride back, I’m leaving as soon as we’re packed.” Thomas then disappeared out into the hallway.
“And cut,” Mick said with quiet disappointment as he, too, walked away. “Show’s over. Let’s pack it all up.”
For the next couple of minutes, Jack and Zuri remained frozen in time as the cast left and the crew packed up the lighting and sound equipment. Eventually, they were left alone, waiting for the other to say something. But when the silence became deafening, Zuri scoffed, shook her head, and turned to leave.
“Zuri…” Jack said as he went after her. “What? What’d I do? Did I say something wrong?”
Zuri stopped, turned around, and did her best to speak through sobs.
“No. You said everything right. And I hate you for it.”
“What does that even mean?”
“It means, because of you - because of everything you’ve done - I couldn’t afford to enjoy the most wonderful thing any man’s ever said to me. I’ve spent my whole life being conditioned by you to expect a gag…a gotcha…a cruel joke where I’m always the punchline. I don’t know what I’m supposed to allow myself to feel with you, Jack, and that’s ruined this…and this…could have been wonderful.”
“What can I do? Tell me what I can do to prove that I meant everything I said. I’ll do it…no questions asked.”
“You think it’s that easy? Jack, even if you have changed, my perceptions obviously haven’t. There’s nothing you could say or do in an instant that would disprove or erase decades of my learned experience.”
There had to be an answer. There had to be something more to say or some huge gesture to prove her wrong. But she was right.
“I’m going back with Thomas…I’m sorry,” she said as she turned and walked away.
When she was too far away to hear, Jack murmured, “So am I…”
Chapter Nineteen
INSTEAD OF SAYING SO LONG
“So I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I don’t even have a way to get home. I should have never given my car to that balloon man! And not just because I need a ride or because I’m having trader’s remorse. But I wouldn't have gotten on the show if I hadn’t given him the car. Had I not gotten on the show, I wouldn’t have gotten mashed and chased away that one girl with stomach issues. Had I not gotten mashed and chased away that one girl with the stomach issues, I never would have needed to get Zuri involved. If Zuri weren’t involved, Mick would still have a show, Thomas and I would still be mates, and Zuri would still be happy. Stupid balloon man.”
