“I should never have kept it for this long.” Deep remorse filtered into his voice. “It’s just that... I couldn’t bring myself to go in there. I pushed off having to deal with it. But you’re right, it’s time to get rid of it.”

  His voice lifted a bit at the end, and I ventured to ask.

  “Why do you have that room in the first place, Xavran?” Married couples slept together on Aldrai, just like they did on Earth. Yet it appeared Xavran and his late wife had separate bedrooms. “What happened between you and your wife?”

  Chapter 22

  SUSANNA

  For a few heartbeats, Xavran remained silent. But if I was going to share my life with him, I really needed to know the answers to my questions, so I pressed on.

  “How did your first wife die, Xavran? Please tell me the truth.”

  He fisted his hands in his lap.

  “Gelnall died in a crash. The aircraft she traveled in fell into the lake, right behind my home.”

  “People say you were somehow responsible,” I said softly.

  He leaned forward, his dark eyes glistening in the night. “Do you believe that?”

  “No. I wouldn’t be here if I did.” The more I got to know him, the less sense the rumors made. Xavran wouldn’t deliberately hurt anyone. He would never put his family in danger. I’d seen him fight the monstrous worm, ready to die for his children. “I just want to understand what happened.”

  “I was the first at the crash scene, so that much is true,” he said. “I was fishing on Diria Lake. I saw the aircraft coming in. I witnessed the crash. I dove to get them and managed to pull them both into my boat.”

  “Both? Who was with her?”

  He frowned, staring straight ahead of him. It looked like my questions had opened a wound, and I kept silent, afraid to poke it too much.

  Once opened, however, it brought the need to let it all out, as he spoke again.

  “I could’ve killed him right then and there.” He rubbed his forehead, his voice hollow. “But she was hurt. And I had to save her. That was the priority, not my anger.” He drew in a long breath and released it with a tremor running through his entire body. “It was too late. Only four children survived. She and the rest were gone.”

  I took his hand between both of mine.

  “I’m so sorry, Xavran.” I expected tears in his eyes, but when he turned to me, there was only anger shining dangerously bright.

  “I asked her to wait until the babies were born. I begged her. But she just couldn’t help it.” He drew in a breath. “Maybe I shouldn’t blame her as much as I do. I read recently that it could be a condition. Something to do with the way her brain worked. An addiction of sorts.”

  “What kind of addiction?”

  “Gelnall had a secret she kept from everyone, even her parents. The asshole who crashed the aircraft wasn’t the only one. She had many men. An awful lot of them.”

  “And you knew about them?”

  “Not at the beginning. When we first met, she told me she wasn’t seeing anyone else, and maybe she wasn’t, though I’ve doubted that since. I learned she was meeting a man in Arqa shortly after we found out she was pregnant, a month or two after our wedding.” He ran a hand over his left horn. “Pregnancy is a rare thing for Aldraians. I was elated when it happened for us so quickly. I believed Gelnall was happy, too, but family life wasn’t for her. She got bored quickly. For a while, I blamed myself for failing to make my wife happy. Now, I believe she wouldn’t have been happy with any one man. She craved excitement, and she found it in having affairs.”

  “Yet you stayed together. Why?”

  He stretched his neck, rubbing his nape. “I was furious when I found out she’d lied to me about her trips to Arqa. I asked for a divorce, but she wouldn’t give it to me.”

  “Why not? You said she was bored. She didn’t like being married.”

  “I was surprised by that, too, at first,” he said. “But that was the nature of Gelnall’s addiction. She didn’t want to be free. She needed the thrill of sneaking around, of inventing lies, and risking being caught. All of that excited her, making her feel alive.”

  “Did you hope she’d change?”

  He shook his head. “If I ever did, that hope died quickly. Gelnall didn’t believe she had to change. If there were any treatments, she refused to even talk about getting help. Once my initial shock and hurt had passed, I decided to stay with her.”

  “Why?”

  “She was pregnant.”

  “Right.”

  “I promised to stay with her until the children were born,” he continued. “In exchange, I asked her to help me take care of her, to be careful. Despite all our medical advancements, the last month of pregnancy is never easy. She carried twelve fetuses in her belly. The doctors told her to relax, rest a lot, and avoid any strenuous activities. Instead, she took a trip with one of her lovers.”

  “Was that where they went that day?” I held my breath, waiting for his answer.

  He nodded again. “They were returning from the trip when she went into labor, right there in the aircraft. The man she was with claimed he turned off the auto-pilot system by mistake. Maybe he did. Maybe he was hand-flying all along. Either way, he panicked and made a mistake. They crashed.”

  He went quiet. I could only imagine what was going through his head as he recalled that day.

  “You never told anyone she wasn’t alone,” I said.

  “The authorities know. Her lover got lucky. He only had a few bruises when I pulled him out of the water. Should’ve let him drown,” he spat through his teeth. “But he gave his statement to the investigators, which cleared me from their suspicions.”

  “They never made those statements public, though.”

  “I asked them not to,” he confessed.

  “Why?”

  He rubbed his chest. “When I found out about Gelnall’s...um, life choices, she begged me not to tell anyone. I ended up lying for her, covering up her absences, because she was terrified what people would think if they knew the truth, especially her parents. They thought she was perfect in every way. They still think so.”

  “You allowed her parents to think you were her murderer? Do you realize that you’ve been protecting her reputation at the expense of yours?”

  He jerked his head, his horns scraping against the hard plates of the pheiza.

  “The authorities cleared me. Most people in Diria don’t dare accuse me to my face, and I don’t care what they say behind my back.”

  “Meanwhile, everyone believes Gelnall was a saint.”

  “Susanna.” He took my hands in his, staring at me intently. “I’d love to keep it that way. Everything I told you right now was said in confidence.”

  “You don’t have to worry about me,” I assured him. “But have you considered eventually telling the truth about all of that? Maybe to Gelnall’s parents, at least?”

  He scoffed. “Her parents would never believe me. They would accuse me of lying, only fueling more rumors. I don’t want my children to hear whatever nasty things may be said about their mother after that.”

  I didn’t argue with that. After all, he knew those people much better than I did. Things might change with time, and he might reconsider his decision in the future.

  “I’ll just have to warn you,” I said. “I’ll have a hard time not snapping at your ex-mother-in-law if she tells me I fell for a dangerous man.”

  “So, you fell for me?” His voice lifted.

  I shook my head with a smile. “Is that all you got from what I’ve just said?”

  He shifted closer. “No, but that part struck me as the most exciting.” He circled me with his arms, pulling me into his lap. “You are my heart, Susanna.”

  I cupped his face, leaning my forehead against his. “I really, really care about you, Xavran.”

  He roamed his hands up and down my back. “You’ve taken over my thoughts completely. At night, I dream about you. During the day, I think about you constantly. I haven’t felt such a fierce desire for anyone before. But it’s so much more than that. I feel at peace, knowing you’re in my home with my children. I trust you. In my mind, I talk to you about everything that has happened to me during the day. You are in every aspect of my life now, even when you aren’t physically there.”

  I placed a kiss on the corner of his mouth.

  “You’ve given me more than any man has before. You’ve given me purpose.” That was true. In his home, I felt needed. He made me feel appreciated more than I had ever been in my entire life.

  As for the desire...

  “I’ve never wanted a man in my life more than I want you,” I whispered into his ear.

  I wished to do now everything we’d done through the hologram of the communication device before. When I rocked my hips, however, the sand covering his pants grated against my inner thighs.

  “The sand is everywhere.” I bit my lip in frustration. “It won’t work.”

  I thought about his self-lubricating bumps. If sand stuck to them, sex would really hurt both him and me.

  He exhaled a humorless laugh. “Of all the things that may keep you from me, I’ve never thought of the sand.” He kissed my neck, kneading my backside. “We have to keep our clothes on, then.”

  I couldn’t take my hands off him. I caressed the back of his neck as he kissed the side of mine. “It’s best not to touch then, either.”

  He slid his hands up my sides to cup my breasts.

  “Who said anything about not touching?” he growled. “I’ve been dreaming about caressing, stroking, and fondling every part of your body. Everything you’ve shown me on the screen, I need to touch for myself now.” Finding my nipples through my bra and dress, he rubbed and pinched them, turning them hard in an instant. “These are just as sensitive through all these layers,” he murmured approvingly.

  Desire sparked in my body. Pressure throbbed between my legs. Straddling his thighs, I pressed my core against his hardening length through his pants and my panties.

  He groaned, bucking his hips.

  “No,” he rasped. Sliding his hand between us, he replaced his dick with his hand.

  Somewhere in my mind clouded by lust, I understood that if we were to spend two weeks in the desert with no water to wash up, he would prefer not to come into his pants.

  Then, all thoughts left me as he curled his finger, rubbing at my most sensitive spot through my panties.

  “Oh, yesss...” I gripped the horns on his shoulders, riding his hand.

  With his other hand, he massaged my breast, pinching the tip between his thumb and his finger, just like I had done on camera before. The sensation was even more intense now, when it was his large hand caressing my body instead of my own.

  Everything fell away, even the howls of the storm above us. Climax teased me, flickering on the tips of his fingers.

  I arched my back, pressing my chest into his touch and rubbing my core against his hand, harder and faster.

  “Oh, God, yes... Xavran, I’m...”

  Orgasm crested, blinding me with pleasure. Gripping his shoulder horns, I pressed my forehead to the side of his neck, riding the waves. He stroked me gently, sending ripples of aftershock through my body, then held me in his arms.

  “You’re even better in person than on screen,” I finally managed, catching my breath.

  He chuckled.

  “Wait until I finally have the chance to get you out of these clothes.”

  Chapter 23

  SUSANNA

  Listening to the storm raging above us, I curled against Xavran’s wide chest and must’ve dozed off.

  The quiet woke me up. And the heat. My dress was drenched in sweat where my body was pressed to Xavran’s. He appeared to be asleep. Quietly, trying not to disturb him, I crawled off him.

  It was still dark, but the storm had finally died out. One side of our shelter had collapsed, ripping my shawl. Sand piled up against the dead pheiza, spilling inside. My mouth was so dry, drinking the bug’s blood no longer seemed impossible.

  I climbed up the pile of sand and out of the shelter. There was no trace of the crozan. It had moved ahead and out of sight.

  Aldrai had no moons. It was pitch dark out here. Only the crests of the sand dunes glowed faintly. Some of the lights moved, proving they belonged to the desert creatures that scurried around.

  Without the moonlight, many species on this planet had developed the ability to illuminate their own way at night by emitting a glow similar to the deep-water fish back on Earth.

  If I remembered correctly, night was also the busiest time in the desert—the time to hunt. I was not looking forward to any more encounters with the local predators. The memories of the last two still made me shudder.

  “Susanna,” Xavran called softly, climbing up the sand pile next to me. “Be careful, my heart.”

  “Have you ever been alone in the desert at night?” I asked.

  He nodded. “A few times.”

  “Why?”

  “Some of it was part of my survival training before I even took this job. A few times happened later. The last time I ended up stranded overnight, I had to follow one of my crew members. He fell through a dispenser chute and was hurt. I had to jump off the crozan and stay with him until help arrived.”

  “Did anything attack you while you waited for the rescue?”

  “Once.” He didn’t elaborate, and I decided against asking for details. It was spooky enough out here without scary stories.

  A light separated from the glow in the distance, moving in our direction.

  “What is that?” I grabbed Xavran’s arm. “A giant spider? A killer firefly? What glows like that and can kill us?”

  “A lot of things.” He raised his other arm, getting ready to strike the approaching menace.

  Never before had I wished so much to have something hard and sharp growing from my body, too, to have a built-it weapon for protection. Honestly, why was the human body so soft and exposed? We had no sharp fangs, no long claws, not even a nice hard shell to hide in.

  I really, really could use a shell to hide in right now.

  The light smoothly moved closer. It wasn’t just a glow, but a ray, directed at the ground. It moved in a zig-zag pattern, side to side.

  “Captain Xavran Rax. Madam Susanna Riley,” a mechanical voice said, repeating our names over and over.

  “That’s a search and rescue drone.” Xavran exhaled with relief. “Here!” He stood taller, waving both arms in the air.

  The ray jerked our way, shining straight at us. Momentarily blinded by it, I shielded my eyes with my arm.

  “It’s us.” Closing his eyes from the light, Xavran lifted his face into the ray for identification. “Send the signal. We’ve been found.”

  “Signal sent,” the device droned. “It will take approximately twenty-two minutes for the rescue aircraft to arrive. Are you injured? Do you require any first-aid items or medicine? Do you need sustenance?”

  Xavran glanced at me. I shook my head, only asking, “Water?”

  A compartment opened on the side of the disc-shaped drone. “Two bottles of water.”

  I grabbed one, nearly emptying it all in a few hungry, hurried gulps. Cool water sliding down my throat was the best thing I’d ever tasted in my entire life.

  “Feeling better?” Xavran asked, watching me with a smile.

  I moaned, finally taking the bottle away from my mouth.

  “You have no idea how glad I am that I don’t have to drink the dead bug’s blood, after all.”

  “I WANT TO SEE THE CHILDREN,” Xavran demanded the moment we made it back to the crozan.

  We’d been examined by a medic on the rescue aircraft. We’d also gotten a chance to wash the sand from our hands and faces and to clean the bug’s blood off Xavran’s forearm horns. But we were still wearing the same dusty clothes.

  Sand sifted from my hair onto my shoulders with every step I took. I badly needed a bath. But I also wanted to make sure that the kids were alright.

  A crew member gestured down the hallway. “The children are in their suite. They’re asleep now, but we have a drone watching over them.”

  Xavran took off toward the kids’ room. I hurried alongside him.

  The suite wasn’t entirely dark. Soft flickering lights under the ceiling imitated the glow of the flying insects from Xavran’s garden home. The kids’ bedrooms were on the opposite sides of the common area. The doors to both were open. A red, glossy drone noiselessly hovered between the doors.

  Xavran tiptoed to the room on the right.

  “Daddy?” a sleepy voice called. “You’re back!” Ene sat in her bed, rubbing her eyes.

  “Shh.” Xavran rushed to her. “You’ll wake up your sister.”

  Ene hugged his neck.

  “I’m not sleeping,” Illal’s little voice sounded from her bed nearby. She made a move to get out of bed, but Xavran came to her next, giving her a hug too. “I knew you’d be fine, Daddy. I told everyone you’d be alright.”

  “No. You cried,” her sister set her straight. “It was Xilvo who said Dad knew what to do in the desert, that he’d be fine, and that he’d look after Susanna.”

  Illal just smiled. “Whatever.” She stretched her arms to me for a hug next. “Xilvo said that, but I knew it too. I knew you’d be fine, Susanna.” She hugged me tightly. “Because Daddy would take care of you. He’s great at that.”

  “He sure is.” I smiled. “He saved me from a giant bug.”

  “A giant bug?” Xilvo ran from the boys’ bedroom across the living area. “Which one was it? Did you kill it, Dad?”

  “Are you awake, too?” Xavran frowned but caught the boy in his arms for a cuddle when he ran to him.

  “Ivex isn’t sleeping, either.” Xilvo giggled. “He’s just slow getting out of bed.”

  The second boy was already running our way. He crashed into my side at full speed, wrapping his arms around my middle. “You’re back!”

  Xavran laughed.

  “Well, if you’re all up, how about a family hug?” He wrapped his arms around Ivex and me. The other three kids joined us, plastering themselves to us from all sides.

 

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