A Life of Secrets, page 21
His employer was leaning over the layout, picking up an engine and stroking its shiny exterior. ‘I’ve got several books on the subject, so we can look up any technical details.’
The prospect exhilarated Evan, and as they left and he padlocked the doors, he realised this opportunity would never have come his way if he hadn’t met Deborah. He was fed up with all these doubts circling in his mind. It was time he got in touch with her and found out the truth.
Chapter Thirty-Two
With Abigail, Angus and the children having departed to Berkshire, Deborah found herself free to concentrate on the promise she’d made to her friend.
What had actually occurred between herself and Evan? Nothing – only a heightened emotional tension whenever they met, and in Deborah’s case at least, a persistent memory, and confusion. She thought of Abby’s accusation that she had led Evan on, but knew that wasn’t true. However, she had been guilty of crossing a line, of allowing what Gerard would undoubtedly call an unsuitable friendship to develop. She could hardly have done anything else after the ugly experience in the alley. Not only that, but she’d loved talking to Evan, fascinated by his political zeal, his … she sought for the correct word and could only think of ‘ordinariness’. And if it sounded snobbish, she didn’t mean it in that context. More of a difference of culture and experience of life. But Deborah did have to face one fact. Evan was a proud man. He would fiercely resent the fact that she had misled him about her identity.
However, the decision she’d been wrestling with was taken out of her hands, because within a few days, when Elspeth brought in the morning’s post, there was an envelope marked Personal. On opening it her glance fell to the signature. It was from Evan.
Dear Deborah,
It was good to see you in Hyde Park, looking so well. I hope this request doesn’t feel odd, but I would like very much to meet you for tea. Maybe at the Lyon’s Corner House most convenient for you?
If you are happy to do this, perhaps you could suggest a convenient date.
But rest assured that I shan’t be offended if I fail to hear back from you.
With best wishes,
Evan Morgan
She stared down at it. A completely acceptable note, friendly and polite. And of course she would accept. But her feelings were descending into chaos. She knew that even if Abigail hadn’t extracted Deborah’s promise, she couldn’t have continued to deceive Evan about her true identity. And she felt deeply apprehensive about revealing it. She knew his feelings towards the privileged classes, and he was a man of strong emotions, his fury with that brute in the alley had shown that.
But she would arrange to meet him as soon as possible, because her visit to Wiltshire was fast approaching. Deborah’s hope was that when they were in the country, in a different environment from the social whirl of London, she and Theo would become even closer. She neither desired nor needed thoughts of Evan to be a distraction.
Rising from her desk she went into the outer office.
‘Elspeth? Do you ever go to a Lyon’s Corner House?’
‘Yes, of course.’
‘Which would you recommend?’
‘Either Coventry Street or Tottenham Court Road. I find them both very good.’ Elspeth raised her eyebrows in query.
Deborah merely smiled and went back to her office. Tottenham Court Road it would be. A little further away from Grosvenor Square, and so she would be less likely to encounter anyone she knew.
Evan saw the letter propped on the mantelpiece as soon as he arrived home from work. Bronwen bustled into the sitting room behind him, and glancing at the handwritten address in a clear, flowing hand, he guessed she was bursting with curiosity.
‘Well, go on, boyo, open it.’
He raised his eyes to heaven. ‘Is there no privacy in this house?’ But he inserted his thumb under the flap of the envelope and ripped it open. As he’d thought, it was from Deborah, suggesting the Lyon’s Corner House in Tottenham Court Road, on Saturday afternoon. Luckily, he wasn’t working then. The short note ended in the same way as his own. With best wishes. Silently he handed it to his aunt.
Bronwen scanned the lines and compressed her lips. ‘Are you going to have it out with her, then?’
‘That’s one way of putting it.’
She nodded. ‘It’s for the best.’
Evan was early and waited outside the tall building for Deborah to arrive. He wanted to study her appearance, to try and see her from Bronwen’s perspective. But when she alighted from a cab just minutes before their appointment, Evan could see little of the elegant and fashionably dressed young lady they had seen in Hyde Park. Deborah was dressed plainly, in a grey costume and white blouse. Her hat was also grey, and untrimmed. Very similar, he realised, to the other times he’d seen her.
She smiled at him, and he stepped forward. ‘How are you, Deborah?’
‘I’m very well, thank you, Evan.’
‘I just thought … well, I’ve lots to tell you, so shall we go in?’ He stepped aside to hold open the door. Their conversation was desultory until he’d found what he considered a decent table in a quiet corner, and once seated, Deborah removed her gloves. Evan gave them a curious glance. Even he could see that they were superior to the type of glove Bronwen wore. But then, Deborah would have more money to spend on clothes, owning as she did a successful staff agency.
A waitress, neat and smart, wearing a starched cap with a big, red ‘L’ embroidered in the centre, came to take their order. Both chose scones, although Deborah asked for Earl Grey tea.
When the girl had left, Deborah said, ‘It was lovely to meet your Aunt Bronwen.’
‘It was a coincidence bumping into you like that.’ Was it his imagination or did Deborah seem rather tense?
She smiled. ‘You said you had lots to tell me? Is it about working for the Colonel? I was hoping all was going well.’
‘It is.’ With a mental image of the model railway, he described it to her. ‘Of course, it’s only partially completed, but the space, the potential. Building it is going to be a real joy.’
‘Thus the interest in your engineering skills!’
‘Exactly.’
‘I’m so glad, Evan. It’s just what you need, after the collapse of the strike. Something so absorbing.’
He nodded. ‘That doesn’t mean that my interest in politics has lessened, though. In fact, I feel even more driven to get involved.’
‘Good. The country needs more men like you.’
His gaze met hers before she looked away. He frowned, thinking that there was something different about her. It was in her manner, her eyes.
The waitress brought their refreshments, Deborah thanked her and began to pour their tea, putting a slice of lemon in her own. As far as Evan was concerned, tea was just tea. Even the Colonel didn’t drink anything fancy. He watched as she began to first slice her scone and then butter it for each mouthful, her movements delicate, neat. He cut his own clumsily, buttered it and began to spread strawberry jam and cream.
Deborah’s throat was feeling so dry with nerves that although the scone was delicious, she had to struggle to eat it. Then, after taking a few sips of her tea, she replaced the cup in its saucer; it was no use, she couldn’t delay any longer.
‘I’m glad you got in touch,’ she said quietly. ‘It has given me the chance to talk to you about something. Evan, I haven’t been entirely truthful with you.’
‘About what, Deborah?’ Was there an edge to his voice? Swiftly, she glanced up, but his eyes were steady.
‘About my name.’ She hesitated. ‘I’m afraid my correct name is not Miss Deborah Claremont, but Lady Deborah Claremont.’ She held her breath, then saw in his eyes not the surprise and bewilderment she’d expected, but a deep sadness.
‘Lady Deborah Claremont?’
She nodded. ‘My brother is the Earl of Anscombe.’
‘Do I now need to address you as Your Ladyship?’
She flinched at his cutting tone. ‘Of course not.’
Evan was staring at her, slowly shaking his head. ‘So Aunt Bronwen was right. She suspected after meeting you that you were a member of the aristocracy.’
‘I’m so sorry to have misled you, Evan.’
‘So am I. No man likes to be taken for a fool.’
‘I never wanted you to feel like that.’
‘Was that why you were so against calling the constabulary that time? Because of your position in society?’
Miserably, she nodded. ‘Can you imagine what it would have been like? It was bound to have been reported in the newspapers. I couldn’t have borne the shame of it.’
‘Yes, I can understand that. But you could have trusted me with the truth.’
‘It wasn’t that … it just never seemed relevant, somehow.’ She looked at him, her eyes pleading. ‘Evan, I couldn’t help being born with a title.’
‘No more than I can help being born without one. But that isn’t the point, Deborah.’
She felt humiliated. He was going to hate her, to wish they had never met.
‘So, in a way, you’ve been leading a double life.’
‘I could never have run the agency using my real name. I wanted to give something back, Evan, to help people. And if I don’t achieve anything else in my life, I know I’ve done that.’
Silence hung in the air before he said, ‘Forgive me if I ask a personal question?’
‘Of course.’
His voice was tense. ‘Did I imagine it, or did you too feel the attraction between us? I need to know, Deborah.’
Deborah’s breathing quickened as her gaze met his. She knew that she owed him the truth.
‘Yes, I did,’ she said quietly. ‘I still do.’
Evan was silent for a moment. ‘Is that why you’re now telling me your real name? To prevent my taking things further?’
‘Something like that, yes.’ Deborah wondered whether he now disliked her as much as she disliked herself, at least at this precise moment.
Evan’s voice was tight with anger. ‘Do you know what I think, Deborah? That in other circumstances, you and I could have had something special.’ His jaw tightened. ‘But it all has to go to waste, just because of the class divide in this godforsaken country.’
Deborah knew she had to be honest with him. ‘It’s not only that.’ She raised her eyes to his. ‘All these years, ever since I lost my fiancé in the last year of the war, there has never been anyone else. And then,’ she gave a wry smile, ‘in a matter of weeks, I met first Theo, and then you.’
‘Theo? Is he someone titled like yourself?’ His voice was flat.
‘Not titled, no. He’s in the government, a Member of Parliament.’
‘And you don’t become one of those if you’re born poor,’ he said bitterly.
‘But Theo does have a social conscience, Evan. In fact, he came with me to hear you speak in Battersea.’
‘So you were going out with him even then.’
‘We had just started spending time together. I’m going to his home in Wiltshire next weekend to meet his father.’
‘That sounds as if it’s serious.’
‘I’m hoping so. But then how can I be so attracted to you?’ She shook her head in despair. ‘In reality, we hardly know each other. I just don’t understand it.’
Evan said, ‘There’s a lot in life I don’t understand.’ He paused for a moment. ‘But it would never have worked between us, Deborah. In your heart of hearts, you must know that.’
‘You don’t think we could have overcome it, despite the difference in our backgrounds? If I hadn’t met Theo, I mean.’ Despite her resolve, her voice was wistful.
Evan’s voice was harsh. ‘Not in my case, Deborah. All my life, ever since Da was killed in the mine, I’ve hated your class, their arrogance, their inherited wealth and land. I would never have fitted in with their way of life, and nor would I ever want to.’
With a catch in her voice she said, ‘I would have liked us to remain friends, but I don’t think that would work somehow.’
He was silent for a moment. ‘I think it would be impossible.’
Deborah’s eyes stung with tears. She wanted to put out her hand to touch, hold his, to feel for the first time his skin against hers. She didn’t want this man to go out of her life, but there seemed to be no alternative. ‘I suppose this is goodbye, then?’
Evan’s gaze was searching her eyes, her face. Then his lips twisted. ‘I could say unless I’m in need of another job, but even then …’
She nodded. ‘I understand. But I’m still glad that we met. And good luck with your political ambitions, Evan.’
‘Thanks, and I wish you all the best.’ He hesitated, pain in his eyes. ‘Be happy, Deborah.’
Averting her head to conceal her distress, she picked up her gloves, rose and walked away. Emotionally drained and emerging into the noise of the busy Tottenham Court Road, she stood for a moment and then sought to hail a cab. She had done the right thing, the only thing. It was of Theo she should be thinking now, the man she was in love with and hoping to marry.
Chapter Thirty-Three
The following Thursday had been a busy day at the agency, and after her return to Grosvenor Square, Deborah found it a welcome distraction to choose her wardrobe for the coming visit to Felchurch Manor.
‘What about this for one of the evenings, my lady?’ Ellen took out of the wardrobe the emerald silk dress Deborah had bought in Paris.
‘Yes, definitely. But not the red one I wore at Christmas. I don’t want to look fast!’
‘You could never look that, Lady Deborah.’ She held up an ivory dress with sequinned fringes. ‘And this one? It goes well with your long ebony beads?’
Deborah nodded, as she did when Ellen suggested taking some cashmere in case the weather turned cold. She was going to miss her in Wiltshire, but at Theo’s suggestion had willingly agreed to manage with one of the resident maids.
‘I want to have you to myself on the journey,’ he said. ‘It wouldn’t be the same with someone else in the car.’
As for Ellen, her face had lit up at the prospect of time off to spend with John who had promised to take her to another music hall.
Punctually at ten o’clock on Friday morning, Theo arrived at Grosvenor Square. Wearing a tweed jacket, his expression was carefree as he opened the passenger door. Deborah turned to thank Fulton after he’d stacked her suitcase and hatbox into the boot of the Bentley, and sank onto the soft leather seat.
Once in the driving seat, Theo leant over and fleetingly touched his lips to hers. ‘Did you bring your riding habit?’
‘Of course. I never travel without it.’
He laughed, slowly drawing away. Deborah, watching him expertly handle the leather-covered steering wheel, wondered yet again whether she should learn to drive. She mentioned it.
‘Why not?’ Theo said. ‘It’s jolly useful not to have to depend on others.’
‘Brown, our chauffeur, usually drives me, but if Gerard or Julia need him, then I take a cab.’
‘Which works in London, but in the country being able to drive yourself would give you independence.’
‘Then you aren’t against it, women driving? After all, we are encroaching on male territory.’
Theo smiled. ‘I wouldn’t dare to admit it, even if I were. Which I’m not, as I’m sure you’ve guessed.’
‘I was only teasing.’ Deborah snuggled into her comfortable seat, watching the scenery as they began to travel further out of the capital. ‘I’m looking forward to seeing Felchurch Manor and to meeting your father.’
Theo was indicating right and slowed down for a moment, glancing at her. ‘And he is looking forward to meeting you. Apparently, his health has improved this last week or so. He’s arranged a small dinner party for Saturday evening. Just a few close friends, at least that’s what he said on the telephone.’
‘Yours or his?’
‘Probably both. But he didn’t consult me, so I have no idea who.’
She laughed. ‘So I may hear a few indiscreet comments about your youthful exploits.’
‘Perish the thought.’ Theo turned and lightly touched her hand. ‘What I’m hoping for is lots of private time to spend with you. We’ve always been surrounded by people, and even when dining alone, it’s been in public restaurants.’
‘Yes,’ she said softly. ‘I feel that too.’
As the miles passed, their conversation lapsed, although Deborah did mention her concern about encountering Sarah Boot. ‘I just hope she’ll not prove to be a gossip.’
‘She’ll have me to deal with if she does.’
She smiled at him, then began gazing out of the window at unfamiliar scenes, picturesque villages, and the gradual changing of the landscape.
‘I think you’ll like Wiltshire,’ Theo said. ‘It’s a beautiful county with its areas of chalk downland. But I’m sure your excellent tutor informed you of that.’
Deborah turned to him. ‘He also mentioned Stonehenge, and Salisbury Cathedral.’
‘Both of which I shall take you to see, but not this weekend. We can plan such outings for when you next come to Felchurch Manor. I thought perhaps a longer visit in August, after the Summer Adjournment?’
A feeling of warmth swept over her, surely that meant that he, too, was looking to the future.
He smiled at her. ‘Or do you think we’ll be bored with each other by the time Monday comes?’
‘There is not, I think, the slightest chance of that,’ she said. ‘Of course, your father may not like me.’
‘Not a chance of that either,’ he replied promptly.
Their long journey was broken by a delicious luncheon in a black-and-white timbered small hotel, and the early part of the afternoon was a relaxing one, with Theo occasionally pointing out passing landmarks. They had just exchanged some affectionate repartee when Theo suddenly braked, causing Deborah to jolt forward, putting out her hand on the dashboard to steady herself. ‘What’s …’
