Fueling Fire: Elven Mage Academy, page 32
“Maybe.” I mumble.
“Do you want to stay here tonight?” he asks.
I nod my head, unable to answer past the lump that's formed in my throat. He untangles himself from me for a moment, making his way across the room he grabs out a fresh pair of shorts and a tee, handing them to me. With shaky hands, I accept them from him and make my way to the bathroom to get changed. One look in the mirror showcases why I usually opt to wear waterproof mascara. Black lines track down my face from my eyes, and I huff. I had grabbed the regular one as I had wanted it to come off easy before bed. Guess that backfired. Now I just look like a sad panda bear. I grumble to myself as I locate the towels in my brother’s bathroom.
Grabbing a towel, I wet the corner and swipe it across my face as I attempt to remove the black mess from my cheeks. Getting most of it, I hang the towel back up and strip out of my clothes, leaving them where they fall and putting my twin’s clothes on. They swamp me and make me feel little again. I tighten the waistband on the pants and sigh as his familiar, comforting scent of vanilla surrounds me. Sometimes having a twin is the best therapy. Just his natural scent makes me feel safe and loved. The smell of family helps to alleviate some of the pain in my chest, but not all of it. I rub absently at my chest as I step out of the bathroom. Will this pain ever go away? Is this what loss feels like? A deep internal wound that never heals?
“Better?” he asks, and I nod, giving him a faint smile.
“Thanks.”
“Anytime Lil,” he says, opening his arms for another hug.
I take him up on the offer, feeling more of the pieces of my heart being put back together. No matter what, my twin always has my back. Even if it is my own fault that I’m hurting. Sighing, I pull back and look him in the eyes.
“I really fucked up this time.”
He gives me a sad smile, “If he truly loves you, like you love him, then he’ll come around.”
“And if he doesn't?” I mumble, fearing that I’ve already lost Alec.
This time for good and quite possibly the others too. My heart squeezes and I close my eyes against the pain that thought causes me.
“Then he isn't worth your love.” He wipes a tear I hadn't noticed away and takes my hand.
Gently, he leads me over to the bed, lifting the covers for me to hop into his bed. I slid in and he wraps the blankets around me before lying down on top of the covers beside me. We lay in comfortable silence together until I find myself drifting off to sleep.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Lilliana
Blinking tired eyes at the ceiling above me, I feel slightly better than I had the night before. Until it dawns on me what day it is and my heart sinks through the mattress, weighing me down more effectively than a brick to the chest. Turning, I see the same sombre expression reflected on my twin’s face. My father might have treated me like garbage, but he was still our father. Our last parent. We are now effectively orphans.
Tears fill my eyes, but I refuse to let anymore fall, I have cried enough in the past week for an army of girls. I’m starting to think coming to this school was a bad idea, it's turning me into a bit of a cry baby. Being surrounded with people who care about me is making me soft.
Taking a deep breath in and letting it out slowly, I try to get control over my chaotic thoughts. After a few more slow, even breaths, I try to switch my thoughts from the death of my father to happier things—like taking down the bastard that killed him. I continue to look upwards, blinking away the tears until my eyes are dry. The build-up of emotion subsides, and I let out a long, slow breath of relief. My muscles let up and the weight on my chest lifts, making me feel lighter.
Feeling more calm and collected, I push up from the bed, swinging my legs over the edge and standing up. I look around Julian’s room for my clothes before remembering that though I’ve been staying in his room for a week while we organised the arrangements for the funeral, I never brought my clothes over from my room. The principal had given us the week of classes off to give us time to mourn our father and make arrangements. After one day of trying to help with the funeral arrangements, and many tears we handed over the duties. Neither of us were in a good enough emotional state to make sure it was all perfect so instead we left it to the staff who know what they are doing, now all we have to do is attend the funeral. A funeral with no body, as the guards still haven’t found his body. The ever-present ache in my chest squeezes at the reminder and I shove the thoughts to the back of my mind. Today is the day of the funeral and I need to get up and get ready.
Finding my clothes from my Alec encounter still in a pile in the bathroom where I left them, I cringe at the thought of having to put them back on. It makes me want to cry all over again, so I decide to leave them where they are. It’s not like I really need them right this minute, anyway; and I know where they are if I do need them.
“I’ll meet you at the car,” Julian reassures, and I nod my head once to acknowledge him. Giving my twin a tight squeeze goodbye, I make my way back across campus to my own dorm. Not caring one bit that I am walking around the school in baggy clothes, high royal standards be damned. I have no one left to impress, besides who’s going to get angry at me? My father? He can’t. Tears fall freely down my cheeks.
As I’m about to pass the dining hall, Alec comes around the corner from the opposite direction, hair standing on end as though he has been running his hands through it repeatedly. He stops short when he sees me coming from the direction of the boys’ dorms. His gaze sweeps lazily over me, head to toe, before snapping back up to meet my eyes. A flash of anger or maybe jealousy flickers in the depths of his eyes as he takes in my current men’s attire. The baggy shirt and pants are way too big, making it obvious that they don’t belong to me.
Blue flames ripple across his hair, front to back, before quickly returning to its usual vibrant red. Oh, he’s pissed. I internally laugh as glee fills me to the brim, knowing he’s jealous. Does that make me weird? Who cares, I've openly admitted I'm in love with this asshole, so I guess being happy about him being jealous is normal.
His arrogant asshole mask snaps back into place over his face, and I momentarily wonder if the blue flame had been real or if I had been seeing things. Was I imagining it because I wanted him to be jealous at the idea of another man touching me? Or is he just angry that I’m walking around in another man's clothing? Why would that anger him? He’s made it quite clear that he’s moved on so, why can’t I? I seethe at the memory of Brianna in his room. I owe him nothing!
I open my mouth in an attempt to make a comment about being a hypocrite, but he glares daggers at me, and my mouth snaps shut. He has perfected the glare, that's for sure. Thank the gods his power does not allow him to burn people where they stand with his eyes or I’d be on fire. With a final look, he yanks the door open, slamming it closed before I can say anything. I stand there blinking at the closed door in shock. My heart clenches and I take a step in the direction of the door when the memory of Brianna in his room last week has me grinding my teeth. Screw him, I did nothing wrong and I don’t owe him any explanations. He was more than happy to sleep with Brianna, so why should I care if he thinks I slept with some other guy. I hope it fills him with a jealous rage at the thought of me sleeping with another man. Serves him right for being an ass. Rolling my shoulders back, I stand tall as I march myself past the doors, head held high, and continue on to my room. Fuck him!
Making it back to my dorm, I try to sneak back into my room before Rose notices me missing, only to find all my friends standing there waiting for me. Shit! I’m totally busted. As the door clicks shut behind me, four sets of eyes snap in my direction. I try to give them my most innocent smile, hands clutched behind my back.
“And where the hell have you been?” Rose asks angrily, crossing her arms over her chest, “We've been frantically searching for you for weeks.” She practically growls at me.
“I was with Julian,” I respond, my eyes watching the ground as I play with the hem of my shirt. “I couldn't sleep after the whole Alec thing, so I went for a walk and found myself at his door.” Tears brim in my eyes, but I blink them away, “She was there.” I say hoarsely as my throat constricts.
Meeting Rose’s eyes, I watch as her face scrunches up in confusion before it falls when she realises what I’m talking about.
“Oh babe, I’m sorry.” She rushes over and pulls me into a tight hug.
“I can’t right now,” I say, and she nods in understanding stepping back and holding me at arm’s length.
“Go get dressed and we’ll meet you back here. We’ll all go together to the castle for the funeral, okay?” Georgia says.
I nod and smile weakly at my friends before heading off to get ready. Rose smacks me playfully on the ass as she lets me go and my lips twitch with a smile. The girls all disperse to get changed and I head for the safety of my shower, even if it is only a short reprieve.
In the safety of my bathroom, I allow myself to just stand under the warm water as it cascades over me, dripping down my face and washing away the salty tear stains on my face. I allow myself a moment of weakness and go numb. Once I get out of the shower, I need to put on my big girl panties and face the world. My people will be in attendance today in support of their beloved king. Julian and I need to keep up a front of being in control if we don’t want to lose our home as well as the last of our family. Hell, or highwater, we are going to expose the asshole who killed my father today and get to the bottom of why he is targeting our family. There has to be more to it than us ruling the largest country of Keladia. I’m not going to lose my twin. I have already lost too much.
Towelling off, I set about doing my makeup, so that when we get to the castle, all I have to do is get dressed and have Emily do my hair. No matter how damn hard or often I try, I just can't get it to do what she can. The woman is a genius when it comes to hair. Applying some blush to the apples of my cheeks to give myself some colour, I step back and inspect myself in the mirror. I nod once to myself, satisfied with the outcome. After a week of looking like the walking dead I finally look like I have some life. I was sporting a more natural laid-back look than the usual overly done up ones my father usually insists on. Oh, and waterproof mascara, I was not making that mistake again. The last thing I needed was pictures in the press with big black panda eyes. They’d have a field day with that.
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly as I prepare myself to leave my safe little bubble. I can do this! I have to do this! Chucking on a plain dark blue knee-length dress, not feeling any of the brighter blue ones, I leave my room head held high. I’m still shocked that they pulled everything together so quickly, but apparently our father had things in place for such events. Honestly with how anal he could be about things being perfect I’m not surprised. After mother’s death and how much it took out of him, I think in his own way wanted to spare us some of that pain.
∞∞∞
The girls kept to their word and are all waiting for me when I walk out of my room. Each of them all made up, except for their outfits, as the dresses they will be wearing are waiting for them at the castle. Emily had called to ask about the girls being fitted for deep blue dresses to represent the family for the funeral. Of course, I had approved, thankful that Emily thought about it. I wouldn't have and Julian probably wouldn’t have either. As a group we make our way to the front courtyard of the academy, not running into a single person which is strange for such a large school. I would bet everything I owned that Principal Saunders had something to do with it, and I was beyond grateful. I don't think I could have faced Brianna right now and not punched her in the face. The bitch had it coming, and I wasn’t in the mood to brush off her insults. Something that, outside of battle class, could get me expelled, but would feel so good.
When we make it out to the car, Julian is waiting for us, leaning lazily up against the boot. Seeing him standing there so relaxed you wouldn't pick him for a prince. He looks like an ordinary, albeit sad, teenager just waiting around for his sister and her friends. His lips are turned down in a frown and despite his attempt at covering it with makeup I can see the red rimming his eyes. Not meaning to, I find myself looking around for my mages. Expecting them to be standing off to the side looking pissed at being forced to follow me to the funeral.
Meeting Julian’s eyes, he shakes his head slightly, telling me without words that they aren't here. I feel myself deflate as I realise, I had been hoping that despite being upset with me, they would be here for me. I know they aren't talking to me, but I thought they would have still come to the funeral, even if it was simply to pretend to have a united front. They came before, albeit unhappily. Guess that was too much to hope for. Shrugging it off, I slip into the limo and look out the far window as the others file in after me.
∞∞∞
Pulling up to the castle, we’re greeted by more guards than usual as they descend upon the car. Julian and I are pulled away from the group as soon as we step out and surrounded. My friends are all checked to make sure no one has anything on them that can harm me or Julian. Once they’re cleared and deemed safe, we are all finally allowed to head inside. I have to stop myself from reminding the guards that elves have the ability to conjure weapons from magic. We really don’t need them on higher alert around my friends. It’s strange seeing so many guards, but when you are the last of your line, I guess it makes sense. Especially since someone is out there clearly targeting my family and well since we are now the rulers of Fardorwen. A role I had hoped to take over slowly and under better circumstances.
When we finally step inside, the castle feels colder, with an eerie atmosphere as we walk through the doors. The usual sound of my father greeting Julian, while ignoring me, is odd and I find myself missing it. Even if he only ever made me feel unwanted, I miss his booming voice. It makes coming home feel so surreal and less home, like stepping into an abandoned home with all the life drained out of it.
I fist my hands in the skirts of my dress as I try to keep it together. The servants run back and forth paying us no heed, dressed head to toe in black, as they get everything ready for the wake. I trip on my own feet as a lump forms in my throat and tears well in my eyes. Julian grabs my hand, untangling it from my skirts and giving it a squeeze. Together we offer each other comfort as we take a moment to take everything in. A moment to get our emotions in check before separating.
All the flowers have all been switched out for blue roses to represent the family with matching garlands twirling up the banisters. It’s the same set up to how our father would have it set up for parties. This time, however, it’s to say goodbye. A lone tear rolls down my cheek as I realise that our birthday was the last party, we would ever have with him. I shouldn’t have started an argument with him over a dress. It seems so silly now. I wish I hadn’t taken him for granted, even if I did hate those parties.
Julian shakily pulls out a blue hankie from the breast pocket of his jacket and handing it to me. I dab away at the tear, trying not to mess up my carefully applied makeup any further.
Screwing up the blue hankie in my hand, I take a deep breath. I smile over at my twin, to let him know I’m okay now and he returns a sad smile of his own. There are tears on his cheeks too and I wipe them away with the hankie. With a final squeeze of my hand, he lets go and Rose steps up, linking her arm through mine. Ricky and Carlie step up to walk with Julian to his room. I pause not remembering them with us in the limo.
“We came in a car after you guys.” Carlie answers my confused expression and I nod in acknowledgement.
One by one, my friends step forward and fan out around us. Together we make our way up the stairs and towards my wing of the castle to get changed. The girls break off one at a time, as they take the same rooms as they had when getting ready for my party.
Too soon, I am left all alone as I walk the rest of the way to my room. How can it be that only a short while ago we were all here celebrating our birthday and now, we’re attending a funeral? Pushing the doors open, I step into the room I had grown up in. My sanctuary when I needed to hide from Father’s wrath after being caught using my powers. Walking in now feels different though, almost like stepping into someone else's room. The once familiar furniture now feels foreign to me. My bedroom at the academy, while smaller, feels more like home.
My eyes sweep across the room and I notice a red box sitting in the middle of my bed. I wonder who left that there? Is it a birthday present that I missed last time I was here? Approaching the box, I gingerly lift it from the bed as I check all sides for any indication of who it is from. It can’t be from Dad because it's not blue. He really had a thing about sticking to the family colours and making everything blue. He was almost anal when it came to the family’s colours, we even had blue underwear, like come on.
Sitting down on the bed, I fold my legs up under myself as I get comfortable and place the box in my lap, lifting the lid. Fear and revolution shoot down my spine, as a cold sweat breaks out over my whole body at the sight of its contents. I'm frozen to the spot, looking down into the box unable to make myself look away. This can’t be real. How the hell did this get here, and what does it mean? My heart speeds up the longer I stare.
It can’t be!
No!
With a shriek, I throw the box across the room and fall to the bed as I begin to weep.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Lilliana
Guards rush into my room, weapons drawn, ready to take down the threat. I startle, sitting up quickly on the bed, not having realised there were so many guards standing at the ready outside my door. Usually, Father was the one with a bigger collection of guards. Once again, I am reminded that he isn't here and that is why I have more guards. Pushing down the swell of emotion that thought brings up, I point over to the box that's upside down on the floor, unable to speak.
