Second Chances, page 18
“That’s the problem with science. These kids in school end up having to unlearn what they think they know about it and relearn it correctly. I guess you never took the trouble.”
Carol turned toward me. “How is the shelter getting on?”
“We’re full up and still have women asking for space, as always. I just don’t know what we’re going to do. There’s no room to expand and more and more women are finding it hard to get in a shelter. We had a couple of incidents recently that brought the police in.”
“Anything serious?” asked Alan.
“As it turned out, no. It could have been, though.”
“Your shelter always seems to be full,” said Carol. “Are they all full?”
“For the most part, yes. My boss has been trying to negotiate with local building owners to let us use their buildings as annexes.”
“Can you do that?” asked Alan.
“Well, we’re trying. We haven’t met any roadblocks yet, except the owners’ concerns about liability. Our attorney is looking into what we can do about that.”
“It sounds complicated,” Carol said. “Any time an attorney is involved, it gets complicated.”
A momentary lull filled the room.
“Well,” I said, “anybody hungry?”
“As a matter of fact,” Alan said, draining his glass. “I’m starving. The food at the conference sucked.”
“How about ordering in a pizza?” Carol offered.
“Great idea,” agreed Alan.
“Pizza it is. Any preference?”
“I’d go for the works,” said Alan.
“That would be okay with me,” said Carol.
I made the call.
“By the way, Alan, I wanted to ask you.”
“What?”
“Oh, another drink?”
“Damned right.”
I poured the Scotch and set it in front of him. “How many times did you move while you were in the army?”
He took a good sip. “Well, in the army, there was the move to Fort Belvoir, Virginia, then to Fort Wolters, Texas, then Fort Rucker, Alabama, then back home. Vietnam really wasn’t a move. More of a pain in the ass. Then back home, again. After that, I went to Ponca City.”
“How did you move all of your stuff?”
“Well, hell. In my car.”
“You must not have had much.”
“I didn’t.”
“I guess that wouldn’t have been so bad, then.”
Carol asked, “Where did you get all of the things you had when we married? I mean, you didn’t have that much, but it seemed like a lot at the time. I didn’t have much of anything.”
Alan shrugged his shoulders. “I bought it.”
Carol was still curious.
“You had that little station wagon?”
“Yeah,”
“Is that what you had before the MG? I know all of your things wouldn’t have fit into that little thing.”
“Oh, well, I didn’t have the MG until I got back from Vietnam and moved to Ponca City to work on the dam. I had this Rambler American station wagon. A sixty-four, flat head four-banger piece of shit. One of Dad’s cheap finds.”
“You had that pink Rambler before that?” Carol asked.
“Yeah. It used to be Dennis’ until he went into the army, then I inherited it when I started college. God, I hated that thing. Me, with a pink car. At college I was the laughing stock of the dorm. By the time I went into the army, it was getting old and Dad thought I needed a different car.”
“So, the pink one was your first car?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s when Dennis got the red Plymouth?”
“Yeah,” Alan said, “he was kind of hell on cars.”
“He didn’t take care of them?” Carol asked.
“Oh, he tried. He maintained them. He just wrecked two of them. I think he did pretty good until he got the big head when he went to work for that big bank In Texas.”
“Well,” Carol said to me, “I remember you complaining to Dennis about working on cars. You were having a fit about having to change oil in the Jeep.”
“Yes, and Dennis told me, ‘Hell, I have it done. I’m too important to bother with working on cars.’”
I couldn’t help but laugh. That was so Dennis. He always wanted to be Mr. Big.
“Sue,” Carol said, “have you heard any updates on Dennis?”
“As a matter of fact, yes. Dennis actually called me last week.”
They both looked so surprised.
“He said he was recovering really well. His medications are working, and his doctor is happy with all of it.”
“Is he able to get out at all?”
“Oh, yes.” I paused a bit. “Let me tell you about that.”
Alan suddenly perked up and looked at me.
“Jackie took him to his doctor’s appointment and on the way back, a car rear-ended them.”
“Oh, my god!” Carol said. “Was anyone hurt?”
“No, but the rear bumper was damaged.”
“That’s going to cost a bit,” said Alan.
“Dennis said it was a ‘goddamn Mexican’ who hit them. He said the guy backed up and took off, waving at them and smiling.”
“No shit?” said Alan.
“Yes, and when he called the police to report it, they kind of waved him off. Told him that kind of thing happened all the time. The guy probably didn’t have a driver’s license and no insurance. It wouldn’t be worth their time to look into it. He said he should just file with his own insurance company.”
Alan smirked. “Boy, that’s a crock.”
“Then Dennis said, ‘Damned Mexican trash, they ought to send them all back to Mexico.’”
Alan let out a huff. “Well, so much for his better man shit.”
I really couldn’t argue with that.
“So,” Carol said, “I guess he’s doing all right, then?”
I drained my wine glass. “Yes, he seems to be. I talked to Jackie for a few minutes. She seems really excited for him.”
The doorbell rang. I jumped up. “Ah, the pizza is here.”
I saw Alan reaching for his wallet.
“I’ve got it, Alan. You can buy dinner next time we get together.”
“Deal. Let’s eat.”
I opened the box and we all grabbed for a slice. It didn’t take long to devour it all.
“You know,” I said, “Dennis also told me he wanted us all to get together at his house. I’m not sure if he was feeling guilty about something or if he was serious about changing things between us.”
Alan sat motionless, the near empty glass of Scotch in his hand, a question on his face. Carol seemed to brighten a bit and looked at me, I guess, hopeful.
“I imagine he’ll call you, Alan. When he does, I hope you take time to listen to what he has to say.”
He put his glass down on the table.
“Huh.” He sat back. “He really said that?”
“Yeah. I think he was really serious.”
“I will look forward to that,” said Carol. “I mean, I’ve never been too…well, I always thought Dennis was a bit much. But I hope we can get together.”
A bright spot had just opened in my life, and I suspected in Alan’s, too. It was time for our family to get over ourselves and move on. Each of us needed a change. A way to look at what we could be and not what we had become.
I looked forward to the reunion. I knew Alan would be receptive and I had every hope that the two of them could come to terms with their differences. What was left of our family was in tatters. I could only do so much to keep it patched together. It was as if neither Dennis nor Alan wanted to do anything about it. Dennis was just Dennis. He wasn’t going to change. Alan was…well, not quite the Alan I grew up with. Vietnam had changed him so much, not to the point of being a completely different person, but enough to know that he saw things differently now than he used to. I wasn’t sure that any change in our family was in his nature, either. He seemed hardened, skeptical, vengeful. I didn’t know how to deal with that. It was sweet anticipation.
REUNION
January 2006
Several months had passed since Alan’s visit. We were both busy with our jobs and Dennis and Jackie were working on his rehabilitation. He hadn’t been able to return to work, but he had taken classes at the local vo-tech school in computer programming. He believed he could use those skills to earn some income. They were doing okay with Jackie’s new job at the local community college and the future was promising.
Tuesday, I had just gotten home from work. It had been a bitch of a day. Two women at the center got into a catfight over a bottle of Diet Coke. We finally had to call the police before it spread to other areas of the building. They were carted away with scratches and bruises and such profane language even I was repulsed. Then another pair of policemen came and arrested one of our clients for shoplifting. Her kids were taken as well, I suppose to be assigned to Child Protective Services. We all just wanted to die.
The Scotch was calming my nerves as the light from the large widow across the room was fading into a dull, lifeless gray that seemed to instill death throes on the world outside. It seemed like this winter would be another depressing one. The atmosphere inside my apartment was little better. I thought about turning on a light, but somehow, I relished the empty and dispassionate feeling that coursed through my body.
After I had finished the glass of Scotch, I felt nothing. Nothing at all. There should have been bliss, freedom, harmony, but I wasn’t aware of it. There might have been sadness, but I didn’t feel that either. I breathed in deeply, savoring the fullness of my lungs, the captured stale air somehow comforting me. I happened to look up at the picture on the wall. The one of Alan, Dennis and me at a family Christmas from when I was ten. What a grand time that was in Milton. I was so happy, then. We all were, except Dad. And maybe, Mom. And Alan was happy, most of the time. Those were trying times for the folks, but we kids were so carefree, oblivious to whatever burdens had befallen our parents. Except for not buying a bunch of things we wanted, the folks never put their worries on us. They harbored them all, even to the point of near despair. Alan and Dennis had not yet regressed to warfare, and I had a lot of friends to occupy my time.
But something had happened to us. Where had all of that familial togetherness gone? The distance between us seemed to grow farther every year. Except for calls between Alan and me, I hardly hear anything from my family. Dennis never called. He has never called. Well, one time after his surgery. I visited him once. He has never visited me. That’s why when the phone rang, the call I got from Dennis was so surprising. It had been nearly eight months since I’d seen him.
“Hi, big brother,” I said, with a bit of cheer. I was glad to get the call, to hear his voice, but I waited for the bomb to fall. “What’s going on in your world?”
“Hey, Sis.”
He sounded hesitant, as if he wished he hadn’t called.
“Listen, you remember our talk?”
“When, last April? We haven’t had that many.”
“Yeah, that would be about right. You remember I mentioned getting together this Christmas?”
“Yes, I remember. Are you having second thoughts?”
“No, no. I’ve been thinking about our last get together. You know, the one where Alan and me got into it. I mentioned it last time we talked.”
“Yes, something like that is hard to forget.”
“Look, I know I acted like an ass. We both kind of said things that we shouldn’t have.”
I waited through a pause, wondering if he was drunk or overcome with another illness.
“Anyway, I wanted you to know that I called Alan and we talked.”
Another pause. The surprise interrupted my mind, and I began to think that maybe he was serious.
“We apologized and I think we’re good. We still want to get together this Christmas.”
My mind stopped for a moment. First, Dennis calls me, then says he called Alan, then he says he still wants to get together. I was confused and elated. To have us all together again would be fantastic.
“Sue?”
“Yeah, Dennis, I’m here.”
What else could I say?
“Sure. I’d love to get together again. When and where?”
“How about the Saturday before Christmas? At my house.?”
“Okay. I’ll make plans to get to Okemah.”
“Oh, Sue?”
“Yeah?”
“You don’t know. We’ve moved to Oklahoma City.”
“What? When?”
“A couple of months ago. It’s closer to my doctors and we have a nicer house.”
So, you sold the house in Okemah?”
“Yeah. I got rid of that RV and we used some of Dad’s money to put in on a house. I’ll send you the address.”
After Dad had died just before Dennis had his heart attack, Alan had worked his ass off getting probate taken care of and tracking down all of the investments. Then he got the taxes filed. That all took about six months. When Alan began distributing the funds, Dennis bought a huge RV. Just like him to squander his money. Couldn’t wait to spend it. At least now he had sense enough to get into a decent house.
“Dennis, I’m so happy for you. How is Jackie?”
“She’s loving it. She’s working as an insurance transcriber for the hospital. Making good money.”
“How about Brent and Becky?”
“Brent has a job with a telephone company. He does new installations. And Becky is with an advertising company. They’re both doing fine.”
“Well, it sounds like things are coming together for you.”
“Yeah, they are. So you’ll come?”
“I wouldn’t miss it. It will be good to see you guys again.”
“Brent and Becky won’t be able to come until Christmas Day.”
“That’s a shame. I would like to have seen them.”
“Yeah, sorry. They’re both working that weekend.”
“Well, I’ll look forward to seeing you guys.”
“Okay. Thanks, Sis.”
I knew that I heard Dennis say what he did, but my brain had difficulty registering that as reality. Maybe he really was a new man. If that was the case, this reunion could be one for the record books. No more battles. No more anxiety. Oh, I knew Dennis would anger easily, but he would never stay mad for long. His temper was like a dust devil, stirring up a small storm for a bit then disappearing in the wind. I was glad that he had called with the invitation, but at the same time, I wasn’t sure what would be waiting in Oklahoma City. And why not meet on Christmas Day?
I immediately called Alan.
“Sue. What’s up?”
“Alan, did Dennis call you recently?”
“Oh, did he call you, too?”
“Yes. I just talked to him.”
“Yeah,” Alan said, a tone of surprise in his voice. “You were right. He wants to get together this Christmas.”
We both let that sink in for a moment.
“So, what do you think?” I asked.
“Well, he did apologize. And I apologized to him. I know we both got carried away. He didn’t really deserve all those things I said. So, yeah. We’ll be there. I hope you can make it, too.”
I was almost shocked to hear Alan say what he had. Maybe there was hope for them, yet.
“Okay,” I said. “I’ll make plans to be there. Dennis said he’d moved. He said he’d send me his new address. I can’t wait to see their house. God, it’s got to be better than that rat trap they had.”
“I’m guessing he still had some of the inheritance left. Maybe he got rid of that stupid trailer. I don’t see much hope of them using it, now.”
“He did say he sold it. Let’s just hope that a lot of things have changed.”
I heard Carol in the background asking him about the shelter.
“So,” he said, “how’s the shelter doing this winter?”
I looked up at the murky environment inside the apartment. It suddenly didn’t look quite so depressing. Anticipation always brightens my day.
“There were some altercations, today. A couple of residents got arrested. It’s busy as hell. There’s been a big increase in domestic violence, here in Dallas. Not sure what it is, but we’re full up and still getting women in looking for help, like always. We’ve had to double up on rooms and we’re about at our limit. I don’t know what we can do after that.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, Sue. Isn’t there any other agency that can help?”
“Well, there’s always the Salvation Army and several other homeless shelters around town. But they aren’t secure. It would be better than nothing. At least other people would be around.”
“I don’t suppose there’s anything I can do to help?”
“No, Alan. There’s absolutely nothing you can do except make a donation to our cause. But I wouldn’t ask you to do that.”
“Damn, Sis. It sounds like you’re in a real pickle.”
“We’re trying to get more funding from the city, but that will take months or years. We’ve also applied for other grants. We’ll just have to weather the storm. It can’t last forever.”
****
It would have been nice to be at Alan’s for Christmas, but the thought of being with both brothers was undeniably preferable. If they both were committed to reconciling their differences, then I couldn’t do anything to jeopardize that.
I made plans to drive the four hours to Oklahoma City. I could think about how I would handle what might happen. Optimism. That’s what I had to keep in mind.
****
It was suddenly December, the weekend before Christmas. I was on my way to Oklahoma City, a long early morning drive, but worth the trouble to see both of my brothers.
The red brick house stood out from the painted houses along the block, large trees filtering the low winter sun through their spiny branches. A nice house. Neat and trim. Alan’s Jeep was in the driveway. I pulled in beside it in front of the two-car garage.
Jackie was out of the door to welcome me before I even got out of my car.
“Sue,” she yelled. “It’s so good to see you. Did you have any trouble on the way?”
I shut my door and opened the trunk to extract the presents I had brought.
