Endgame, page 34
Troy beckoned with one hand while he made a fist with the other, and I was sure I wasn’t the only one who noticed. Only the suicidal would’ve taken him up on that offer. He was beyond incensed now. He looked like he was ready, willing and able to hand someone their head. The crowd melted away like sugar crystals in hot coffee until it was just him and me left in the corridor. We were both going to catch hell for being late to our next lesson, but so be it. Troy bent to pick up my books. I crouched down to help.
‘Thanks,’ I said, my cheeks flaming.
‘Don’t thank me.’ Troy frowned. ‘You’re family. That lot are just arseholes.’
He handed me my books, straightened up and walked off without another word. I stood in the hall, unable to move until my tears had stopped flowing.
Smiling at the memory, I lay down and pulled the duvet up to my neck. For the first time, I was part of a family. How much did I love that F-word!
Sunday breakfast was noisy. Music played in the background as Tobey and Callie dished up all the stuff they’d made – scrambled eggs, sausages, bacon, toast, beans, plantain, fishcakes, with a huge pot of coffee and a large carton of orange juice. We were all seated at the kitchen table, laughing and chatting. Thirstily, I drank it all in. Nana Meggie sat at the head of the table. Dad sat directly opposite me with Callie next to him and Troy at my side. Dad smiled while offering to fill my empty glass with orange juice. I couldn’t help my grin as I nodded. Here I was having breakfast with my dad and my new mum and I felt like a balloon filled to bursting point. Except what filled me up was … joy – unfamiliar and almost overwhelming. I had a proper family, including a dad who so obviously loved me. We spoke every day even when he was away from home. I finally belonged somewhere and there was nothing I wouldn’t do to hold on to what I now had. I turned to look at Troy. It only took him a few seconds before he realized what I was doing.
‘What?’ he said from beside me.
‘What what?’ I asked.
‘You’re staring at me,’ Troy frowned.
‘I’m just thinking how much I like having you as my brother.’
‘OK … I’m not sure where that came from, but OK,’ said Troy. ‘I’d say the same about you, but I’d be lying. Having one sister all up in my business was bad enough. Now I’ve got two nagging me and trying to tell me what to do.’
‘Because we care about you,’ I pointed out, trying to keep my voice even. But inside? Inside I was shrieking with delight. Wasn’t life funny? If anyone had told me six months ago that Troy and I would’ve become this close, that we’d actually have a brother-sister relationship, I would have gagged. Now I didn’t want to imagine my life any other way. There existed a few seconds every morning when I woke up drowning in dread that all this was just a sweet dream and my mum was waiting for me outside my old bedroom door. Those few seconds were always excruciating. But that’s all they were – a few seconds. There’d come a time when they didn’t exist at all.
‘Troy, d’you believe one person can make a real difference?’
‘Of course. I know that’s a fact.’
‘D’you think you and I could do that?’
‘Yes, if we really wanted to. Why?’ Troy frowned.
‘I’ve been thinking about it a lot since we left the basement,’ I admitted.
‘Thinking about what?’
‘The reason behind everything we went through.’
‘And you reckon you’ve figured it out?’ Troy asked.
Dad, Callie and Nana Meggie had stopped chatting to listen. My cheeks began to burn, but I wasn’t going to let that stop me. ‘Yeah, I do.’
‘Go on then. I’m listening.’
Nana Meggie smiled and gave my forearm an encouraging squeeze.
‘Maybe we’re here to make a positive difference, to leave this world a better place than when we entered it. Sometimes all it takes is a kind word or gesture or even a smile at the right time.’
Troy studied me. We were both remembering the basement. ‘Is that what you really believe?’
I nodded vigorously. ‘Otherwise, what’s the point? We live, we die, but nothing ever moves forward. Nothing ever changes.’
‘What was the purpose of my mum dying?’ Troy asked with a hint of bitterness.
Callie reached across the table, taking his hand in hers.
‘None,’ I replied. ‘But you’re asking the wrong question. There was a point and purpose to her life. All the things she went through, all the lives she touched – yours, Callie’s, my dad’s, Callum McGregor’s, Nana Meggie’s – all the people she met, whether or not they agreed with her life choices. She had an effect on them all, don’t you think?’
Troy considered this, then nodded. ‘Yeah. For definite.’ His smile was tinged with sadness, but it was still a smile.
‘Troy, your mum was someone special – everyone who knew her says so. I envy you that so much. Don’t you think that you get to choose your outlook? Your attitude? From what I’ve learned of your mum, she chose happiness and caring about others. She always looked outwards. Even when she was at her lowest, she chose to care about others before herself. That’s why she’ll always be remembered, and my mum won’t – eventually not even by me.’
‘Libby—’
‘No, it’s all right, Dad,’ I interrupted. ‘That chapter of my life is finished. I’m writing a new one now and I’m OK with that.’
‘Enough serious talk,’ said Nana Meggie.
We all smiled in agreement. Dad leaned towards Callie to give her yet another kiss, neither of them the least bit embarrassed. There was absolutely no shame in their game. Callie drew away slightly, her gaze strangely intent.
She sighed. ‘Libby’s right. Mum did choose to look outwards. It’s not a bad way to live.’
‘I’m enjoying what I’m looking at right now,’ Dad said with a wink.
‘Oh, for God’s sake,’ Troy muttered from beside me. For once I agreed. Mushy much?
Raising her hands, Callie traced the contours of Dad’s face with her fingertips – along his eyebrows, over his closed eyelids, down his nose, across his slightly smiling mouth. Callie explored his face like she was memorizing every line, every curve. It was as though she was seeing his face for the very first time. I don’t know about Troy, but I felt like a pervy voyeur. Dad opened his eyes, his smile widening.
‘I love you, Callie Rose,’ he said.
‘I know.’
‘Can you two please give it a rest?’ Troy begged. ‘You’re putting me off my breakfast.’
‘Leave them alone, Troy,’ Nana Meggie rebuked with a grin. ‘Wait till you fall in love!’
‘Never gonna happen,’ said Troy.
Dad and Callie both leaned forward on a simultaneous impulse, now kissing like they had only just discovered how to do it.
‘My eyes! My eyes!’ Troy complained
Nana Meggie winked at me. Inside I felt a rush of something I’d so rarely felt before. It was like bubbles rising in a shaken fizzy drink. From the first time I met her, Nana Meggie had made me feel like one of the family, like I belonged right where I was. She was so down to earth and funny and just plain lovely. No wonder Troy doted on her. She had lost so much but she still viewed the world with hope in her heart.
I looked round the table. For Shaka’s sake, Dad and Callie were still locking lips!
Troy inevitably gagged.
My senses on blissful overload, I drank in the sights and sounds around me like they were nectar. Now that I knew what it was to belong to a real family, there was no way I’d ever give it up.
I smiled at Troy. He shook his head, but smiled back before tucking into another fishcake. It would take a while, but we’d be OK – both of us. All of us.
Why? Because we were friends. We were family. We had each other. And, more important than all that, we had love.
And, when you got right down to it, nothing else mattered.
THE END
Acknowledgements
Well, here it is, the final book in the Noughts & Crosses series. It has been a bittersweet experience writing this one, knowing that there will be no others. It has taken over twenty-one years to produce six novels and three novellas all set within this world, a task that has been at times frustrating and painful, but also cathartic and rewarding. When I sat down to write the first book in the series, I had no idea how my story would be received. I had a certain story arc in mind – the lives of Callum, Sephy and their daughter Callie Rose – which I naïvely thought would fit into one book. When the first book was published and Callie had only just been born, after due consideration, I reckoned the story I had in mind would take three books to tell. It was definitely going to be a trilogy. But when Checkmate was written, Tobey Durbridge insisted I tell his story too and so the trilogy turned into four books. Real world events inspired what I thought would be a fifth and final novel, only for five books to turn into six! With the novellas, that’s a nine-book trilogy!
Writing novels is, by its nature, a solitary affair, but I didn’t do this alone. So I’d like to take this opportunity to thank all those who helped me over the years to bring the story of the Hadleys, the McGregors and the Durbridges to light and life.
This includes but is not limited to Ruth Knowles, Wendy Shakespeare, Jane Tait, Francesca Dow, Annie Eaton, Sue Cook, Philippa Dickinson and all the editorial staff – past and present – who have given so generously of their time and expertise and who have accompanied me on this journey.
Huge thanks to my agent Hilary Delamere for always having my back.
And thank you to all the production staff, art designers, marketing, PR and sales staff who worked on the production and promotion of the Noughts & Crosses series, with a special shout out to Harriet Venn and Lauren Hyett.
Thank you to Fruzsina Czech and Jan Bielecki for this latest iteration of striking book jackets and to all the other book-jacket artists and designers who have worked on Noughts & Crosses over the years.
Shout out to my husband Neil and our daughter Liz for the many, many cups of peppermint tea, the hours of plot discussions, and for putting up with my absences, moods, self-doubts, dithering and impatience. Thank you for leaving me to it when I needed to be alone with my work. Love you always and forever.
Much love to my mum and sister Wendy for always giving me your honest opinions. And for turning my books face out in every bookshop you visit.
And most of all thank you to all the readers who’ve come on this journey with me. You are the ones who have kept Callum and Sephy alive all these years. You are the ones who have inspired and encouraged me to continue. Each and every one of you is appreciated and cherished.
Much love to you all.
Malorie xx
THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING
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First published 2021
Text copyright © Oneta Malorie Blackman, 2021
The moral right of the author and illustrator has been asserted
Cover design and illustration by Fruzsina Czech
ISBN: 978-0-241-44400-9
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Malorie Blackman, Endgame
