The Heartbreaker of Echo Pass, page 20
She frowned. “Well, but then I won’t see you as much.”
“Iris, I don’t even have indoor plumbing, and you shouldn’t have to use an outhouse when we are together. I can rent a place in town if you don’t want anyone seeing my truck here, or I can park around the block, whatever you want. I don’t mind staying here with you, but it is up to you.”
“You can stay here with me.”
“Then I’ll do that.”
“I like your cabin,” she said. “There’s something magical about it. About... The way that it’s like we’re the only two people in the world up there.”
She looked away, as if embarrassed. As if she had realized that that flew in the face of what they’d just been talking about. Not being romantic and having connections, just sleeping together.
He understood, though, because he’d felt the same thing. There was magic between them up there, and maybe that was all the more reason to bring it down into the real world.
He’d told himself that last time they were together up there that there wasn’t a place for it here. But there could be. People did it all the time.
It was... A normal thing.
Two conflicting feelings hit him at the same time. Happiness, in a strange way. That he was considering something quite so normal. And a deeper emotion. Because nothing between him and Iris was half so basic as normal. There was something more to them. Something more to this. And up there on the mountain, he’d sensed it. Perfect moments. Perfect moments that stretched on and on, as long as he was holding her hand. As long as she was in his arms.
As long as he was in her body.
Looking into those beautiful eyes.
It was easy to get lost up there in his mind, on sun-drenched riverbanks, drunk on passion.
But they were standing down in town on Main. Talking about having an affair. And that was fine. That was fine.
“I just... I want to ask you something,” she said. “But I don’t want to overstep. I don’t want to cross the line.”
“I’m going to make a deal with you. This thing between us, whatever it is, no boundaries. If I ask you something, and it’s a no go, you just tell me that. We move on. You can ask me things, if I don’t feel like talking about it, I won’t. And then we just get back down to what it is we’re doing. You and me, we’re a safe zone. You’re learning how to be you, and I’m learning what it looks like to be human right about now. Not sure I know. So we’re going to make some mistakes. But I think we might both need someone we can trust that way.”
She nodded slowly. “Okay. So nothing is off-limits?”
“Nothing.”
“Well, I’m going to have to think long and hard about some things then, because I have some questions.”
“Other than the ones you were just going to ask me?”
“Yes. I have a serious thing to ask you. But when I’m done with that, I think I have some sex questions.”
He laughed, in spite of himself. In spite of the fact that this was a very strange experience, standing in a bakery, looking at the woman whose virginity he’d just taken a few nights ago, knowing that he was about to get asked something he probably wouldn’t want to answer, and being amused by her all at the same time.
“Great. Though, I warn you, I may want to answer with an example.”
“I’m fine with that,” she said. “Absolutely fine with it. I...” She sobered, her face going neutral. “Is it weird for you? I mean, in the sense that... You haven’t been with anyone since your wife.”
He shook his head. “No. I haven’t.” He thought about that, long and hard. He had chosen to marry Mel. Because he loved her. And he had loved her till the day she died. In many ways, he always would, because nothing had ever come between them in life. But she was gone, physically. Sometimes he might talk to her spirit, her memory, because that was part of him. But it wasn’t the same, and he knew it.
“I don’t quite know how to explain it. I loved her very much. She was amazing. And being with her changed me. But it’s not a problem to be with you, not in the way you mean. I wasn’t keeping vows. I think I’ve been dealing with something a little more complicated. How could I even want to feel that good when they can’t? When they’re not here. Even down to eating food that I enjoy.” He took a long, heavy breath. “But now I’ve done it. And I feel like... The world didn’t end. It’s not such a bad thing. But self-denial was easy when I didn’t have the appetite for any of it. And then you brought it back. So here we are. I’m not confused about whether or not you’re you, so we’re clear.”
He saw her shoulders sag slightly. “I thought you might have... I was a little bit afraid that you might be... Imagining someone else.” Her cheeks went scarlet. “And I feel horrible saying that. It feels invasive and like I don’t have a right... Like you would have every right...”
“Hell no,” he said. “Iris, if I’m sleeping with you, you have every right to expect that it’s you I’m thinking of. And I am. This is not... You don’t have to be my medicine. I want you. Because you’re you. Not to make myself feel better, not to make myself feel. You... You came first. I didn’t want sex, and you were convenient. I wanted you, and that’s why I was with you. Just so we’re clear.”
“Wow. I... I’m sorry. Here I am making speeches about things just being physical, and I’m being sensitive.”
“I don’t think there’s any way we can pretend there aren’t emotions in this. We have emotions. We’re people.”
She looked relieved by that. “Right. I... Maybe we are friends.”
He stared down at that beautiful face, and wanted to laugh. And he didn’t look at her and think friend. He didn’t look at her and think a single word at all. It was something that bloomed inside of him that he couldn’t quite articulate.
“Now, what are your sex questions?”
“I’m not sure I can ask them now.”
“Why not?” he asked.
“It’s inappropriate. We were being serious.”
“Sex is pretty serious.”
“I know. But asking about... Mechanics and things isn’t,” she said.
“I don’t know. It depends on what you’re confused about. There’s a definite possibility that it could get serious.”
“I’m not confused about anything, I just... I’m curious.”
“Hit me with your curiosity.”
“Is it always that good?”
His mind was blank. Of previous experience. And that did make him feel strange, because he’d spent a lot of years sleeping with the same person, and he knew that things between them had been good. But right now he couldn’t... He couldn’t compare the two things.
“What happened between us isn’t typical. Or normal. And I can’t say that I’ve ever felt anything like it.”
Honesty. He promised her that. And he wanted it from her. Because they needed to be able to talk to each other, mostly because there wasn’t anyone else he could talk to. And here she was, this woman he’d only known for a few weeks, who now had more of him than anyone else in his life. Who’d heard his whole story from beginning to end. Who he’d been inside. And he was the only man to ever be with her like that. They had fallen into an intimacy that was pretty deep and intense. And so... Honesty it was. Because what else was there?
“Oh.”
“When I was holding you, down in the river. I thought that was the closest thing to perfect the world could offer.”
“I thought that too,” she whispered. “But I thought maybe that was just sex.”
“No,” he said, his voice rough. “It wasn’t just sex.”
And that threw a wrench in the whole just sex conversation they’d just had. But then, his whole life had been destroyed, and now he was standing there, on the verge of figuring out how to make something from it. Not just hide away. And maybe it was all right if he didn’t have all the answers.
“Is there anything I can help you with here?”
“As a matter of fact,” she said. “There are a great many high things that I’m having trouble reaching.”
“Well, I’m happy to help with that.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
BY THE TIME they were finished, she was hungry. And more than ready for some kind of a break, and a snack. Baked goods weren’t going to cut it.
“Do you want to get something to eat?” She immediately wished that she could take it back, because she did wonder if it wasn’t good to ask him out. They could stay in. They could stay in and eat any one of her preprepared meals, but that’s what they’d been doing.
“Sure,” he said. “Want to go down to the saloon?”
She hadn’t expected that. But it did sound like a pretty good idea. She was at war with herself, though. Because if she went to the saloon, the odds were high that she would run into someone she knew. She might even run into a member of her family. On the other hand, plain Iris Daniels, walking into the Gold Valley Saloon with a man as good-looking as Griffin on her arm... Well, she did kind of like that. Because not only was Griffin handsome, he looked kind of dangerous, and that was a compelling thought. Her, being with someone dangerous. Talk about challenging the status quo.
“Yes. I would like that.”
“Great.”
They walked out of the bakery, and down the street. She wondered if he would hold her hand. But of course that didn’t mesh with what they were talking about doing with each other. That wasn’t friendship in one room, and making love in another. And that was sort of what it seemed like they were trying to do. Because he was right. It was great to have somebody to walk into this new phase of her life with. Somebody she could ask questions of. Somebody she could gain experience with, and who she could trust. And she did trust Griffin. And he needed... Well, he needed somebody right now too. A woman who wasn’t going to get needy on him. Because he had too much going on to have to put up with someone else’s emotions too.
They could need each other in the right ways.
And that would work. It would.
But she was ashamed to admit that she did wish that he would hold her hand, and as they walked, their hands not touching, she felt somewhat bereft.
Don’t be like that. You’re older, you know better. You’re not a sixteen-year-old girl. You don’t believe automatically that having slept with him means that you’re going to fall in love with him. And you don’t even want that.
She didn’t.
So she ignored the way that her knuckles burned as they hung so close to his during their walk. Ignored the fact that she did wish that he might take possessive hold of her as they did. That he might show the whole town that she was with him.
They walked into the Gold Valley Saloon, and he held the door open for her, and that did bring a flush of pleasure to her face.
She was disappointed to see that no one in her immediate circle was there. Laz was standing behind the bar, as always, his new wedding ring gleaming on his finger, and he smiled when she saw him.
Well, Laz would see her. So there was that. Griffin led the way over to the bar. “I’d like a beer. Whatever you have on tap.”
“Light or dark?” Laz asked.
“I don’t know. What do you recommend?”
“That’s a loaded question. We could stand here and talk about microbrews for quite some time.”
“No thanks,” Griffin said. “Just a beer. Hold the dissertation.”
She saw a flash of who he’d been. Charming. Personable. Light.
Laz shook his head. “Beer is pretty serious business.”
“I’ll have a soda,” Iris said.
“The lady will have a soda,” Griffin added.
“Will she? Okay then.” Laz looked between them with some interest, then went off to fulfill the requests.
The door opened, and Iris turned, and a sharp pang of glee hit her square in the stomach. Because there he was.
Elliott.
The khaki-wearing bane of the last few months of her existence.
The man that Rose had thought she should be with.
The man who had loved Rose instead of her, who had absolutely enraged her, because she hadn’t even liked him, and then he had gone and hurt her feelings. That man.
“Stand closer to me,” she hissed.
“What?” Griffin lifted a dark brow, his beautiful mouth turning down.
“Um, please stand next to me because the boring guy that my sister tried to set me up with just walked in, and the fact that I’m with you makes me giddy.”
“Iris,” he said. “Are you being petty?”
“I am. I’m being very petty. Down into my soul. But you are the most beautiful man that I have ever seen in my entire life, and knowing that Elliott will see me with you brings me great pleasure.”
His lips quirked upward into a smile then. “I’m beautiful?”
“Yeah, kind of like a sheer rock face. Hard and dangerous.”
“Craggy.”
“In a good way.”
He chuckled. And then, Laz returned with their drinks. Griffin lifted his glass, and clinked it against hers. “To your pettiness.”
Elliott saw her then, and looked at her, frowned, then looked away. But he didn’t come over.
Of course he didn’t, he never liked you.
“He didn’t like me,” she said. “He liked my sister. It was the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me.”
“Oh,” he said.
“Like I told you when we first met. That day we went horse riding. My sisters are... They’re really something else. I mean they’re both adventurous and energetic and...and I’m just... Me.”
“Just you has proven to be pretty miraculous for me.”
Suddenly, she felt flushed with pride. And it didn’t matter that Elliott had ignored her. She didn’t like him, so what did he matter? Sure, there was the way that her feelings had been agitated during that whole experience, but he didn’t matter.
Griffin did.
“I’m very glad to hear that.” She stretched up on her toes, and kissed his cheek.
His hand went to her hip, and the casual contact that she’d made with him became decidedly un-casual. She was suddenly heavy with need. She could feel a pull starting low in her midsection and dragging down even lower.
“Griffin...”
The door opened again, and in walked a collection of her worst nightmares.
Her brother-in-law, West, her future brother-in-law Logan, Rose and Pansy.
The only silver lining was that Ryder and Sammy weren’t with them. But honestly, of all the things, most of her family had to walk in. That was just annoying.
Is it? Or is it a little bit what you wanted...
She squirmed uncomfortably as that reality went home to roost.
All right. He was gorgeous, and showing him off was fun. And yeah, that was getting a little bit tangled. And she worried then, that she had thrown Griffin into something without giving him full warning about it. Because that wasn’t fair.
Logan, West and her sisters saw her, and then redirected, heading straight for the bar.
“That’s my family,” she said, smiling and speaking quickly to Griffin. He still had his hand on her hip. “And they’re coming this way.”
“Okay, which one of the guys is most likely to punch me out?”
“Neither of them are Ryder, so you’re good.”
“All right.” He pasted a smile on his face, and it was... A little bit rusty, but there was the ghost of something there she hadn’t seen before. She’d seen him smile, but she hadn’t seen him interact with other people. And the rustiness faded in a moment, and suddenly she could see...
Well, this was who he must have been.
The businessman who could work a room. He must have been that man at some time. He had a family, a mother and father, a sister. He’d fallen in love and gotten married. He had probably charmed his wife’s family, and he’d been a groom in a wedding.
He must have worn a tux, and said vows in front of a crowd. He would have smiled, and given a speech maybe.
For some reason all those images cut her deep, and filled her with hope all at the same time.
“Hi there, Iris,” Logan said. “I don’t believe we’ve met,” he said, directing that to Griffin.
“We haven’t,” he said, extending his right hand in order to shake Logan’s, but leaving his left on her hip. “I’m Griffin Chance.”
“I see. Logan Heath. I’m Iris’s brother-in-law.”
“Not quite yet,” Rose said, poking his ribs. “I’m Rose. I’m Iris’s sister.”
“Pansy,” Pansy said. “Same.” She was wearing her uniform, so she imagined that Griffin had probably guessed that.
“West Caldwell,” West said. “Brother-in-law.”
“Good to meet you.”
“Well, we’ve all met,” Iris said. “Griffin is my boss. My landlord.” She could not introduce him as her lover.
Logan’s gaze went straight to where Griffin’s hand was resting on her. “Obviously.”
“You all just out drinking tonight?”
“Indeed,” Rose said. “Sammy and Ryder have a bad case of parenting exhaustion. So they aren’t coming out.”
“Well, that’s too bad.”
“How’s the bakery going?” Pansy asked.
“Great.”
“So,” Logan said. “Griffin. Is it?”
“I think you know it is,” Iris said, narrowing her eyes.
“What is it you do?” He continued speaking as if Iris had said nothing.
“Why don’t you all order drinks,” Pansy said. “We’ll go get a table.” She grabbed hold of Iris, and dragged her away from Griffin and the bar. Griffin, for his part, looked entirely relaxed, but she had a feeling that was because he didn’t actually know what he was getting himself into. Her family was a whole thing. Then, so was Griffin.
