You're wrong there, thought James.

  'Not to mention I'm with you now. I told you before; I'm done with screwing around. Thought we'd got that clear.'

  'We did.'

  'Then why bring it up? What happened was a one-off. Like you with Tilly Copeland. I hardly even remember it. I bet Megan doesn't either. At least she never ended up pregnant, thank God. Not sure why she even bothered to mention it to you.'

  'It came up in conversation.' James paused. 'Struck me as a bit weird, seeing how you dated her sister for a while, fancied yourself in love with her.'

  Toby shook his head. 'I can see that might be strange for Megan and Chloe - God knows they've never got on - but not for you. One thing's for sure, although I don't hold any grudge towards Chloe, you couldn't pay me enough to get into bed with her again. I've learned my lesson with that one. Haven't seen her for ages, not since the meal at Greens. Until recently, that is.'

  Alarm bells sounded in James's head, telling him to back off, but the words came out anyway. 'You never said.'

  'I assumed it wasn't important.'

  'With someone like Chloe, it's always important. What did she want? She'll have been after something, that's for sure.'

  'Why do I get the impression this is turning into an interrogation? Do I have to account for all my movements, who I speak to, to you?'

  'No. Not if it's all above board.'

  'It was.'

  'So where did the two of you meet?'

  Toby sighed. 'Look. I bumped into her in the street, up in Clifton, after work. She'd been shopping. We talked, and then went our separate ways. I've not seen her since.'

  'That's it? She didn't have some angle, something she wanted?'

  Toby didn't reply and the certainty hit James of Toby holding something back. With Chloe Copeland involved, things were starting to smell bad. Really bad.

  Another sigh from Toby. 'I didn't tell you before because I thought you might react this way -'

  'I'm not reacting, as you put it. Hell, if all the two of you did was make polite chit-chat before going your separate ways, you'd have told me. I'm simply asking what Chloe Copeland wanted with you.' An idea struck him. 'Or what you wanted with her.'

  'What the hell is that supposed to mean? Not two minutes ago, I told you nothing could induce me to have anything to do with her. Jeez, James. I've told you enough times. I'm done with screwing around.'

  'You've still not told me what happened.'

  'If I tell you, will you get the hell off my case?' He'd not seen Toby this angry before. Icily cool, yes, but not like this. His face was flushed, fury pouring off him. James was two seconds away from losing the man but something inside him wouldn't rest until he'd forced the truth from him.

  'Depends.'

  'For fuck's sake. You'll get mad, but you asked, so I'll tell you. Screw you if you don't like what you hear. She came on to me, OK? Satisfied now?'

  Not by a long way, James thought. 'And you said no?'

  'Of course I did.' Toby stood up abruptly, ran his fingers through his hair, frustration seeping from every pore. 'Do you really think I'd cheat on you?'

  Silence met his question and it was his lack of response, James later realised, which sealed how it ended between him and Toby.

  'You do. With Chloe Copeland of all people. Shit, here we go again. Like when you accused me of banging my mate Steve.' The anger had gone now, the flat unemotional tone James had heard before replacing it.

  'No. No, I don't.' He edged closer but Toby backed off. 'It's just that Chloe - well, you know what she's like.'

  'You obviously have no idea what I'm like.'

  'Toby -'

  'I told you I wouldn't fuck around on you. I also made it clear I wouldn't stand being with someone who didn't trust me. What'll it be next, James? Am I supposed to ask permission before I go out, before I meet anyone?'

  'Of course not. I'm sorry -'

  'Yeah, well, that makes two of us. Seems whatever I say or do, you'll question my every move. I can't take it, James. I shouldn't have to, either.'

  Jeez. They were close to the brink, perhaps even over the edge.

  'Don't let Chloe Copeland come between us, Toby. That's exactly what the bitch wants.'

  'Don't you get it, James? Chloe's not the one breaking us up. You are.'

  'Toby, I've screwed up, I know, but -'

  'Yeah. You have.' Toby thrust James's jacket towards him. 'I made myself very clear. I warned you this possessive crap wouldn't wash with me. First Steve, now Megan and Chloe. I've had a bellyful of your shit. Get the fuck out of here, James. We're through.'

  28

  NINE WEEKS

  'You're looking well, Mum. Here's your tea.'

  Tilly felt well, too. The last few weeks were behind her now, her new medication regime finally kicking in. If only her unpredictable, beautiful, headstrong Chloe would visit her. Not that she blamed her for not coming. Chloe wouldn't like all the crazy people in here. Some of them were seriously damaged. The girl, fresh out of her teens, banging her forehead repeatedly against the wall, never speaking. The man who rocked back and forth all day, shouting endless obscenities. Compared to them, she considered herself normal, and yet, she wondered, how many of them had taken a cushion and tried to murder someone with it?

  'Thanks, love. The police have been here, though. Interviewing me again, now I'm on more of an even keel.'

  'That must have been hard for you.'

  'Not much I can tell them. What happened that night - it's all a blur in my head. Not sure if I'll ever really find out why I did it.'

  'Chloe told you Charlotte Matthews would be better off dead. That's why.' Unmistakable vitriol in Megan's voice.

  'Oh, dear, you mustn't think...she didn't mean it literally, Megan. I realise that now. Chloe can be a bit... well, you know how she is.'

  'Yeah. I do.' No lessening of the waspish tone, Tilly noted. 'Anyway, let's not talk about her. Mum, I found the photograph.'

  Tilly stayed silent, unsure how to respond.

  'And I told James about me.'

  Tilly supposed she must be over the worst of her psychotic episode. Only a short time before, knowing James Matthews had found out about his daughter would have sparked wild fantasies of the three of them together, plus Chloe of course, the solid family unit she'd always wanted. Now, reality, blunt and disappointing, took over, her main concern being: I hope he's not angry with me. For being so careless about contraception when we made love.

  'Came as a bit of a bombshell. Well, of course it did.'

  'He wasn't angry?'

  'Didn't say a great deal. I get the impression emotions don't come easily to him. You know what, though, Mum? I reckon he'll warm to the idea, in time. He called me this morning. We're having lunch together on Thursday.'

  Relief flooded Tilly. He wasn't angry. 'You're just like him. Especially the not showing your emotions bit.'

  'Yeah, well, like father, like daughter, so they say.'

  'It's not just that.' Tilly's mind spiralled back to that night at James's digs. 'What happened. So many similarities.'

  'Meaning what?'

  'Me having just the one night with James, yet carrying a torch for him ever since. You with Toby Turner. Same thing. Even down to having a baby.'

  Too late, she regretted her tactlessness. Alicia had always been a no-go topic of conversation for Megan. 'I'm sorry, love.'

  She watched as the tears glazed Megan's eyes. 'There's not a day goes by I don't wonder what she'd look like, how she'd be.'

  'Me too.' Tilly remembered her granddaughter, how Megan had adored her, despite not having ever told Toby she'd been pregnant, humiliation at being another notch on his bedpost preventing her. Toby, away in London at university and out of contact, had never known about his daughter's birth.

  Or her death, nine short weeks later.

  At one time, Tilly had worried Megan might not ever recover. For once, Tilly had been the stronger one mentally, in a break between episodes of depression. Her granddaughter, sweet little Alicia, had been born during the gap and Tilly adored her instantly. Megan needed all the support her mother had to give, what with being nineteen and a single mother. Stubborn pride prevented her from attempting to contact Toby Turner, away in London. Tilly rose to the challenge, attending antenatal classes, being there at the birth and doing everything possible to help afterwards. She'd even managed to zip her mouth shut - no mean feat - about Alicia on the rare occasions when she'd seen Toby since.

  Megan still lived at home when Alicia was born, of course. She'd moved out later. After that dreadful day.

  'It was an accident, dear.'

  'Do you think that makes it any better? It doesn't, Mum.' Tilly realised that, of course. But what was she supposed to say to someone who had birthed and lost a child within nine weeks? Nothing would ever heal Megan's wounds, the wonder being she hadn't buckled under the strain, gone the way of her mother. Takes after her father, she does, thought Tilly. Strong, not easily derailed, unlike me.

  'I know these things happen. To other people, though, not to me.'

  Megan wiped a stray tear away. Tilly's mind travelled back through the years to Megan's hysterical grief.

  'I've always felt bad about Pepper, Mum. It wasn't her fault, poor old thing.'

  'You must have hated me at the time for what I did.'

  'No. I couldn't think of anything other than...' A strangled sob. 'Alicia's death.'

  'That was why I did it. You were beside yourself, Megan. I decided it would be best if you didn't have any reminders around the house.'

  'I understand. It's just...well, you remember how much I loved Pepper. But you're right. I'd have found it unbearable to have her around afterwards.'

  Pepper. Her daughter's cat, adored by Megan, loathed by Chloe and tolerated by Tilly. Brought home from a rescue centre after much pleading from Megan. A cat which one day, whilst Megan had gone shopping and Tilly was supposed to be minding Alicia, climbed into the child's cot, seeking warmth. An animal with soft, plush fur, thick enough to smother the tiny baby on whom it went to sleep. A sleep not disturbed until Megan, rushing upstairs on her return to check her baby, screamed with the horror of what she'd found. The following day, Tilly took Pepper surreptitiously to the local vet, telling him, without needing to lie, the animal was eighteen years old. Then she added, not so truthfully, how it seemed in pain. Her daughter, however, was the one in pain.

  A very rare occurrence, they said at the inquest, but not one without precedence.

  Not that Megan had been there to hear the verdict. She'd had to defer her English degree at Bristol University. For weeks, she'd not even ventured out of bed, sleeping most of the time, hardly eating. When she did get up, she spent hours slumped on the sofa, staring into space. Her skin deteriorated into a lunar landscape of angry eruptions and her hair went unwashed for days. Her progress back to a state of being able to function again took months; Amy Hamilton, her only friend from school still around, tried to shake her from her depression but failed. Megan was too raw, too bruised. Too vulnerable to her sister's cruelty, leading to the one and only occasion when Tilly got angry with Chloe. Her younger daughter made a jibe about Alicia's death in front of Megan and ended up stunned into silence by the speed and fury of Tilly's comeback. Of course, Chloe hadn't meant to hurt her sister, but even so, she simply pushed the boundaries too far at times.

  One day Megan announced she couldn't live there anymore, saying the house held too many memories and how the time had come to move out. She'd rented a tiny bedsit and got herself a temporary job at Waitrose until the time came to resume her degree. Tilly had protested, Chloe not at all. She'd hardly ever spoken about Alicia's death with her elder daughter since.

  Megan sniffed. 'I should have put a net over the cot. Or shut my bedroom door to keep Pepper out.'

  'You can't blame yourself, dear. Either Chloe or I should have realised what might happen, made sure your door was shut.'

  Tilly realised the possible impact of her words the minute they left her mouth. Stupid, stupid, she berated herself. You promised Chloe you wouldn't say anything. Please, God, don't let Megan latch on to what I've said.

  For a long moment, the comment seemed to have gone unnoticed. Then Megan's mental light bulb lit up, her mind clicking into place.

  'Chloe? What do you mean, Chloe could have shut the door? She wasn't even there at the time.'

  Tilly didn't answer. When would she ever learn to control her tongue? Her youngest daughter had been right to ask her mother to lie for her, given Megan's antipathy towards her sister, but continuing to do so didn't seem a possibility.

  'She wasn't, was she, Mum? Both of you said Chloe had been out all morning. She left before I did. She certainly wasn't there when I found...' Her voice trailed off.

  'You're right, dear, not when you found Pepper asleep on Alicia...'

  'I'm talking about before, Mum. Was Chloe there with you that morning?'

  'She was in the house, yes. I wasn't.' Best to admit everything; leave nothing out, although Tilly knew exactly the way Megan's mind would jump.

  'You weren't with Alicia? Mum, what the hell do you mean?'

  'I spent a lot of that morning outside in the garden, dear. Talking with Mrs Lucas next door whilst hanging out the washing. I was around, just not in the house.'

  'And Chloe? What about her? When I left to go shopping, she'd already gone out.'

  'You're right. She went out just before you did. Thing was, she came home not long afterwards. That's why I went into the garden, because Chloe was there with Alicia.'

  'Yeah, sure. Like she ever bothered to lift a finger for my baby.'

  'She spent most of the morning in her bedroom. Then I asked her to go get some milk, which she did. Right before you got back and found Alicia dead. We didn't realise anything was wrong then, of course.'

  'So why did both of you say Chloe was out of the house all morning when Pepper smothered my baby?'

  'It seemed best, dear.'

  'Why, exactly?'

  'Chloe's so sensitive at times, dear, so caring, even though you don't give her credit for it. She came home with the milk, found you hysterical, the ambulance crew here, me in shock. She talked to me later, pleaded with me to say she'd been out all morning. She was only fifteen, Megan, and scared.'

  'Of what, exactly? Why lie? Why pretend she wasn't there, if she was? That's the bit I don't get.'

  'Because she started worrying you'd believe - if you knew she'd been at home and I was occupied elsewhere - she'd somehow been responsible. Even though she wasn't, of course. You've always thought the worst of her, dear. You've got to admit that.'

  'Responsible? For what? It was an accident, they said at the inquest. My bedroom door left open, Pepper wanting somewhere warm to sleep. Nobody to blame.'

  'Of course not, dear. But Chloe was worried you'd somehow accuse her. She saw you falling to pieces and didn't want you having a go at her. I must say, Megan, it did seem the right thing to do at the time. A tiny white lie, to save everybody more grief.'

  'To save herself, more like. Got any more bombshells you intend to drop, Mum? Last time I visited, you told me my father was the husband of the woman you tried to kill. Now I find out things didn't happen the way I've been told with my baby's death. Plus it seems as though at every turn Chloe knows more about my life than I do. So tell me, Mum. What else are you hiding?'

  'Nothing. I swear, Megan. I did wrong in not telling you before about your father, I admit that. As for what happened with Alicia -' Tilly spread her hands in a request for forgiveness. 'I meant well. So did Chloe.'

  'Yeah, right. When does she ever?'

  29

  CONFIRMATION

  Back in my flat, I attempted to process what Mum had said, my brain a mess.

  Chloe had been at our house the morning Pepper suffocated my baby. Both she and my mother had lied about the fact.

  Oh, their reason seemed logical enough at first glance. By the time Alicia was born, my antipathy towards my half-sister was well marked and no secret. I had a long history in blaming Chloe whenever things went pear-shaped for me. Usually I wasn't wrong.

  Alicia had been suffocated, though. Something far more serious than Chloe neglecting to pass on phone messages or eating the last of my yoghurt. My child had died, smothered by my own cat, the sight of Pepper's thick fur piled on my baby's face forever branded on my brain.

  Alicia, the product of the one and only time I'd ever thought I stood a chance with Toby. A child despised by Chloe, even more than she loathed Pepper. What Chloe wanted, she inevitably got. Would it be too far out of whack to suspect the two might be connected?

  Chloe, first a sulky fourteen-year-old, fifteen by the time I gave birth, hadn't taken much notice of me during my pregnancy. Other than to make caustic remarks, of course, about how I looked as unattractive fat as I did when skinny. Instead, she reserved most of her spite for after Alicia's birth. Flooded with love for my tiny daughter, I brought her home from the hospital, naive visions of idyllic motherhood filling my girlish brain. I revelled in Alicia, but also in my mother's support. She'd been there for me throughout my pregnancy, her mental health issues in retreat at the time, but she came into her own once Alicia was born. She spent as much time as possible with my baby in between working two jobs to keep the family together.

  Chloe's nose inevitably got pushed firmly out of joint.

  Suddenly, she wasn't the focus of Mum's attention anymore. She took her anger out on me, of course. She sniped about how slow I was to lose my pregnancy pounds, how wrinkled and ugly Alicia was, how my acne seemed worse than ever. Her jibes scarcely seemed to matter, though, wrapped up as I was in my baby, basking in the unfamiliar attention from my mother. With hindsight, I should have taken heed, been on my guard. I'd long since ceased being under any illusions about Chloe; if I'd been less absorbed in motherhood I'd have realised how, for someone as selfish as Chloe, being ignored would prove intolerable.

 

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