Destiny Sealed, page 15
“They should’ve let me die,” Luke says, his voice heavy with emotion. “My mom tried every Native treatment she could. She brought in medicine men from her village. They chanted over me and put repulsive salves on my chest. But I didn’t get better. Then she heard stories about a woman with the gift of healing, and she convinced my dad to bring the woman in.”
My skin prickles. If I’d have heard rumors about a healer when my dad was sick, I would have stopped at nothing until that person saw him.
“The last thing I remember is saying goodbye to Jack. They were sending him away while the healer came. I was afraid I’d never see him again. I’d been sick most of my life, but this was different—worse. I didn’t think I’d still be around by the time he got back from staying with our relatives.” He shakes his head, blinking. “I don’t remember the healer woman, but suffice it to say she didn’t have any special medicine. She was a vampire. She’d go to people who were near death and inject them with her venom. And when they died, they…didn’t.”
I tilt my head. “How do you know that? If you don’t remember her, how can you know what she did?”
“Years after I turned, I met a couple of other people whose stories were similar to mine. Only in their version of events, when they woke up, disoriented and craving blood, the healer woman was still there. She gave them blood to complete the transition and told them what they were. She eased them into life after death. But that’s not how it happened for me.”
“Why not?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know the reason, but she wasn’t there when I woke up. When I came to, I was delirious. It’s like scenes from a dream. I’m not sure how long I was awake before I couldn’t take it anymore.” He meets my eyes, the look in his pleading. “You know what it’s like to be out of control—to not be able to stop yourself around blood. That must be what happened.”
“Must be? You don’t remember?”
He shakes his head. “I told you—I remember Jack leaving. My next memory is standing in the main room of the house. He was beside our mom’s body. And I…I was going to feed on him, too. But something in his eyes woke me up. He dropped to the floor and covered his head like he was trying to hide from some monster. And I realized that’s what I was. So I did all I could do. I ran.”
The picture forms so clearly in my mind it’s as if I lived it. I know what it’s like to be weak and disoriented when completing the transition. When it was in that state, something drew me to Luke. Somehow I knew he could help me.
Pieces of Jack’s story weave together with Luke’s. The demon. What if the men who forced Jack to go along with them had been searching for the vampire who turned Luke? If they caught and killed her, Luke would have nowhere to go and no one to turn to. If I’d been in that situation—if Luke hadn’t been around to help me—who’s to say I wouldn’t have turned to drastic measures? Even when I’m not starving, I know I can’t trust myself around human blood. Even a taste is enough to make me lose sight of reason and reality. I can see how things could have gotten so out of control for Luke.
But he stopped himself before he could hurt Jack. That must mean something.
I place a tentative hand on his arm and am relieved when he doesn’t pull away. “I’ll talk to Jack. It’s like you said—explaining what happened won’t change anything, but it could help you both find peace. As soon as he wakes up, I’ll—”
Luke yanks his arm away like my touch burned his skin. “No. That’s the last thing I want tomorrow of all days.”
I wrinkle my nose. “What’s wrong with tomorrow?”
He lifts his eyebrows. “You’re getting married, remember?”
The words send a thrill through me and a smile curves my lips. “Of course I remember.”
“It should be a day that’s all about you and Jack. I’ve already taken so much from him—don’t let me ruin his wedding, too.”
Before I can respond, Luke takes off at a run. Part of me wants to chase after him, but I stop myself. He might be right. Tomorrow should be about Jack and me. Our future together—not Jack’s past.
Chapter Twenty-One
When I wake the next morning, it feels as if I haven’t slept at all. Glowing red eyes haunted my dreams. And blood. So much blood.
I’m not sure how much time passes between when my eyes open and when Jack stirs beside me. He rolls to face me and plants a sleepy kiss on my lips, but when he pulls away, his brow furrows.
“You look pale. When’s the last time you fed?” He smooths the hair back from my forehead as he gazes down at me with concern.
My stomach swoops. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over the fact that Jack accepts me—all of me. But at the moment, the concern is misplaced. “It’s not that.”
He sits up, his hair sticking out at odd angles. “Then what is it? Did you not sleep well? You’re not…” He presses his lips together. “You’re not having second thoughts, are you?”
“What? No.”
“If things are happening too fast, just say the word. We can postpone the wedding—”
“No. I don’t want to postpone anything.” I bite my lower lip. I could make something up, but I can’t lie to him—not today, of all days. Not when he’s just started opening himself up the way I’ve longed for. Luke may not have wanted me to say anything, but I can’t keep quiet. “I couldn’t sleep last night, so I went out for a run. I saw Luke.”
Jack’s posture stiffens at his brother’s name. “I don’t want to talk about him.”
“But I have to.” It’s not until I say the words that I realize how true they are. Jack and I will get married today, which means Luke isn’t just a member of Jack’s family—he’s a member of mine. Even if my words change nothing, I have to say them. “What I can’t understand is how you can accept me and not him. You have to have an idea about what the bloodlust is like. I’m sure you’ve seen it in your years as a werewolf. And even when you saw me lose control, you never held it against me.”
He shakes his head. “It’s different.”
“How?” I give him space to answer, but when the words don’t come, I press on. “My transition was different than his, but when I needed blood, I was delirious. I would have done anything to get it. And from what you told me—from what Luke told me—I’m thinking the demon those townsfolk were hunting was the vampire who turned Luke. She wasn’t there to give him blood to complete his transition. So when he woke up, when he got his strength, he had no one to turn to. He just had the need for…”
Jack holds up his hand. “Don’t say it. I don’t want to think about it again.”
I swallow, my eyes not leaving his face. “You got through to him, you know. He saw you on the floor, terrified, and he was clear enough for a moment to get away so he wouldn’t hurt you, too.”
He squeezes his eyes shut and rubs a hand down his face. When he opens them again, they’re vacant. “You think I don’t know that? In all the times I replayed that scene in my mind, do you think that never occurred to me? In all the years I’ve spent policing vampires, do you think I never learned what it’s like when they first come out of the transition?”
My gaze dips. When he says it like that, it sounds ridiculous to assume he’d never put the information together. “But if you understand, then why—”
“You know I followed him after he left.” It’s not a question. “I still didn’t understand what happened to him. What he was. It took me almost a year to track him down. In that time, I let myself hope. I remembered how he hadn’t hurt me. I thought he was confused and scared and that when I found him, we could figure things out. By that time I’d met some other hunters. In hindsight, probably most of them were werewolves. No matter how many of them told me the person I found wouldn’t be the one I lost, I convinced myself they were all wrong. But then I found him, and I knew they were right.” He blows out a breath. “Luke has made some bad decisions—ones that have nothing to do with being newly turned. He didn’t change after what happened to our parents—he didn’t turn over a new leaf or fight his bloodlust. I know you see him as this friendly, helpful vampire, but that’s not who he’s been. So even if I forgave him for that one terrible act—there are hundreds—thousands—more.”
I open my mouth, but no words come out. I hoped that by making Jack see Luke in a different light, I could help heal their relationship. But I still know so little of the whole picture. It was naïve to believe I could change things so easily.
A muscle in Jack’s jaw jumps and his lips twitch for several moments. “I’ll have Sawyer talk to Luke. I don’t think he should be at the ceremony.”
I can’t help hearing the words Jack doesn’t say. He could have said he doesn’t want Luke there, but he didn’t. I take a half-step forward. “Are you sure?”
“Please drop it.” He doesn’t meet my gaze. “I don’t want to fight. And we have a lot to get done.”
Although I want to press the issue, I decide against it. Who’s to say continuing to discuss it won’t make things worse?
The morning is a whirlwind—a quick breakfast during which neither Jack nor I eat more than a few bites, followed by a visit from Dakota and the betas during which they run through a plan for the day that has all the precision of a military operation. The schedule has me more than a little overwhelmed when I realize there’s not much for me to do. Dakota, Sawyer, and Cecily do most of the talking, suggesting which weres should be assigned what tasks to make sure everything goes smoothly. Jack provides feedback, but I keep quiet, pinning a smile to my face while they talk.
It’s not that I’m not excited. The images that pop into my mind of what the ceremony will be like send shivers down my spine. But I can’t shake the sense that no matter how perfect the details are, one very important thing will be missing.
It’s not until we talk about how we’ll share the news with the packs that I zero in on the conversation.
“An alpha message should be enough,” Jack says. “There’s no use disrupting everyone to get them all in one place for a quick announcement—not when we’ve got so much to accomplish today.”
Dakota and Sawyer nod, but Cecily eyes me. “I think your bride-to-be disagrees.”
When Jack’s eyes flick to me, I smile, buying time to sort through the thoughts spinning in my mind. “I’d like to tell the hybrids in person.” The first part pops out, but it takes a few more seconds for the reasoning to clarify itself in my head. “They’re having a hard time with the fact that they can’t merge. I don’t think an alpha message will be enough for them.”
Jack reaches for me and squeezes my hand. “I hadn’t thought about how they might take the news. Why don’t you gather them at the meeting house? I’ll wait until they’re all with you before telling my pack.”
I lean forward and kiss him. Giddiness bubbles up inside me as I reach out to my pack to tell them to meet me. But as I exit the cabin and start toward the meeting house, nervousness tempers my excitement. Although the hybrids have been part of my life for only a couple of days, the fact that they’re my pack imbues them with a familial familiarity. As I head up the hill, I can’t help wondering if I’d be experiencing these same nerves before telling my dad this same news.
I wait outside, holding the door as the hybrids file inside. It’s not until they’re all accounted for that I step across the threshold myself.
Part of me wonders if I shouldn’t have invited the halves here, too, but as the hybrids sit around the tables, looking at me expectantly, I’m glad I made the decision I did. Although nerves still twist my insides, I’m glad I made this call. Seeing their curious expressions solidifies my resolve. This is something my pack needs to hear in a safe setting that’s just us.
I spin through a few opening statements, but everything sounds too formal in my head. This isn’t the time for a flowery preamble or a long speech. It’s a time for hope.
“I know you’ve all been through a lot. And I’m sure some of you thought that the pain of what you’ve been through would be relieved because your halves are here. But I get the feeling for some of you, that’s just made things worse.”
The hybrids shift in their seats. Dylan’s gaze drops to the floor.
I swallow to loosen the tight sensation gathering in my throat. “Those of you with human halves, I can’t imagine how hard it is knowing they can’t yet feel what your connection means. And those with werewolf halves who were hoping to merge…” I press my lips together. “Well, I know how that feels. The desire is overwhelming, and the disappointment is crushing. You all know I’ve experienced that myself.”
Grumbles rise through the ranks, and through my link to the pack, I sense their unease, their sadness. For a moment, it threatens to consume me. It’s so easy to get lost in their hopelessness, as I’ve felt similarly lost for most of my life. But I haven’t come here to put a burden on them—I’ve come to relieve it.
“We can talk through everything you’re feeling, but before we get to that, I wanted to share something with you—something I think might come as a kind of comfort.” The murmurs quiet and I take in a breath to prepare for my next words. “This evening, Jack and I are getting married.”
If I had a pin, I’m sure I could hear it drop in the room. The silence is absolute. Even the ever-present thrum of emotions I can sense through my alpha link seems to be interrupted as I’m filled with a stillness that goes beyond words.
Poppy recovers first. “I… I don’t understand.”
“How is getting married going to help you merge?” Dylan asks.
Other questions rise up rapid-fire, so many overlapping that I can’t decipher them all. I hold up my hand and after a few moments, silence falls again. “As far as I know, Jack and I still can’t merge the way a were could with a were or a vampire could with a vampire. But we’re not letting that stop us. We’ve decided we’re going to be together—we’re going to stick beside each other no matter what. And while marriage may only be a symbol of merging two souls together, it’s what we can do. It’s our choice. We’re taking destiny into our own hands—not waiting for someone or something else to tell us we’re allowed to do it.”
A quiet calculation is occurring behind Poppy’s eyes as I speak. When I fall silent, she opens her mouth and closes it again before shifting forward in her seat and trying again. “I get what you’re saying—taking control of destiny and everything. Very aggressive, and all that. But aren’t we missing a much simpler solution? One that would actually give us what we want?”
My eyebrows draw together and I glance at the other hybrids, but they seem just as confused as I do.
Poppy sighs. “If we can’t merge with werewolves because we’re two different kinds of supernatural—wouldn’t a solution be to make them the same kind of being we are?”
I stare at her, not sure I understood. But when I filter through her words and turn them over in my mind, it becomes clear she meant exactly what she said. “You know we can’t make more hybrids.”
She sucks her teeth. “Look, I get that we can’t go out making more like us just for the hell of it, but we’re not talking about turning random people—we’re talking about changing our halves. Think about it—if you turned Jack into a hybrid, you wouldn’t have to put on this wedding, you could just merge. You wouldn’t have to pretend everything is okay—it really would be.”
My blood boils at her accusation. Does she think I’m pretending or putting on a brave face? Does she think my decision to marry Jack has anything to do with making them all feel better about not being able to merge? When I proposed last night, I wasn’t settling. Jack and I aren’t making the best of a bad situation. We’re expressing our love—our unbreakable bond—in a very real way.
But a voice in the back of my mind whispers a single question: Why not? Poppy could be right. If Jack were a hybrid, there’s no reason we wouldn’t be able to merge. As excited as I am about the prospect of marrying him—of pledging myself to him and having him do the same to me—it would be a lie to say part of me doesn’t feel like we’ll still be missing out on something. When Brady and Lola merged, it wasn’t just that they developed their ability to mindspeak—there was a connection that formed between the two of them that changed their dynamic. Circumstances had forced us to pretend that Brady was my half, and it was all Lola could do to keep her jealousy in check whenever Brady sat near or touched me. But as soon as they merged, all that resentment melted away. She felt secure in their relationship; she knew nothing could ever come between them. Will Jack and I experience that same kind of certainty?
I shake my head before I can allow myself to venture too far down that rabbit hole. “If you had been given the choice to stay a were or become a hybrid, would you be here now?” I make eye contact with each of the pack members, but I don’t expect an answer. “How many of you have needed to feed since we’ve been here?”
A couple of hands shoot up, only to drop when they realize what I mean. Not eat. Feed.
It’s what I expected. Although I’m sure they don’t remember most of what happened at the attempted culling at the music festival, I saw enough to be sure each of them had more than their fill of human blood that night. And since then, we’ve been mostly in the enclave, secure and without a need to burn through those reserves. But in the coming day or two, the gnawing hunger for blood will eat at them. It’s something they’ll need to deal with from now on.
“There are benefits to being what we are, but those don’t come without the significant drawback of needing blood to survive.” I press my lips together and draw on strength to say the next part. “I’m sure you’ve all spent your years as werewolves protecting humans—interacting with them, even. Things have been crazy since I turned, as I’m sure you can imagine, but even once they’re settled, I don’t know that I can ever interact with humans that way. Their blood is too big a temptation for me.” I swallow. “I tried to control my want for it, but I’ve never been able to get a handle on it. I refuse to drink it, so that means I can’t let myself be around them alone for fear of what I might do.”
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