Wasted Heart (Special Edition), page 13
She glanced my way in awe. Another look I’d file in the memory bank. If she kept this up, I’d have to expand my memory’s capacity. “We’re staying here tonight?”
“Please?”
Her smile provided my answer and eliminated all remaining anxiety. I dashed up the steps to the balcony loft that housed one of the two enclosed areas in the place: my bedroom. Bed made, check. Clothes in their proper places, check. Bathroom clean, check. Who says being anal retentive is a bad thing? I changed out of the borrowed shorts and polo shirt, stripped off the bra I’d been wearing since Thursday night and stepped out of Elise’s panties. We were technically a size apart, but I found it highly arousing wearing her underwear. I changed into my best jeans, clingy in all the right places, and a cotton shirt before heading back downstairs.
Elise sat comfortably on the couch and turned to watch my descent with a suggestive grin. “You…look…good.” She drew out each word, stoking the fire that had been burning inside of me all weekend.
“Don’t start or we’ll miss the fireworks.” I was still getting accustomed to her easy use of genuine complements. I ducked into the kitchen, filled two mugs of coffee, and carried them over to her. “Wanna see the rest of the place?”
Taking her through the kitchen to the other enclosed area, I showed her my guest bedroom, bathroom, and the extra room which still didn’t have an official use. Lately I’d been leaning toward an exercise room but only since Jessie poured on the guilt during her visit. We stopped off in the laundry room to start a load with her clothes. Upstairs, we didn’t linger long in the master suite because I was afraid we’d never leave. I’d become a sex maniac over the weekend. Something I’d never had a problem with before meeting her.
Tour completed, we settled back on the couch for the best view out the large windows onto Lake Union. The fireworks probably wouldn’t start for another half hour, so we got comfortable. The line of my leg brushed hers, and she looped a hand over my thigh, pressing her shoulder against mine. Contentment overwhelmed me.
“Do you want to tell me?” Elise asked quietly.
I turned to look at her and knew immediately what she was asking. Panic contracted every muscle into a clenching seizure. A breathing exercise meant to calm my panic started on its own. So much for contentment.
Other than my mom and grandmother, I hadn’t told anyone. What scared me almost as much as telling her was that she’d known there was something to tell about my not easily letting people into my home. We’d only met a month ago, but she seemed to know me better than my long-time friends from Virginia.
“Yes.” My voice sounded hoarse when I finally managed to speak. I tried clearing my throat, but it only served to increase the dryness. I took a sip of my coffee, and the taste burned down my throat. “I was a freshman at Berkeley.”
She waited patiently, but when I continued to clear my throat, she asked, “I thought Maryland?”
“Cal first. I transferred after the first year. I met a woman there that made me realize the crushes I’d been having on girls since junior high weren’t just nothing. We started dating, which apparently ticked off my last attempt at a boyfriend. I thought he was a nice guy, but it never felt right with him. About a month after I broke it off, I started dating Suzanne.
“Brad saw us holding hands together on campus and flipped out, calling us names, getting in my face. When he finished his little rant, I thought that would be the end of it. A week later, Suz had a party at her sorority house and had to clean up afterward so I walked back to my dorm room alone. If I’d been sober, I would have recognized the two guys walking toward me on the path. Two frat brothers of Brad’s, but I didn’t even give them a second glance. As they passed me, they hooked their arms through mine and without much effort began carrying me back to frat row. I was drunk enough to think it was a joke, until I got inside the house and was thrown into one of the study rooms.” I closed my eyes to keep from seeing that room again.
“They pushed me onto a desk and held me there until Brad walked in. He had this scary mean look about him, and suddenly, I wasn’t drunk anymore. I’d never known fear like that. He said things that I don’t like to think about even now while his buddies kept me pinned down. When he ripped my shirt open, I knew he wasn’t all talk. I couldn’t get away. His friends were strong, and when I struggled, I only managed to hurt myself. I just stopped fighting,” I broke off, unable to stop the feelings of powerlessness and shame that assaulted me every time I thought about it. Controlled breathing, controlled environment, controlled actions. Yes, I have control issues; I’ll own that. I felt Elise’s hand tighten around my inner thigh. Her touch helped me breathe normally again.
I continued because I needed to finish. “Just as he was tearing off my pants, the door opened, and a guy I knew from one of my classes walked in. Brad tried to convince him that we were having fun, but thankfully, Michael was one of those truly decent guys. He was also a junior, so the freshmen frat brothers had to do what he said. They released their grip, and Michael walked me home.
“I stayed in my dorm room for three days. I didn’t eat, didn’t go to classes, and kept a dinner knife in my hand when I went down to the bathroom. My room was the only place I felt safe, and then I became so afraid that I wouldn’t ever leave. It was too easy just to stay in my room, stay paralyzed by fear. When Michael came to check on me, I forced myself to follow him outside. Only now, I had a new awareness for where everyone else was on the street.”
Elise had let me talk without interruption. The concern in her eyes made me want to cry, but I welcomed her comforting hug. “Did you report them?”
I shook my head against her neck. “Michael said he’d back me up, but I knew that because I was drunk and they’d say they were drunk that it would be my word against theirs. And Michael might get booted from his frat if he helped me. He told me that two of his brothers worked Brad and his friends over pretty good and were washing them out of the frat. Deep down, I knew I shouldn’t find that heartening or enough, but I couldn’t put myself through reporting them when it was a slim chance anything would actually happen to them.”
“Oh, honey, I hate that this happened to you,” she spoke into my ear.
“Other than being more aware, sometimes freezing up when I get scared, and the whole control thing, I hardly think about it. Only when I have a gorgeous woman two steps from my door, and my knee-jerk reaction is to stupidly keep her out.”
“Not stupid at all,” she said understandingly. “Most people think of their homes as a sanctuary; you have a legitimate reason. Thank you for telling me.”
“Thank you for understanding,” I whispered.
She smiled and kissed me tenderly as a burst of color haloed her head. We turned to watch the start of the fireworks show, and I smiled at the symbolism of her kiss bringing on fireworks. We both pressed into the couch, cuddling close as Elise wrapped her arms around my shoulders and pulled me against her chest. I’d never felt more safe in my life.
Chapter 15
Smoke from the barbeque grill misted the summer evening air in Elise’s backyard. I approached the house with excitement and trepidation. We’d been officially seeing each other for two weeks, three if you counted the dinner at her place, and tonight I was meeting one of her other cousins and his family. If I wasn’t so smitten, I’d normally think this was a little too soon to meet family. But Elise asked me to be here, and so far, I couldn’t deny her anything.
“Hey, Aust!” Scott said with a grin when he opened the front door. These last two weeks showed me that Scott was a naturally chipper kid. It took a lot to bring him down.
“Hi there, Scott. Party in full swing?” I asked, stepping inside.
“Yep. Sean and our friend Ced aren’t here yet, but Lis and Bri are out back.” He turned and walked us down the hallway toward the back of the house.
Elise and I had been treading carefully around Scott. Since he’d never seen his cousin in a relationship before, she didn’t want to flaunt the issue. We’d get together for dinner and more at my place a few nights each week, but she didn’t like ditching Scott for the whole night. We didn’t stay at her house. Not that I had any problem with that. I needed to work up to the idea of making love to his cousin when he was only a floor away. Go ahead, label me a prude.
Last weekend we spent together at her house because Scott stayed over at Sean’s. For this weekend, her cousin Brian and his family had been scheduled to stay with her before heading up to Vancouver on a family vacation. When she invited me to join them, I spent the rest of the week trying to smother my anxiety.
“Hope you like kids.” Scott rolled his eyes before he headed out through the sliding glass door to join four kids tossing a football around.
Elise looked up and a broad smile sparked her lips as she moved inside to greet me. I felt my pulse pound when I caught her smile, the one that she gave me in public where others might see. She had a few distinct smiles and other than the slow, sexy one and the sinister one, this was my favorite.
“Hi,” Elise spoke in a breathy voice, half joy, half relief. I was beginning to crave hearing it, and that scared me a whole lot.
She leaned in to kiss me hello and all apprehension left with the press of her lips. “Hi,” I matched her tone after catching my breath. “I brought some wine.”
“You didn’t have to do that.” She looked down at the bottles in my hands. “Josephs Brothers, wonderful.”
“It keeps Warren happy. I’m his personal Washington State distribution center.” I walked them into the kitchen.
“Come meet Bri and Ginny.” She pulled me by the hand out the door. A tall, good-looking man with blond, wavy hair turned with a welcome smile. His wife, a walking Barbie doll, turned with a smile that fell just shy of welcome. “Bri, Ginny, this is my girlfriend, Austy. Aust, my cousin Brian and his wife, Ginny.” Girlfriend? She just called you her girlfriend for the first time. You’re a girlfriend!
“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” I shook their hands. Ginny gave me a limp swan handshake and barely met my eyes.
“It’s great to meet you, Austy,” Brian told me. “Glad you could make it today.”
“I’m happy to be included.”
“Kids!” Brian yelled, “Meet Austy. This is our youngest, Hugh, then we’ve got Dot, Cat, and Chris.”
The kids were all blond copies of their dad or mom. Scott and the pictures of his sisters as well as their other cousins were all blondies. I began to wonder if Elise was the only brunette in her family. “Hi there,” I called out to them, not wanting to interrupt their game for long.
“You play football?” Chris asked, ready to toss the ball my way.
“Love it,” I said, advancing forward but not before I heard a snort from Ginny. I didn’t want to think about where that came from.
“All right!” Chris slapped Scott’s hand, thrilled that they had another player. Hugh looked all of about eight and Dot not much older, so tossing a ball around couldn’t be that fun.
I made sure Elise didn’t need my help with the barbeque before joining the kids for a game of catch. They were a fun lot, but Scott was ages ahead of them in maturity even if he was only two years older than Chris.
When they moved on to Frisbee, I went back toward the house to see if I could help Elise in the kitchen. Brian stopped me on the patio. “I can’t tell you how great it is to meet you. I’m glad Elise finally found someone.”
“Oh, that’s nice of you to say. I’m obviously glad, too.”
“I never really got why she wasn’t with someone. I know she’s my cousin, but even I can see she’s gorgeous. Yet she never had anyone special.”
He clearly meant well, but I didn’t feel entirely comfortable hearing this. Elise and I hadn’t wasted any time talking about former relationships, and I couldn’t care less. Past relationships were just that, in the past. Why dig it all up?
“Has she shown you any of her covers?” he continued.
“Pardon?”
“Her magazine covers? Probably not, if I know Lis.” I indicated with a head shake that I hadn’t seen any. A feeling of stupidity reeled through me. I never thought to ask, assuming it might be a tender subject for her. “They’re amazing. I framed some and brought them as a housewarming present. Come take a look.” He guided us into the house past Elise working in the kitchen and Ginny taking respite on the couch. With four kids, I couldn’t blame her. “Lis, where’d you put the photo spread?” Elise looked up and lost her smile momentarily. “Here it is.” Brian reached around the back of the table where a large frame tilted against the wall.
I glanced questioningly at Elise not sure if I was correctly interpreting her sudden look of alarm. Brian hauled up the frame and set it on the table. “I took these two.” He touched my arm to get my attention, and I automatically looked down. There were three covers, four inside photos and two others that Brian’s finger indicated.
Whoa! A younger Elise on skis in a fashionable outfit looking out over the ridge of a slope that probably required skiers to utter a prayer before attempting. Another showed her at the base of the mountain with skis propped against her shoulder and wind blowing her much longer hair, and one of a helmeted skier with a familiar body in a downhill tuck. Brian’s two were of Elise on a podium receiving a gold medal and at the starting gates of a race. The other three were taken in or near the water, including one of Elise in a bikini on a surfboard riding a wave, hair damp and bronzed body drenched. Her body hadn’t changed much in more than a decade, but her smiles weren’t ones that I recognized.
“You surf?” I finally looked up at Elise. She nodded briefly before busying herself with husking the corn.
Brian answered for her, “Lis can do just about any outdoor sport. Don’t let her take you skiing unless you know what you’re doing. You think you’ll be able to keep up, but she’ll ditch you in a flash. Right, cuz?”
“That happened once, Bri. Let it go,” Elise ordered with exasperation. She came toward us and took hold of the framed array of photos. “Why don’t I put this upstairs in the office? I want to spare the kids.”
“You know I’ve got all your magazines. I’m proud of my cousin.” He continued to smile even as Elise hoisted the frame and started down the hallway toward the stairs. I went to follow but Scott walked in with two guys his age.
“Wha’sup, Austy,” Sean greeted casually when they fanned out in the living room. For a teenager, he was a nice enough kid.
“Hi, Sean.”
“This here’s Cedric.”
“Hey,” this from a kid who needed a shave badly. Long blond hairs curled around his chin and neck and sporadic whiskers scuffed his upper lip and jawline.
“Hi, I’m Austy.” I waved because he didn’t offer his hand.
“We’re headed out to the garage to look at the ‘Stang. Wanna see what Joe and I did yesterday?” Scott asked me.
I still marveled at his lack of the usual embarrassment teens feel with adults around. Three sets of eyes waited for me to say yes, so I gave up my effort to follow Elise.
“We put disc brakes on all four wheels,” Scott said proudly when we reached the garage.
“You getting new rims?” Cedric asked.
“Just picked up the first. Gotta wait for my next coupla paychecks for the rest.”
“Let’s check it out.”
“It’s in my room. Dude, help me carry back the interiors. Austy, check out the new tranny.” Scott ran back inside with Sean on his heel.
I went around to the driver’s side and popped the hood. Cedric lifted and propped it up. Joining him at the front, we tipped over the engine block to inspect the transmission.
“How do you know about cars?” Cedric asked.
“Why wouldn’t I?” Whenever possible I like to change the male perspective on women’s abilities. I knew his question wasn’t where I’d learned about cars. It was how a woman knew anything about cars.
“No chicks I know like cars.” See?
“Guess you don’t know the right chicks.”
He wheezed out a laugh that sounded so unreal it had to be fabricated. Kids these days. “Sean says you’re a dyke.”
I bent back upright and turned to face him. He showed the regular teenage who-you-looking-at face, not the usual malicious sneer that comes with people who use that word as an insult. Still, he needed a little etiquette lesson. “I’m gay or a lesbian. Those are the two words you should use.”
“What’s wrong with dyke?”
I didn’t feel a whole lot of caring in that question. More like provocation. “I prefer gay or lesbian.”
“I hear it on TV all the time. From girls, too. Why don’t you like being called a dyke?”
“Hey!” Scott yelled from the door. “Don’t call her that. What’s wrong with you?”
“Chill, dude, I was just asking a question.” Cedric stepped forward with hands up in front of him. “Harmless, dude, that’s all.”
I didn’t know the dynamics here, but three seventeen-year-old boys suddenly seemed too many to be around. “And I was just telling your friend here that I’d prefer he choose a different word.” My tone suggested that was the end of the discussion. I gestured back to the car and said, “Transmission looks great, Scott. You’re almost done. Only cosmetic changes left. Those rims are awesome.”
“Thanks.” Scott flicked his eyes at me in embarrassment before turning his glare back to Cedric.
“I’ll leave you guys to it. I’m sure the barbeque’s almost ready. See you out back in a minute.” I walked around them and up through the garage door into the laundry room.
Scott’s voice sifted through the closed door. “What the hell, dude? You homophobic or something? She’s my friend, and my cousin’s gay, too. If you’re gonna be hanging out with us, you’re gonna show some respect.”
Oh yeah, I knew I liked that kid a lot. Elise will be so proud. If I could figure out what was going on with Elise. I went back outside and found her pulling burgers, franks, and chicken off the grill.
