Back for More, page 20
I’m not turned-off at all.
I mean, my instrument isn’t exactly getting warmed up at the moment, but I do love seeing her like this. She has no pretenses. She has that spark she had when I saw her on stage years ago.
Fuck Broadway if they couldn’t see what I see in her. She’s happy here. She’s my star.
* * *
I get to work so early on Monday morning it’s embarrassing. I’d already gotten so used to having Lily sleep over that it felt all wrong to wake up without her. Even though I have no reason to doubt how she feels about me, I had this awful knot in my stomach lying in bed alone, wondering if her dad had found her personal phone and read our texts to each other. I’m not an anxious person, but things have been so good lately, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.
While I was eating breakfast, I texted her from my work cell phone to her work cell phone and told her I was hoping to see her at the office “as soon as possible so we can get back to that project we started last week.” I couldn’t even think of one of our actual deals that we’re working on, much less something clever. “I think it’s important for us to get back to it as soon as possible,” I wrote. There’s no cool way to tell a girl that you miss her. There’s no professional way to compose a message that explains what a relief it was to find that your pillow still smells like her and how you clung to it all night with your face buried in it. There is definitely no way I’m going to tell anyone how sick I felt waiting twenty minutes for her reply or how excited I was when it finally came.
Lily Barnes: Good morning, Mr. Carver. I agree. We should get back to our top priority new project sooner rather than later. You can expect to see me at the office within an hour. Would you like me to stop by Limestone to get you an Americano on the way?
Me: I don’t even want you stopping at stoplights on the way if it slows you down.
Me: Because of the project. For work.
Me: But please obey all traffic laws on your way to the office and at all times. See you soon, Miss Barnes.
Lily Barnes: I’ll try to be there in half an hour, Mr. Carver.
Me: That’s more like it.
I’ve been smiling like a fool ever since, but it has now been thirty-five minutes since I got that last text from her and she’s not at the office yet. I respond to some emails and scan the local news online, but when she’s still not here five minutes later, I get worried again. Just as I’m standing up to go casually walk the halls, my breath catches at the sound of clicking heels on the natural stone floors. I’m blinded by glossy blonde hair, my lungs are filled with the fragrance that my body needs more than oxygen, and there is so much adrenaline being pumped through my bloodstream I could lift the building to tilt it and make her slide toward me even faster. She shuts the door behind herself, pushes in the lock, and we’re hugging each other for like, three months. I don’t even want to pull away from her to kiss her.
“I hated not sleeping with you,” she whispers.
“Everything fucking sucks without you now,” I say because I give up. My days of being cool are over. My days and nights of enjoying the sprawl of my king-size bed are behind me. I’m wondering if we should just tell Jasper we’re dating. I’m wondering if we should be telling Human Resources that we’re dating. I’m wondering what the harm would be in us having sex really fast in here before my staff meeting—if we keep all of our clothes on and barely move and don’t make a sound, can that really even be considered sex? “I’m losing my mind.”
“Yeah, you seem like a total mess,” she says sarcastically as she pulls away from me.
“Trust me. This is me being a mess.” I tug down on my shirtsleeves and comb my fingers through my hair. “Why aren’t you a mess?”
“I don’t know. I feel…optimistic.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I think everything’s gonna be okay. My dad’s been pretty great since he got back from Seattle. I mean, I haven’t talked to him all that much, but he’s being nice. For him.”
“Really? Good.”
She gives my bicep a little punch. “Anyway, you should prep for your staff meeting. I’ll get everything together for you. Mr. Carver.”
“Hey,” I say before she opens the door. “When am I gonna see you again?”
She grins, lowering her chin and blinking. “Between thirty and sixty seconds from now, I’d estimate.”
“You know what I mean.”
“After rehearsal tonight.”
I nod once, super chill. “Sounds good. We should probably try to, you know, take it down a few notches until then.”
She places her fist on her hip. “Oh, I’ll take it down all the notches, Mr. Carver. Business mode—on. Whoever behaves inappropriately first buys a late dinner tonight.”
“Game on. Don’t worry—I like my tacos cheap. Like my women.”
So, I’m buying dinner tonight, but it’s worth it.
This staff meeting, though—I mean, I’ve never actually enjoyed a staff meeting, but this one is taking forever. When it’s my turn to give a rundown on what I’ve got going on, Jay Barnes praises me for the information I gathered on the office park in Central Point and tells me to move forward with it.
“Have you assigned it to a broker yet?”
Dan raises his pen to offer his services, but I choose Randall instead because he’s got more experience with foreclosures and he’s one hundred percent less douche-y.
Dan readjusts his tie. “Glad to hear things are going well with that resort, Wes,” he says. “When you and your assistant didn’t come back to the office after heading out there last week, I got worried.”
Literally everyone at the table looks over to Jay for a reaction…except me.
“All is well, thanks, Dan. The clients needed a little extra handholding that day, and we were able to use the time to power through a lot of their contingencies and financing details.”
Jay asks Roger the CFO a question, hastily changing the subject. I glare at D-bag, and this particular adrenaline rush keeps me hyper aware of everything that everyone is saying and doing for the rest of the meeting and eyeing all of the exits. When we finally wrap things up, I’m nearly out the door when Jay says, “Wes. Walk with me to my office, will you?”
And there’s that knot in my stomach again. “Sure.”
We’re halfway to his office before he says anything. “The gazebo in the garden is very nice. Thanks for helping with that.”
“It was my pleasure. I like a good carpentry project every now and then.”
“Must be nice to be able to build things. No one in the Barnes family has been any good at it, but we’re great at hiring people who can.”
“Well, that’s something.”
Tina looks up at her boss expectantly when we enter.
“Hold my calls for a bit,” he tells her. “Have a seat,” he says to me, gesturing toward the seating area inside his office.
“What’s up?” I take a seat, leaning back and puffing out my chest in an attempt at a power pose, while fully expecting to lose my job.
He crosses his legs and picks a tiny piece of lint off his pants. “How is Lily doing in your department? I’m wondering if it’s a good fit for her.”
I clear my throat. “I think it’s a pretty great fit, actually. She’s the one who put together most of that report on the office park. She’s a surprisingly good assistant and a very fast learner.”
“I appreciate that. But I was thinking it might be more beneficial for her if she went to Brokerage. If she gets her license, it’s really the best way for her to learn the business. Assuming that’s her intent.”
My ears are hot. I don’t feel any relief at not hearing the words “you’re fired.” He has to be joking. I’m not even mad that she wouldn’t be on my desk. “If she trains to be a broker, she wouldn’t be able to do any theater work. She’d have to be available for clients all the time.”
“Yes.”
“She’s working on a play at the school.”
“Yes. But that’s not a real job.”
“She treats it as a real job, in the same way that she treats this as a real job. But that one makes her happy. She has a gift for that sort of thing.”
He furrows her brow. “Is that what’s important?”
“It’s not not important.” You know what—fuck this guy. “Yes. It is important. I think she’s fully capable of doing a good job in my department, learning the business, and doing theater work on her off hours. If you ask me, she’s thriving.”
He covers his mouth with his hand, looking away, completely silent for what feels like a year. “I’ve always admired your father, you know? Your relationship with him. It appears so…effortless.”
I lean forward. “It is. For the most part.”
“I’m not a good father, Wes. I wish I were. I’ve always wanted what’s best for Lily. I’ve just never known how to give it to her.”
I’m about to tell him I know exactly how to give her what’s best for her if he’d just let me, but he says, “I am, however, a pretty good CEO, and I do believe I know what’s best for her as an employee and potential future executive in the Barnes family business. One thing I can give her is professional guidance.” He stands up and buttons his suit jacket. “I appreciate your input in this matter. Let’s get a move on with that office park, yeah?”
I stand up to go. “I’m on it.” Even with that little personal admission, I still have no clue how to read Jasper Barnes, and that knot in my stomach is even tighter.
All the way back to my office, I’m trying to figure out what to tell Lily, but she’s on her way out the door just as I get there. “Hey. Where you going?”
“Tina just called. My dad wants to see me real quick.” She shrugs. “I’ll be right back!” She skips down the hall before I can find the voice to tell her to wait.
I know she’ll be back, as always. I just don’t know which Lily will be returning to my office—sarcastic standoffish Lily, damp eyes and quivering lower lip Lily, angry and defiant Lily? Doesn’t make much sense that it would be either happy child-like Lily or deviant seductress Lily, but a man can dream.
Whoever she is, I’ll be here for her.
22
Lily
*Are You Kidding?*
This is the first time I’ve been invited to my dad’s office since I was about ten years old, so I’m kind of excited, but I also can’t help feeling like I’m being called to the principal’s office. Tina didn’t know what he wanted to talk to me about, but a tiny optimistic part of me is hoping that Wes told him I did good work on the office park report. Maybe he’s going to praise me? Or maybe I’m just so in love right now that I’m an idiot.
“Hey, Tina! I’m here.”
“Hello, sweetheart. Don’t you look pretty as always. You can go right on in. He’s waiting for you.”
I thank her, and I don’t know what possesses me to go through the door like an old-timey vaudeville actor doing a jig, but that’s what’s happening, and I can’t stop now. “Tah dahhh! You wanted to see me, sir?”
My father stares at me, unblinking, for a few seconds, before shaking his head and gesturing toward the sofa opposite him. “Have a seat, Lily,” he says as he puts his phone to sleep and places it facedown on the coffee table.
“Wow. This is a nice office. You’ve redecorated since I was last here. It’s…more pleasant than I imagined it would be.”
It looks like one corner of his lip is trying to curl upwards, but it doesn’t remember how. “Do you imagine me working in a dungeon all day?”
“Not exactly. More like Mr. Krabs’ office?”
Blank stare.
“Eugene H. Krab. The owner of the Krusty Krab?”
He blinks once, unsmiling.
“On Spongebob Squarepants?”
He blinks twice, still not smiling.
“It’s a cartoon that I’ve been watching forever. Never mind. I like your office. It’s nice. What’s up?”
My father straightens his tie and clears his throat before leaning back in his armchair and getting right into it: “I’ve been thinking about the best way to go about introducing you to the business and the company, if your desire is to stay on and work your way up the ranks…” He glances up for a reaction.
I nod, a little too vehemently. “It is. Sure.”
“Wes has only good things to say about your work on his desk, and it’s fine for getting your feet wet, but I think it might be better for you to really jump in.”
“I think things are just great the way they are.”
“I’m afraid you’re getting a little too distracted.”
We engage in a ten second staring contest, and I’m the first to blink. “I haven’t let the play disrupt my work at all.”
“I’m not just talking about the play.” My father never raises his voice, but he is very tense right now. “You’re my daughter. If you don’t want to be taken seriously here, then…” He scrubs his face with the palm of his hand. “I’m giving you another chance. I think it would be best if I move you to the Brokerage Department and you train to become a broker. You will earn an entry level broker license. You must complete one hundred and fifty hours of the required broker pre-license education from the community college at night and work as a floating assistant in the Brokerage Department during the day. Once you’ve passed the exam and earned that license, you must have three years of sales experience in order to become a principal broker, licensed by the state.”
“If I do this, then I’d have to quit working for Mrs. Naylor.”
“Correct.”
“I wouldn’t be able to do any kind of theater work. Ever. I’d have to be available for clients, basically all the time.”
“Until you’re senior enough to have a team, at least.”
“So, you’re making me choose. Between having a job here and a life that involves acting or theater in any way.”
“I’m asking you to choose the family business, which is what I thought you wanted.”
“I did. I thought I did…But I think it’s time I started a new family business: being happy.”
“Be reasonable, Lily. You’ve had your fun. It’s time to get serious about your life. I’m offering you a clear path to success within my company.”
Oh my God. Why is it so hard for us? Why can’t you offer me a clear path to success at being your daughter?
“Why did you want me to be Wes’s assistant?”
He looks completely shocked that I’ve actually asked him a question that really matters to me for once. “Because you needed a job and his assistant was leaving.”
“Really? It didn’t even occur to you that it might be ‘distracting’ to me? Or humiliating for me? Or awkward for me? Or for him? Was this some kind of weird test? Did I pass or fail? Did Wes pass or fail? I don’t understand what your end game was here.”
I have to say, my dad looks genuinely confused right now. I’d feel a little bad for him if I weren’t so fucking angry and confused myself. “I really don’t know what you’re asking me.”
“You don’t? So you actually just didn’t think about my feelings at all? Ever? Not five years ago when I was leaving my cat and a letter on the Carver’s porch, and not when you offered me a job, and not now that you’re trying to ruin everything when I’m finally happy with the way things are going in my life?” I haven’t raised my voice. I’m not getting emotional. I just want answers. I just want all the things my father is incapable of giving me.
“Lily. We are in my office. During office hours. Stick to the subject. Do you want to stay on at the Barnes Group or not?”
I take a deep breath before answering. “Not.”
He grits his teeth. “You’ve barely even lasted two full weeks at this job.”
“And yet, somehow I feel like my whole life has changed in that period of time. Or at least the way I see it.”
“You realize this means I’m not changing the terms of the trust fund?”
“Yeah. I realize that.”
My father shuts his eyes and rubs his temples. I’m probably giving him a migraine. My parting gift. “I don’t understand what you want, Lily.”
“I know. I guess you don’t have to.”
“Just tell me what you want.”
“I want my mother back. I want a father who just wants me to be happy. But now I think I can still have a pretty great life without those things. So, should I talk to HR? I should finish out the day with Wes, right? Do I need to stay on until he finds a new assistant?” I stand up and pat the invisible dust off my hands. My dad remains seated, and for the first time in my life, he looks so small to me.
“I’m sure they can get him a temp.”
“Okay. Well, I’ll have my stuff out of the house tonight, then.”
“I didn’t ask you to move out of the house.”
“You never had to,” I say as I walk out of his office.
I hear him call out, his voice so hoarse, “Lily!”
But I’m not going back.
Over and over lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m coming apart. Now I think all of the walls I’d built up and all of the things I used to cling to had to come crashing down so that I can build something new. It’s a good thing. I’m just a bit stunned right now because all of a sudden, I’m walking alone through the wreckage. But maybe, one day, I can build a new home. With Wes.
I’m still in a daze when I get back to my desk.
Wes is pacing around in his office and comes over as soon as he sees me. “What happened? What’d he say?”
I start rearranging everything on my desk because it’s easier than sorting out my feelings. “I quit. Sorry. I’ll finish out the day, but he said they could probably get you a temp?”
