Half a Soul Apart, page 24
“Fine, you win.”
Delighted, Poe took her by the hand and led her onto the dancefloor like she was some sort of queen.
She was even more stressed than their last dance. Poe had, on purpose, brought her even closer. He spun her round and round, guiding her hips and twisting her waist when she was supposed to turn.
“We’ve been spotted. They know I’ve seen them. You’ve got until the end of this dance to compose yourself and then we have to go over.”
He didn’t sound sorry one bit, grinning from ear to ear.
“Why did I agree to this?” Hessy said, not wanting to be seen by them in this dress.
Poe laughed, louder than was necessary.
“Why are you actually enjoying yourself?” But she also laughed, trying to hide her nerves.
“With you? How could I not?”
The song came to an end as the last note played. Poe pulled away and walked to the left with Hessy a bit out of breath. As she drew closer to them, she could feel more heat rush to her face.
Arianna was smiling, waving them over.
Raphael looked good. His scars were barely noticeable, and his frayed brown patch had been replaced with a shiny gold one. For the first time since she had known him, he looked like a proper Starsland gentleman. All in all, he looked so damn handsome.
“Hessy you look much better indeed,” Arianna gushed. She flapped her purple lace fan in front of Hessy’s face which helped with the heat as she sat down.
“We were beginning to think you weren’t coming,” Poe said sitting close to Hessy, putting an arm on the back of her chair.
“We wouldn’t have missed the Founder’s Ball,” Arianna said. “Do you remember coming here as children Raphael? We would spend the entire nights running riot under the tables, driving my dear father demented. I have never forgotten those times, you know,” Arianna said fondly.
Hessy nodded enthusiastically as if she had been there too. She said over and over in her head that Raphael was engaged until the words were starting to make no sense.
She could tell that Poe was trying not to be entertained by her discomfort.
“It’s a pity Arky couldn’t attend,” Arianna said to Hessy.
“Hmm? Oh, he would have hated this,” she said. “He’s babysitting Maps, he’ll be fine.”
“And he’s your sweetheart?” Arianna nodded.
Poe laughed out loud at that.
She felt her whole body go red. “N-no, of course not.”
Arianna put three fingers delicately to her red lips. “I’m sorry.”
Hessy grinned and bared it, feeling Raphael’s eye on her. She sat in discomfort at everything, from Poe’s laugh to her forced straight spine in the dress.
“Give it a rest Blanchette,” Raphael muttered.
Arianna clapped her hands together.
“This is a ball. We should be dancing.”
Yes, Hessy thought. Go away and bloody dance.
“Would you care to honor me with your arm, Lady Sundstrøm?” Poe asked politely, rising. Hessy looked at Poe in a panic but he had a look that was up to no good.
Arianna smiled, playing along.
“Well of course, good sir,” she said taking his hand. She stood and turned to Raphael. “Raphael, you must ask Hessy to dance.”
“No, he mustn’t. I don’t dance,” Hessy said quickly. “I mean I was before, but I don’t do it very well. I don’t want to do it again, alright?”
“Fine by me,” Raphael said.
For the first time Arianna gave a disappointed frown at Raphael. “Have you lost what has made you a decent man from being in the militia?”
Hessy’s eyebrows shot high at that.
Poe led Arianna onto the dance floor.
She thought that Raphael wasn’t going to say anything but then he got abruptly to his feet.
“No,” Hessy began but he didn’t give her time to refuse as he pulled her effortlessly onto her feet and practically dragged her onto the dancefloor. She followed, trying to keep the last of her dignity.
“You don’t have to dance with me.”
But they were already standing in the middle of the floor.
She didn’t even have time to decide on a dancing stance as Raphael grabbed her by the waist and brought her close, waiting for the music to begin.
Hessy’s heart was drumming loudly. This was what she wanted, and yet it was so cruel.
Of course, with her bad luck, the band began a slow dance.
Raphael moved them backwards in time with the music. She thought she was going to trip over her dainty boots, but Raphael held her steadfast, taking almost her entire weight effortlessly. Tears pricked her eyes. Raphael was right before her, touching her at last, but he might as well be miles away.
It made her chest ache, or maybe that was the corset.
She looked up to his face. What she saw there made all the hurt evaporate.
He had never looked at her like that.
His amber eye was soft and warm. She felt his thumb stroke the back of her knuckles.
Her senses sparked alive as she felt everything. His breath on her lips, his hand on her back. It all felt right.
She wanted this, him. Maybe she was out of her mind, but she was so sure he felt it too.
They didn’t say a word to each other but neither did they take their eyes off each other. If Hessy said anything, she knew it would ruin this perfect moment.
But it all ended far too quickly as the music played its last note.
They stopped dancing, reality weighing them down. Understanding that his heart belonged to somebody else almost crippled her all over again.
She stepped away, clumsy without him.
“Thank you for the dance.”
Arianna came laughing over to them.
“That Poe! It was meant to be a slow Waltz. May I have the better dancer?” she asked Hessy giving a smile which she physically couldn’t return.
“He’s all yours,” she whispered.
Hessy stepped out of the Guild Hall and onto its curved balcony. The snow had been cleared away for its guests. Soft flakes fell outside the light of the lanterns and Hessy breathed in the brittle air, letting it slice into her lungs. It cleared her head. Inside, the ballroom was too warm and jubilant for her to handle right now. And she absolutely couldn’t watch Raphael dance with Arianna.
She was joined by a gentleman not long after. He was yet another appealing man, older than the others, maybe pushing into his early forties. His first wrinkles just made him look more chiseled. But, like Poe, he wasn’t Raphael. None of them were.
Why was the Jungle of Death looking more and more like a beautiful dream the longer she stayed here?
The gentleman had two drinks of whiskey in his hands. It made Hessy wonder if he had seen her drinking one with Poe.
“Would you care to have a drink with me, my dear lady?”
The whiskey alone was tempting but she didn’t want to give the man the wrong impression.
“No, thank you,” Hessy said. She just wanted to be alone.
“Then perhaps a dance?”
Hessy rolled her eyes.
“Ah, bleeding air-fire. Look, I’m not a damn lady, not even close. I’d just stomp on your toes, maybe even on purpose, alright?”
Her outburst didn’t have the effect she wanted. The gentleman glanced behind him.
“Then perhaps we could go somewhere private, if you like?” He didn’t bother to hide his sly, wandering eyes. “I don’t discriminate based on class.”
Hessy thought of Arianna or other ladies like her here tonight that he could have preyed upon. She shrugged and smiled.
“On second thought, maybe I could use that drink?”
The gentleman grinned, looking triumphant.
She took the glass and threw the whiskey in his arrogant face.
His reaction was laughable, like he had been shot in the eye.
“You whore!”
He flailed, making a grab for her but his grip was feeble. Clearly, he had never been in battle or experienced fleeing a Half-Soul or fought with a stubborn rusted screw. She easily pulled herself free.
“Thanks for the drink,” Hessy said sincerely, making her way back into the Guild Hall, feeling heaps better.
She chuckled, reminding herself of Nattie.
She could even start enjoying the night better if she could do that more.
Hessy weaved amongst the tables.
The other three were sitting back down at their table. Arianna had a glass of sparkling wine in her hand, her laugh reaching her as Poe said something funny.
Raphael had been scanning the room when at last he spotted her as she approached. He rose quickly and whatever he wanted to say to her, she didn’t think she could hear it. Their dance had been too flawless.
Hessy politely squeezed past a middle-aged couple.
“Lara?”
A gloved hand was placed on Hessy’s elbow, catching her attention. “Lara?”
The woman looked confused at Hessy; her mouth parted. Then she let go.
“I’m sorry, dear. I thought you were someone else.”
She smiled at her. “No, it’s alright.”
But the woman still looked confused. “Did you grow up here, dear?”
Raphael had joined them, listening intently. Waiting.
“No, I’m just a guest.” It didn’t stop the woman from staring at Hessy.
“Who’re your parents, dear?”
This lady was relentless.
“No one,” she said, and she could hear it in her own voice, an edge of impoliteness.
“Uncanny …” the woman said, turning round to her partner.
Hessy looked to Raphael for help, wanting him to save her from this unnerving conversation at least.
He led her away without touching her, his hand merely hovering against the small of her back. He brought her up to the bar.
She leaned on the counter, rubbing the back of her neck. Raphael was looking at her the same way he had on the dance floor and it made her feel worse. He ordered them two glasses of water.
Hessy sipped hers, trying to make every small moment with Raphael last if it was possible.
“Do you actually enjoy these things?” she muttered.
Raphael gave half a smile. “Why do you think I joined the Caelum Militia.”
“I don’t blame you.”
He laughed with her, deep in the back of his throat. It stripped all the worries off his face.
Hessy caught herself in a brave moment. “You look really good.”
“It’s just, all this.” He gestured to his uniform and new eye patch.
“No,” she said. “It’s just you.”
His smile faded and her words caused the weight on his back once more. He looked torn. He looked back to Arianna.
Hessy looked over at her too. She was still laughing with Poe, oblivious. And why shouldn’t she be. Someone like that didn’t have to worry about any other woman. Of course, Raphael would pick her. He had picked her when he was a boy and naturally, he was still picking her.
But despite all that, the hope refused to leave Hessy.
“She’s the last resemblance of family I have left,” Raphael said, still looking at Arianna.
Hessy tried to ignore the knife in her gut.
“I took that for granted. I took her for granted and I let her down. Now that Allen is gone I just-”
The band struck up a fast-paced dance and Poe couldn’t resist pulling Arianna to the dance floor. She danced like a bird flying in the wind. She looked so carefree.
Hessy swallowed. “But, does she know about you?”
Raphael stiffened; his jaw clenched. His face became an impenetrable mask before he faced her, his amber eye hardening. He knew exactly what she meant.
“You should tell her. She deserves to know if you’re going to spend the rest of your life together with her,” she told him flatly.
Hessy knew she was overstepping bounds, but she wanted to inflict hurt. Maybe just inflict it on herself.
“You don't know a damn thing about it,” Raphael said through gritted teeth, his eye slightly hostile. How long had he been keeping all that enhanced fury bottled up trying to live a normal life at Sundstrøm Manor?
She pushed him more. She didn’t know why. She could have let it go, but she didn’t. She didn’t want to let any of it go. Her eyes stung with coming tears.
“Maybe you’re just scared. Afraid that she could never accept that side of you,” Hessy said, feeling cruel, hating herself, but she couldn’t stop. “That darker part of your soul-”
The glass in Raphael’s hand shattered, spraying Hessy with shards making her flinch. He towered above her menacingly.
“You have no right. Keep your head inside mundane airship engines where it belongs,” he snarled, the Half-Soul rage finally rising once more.
Hessy wiped away the rapid flow of tears. When her fingers came back bloodied, she gave a surprised gasp. She realized a piece of the glass had cut her cheek.
Raphael blinked away his fury. His lips parted disgusted at himself, reaching for her face.
She wiped the blood off, leaning away from him.
“It’s nothing. I deserved that,” she whispered, trying to leave. “I’m sorry.”
He pulled her back, however.
“Hessy. I didn’t mean that.” He stopped, swallowing hard. “I would never hurt you.”
She pulled her wrist out his hand. “You’re right about one thing, Raphael. No part of me belongs here-”
“Raphael, what’s going on?”
Oh Jupiter, strike me down right now!
She didn’t think she could tolerate any more tonight as Arianna and Poe came over to them.
“Hessy! You’re hurt!” Arianna gasped.
“I was just clumsy. The glass slipped in my hand, that’s all.”
“Oh, poor darling. Come with me to the bathroom, I’ll clean you up.”
It was the last thing Hessy wanted but Arianna was guiding her away from the bar and towards the bathroom.
“There we are,” Arianna soothed, making sure they were alone and undisturbed. “I’m always telling Mr. Law to check his crystal.”
She took out a pearl white handkerchief and ruined it on Hessy’s cheek. “Does it hurt?”
Hessy didn’t bother holding off her tears. “Yes. It does.”
She stayed perfectly still, looking into Arianna’s caring, violet eyes as she fixed her up.
“Thank you,” she said.
“It’s no problem.” She touched Hessy’s other cheek fondly. “I notice things you know. He didn’t tell you about me, did he?”
Hessy wasn’t prepared for that question.
“I guess it never came up. He was private about it. Which I understand.”
“You love him,” Arianna said sympathetically.
Her eyes went wide in denial. “No!”
“It’s okay. I know a girl in love when I see one.”
Hessy shook her head. “He loves you.”
Arianna folded the bloody handkerchief, looking down at it. “Oh, I know he does. Still, you know there were some days I thought he was dead. There were no letters after a while. No word of him for over four years. Sometimes I even hoped he was dead, because … because if he was still alive that meant he had chosen a dark life with the militia instead of a life with me.”
Hessy’s heart broke for Arianna.
“He did come back,” Hessy reminded her.
“You don’t understand. He didn’t give up that life for me. He gave it up for you,” Arianna said, straightening. “I’m not blind to my appearance, so I don’t want to be with someone who is with me out of guilt or out of some obligation to my late father. I deserve far better than that.”
Hessy surprised herself by taking hold of Arianna’s hands.
“But you’re his family.”
Arianna smiled, looking perfect even when her face was screwed up with tears.
“And I always will be. But we aren’t the kids we used to be, not anymore. We went down different paths and they’ll never interlink like I want them to. It would be selfish of me to hold onto that. It’s not what either of us want, I see that now.”
Poe Blanchette
“What happened last night? At the ball?” Arky asked the next morning as they sat next to the fire sharing a breakfast. He was watching her suspiciously.
“Nothing,” Hessy sighed.
“You’ve been quiet ever since then. Was that Poe bastard rude to you?”
“No, he wasn’t. He was a perfect gentleman. I told you nothing happened.”
Hessy hadn’t seen Raphael since she’d slipped out the ball alone, which was just as well. It had been a strange evening. Even if Raphael may have felt similarly towards her once, she knew that he hadn’t chosen her, despite what Arianna might think.
“I just wish that Mr. Arman would hurry,” she said.
“He does as he pleases,” Arky said.
Jed came up to them.
“Sir Poe Blanchette rang for you Mr. Gruber.”
Hessy raised her eyebrows. “For Arky? Are you sure?”
“Yes, he requests an audience with you, sir; he’ll be sending a sleigh round to bring you to his residence.”
Arky looked at her but Hessy merely shrugged.
“I don’t know what that man is thinking half the time. Go.”
“What could he want?” Arky said as he got ready, taking his coat and leaving without so much as a goodbye to Hessy.
“I’ll just wait here, then?” she called after him.
Hessy managed to sit still for all of five minutes. Arianna hadn’t paid her a visit either since the ball and to her surprise, it made Hessy miss her company and bright smile. A friendship like Arianna’s didn’t come along often and Hessy shouldn’t let what was going on with her and Raphael to affect the bond she had slowly formed with the woman. She thought about going to the manor herself, just showing up. But she had the feeling that maybe they didn’t want her there.
Hessy got up, the porter giving her coat.
“Shall I call for a sleigh, my lady?”
“No,” Hessy said. “Thank you.”
She walked out the hotel and just picked a random street to walk down. Maps trotted behind her, mewing relentlessly for her to pick him up but she ignored him.
