Wind River Rancher, page 23
“That way,” Garret said, passing a plate to Shay, “your old man gets attention, but it leaves you free to coordinate things without getting trapped in any drama he might have in mind.”
“I’ll ask Diana if she wants to do it. If she doesn’t, I’ll deal with it.”
Noah gave her a long look. “Well, if Diana can’t do it, then you still need an intercessor of sorts. What you don’t want is to get caught in his craziness.”
“Yeah,” Garret warned, digging into the cake he made, “he’s gonna have questions. He’s gonna be upset or disagree with something we’ve planned. You can count on it, Shay. You need to figure out who your messenger is so he can’t reach you. That’s just the way it has to be so we can get this arena-raising done in two days.”
Hearing the grimness in Garret’s tone, Shay nodded. “Okay, I’ll do whatever has to be done.” She saw all the vets’ faces lose some of their worry. Shay had never felt so protected as now. She’d made a terrible error in not confiding in them sooner . . .
When she looked over at Reese, she saw warmth in his eyes, pride for her, if she was reading him correctly. And she did feel good about sharing the situation with the vets. These men were intelligent and quick to catch on. And they brought good ideas to the table as well . . .
“If things go to hell in a handbasket,” Garret said to her, “what’s your backup plan? What if your old man throws a temper tantrum? Or maybe he knows where there’s liquor kept in the house? A thousand things can go wrong, Shay. You have to have a plan. My old man was real good at sabotaging me. He made it an art form.”
Shay felt her heart break for Garret. She saw the pain in his hazel eyes, the way his mouth drew inward, as if to blunt what he was feeling. Even more, she realized he was being vulnerable in front of all of them for the first time ever. If nothing else came out of this discussion, it was a healing moment for him . . . and for all of them. “You’re right, Garret.”
Reese gave her a glance. “Do you have alcohol here?”
She shook her head. “No. I hate the stuff. I won’t touch it. I remember him having stashes of bottles all over the place. There’s no alcohol in this house now.”
“He could talk Troy into stopping at a liquor store for him,” Garret warned.
Wrinkling her nose, Shay muttered, “I need to call Troy about that.”
“Yep,” Garret said, “cover your bases, Shay.”
Rubbing her brow, she muttered, “This is like learning all over again with him. I left at eighteen. I didn’t know what he was doing while I was in the Corps. I didn’t want to know.”
“Is your old man clean now?” Garret demanded.
Shrugging, Shay said, “I honestly don’t know. They don’t allow alcohol in the nursing home, yet on one visit I thought I smelled it on his breath.”
“Yeah, but someone could be going out to buy your old man a bottle,” Garret said.
“Shay, let me handle Troy,” Reese suggested. “I’ll talk to the manager about this, too. I think we can find out if your father is still drinking or if he’s sober.”
“He’d be crazy to do it,” Shay said, shaking her head. “The doctors have already told him he’s got cirrhosis. That if he doesn’t stop drinking, he’ll die. That should stop him cold.”
Snickering, Garret said, “Sorry, sweetheart, but alcoholics don’t care. All they want is that next drink, even if it kills them.”
She gave him a long look and felt the burden falling on her shoulders all over again. “You’re right,” she whispered, pushing the cake around on her plate with her fork. “There’s a lot I don’t know about his habits because I was gone so long and he refused to come back to the ranch after his stroke. I’m out of the loop.”
“Let me handle this,” Reese repeated. “If he’s still drinking, someone at the nursing home will know.”
“They’d smell it on his breath,” Garret promised.
“Right,” Reese said with a nod. “Tomorrow is Friday. I’ll drive over and talk to the nursing home staff and see what I can find out. I’ll buttonhole Troy and get plans set in regards to your father coming here.”
It felt good to have help. “And I’ll call Diana tomorrow morning. See if she wants to help us this Saturday,” Shay said.
“You need to set a time for him to leave here, too,” Garret warned heavily. “We’re working sixteen hours straight, Shay. We have lights to set up so the people building the houses can keep on going after nightfall. You don’t need your old man around that long. Make it a short visit.”
“You’re right about that, too,” she said. Feeling overwhelmed, Shay realized having her father here on Saturday was like an unraveling ball of yarn, and she couldn’t quite get her hands around it to stop it.
“I’ll talk to the manager,” Reese told her. “She’ll have suggestions on how long your father should be here. Let me get back to you on that?”
“Yes . . . thank you.”
Harper gave Shay a kind look. “Listen, your focus is the arena-raising, Shay. Let us help you. You stay clear of your father except when and if you want to come in and check on him yourself. All right?”
“And let Diana Adson deal with him,” Garret warned her darkly. “The more you come in to see him, the more he’s going to expect it. So don’t go there.”
* * *
Shay sat at the trestle table, a cup of chamomile tea in her hands. It was 3:00 A.M. When she heard a door open and close down the hall, she knew Reese was getting up. Relieved, she saw him amble down the hall in a white T-shirt and blue pajama bottoms, feet bare. His hair was tousled and his eyes sleep ridden. Max got up, going to greet him. Reese leaned down, ruffling the dog’s fur.
“How long you been up?” he mumbled, going to the cupboard for a mug.
“An hour,” Shay admitted quietly.
“Did you get any sleep at all?”
Mouth quirking, she said, “Not really. Just going over everything that needs to be done here today. They’re going to be bringing in the tents this afternoon to set up where we’ll have the food and drinks. That has to be done first.” She pushed her hair behind her shoulder as Reese came over and sat in his chair at her elbow. Her heart blossomed with such need of this man, who was like a quiet oasis in the storm of her life. And that’s what it felt like right now: a hurricane shrieking around her.
“It’s stressful, but we’ve got everything organized, Shay. Noah, Harper, and Garret are good men. They’re leaders in their own right and they’ll all be out there as your lieutenants. You’re the general. Everyone will come to you and then you’ll defer to one of them. Whoever has that area of responsibility, will take it, and then you’re freed up again. It will work fine.”
She absorbed his tender look and hungrily soaked in his low, deep voice still laden with sleep. “What woke you up?”
“Dunno,” he said, sipping the tea. “Just woke up. Figured you’d be out here, so I got up.” His eyes crinkled as he held her gaze. Max laid down between them.
“I just want this to go well, Reese. I’m so worried . . .”
He reached out, sliding her hand into his. “It’s going to go fine. Like clockwork. You have military-trained people here running it. We know how to organize and execute. You know that.”
“You’re always the voice of reason in my life,” she offered weakly, giving him a grateful look, hungrily soaking up the strength of his long, warm fingers around hers. “Thank you, Reese . . . You’ll never know how much I lean on you, rely on you. I don’t know what I’d do right now if you weren’t here with me.”
“You’d soldier on,” he told her. “You’re stronger than you think, Shay. You don’t have to do this alone. You have four of us, and we won’t let you down.”
Blowing out a breath, Shay closed her eyes for a moment and nodded. Opening them, she fell into his dark green gaze that told her he yearned for her. Her lower body felt like coals coming to life once more; she was a woman who desired Reese. “I know that, and it gives me the strength to get through this.”
“Everyone coming on Saturday wants to help you, Shay. The only potential problem I see is your father. And that’s an emotional pull on you that no one can shield you from.”
“It’s okay, Reese.” She gave him a wry look. “And poor Garret. This was the first time he’s ever spoken up about his family. I felt so sorry for him last night. I could see he hated admitting it to us.”
“I’m sure he had it rough,” Reese agreed. “But like you, he’s stronger for it. Adversity always makes us stronger, whether we realize it or not.” He squeezed her hand. “I was proud of you with your father today. You kept your boundaries with him. That’s a huge step, Shay. Don’t you think?”
She rolled her eyes. “It is, yes, but I have to maintain it. I have to do it every time with him. That’s what is scary, because it means I have to have a secondary alertness. I get easily distracted. I’ve got to totally retrain myself to do this right, and I will. But then to have him ask to be out here on Saturday? His request blew me away. I wasn’t prepared for it. I’m still not.”
“But we’ll have people in place to protect you from him tomorrow.”
“Isn’t it sad, Reese, that I have to have protection?” She searched his darkening eyes. “I feel like a wuss. Like I should have anticipated all the things we talked about at dinner tonight. But I hadn’t.”
“You’re an ACOA, adult child of an alcoholic, Shay. There’s patterns that are in play between you and your father that you don’t even realize. Others see them, but you don’t. Someday, you will. Garret gave you a lot of excellent advice. And you’re acting upon it.”
“Of all the days he wanted to come to the ranch,” she whispered, shaking her head. “Why now?”
“Do you think it’s because he misses the ranch? Misses the way of life he’s known?”
Snorting softly, Shay said, “I think he wants to come out here and start telling me how to run the ranch. That’s what I think.”
“I thought the same.”
Shay stared at him. She felt his hand tighten a little around hers. “I won’t allow him to do that,” she said firmly.
“Legally, you’re in charge and the ranch belongs to you,” Reese reminded her.
“I don’t want a war with him over the ranch, Reese.”
“Don’t go there. At least, not yet.”
She felt fear invade her. Felt as if the whole world that she was trying to build, based upon her vision, suddenly was unstable. Her father was a hard, willful man and she knew how brutal he could become when he wanted his way. “Do you think he’s coming out here to see what’s going on? See how he can plan on taking it back? Taking over?”
Shrugging, Reese said gently, “We don’t know, Shay. Not yet. I think when you talk to Diana, and if she’s in agreement to be your intercessor with your father, she’ll keep her ears open. He might ply her with questions about the ranch.”
Grimacing, Shay looked at him. “I hope you’re wrong about this.”
“I do too,” he said. “Let’s take this one step at a time. You’re overwhelmed and I can see it in your eyes.” He released her hand and gave her a sympathetic look. “Maybe your father is lonely. Maybe he just wants to be back home. That nursing facility can’t be much fun to live in. And maybe that’s behind his request to come out here. It could be that simple, Shay. So we can’t afford to jump to conclusions. What we can do is be aware of possibilities, and that’s it until he shows us otherwise.”
* * *
Shay sat on the side of the house, on the porch swing, watching dawn light up the tips of the Wilson Mountain Range far to the west and across the valley. The birds were singing gaily, flitting around, and she saw a herd of elk skirting the fir trees in the distance. She enjoyed the fog that lay in soft, gauzy strands across the pasture. Everything was quiet right now and she hungrily absorbed it. Looking at her watch, she knew the vets would be up in a few minutes. There was a lot of preparation to be done today to get the arena-raising on track and working fluidly for Saturday.
Her heart turned to Reese. Last night she almost asked him to come and sleep with her. Intuitively, Shay knew Reese would hold her and she’d sleep deeply in his arms. He was a calm, safe harbor in her life. He always said the right thing to her at the right time. He never told her what to do, as her father had always done. He treated her as an equal and someone he respected. It felt so good, and she ached to be in his arms, to know what it would be like to fully love this man.
So much stood in their way. Shay found herself wanting Reese. She loved each time he would hold her hand or touch her. She always wanted to touch him. The conversation where he’d said that he felt he was half the man he used to be, ate at her. And she couldn’t ignore how Reese saw himself. Shay understood better than most about the shame that always came to a vet who had hit bottom. It was so hard to be objective and see that even she had made progress. Reese didn’t see it in himself, either. She wanted to remind him of his goodness, of the things he did well, the people he helped and supported. Reese saw none of it. Not yet. With her help she silently promised him, one day, he would.
She moved the swing slowly with the toe of her boot; she was wrapped in a warm nylon jacket to ward off the cool morning air. The quiet was going to be broken soon. Everything was changing. Shay prayed that she had the strength and flexibility to change with it. A part of her heart wanted her father at the ranch for the day. Her head did not. He could become contentious, a burr under the collective saddle of their efforts to make the arena-raising a success.
Rubbing her brow, a headache lingering, Shay wondered if Garret was right: that her father had his eye on running the ranch once more. There was a lot of darkness in Garret toward his own father. Was he projecting that onto her’s? Shay didn’t know.
Her heart ached for Reese. How she wanted an intimate relationship with him. Shay knew it would help her. And she knew she could support Reese emotionally and help him, as well. He was a bright spot in her life. But what part would her father play in her life? Like Reese, Shay wanted to believe he was missing the ranch. Who wouldn’t? Garret had darker suspicions, and she squirmed inwardly, feeling tightness begin in her stomach once more. Was she going to have to fight Ray at some point for control of the ranch? Was that his real reason for his change of mind?
Shay felt as if she were at the edge of a proverbial cliff with nowhere to go. Was her father coming out to watch, and then savagely scream at her and tell her she was destroying the family legacy? He was capable of doing it. He’d done it to her so many times before.
Wishing that Ray could see the good she’d done, how hard everyone worked to get the ranch back on its feet, was what she hoped for instead. But her father was an alcoholic. And he never admitted he had the disease, nor did he think he had a problem with liquor to this day. He was still in denial.
If her father could be that blind to himself, what made her think he was any less blind about the ranch? The headache worsened and Shay closed her eyes, wrapping her arms about herself as she rocked. Inwardly, she sensed Garret was right; that Ray wanted the ranch back. Wanted to remove her from running it. And if that was so, Shay knew he’d drive off the four vets. And herself. God . . .
Chapter Eighteen
By 7:00 A.M. on Saturday, all the equipment, vendors, and supplies, along with seventy-five volunteers, had arrived. It was cold, in the forties, everyone huddled in a large semicircle in the barn, dealing with directions and instructions from the various team leaders who would work on the arena roof or start creating those four houses.
Steve Whitcomb, Reese, and Shay, were in the main barn, both doors open, sitting at a makeshift plywood desk, built Friday so they each had a spot to work from. Max, Shay’s golden retriever, lay at her feet, only his eyes moving, watching the comings and goings of so many people.
There was joviality, excitement, and vitality in the air. The wives, girlfriends, sisters, and aunts, were staffing the food tents below the barns. Busy men and women lined up, waiting for a hearty breakfast to be served on paper plates. Hot, steaming coffee was being poured liberally into waiting paper cups. Reese divided his attention between his responsibilities and keeping tabs on Shay.
He saw the smudges beneath her eyes, knowing full well she hadn’t slept at all last night. He had, thankfully. The other vet leaders—Garret, Harper, and Noah—were at their makeshift desks out in the aisleway, each having management responsibility for different phases of the house building.
As the men and women filed in after eating a quick breakfast at the picnic tables set up in neat rows near the food tents, they received their work assignments. The air was festive and laughter was often heard. He saw Shay’s spirit being lifted by the good-hearted people arriving to help her. Many of them came over and gave her a hug. Reese began to see the worry in her expression diminish over the next two hours.
As things got organized—on Friday the vendors had already brought in the materials needed—and the crane was in place next to the arena, Reese wanted to pull Shay aside and give her a break. She was looking a little strained. He knew at 10:00 A.M. her father would arrive in the van driven by Troy. It was on her mind and he could feel it. Walking over to her, he slipped his hand beneath her elbow to get her attention.
“Hey, let’s take a break,” he urged her. “How about some hot coffee, get out in the sunlight and warm up? Steve will pinch-hit for us.”
Shay straightened and turned. “But can Steve handle all this by himself?” She turned, worriedly looking over at him.
“Everything’s under control,” Reese assured her. “Come on. Walk with me?”
“Let’s see if we can get Steve something before we leave. Maybe he wants a cup of coffee, too. It’s cold out here this time of morning.”
Releasing her elbow, Reese nodded and stepped aside. How like Shay to think of others first. A fierce emotion swept through him, gripping his heart, gripping him. Reese kept trying to avoid the word “love” when it came to Shay, but he was old enough, experienced enough, to realize he was falling in love with this wounded but stalwart woman. The glistening look in her eyes as she came back from giving Steve a cup of coffee, smiling up at him, stole his breath away for a moment. Shay’s light brown hair was loose around her shoulders. Like everyone else, she wore a down nylon coat to keep warm, jeans, and boots. He read such hope in her eyes as he walked at her side down the aisle and out into the morning sunlight.
