The Life Wish, page 18
“All I did,” Thane finally started. “Was—”
I held up a hand to pause him so I could keep listening to the rest of Raina’s rambling explanation. “For some reason, that really set her off. I mean, she just kind of started attacking him almost out of the blue with, ‘I know you don’t like me,’ ‘I’m sure Foster told you everything I ever did wrong,’ and ‘I’m sure he blames me for Hayes—’”
“Who…” Thane shook his head and tried to squint in Raina’s direction. “Who’re you talking to?” he asked. “Is that—Shit. Are you still seeing the girl from the—”
“Shh,” I warned him, waving a hand in his direction because now I had to know how his conversation had ended with my mother.
“Thane tried to convince her that he didn’t hate her, but then he finally admitted that he did kind of have a chip on his shoulder because she never tried to tell you that Hayes’s death wasn’t your fault, and—”
“Whoa!” I lifted my hands and turned to Thane. “You don’t like my mom?”
“What?” he glanced in Raina’s general direction with a condemning scowl before turning back to me with helpless desperation. “I never said that. I don’t even think it. Damn, man. Your mom is fierce and loyal and loves the fuck out of you. Of course, I like her.”
I shook my head. “But you held it against her because she never told me that Hayes wasn’t my fault?”
With another scowl in Raina’s direction, he muttered, “Jesus. You’re little friend just listened in on our entire conversation, didn’t she?”
I stepped between her and Thane, even though there was absolutely no reason for me to be protective. “Yes, she apparently did,” I said, tightening my jaw as I narrowed my eyes at him. “And thank God, so I know what actually happened between you and my mother.”
Thane’s shoulders slumped, and he heaved out a big breath. “Okay,” he finally admitted, rolling his eyes. “Maybe I’ve always thought you could’ve healed better if she had been the one to tell you it wasn’t your fault, but—”
“Thane,” I broke in softly, stopping him there. Then I shook my head and heaved out a quiet, bitter laugh. “Man, I appreciate your support and how much you care, but…” After wiping a hand over my face, I glanced over at Raina, who was watching me with big, worried eyes.
Turning back to Thane, I admitted, “I didn’t want her to know.”
He blinked, wrinkling his brow in confusion.
“She lost her seven-year-old son,” I explained. “And it almost broke her. She was so depressed afterward.” Shaking my head, I glanced toward the doorway to make sure none of my younger siblings were listening in before I lowered my voice and continued, “I wasn’t supposed to, but I overheard her and Dad once, and I—I think she was suicidal for a while.”
“Shit,” Thane breathed, shaking his head sadly.
“My dad blamed himself too. He thought he should’ve been there to help. We all came away from it, wracked with guilt. So I never wanted to burden them with mine too. I was okay with carrying my burden because they had enough of their own to deal with.”
Heaving out a breath, Thane closed his eyes. “Man, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”
I reached out and clasped his shoulder. “It’s okay,” I said, even though I was still reeling from the whole ordeal. I mean, I’d just been freaking kicked out of the only home I’d ever lived in. “Your heart was in the right place.”
He huffed out a dry laugh. “I seriously only stopped by to see how you were doing.”
I laughed along with him. “Well, Raina let me sleep in this morning. So at least I got some rest.”
“Hey!” she cried indignantly from the wall where she’d been hovering, trying to stay out of the way of my big, emotional moment.
I grinned over at her and winked.
“You’re still seeing her, then?” Thane asked, glancing in the same direction I just had.
I nodded and turned toward Raina, heaving in a big breath and giving her a what-am-I-going-to-do-with-you look. “Yep. I do believe she’s stuck with me twenty-four seven now.”
Rolling her eyes, she muttered, “Or you’re stuck with me.”
Wrinkling my nose, I lifted a finger to try to sort that idea out. “But if I was stuck with you, wouldn’t I be unable to leave your hospital room?”
“Oh, whatever,” she grumbled moodily and crossed her arms over her chest before backing into the wall and disappearing through it to storm out.
I laughed at her reaction, and next to me, Thane drew my attention with, “So...” Scratching his head, he winced and shuffled his weight from one foot to the other. “Do you think she’d be willing to talk to Parker—through you, of course—and try to put his mind at ease? He’s still beating himself up pretty badly over her accident.”
I lifted my eyebrows. “Man, you just want everyone to tell someone else they’re not to blame today, don’t you?”
When Thane cringed, I lifted a hand. “But yeah. I’ll ask her if she’s willing. She doesn’t seem to blame any of us.”
“You…” Thane squinted out into the room before turning back to me and asking, “So you can’t just ask her now?”
I shook my head. “She walked through the wall in a huff when I teased her, so she’s no longer in here, sorry.”
“I did not walk out in a huff,” she called from the bathroom. “And yes, I can talk to Parker or Keene or whoever you need me to reassure. I’m good with that.”
“Thank you,” I lifted my voice to answer, only to nod at Thane. “She said she’d do it.”
He blew out a breath. “Thanks.” Raising up, he told the bathroom door, “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” Raina answered, staying out of sight.
Before I could translate that, however, my fifteen-year-old sister burst into the room. “Dude,” she gasped with wide eyes, out of breath from her dash. “I just heard Mom and Dad outside. Did you get kicked out?”
So, despite my protests, my dad surprisingly sided with my mom, and I was given an official seven-month eviction notice.
I think my siblings took it worse than I did.
“Are we ever going to get to see you again?” Reed asked with wide, worried eyes.
I laughed and dragged an arm over his shoulders to pull him close and tousle his hair. “Of course. I’ll probably still be over every day, begging for food and doing my laundry. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”
“In that case, can I have your room?” Brey wondered.
Which prompted Amy to scoff. “I don’t think so. I’m the next oldest. I get his room.”
Brey only shrugged. “So then, can I have your room?”
Meanwhile, Little tugged on my pant leg to get my attention. Letting go of Reed, I hefted her into my arms where she pressed her cheek to mine. “But I don’t want you to go. Who am I going to crawl into bed with when I get scared at night?”
“Aww…” From the corner where she’d been trying to watch as silently as possible, Raina waved her hands in front of her face as if to dry emotional tears. “That is so precious.”
“Kiddo,” I said sympathetically as I stroked the four-year-old’s hair. “You can go to literally anyone else in the house. They’ll make sure you stay safe.”
Brey snorted and rolled her eyes, muttering, “Not me.”
When I sent her a stern glance, she only said, “What? She kicks and snores.”
“I’ll go to Reed,” Little decided with a serious bob of the head.
And Amy gasped. “What about me? I could keep you safe.”
But Little only shrugged and made a face. “But you snore.”
I laughed along with Reed and Breydan while Amy cried out a sputtering denial. Then kissing Little’s blond ringlets, I announced, “Come on. Why don’t the five of us go eat lunch at Duke’s? I gotta clock in at noon and…” Glancing at Amy, I asked, “Maybe you could drive them back home afterward?”
She grimaced over the idea of transporting her younger siblings anywhere, but she did love to use her driver’s permit and take her car places, so she reluctantly said, “Oh, all right.”
The others cheered, and I was relieved that we were giving Mom some time to recover after her emotional morning.
So Reed and Little piled into my truck with me, while Amy and Brey jumped in the car, and to the pizza parlor we went. Once we arrived, we sat at a table for six, and I made sure the empty chair to my right was pushed out just enough for Raina to slip in and join us. And every time someone walked by, pushing it back in as they passed, I slid my shoe over to push it out again a few inches without anyone noticing.
My ghost seemed to enjoy our sibling outing. She laughed with the others and only made me respond to her once when she asked if I knew some girls who were looking at me. I glanced over on instinct, and the strangers turned away as if embarrassed to be caught staring.
After lunch, I spent eight hours delivering pizzas.
It was just after eight in the evening by the time I was finally done for the day. I climbed behind the wheel of my truck and shut the door before glancing over at my passenger.
“Oh my God,” she groaned, wiping the back of her hand across her forehead. “Is your entire life this cram-packed every day?”
I chuckled softly. “Actually, it’s usually more school and football practice, but yeah, I keep busy.”
“Damn.” With a weary groan, she pulled her feet up onto the seat with her and hugged her knees to her chest before yawning. “I didn’t even do anything, just followed you around everywhere, and I’m freaking wiped out.”
“So I’m going to guess that you don’t feel like going over to visit Parker tonight,” I asked as I started the engine.
She cringed at me. “Am I awful if I say not tonight?”
“Not at all,” I assured and geared the truck into drive to take us home.
“I just feel so tired.” Turning in the seat to face me as she kept hugging her knees to her chest, she leaned her head to the side so she could rest it on the back of her seat.
When she closed her eyes and yawned, I glanced at the dark smudges under her lashes. “Do you think you’re okay? I mean, your body at the hospital?”
She shrugged without opening her eyes. “I hope so. Too tired to care right now.”
From there, I swear she passed out cold. I kept glancing at her, frankly concerned, until I reached a light. When it turned green, I knew I should’ve gone straight and just taken her to my house, but I turned right and headed toward the hospital instead. There were another forty-five minutes of visitation left. I could pop in real quick and make sure she was okay, then hurry back to the truck before she woke up.
But as soon as I stopped by the gift store, she appeared next to me, yawning and rubbing her eyes. “What’re you doing?”
“Shit!” I hissed, spinning toward her in surprise. Then I glanced toward the counter where the cashier was to make sure he hadn’t heard me. But thankfully he was droned out on his phone, not paying me any attention.
Spinning back to her I whispered, “You scared the crap out of me.”
She irritably rubbed her eyes. “I thought we were going to your house. Where there’s a bed. I need a bed. Where even are we?”
“Hospital gift shop.” Leaning close, I asked, “What’s your favorite flower?”
“Gaillardias,” she mumbled, dropping her arms and blinking at the row of flowers lining the wall in front of us. “Wait. Are you buying me flowers?”
Ignoring that, I turned to blink at her. “Blanket flowers are your favorite? Really?”
“What? They’re the happiest, most colorful flower around.”
“But they’re a freaking weed.”
Raina gasped in offense. “They’re beautiful.”
I shrugged. “Either way. They don’t sell gaillardias here. What’s your second favorite?”
“From this selection?” Raina wrinkled her nose, clearly not impressed by the carnations and roses in front of her. “I don’t know. The tulips, I guess. Why’re you buying me flowers?”
“Because you’re in the hospital,” I said, plucking up a vase arrangement of white tulips and baby’s breath.
At the check-out counter, I plopped it down and pulled out my wallet to pay as the guy behind the cash register took his time about setting his phone aside and ringing me up.
“Would you like these delivered to a certain room?” he asked.
“Nah,” I answered, pulling out a credit card. “I’m on my way up to the ICU now; I’ll just take them with me.”
“Oh.” Wincing, he set his scanner down. “Sorry, man. But they don’t accept flowers up there. Or food. Nothing perishable. Cards, balloons, and stuffed animals only.”
With a sigh, I started to shove the credit card away, only for Raina’s voice to coo from across the room where she’d been browsing the shelves. “Oh my goodness. Would you look at this horse plushie? It’s like a mini Stetson the Stallion. Isn’t it just the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?”
Pausing to glance over, I lifted my eyebrows at Raina who was crouching down behind a brown horse as if trying to replace it with her face. Then she lifted her hand by its side and waved at me.
“Hi, Foster,” she said with a deeper tone, mimicking what she must think a horse voice would sound like.
I sniffed out a smile, glad to see a bit of perky Raina return. So I pointed and pulled my credit card back out. “I guess I’ll take the stuffed horse, then.”
“Right on.” The guy behind the cash register nodded and rang me up.
19
FOSTER
When we made it up to the fourth floor, Darlene was working and informed me, “We had to put her into a medically induced coma. After the number of times she went into cardiac arrest, her brain was beginning to swell to the point that her doctor decided to give it a little rest to heal more easily. But we’ll reassess her again in three days to see if we can take her out of it then.”
I swallowed and looked in at Raina’s body. “How—what do you even do to induce a coma?”
“The doctor administered some anesthesia,” I was told.
I nodded. “Which would make her drowsier.” Okay, that made sense. It would explain why Raina felt so tired all of a sudden. I started to relax until Darlene squinted at me.
“She was already unconscious, hon. How can you get drowsier when you’re already unconscious?”
Crap. I probably shouldn’t have said that aloud. With a tight smile, I agreed, “Right. Sorry.”
I stayed another half hour, and Raina tried a handful of ways to get back into her body, none of which worked. Then, I stood and sent her a regretful wince. “Sorry, but visiting hours are almost up.”
She sighed dismally but nodded. “Okay, let’s go.” And we started home.
I stepped into the bathroom as soon as we arrived to take a shower, and Raina dragged her feet toward my bed to plop down in exhaustion. Pausing in the doorway, I watched her, wondering how she didn’t just fall right through the mattress. Or why sometimes she could lean against a wall but then could float through it at other times.
But I figured I’d probably never truly understand, so I shook my head and took my shower.
When I exited, she was passed out cold on top of the mattress. I finished getting ready for bed and then eased down next to her, focusing on her face as I did.
When her eyelids fluttered open, I winced. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“It’s fine,” she slurred sleepily. “Do you want me to leave?”
“You’re okay,” I assured. “It’s not like you could kick or elbow me.”
She gave me a tired smile and closed her eyes. “But I could snore.”
I chuckled. “Then I’ll just snore louder.”
With a snicker, she answered, “Sweet,” and then she fell silent.
I watched her for another few seconds, thinking I kind of liked having her here. The company was nice.
With her eyes still shut, she murmured, “You’re staring.”
“Sorry.” Flushing, I cleared my throat.
“It’s okay,” she assured, drowsily reopening her eyes. “Was there something you wanted?”
“No.” I shook my head. “I was just hoping you were okay. Are you feeling okay?”
She nodded. “Sure. There’s no pain. No hunger. No hot or cold. Not much of anything. It’s different and weird, but I’m okay.”
“Good.”
Her eyes closed again, and I kept watching her.
I really liked her hair, I decided. Auburn was definitely my new favorite color. And those curls. Sometimes they just waved, sometimes there was a whole corkscrew. It was as if every lock did its own thing. It was fascinating as hell.
“Have you forgiven me yet for not telling you about your sister?” I asked.
Her hazel-gray eyes opened again, and she sent me a sad smile. “I suppose. Being around you kind of makes me forget to be sad, so it—ooh! Hey. Speaking of Kins, I never got a chance to tell you about my dream. I saw her last night. And your brother too.”
“Hayes?” I asked in surprise.
She nodded.
After she explained Hayes’s job of guiding spirits and his theory about the pathway in her head and getting to see her sister and meet her mom, I sighed. “So he’s still seven when you see him?” When Raina nodded, I shook my head. “Weird. For some reason, whenever I think of him, I picture him at the age he should be now. Almost nineteen and a freshman in college. I see him as this perfect mix between me and Reed.”
“I think he would’ve been the shortest of the three brothers,” Raina played along. “But maybe the huskiest too.”
