The Problem with Lust, page 11
I’ve become more aware, the older I get, that having sex for the sake of it doesn’t make me feel better.
That’s the problem with lust. It satisfies a primal urge, but it doesn’t last. It doesn’t fill that gaping big hole inside because it’s a short high, and I don’t want that anymore.
I want something longer, something lasting, something like Al has. What I want isn’t something that Sadie, or even Hot Gina, can give me.
So I go straight home and flop in front of the TV.
I wake up late the next day to discover that I’ve fallen asleep on the couch. It’s a pain in the ass, because I’m supposed to be at the garage, fixing a couple of cars, and doing overtime.
I get ready quickly and rush to work. Once I’m in my coveralls, I plug in my phone to charge up, and then I get to work.
Sometime later, I check my phone to see a whole heap of messages have come in.
But it’s the text from Trinity that I read first.
She sent it late last night. She texted to let me know that the money’s been paid into Enzo’s account and she’s ready to pick up the car.
I call Enzo and tell him the news, and he confirms that Trinity can come and collect her car.
I call Trinity but when she doesn’t answer, I leave her a message and tell her that I’ll be here for the next hour if she wants to come now, or she can come during the weekday. Then I get back to fixing the car.
It’s because I need this job, because I want to stay on Enzo’s good side, that I offered to come in and fix this car for a good friend of his. I need to do a good job because Enzo didn’t dock my wages for letting Trinity go around the block a few times in the car.
He would have, if she’d crashed it. He’d have fired me as well. I’m lucky she’s a safe driver and didn’t do anything stupid, otherwise that could have been the end of me working here.
It was a silly thing to do even for someone like me who likes to ride on the wild side. Trinity isn’t as restrained as she makes out. There’s another side to her. I’m sure it’s been there all along, but she either hides it, or she’s not aware of it.
I seem to bring out that side in her, not that I want to take credit for it, but she starts to falter whenever I’m around. I can sniff that type of vulnerability.
She wants me, and she’s fighting it. She plays it safe, but I reckon she sometimes wants to let her hair down, and the only reason she hasn’t so far is because she hasn’t met the type of guy who can help her to do that.
I’m not that guy, because I would be so, so wrong for her, but there’s definitely something going on between us; a sizzle that I don’t get from the others. Even Hot Gina naked with pizza slices all over her body doesn’t do it for me as much as Trinity does, and that is how weird our entanglement has become.
An hour later, I’ve finished working on the car. I glance at my watch because it doesn’t look as if Trinity is coming today. I’m ready to pack up and go home, so I go into the office and climb out of my coveralls. I whip off my T-shirt and pull out a fresh one when I hear the sound of someone coughing. I spin around with my arms in the arm holes of the T-shirt.
It’s her.
Trinity stares at me with her mouth open, but her gaze isn’t one of admiration.
“Sorry, I didn’t realize you were getting changed…” she says, but she’s not checking out my abs, or my muscles, she’s staring at my scars.
“You should knock,” I tell her, quickly slipping my head through the T-shirt and pulling it down. I try to gauge her reaction. She looks as if she has questions, but I’m not giving her any answers.
“I thought everyone had gone home.”
“The shutters would be down if that was the case. You’re here for the car, right?” I ask, more harshly than I intended.
“I got your message, that’s why I came.”
“Let me get you the keys. Enzo has some more paperwork he wants you to sign. Goddamn paperwork,” I mutter under my breath as I head towards his office. Trinity trots after me.
“If this is a bad time, I can pick it up during the week, if you need to be someplace else.” That’s the thing about her. She’s always so polite, so accommodating even when she doesn’t need to be, and she doesn’t need to be because she’s the customer.
I smooth back my hair and leave my T-shirt out of my jeans. She probably thinks I’m going on a date, but I’m not. I’m going to shoot some pool with my friends.
“You should have come earlier.” I don’t want her making me too late.
“Sorry. I was having lunch with my parents. It’s a Sunday thing.”
Lunch with her parents. Well, isn’t that all peachy-keen?
“Would you rather I came during the week? I don’t want to put you out.”
I huff out a breath. “You’re here now, but didn’t you want to …” I stop, because what I’m about to say might come across as patronizing.
She peers at me. “What?”
“Didn’t you want to get a second opinion about the car?” Maybe she should show it to someone, like her dad, or a guy friend, even that weird guy Ed.
“You’ve already told me it’s a good deal.”
“You shouldn’t take my advice so willingly.”
“Did you lie to me about the car?”
“No.”
“Then, why are you asking me these questions?”
“Just wanted to make sure you did your due diligence.”
“I took your word for it. You’re a mechanic, aren’t you? You’d be the best person to give me advice.”
That’s what I was worried about, that she took my advice, and based solely on that, and the test drive, she bought the car. It is a good car, and I haven’t lied or tried to sell it to her like a snake oil salesman, but even so, I’d feel better knowing she’d gotten a second opinion. “I was only making a suggestion,” I mutter.
“You seem annoyed.” Her voice has a hint of accusation in it, enough for me to take note.
“Do I?” I say that in a tone which is supposed to indicate surprise. But I am annoyed, and I can’t put my finger on why. Maybe, it’s because I don’t usually meet a woman then have to forget about her, especially if there’s something about her that catches my eye.
I’d usually end up in bed with her.
I don’t understand what it is about Trinity that I find appealing, but I do know that getting her into my bed is out of the question.
She’s forbidden fruit. She’s a goddamn elementary schoolteacher, kind, and friendly and nicer than nice. She knits, or something, and has a goddamn cat. She’s not a friends-with-benefits type of woman.
Her life is simple and uncomplicated.
She’s someone whose heart I would break.
“I texted you last night,” she continues, surprising me again.
“I was busy.” I scratch my chin, and my eyes take in her linen pants and her loose top. She dresses way older than she should, in my opinion.
“I bet you were.”
Something about the way she said that makes me tilt my head. “My friend Al, you’ve met him, he’s the guy who towed your car. It was his girlfriend’s birthday.”
“I know Al,” she cries.
“He proposed to his girlfriend right before she cut the cake.”
Trinity’s eyes ooze as if I’ve made her day. “He proposed?” she asks, on a sigh.
“Cheesy, huh?” In fact it wasn’t cheesy at all, so I’m not sure why I said this.
“Romantic.”
I cock my head. “Yeah, maybe.”
“Truly romantic,” sighs Trinity. “Was she surprised?”
“I think so. She said ‘yes.’”
“Awww,” she coos as if they’re her best friends and she’s over-the-moon ecstatic about their news.
“It was great. I didn’t stick around too late though.”
“Why not?”
“I didn’t want to.”
She looks puzzled.
“I had other plans.”
“Other plans?” She looks at me with fearful eyes, as if she thinks I’ve done something illegal. I can’t figure out if she’s judgmental or curious.
“Do you want to know what I almost did last night, Trinity?” I take a step towards her. To my surprise, she doesn’t step back. Her lips are still parted, and I imagine what it would be like to take her face in my hands and press my lips against hers. Then I think of a hundred reasons why I shouldn’t.
“What did you almost do?” she whispers.
Christ. There’s a hungry look in her eyes that I’m familiar with. With only me and her in this office, I could so easily kiss her.
“You’ll judge me if I tell you.”
“I won’t,” she insists.
My lips curl up slightly. “I’m pretty sure you will.” I’m half-tempted to tell her about Sadie, because I don’t want to lie, and because I want to see how easily she shocks.
“What did you almost do?” she asks.
I swallow, because it’s on the tip of my tongue. I’m debating whether to lie, or tell the truth. If I lie, she’ll think I’m a good guy, if I tell the truth, she’ll see me for the loser that I am.
“I almost called my friend for sex.”
She takes a step back, and disappointment colors her eyes.
She looks at me as if she doesn’t know whether I’m joking or not. The look of disgust on her face stings me. “I bet you think badly of me now, huh?”
She shrugs. “What you do is none of my business.”
“You did ask,” I say.
“I didn’t know you were going to say that.” She believes me, and all of a sudden I don’t want her to. Her words cut deep and she would hate me if she ever found out the truth.
“I’m kidding,” I say, rushing to contain the damage.
I want her to think I’m a good guy.
Good enough for her.
She lets out a short huff. “You joked about something like that?”
I pretend-laugh. “Yeah.”
“Why?”
“To see what you’d say.”
“Sick.” She shakes her head as if this doesn’t make sense and walks towards the door.
“My phone died, and I didn’t charge it up until just now,” I say, in an attempt to explain. “That’s why I didn’t get your text last night. And if you were in such a hurry to pick up the car, you should have called the garage. You don’t have to call me direct.”
A flash of disappointment crosses her face. “It was late, I figured the garage would be closed, but I wanted you to get the commission for the sale.”
“Why?” Why does she always want to do nice stuff for me? She doesn’t owe me a thing.
“I was only trying to do you a favor. You’ve asked me to do you a favor before, remember?”
I’m not in a great mood, and neither, it appears, is she. I’m not sure why that’s the case when yesterday we were just fine together.
“I don’t get a commission since this isn’t a car lot.”
She holds her hand to her forehead, “Don’t you start.”
“Start what?” I shrug when she doesn’t say anything. “Let’s get this over and done with quickly. I need to be somewhere.”
“Another date?” she asks, her voice cool and collected.
“I’m going to shoot pool with some friends.”
“Oh.” She sounds as if I surprised her. But I’m now having second thoughts about that. Seeing Al surrounded by his family last night, and Trinity telling me she’s just had lunch with her parents convinces me I need to go see my adoptive dad. He would love it if I brought Trinity home to meet him. I’ve never introduced any of my girlfriends to him before. Never felt the need to.
I push that thought right out of my head and call her over to the desk to sign the relevant paperwork.
While she’s doing that, I remember that Enzo told me to hand her the car’s logbook which he’d checked. I search the desk, find it and hand that to her. “There’s the car’s logbook. You should look through it. I should have shown you yesterday, before you bought the car.”
She flicks through it quickly. “It looks fine. I’m not sure what I should be looking for. It says one owner.”
From the envelope Enzo left behind, I fish out the two sets of car keys for the car. “Here you go.” I dangle them in front of her.
“Thanks.” She takes them from me, and we stare at one another.
“Do I just drive off? No more paperwork to sign?”
“No more paperwork,” I force myself to say. “You just get in and drive that baby away.”
But I don’t want her to leave. The atmosphere is suddenly heavy, and that’s my fault. “You didn’t tell me what you did last night,” I say, in a bid to stop her from rushing off, in a bid to try to salvage myself.
It works, because she stops, and seems to hesitate.
“What about you? What were you up to last night?” I ask, wanting to get a sneak preview of her life.
“I went out for dinner,” she states calmly.
My eyes widen in surprise. “With who?”
“With a friend.”
“I didn’t expect you to go out alone. Who was it?” A smile curls onto my lips, because I sense her reluctance in sharing. “Was it Ed?”
“Yes, it was, if you must know.”
“When are you going to admit to him being your boyfriend, Trinity?”
“He’s not my boyfriend,” she insists and she’s doing it again, setting off those anxious vibes.
“He must be pretty special for you to want to spend your Saturday night with.”
She blinks at me, a few times. “It was a friendly pizza.”
“Friendly pizza?” I probe, taking enjoyment in her uneasiness. “Not a ham and cheese pizza, or a Texan BBQ, but a friendly one. That’s new.”
She gives me a look that could freeze the blood in my veins.
“That’s right, a friendly pizza. It’s a new topping.”
The sarcasm in her voice is hard to miss, but all this talk of pizza reminds me of Hot Gina and her pizza. “He’s a lucky guy,” I say, lowering my voice an octave.
“He’s a good friend.”
“Whatever.” I clear some things away on the desk, wanting to leave it neat in case Enzo complains.
“It was just pizza,” she says.
“Probably not for Ed,” I toss back. “I’m sure he thinks it was much more.”
The tightness around her mouth tells me she doesn’t like this. “How about you and me go out for a pizza one evening, as just friends?” I suggest, feeling cheeky, and daring.
The muscles of her throat inch up and down a little. “We could have just pizza, too, couldn’t we?” And then, because I can’t resist it, I reach for her wrist and run my thumb across it. She swallows again, the telltale motion of her throat giving it away.
“What are you doing?” she asks, but she doesn’t move her wrist away.
“I’m reacting to you.”
She opens her mouth as if she’s about to say something, but doesn’t.
I can smell her vanilla perfume, and my mind’s eyes pictures her daily getting-ready routine. I wonder what she showers with, and what moisturizer she slathers all over her body. I wonder how she does her bra up. From the front, or the back?
And then I realize I can’t be near her. She would be shocked if she knew what I was thinking. Just like she would be shocked if she knew the type of girlfriends I have.
I stop stroking her wrist, and the moment I do, she lifts her hand up, and presses the thumb of her other hand on the part I touched. She rubs it lightly, as if I’ve left a mark she needs to erase.
“I’d better go,” she says, and moves towards the door.
“Good idea.” I don’t know what I was thinking when I pulled that move just now. I know only that I needed to touch her.
Trinity isn’t the type of girl to get involved with a guy like me, but she interests me, and it’s not often that a woman interests me the way she has. She hasn’t done it by flirting, she hasn’t caught my attention by showing any flesh.
But caught my attention she has.
How can I look away now? Pretend I haven’t met her? I’d like to kiss that sweet little mouth of hers, but I say, “You’d better get going, before you get into trouble.”
She raises an eyebrow, as if she wants to question what I mean, but decides not to. I can read it in her eyes. There’s been a flirty tone to our conversations lately, and she doesn’t quite know what to make of it.
She obviously thinks it’s safer for her to leave than to stay here with me.
She’s not wrong.
Chapter Seventeen
TRINITY
* * *
Over lunch I’d told my dad that I’d bought the car I’d mentioned to him the last time we spoke but, like Ed, he wasn’t pleased to hear that I bought it from the guy who crashed into the back of my car.
So now, because he’s concerned that I’ve been bamboozled, and I want to prove that I haven’t, I drive back to my parents’ house.
I get there and proudly show it to my parents. My dad looks it over but doesn’t say anything much, aside from examining the wheels and the body carefully. “Not bad. Let’s see how it drives.”
He wants me to take them for a drive in it, so I do.
When we return to their house, he begrudgingly accepts that it isn’t so bad.
“See, Dad,” I say proudly, as we all get out of the car, “I didn’t get tricked. I do know a thing or two when it comes to buying a car.”
Or rather, I know a friend who does, but my dad doesn’t need to know that.
“Let me have a quick look at the logbook,” my dad says. I open the glove compartment and look for it but I can’t find it. Then I remember that I left it on the desk in the garage office.
“Uh… it’s not there.”
“What do you mean it’s not there?” My dad eyes me as if I’ve committed a felony. “Please tell me that you checked the logbook thoroughly before you bought it?”
“I did!” I might not have looked through it thoroughly, but I did flick through it.
