Epilogue, page 25
Sara’s dad was quicker than most to react, but even so he couldn’t swing around fast enough. I was smaller and faster. I went straight for his center of mass. I had to knock him off balance. Knock him over, if I could.
My shoulder hit him just below the waist.
His arm was still raised, and it threw off his center. He toppled backward, tripping over the footrest behind him. The … ottoman. Another loud thump as he crashed to the carpet.
“Jen?” Sara asked, her voice cracking in shock.
I didn’t have time to respond. He was disoriented and down, but he wasn’t out. Sprawled between the ottoman and the chair, he twisted around. He was trying to right himself.
I leaped over the furniture. My knee connected with his stomach. He grunted in pain as all the air blew out of his lungs. My hand raced forward. A red line appeared across his arm as he tried to block it, tried to fend me off.
“Jen, stop!”
His arm retracted from the pain. I wasn’t about to waste an opening like that. My knife plunged down again. The blade sunk into his shoulder. I retracted it and saw red.
Another. I had to strike again. He was still moving.
Something knocked into me from the side. I was bowled over into the nearest chair. I scrambled back to my feet in the best defensive stance I could manage. There was only one threat in the room, wasn’t there? What hit me?
My eyes strained to focus again. Sara’s mom was suddenly in front of me. Her arms were outstretched. I was breathing heavily as adrenaline surged through me. I was ready to strike, but I knew she wasn’t who I wanted. She wasn’t the threat.
She wasn’t moving toward me, but she wasn’t getting out of the way either. Her face was suddenly calm. The tears had stopped flowing. She was resolute, while her husband growled and writhed in pain on the ground behind her.
Sara appeared at my side. “Jen?”
I will never forget the tone in Sara’s voice when she said my name. She was scared, she was hopeful, she was grateful, she was terrified. It brought me back. I had to fight off the adrenaline urging me forward. Urging me to fight. Between Sara’s mother blocking my way, and my best friend wide-eyed beside me, I couldn’t move.
What did I just do?
Sara seemed to recognize I was frozen. She took my hand and bolted for the front door. I was dragged along, my feet following her lead straight out the door and far away. Away from the blood and the pain. Away from the fear and confusion. Away from a house that suddenly loomed like a dungeon, receding behind us in the darkness as we fled into the night.
We kept running until we were miles away. I lost count of the streets we crossed. The neighborhood seemed utterly deserted, not a soul to see our panicked flight from Sara’s home, which had become a place of terror and bloodshed.
Sara finally slowed, panting for breath. There was a bench nearby. She sat down, trying to catch her breath. A lone streetlight hung above us, flickering gently in the cool night breeze. Darkness had fallen completely, leaving us two completely alone in the world. The entire street didn’t have a single other light visible, curving away in both directions. There was almost no moon that night either. It was like we were on an island made of light, and the rest of the world didn’t exist anymore.
That sounded just fine at the moment.
Sara still hadn’t let go of my hand. I was standing, looking every direction, keeping watch for anyone. Anything. I couldn’t shake the fear that we’d been followed, even though I knew no one had. I probably would have started circling the area to scout if I hadn’t felt Sara’s hand shaking in mine.
That brought me back again. I looked at her and saw her face, pale as fresh snow.
“Jen?” she whispered.
“… Yeah,” I said, but I felt as uncertain as she looked. I finally sat down. She needed me to be with her more than she needed my protection. I scooted over a little and let her lean against my shoulder.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“No,” I snapped, more harshly than I meant to, but I was angry. Sara had lied to me again, and this time to devastating consequences. “It’s your turn for that. Dov nara vack was that back there?”
She looked away, but I saw her face get red again. “Nothing. Don’t worry about it.”
“Don’t— Sara, your dad was—” I couldn’t bring myself to say it. I cleared my throat awkwardly. “That was something to fucking worry about.”
“I know, okay?” She whirled around, tears in her eyes. “I should have said something. I should have done something. I never did. I broke our promise. I lied to you so many times. And now this. This … mess. I’m so sorry, Jen. I should have told you so long ago, but I was too scared. I didn’t know what he’d do, or how bad it was going to get. Please.” She was talking so fast toward the end, I was having trouble keeping up. Her face was a mess, and she couldn’t stop quivering. Fear visibly pulsed through her.
All the rage and frustration I felt vanished into the cold night breeze. I knew exactly what she was going through. I couldn’t let her go through it alone.
She shivered with the next gust of wind. I took off my jacket and draped it around her. The outer layer might’ve been damp, but it was still warmer than the T-shirt she had on. More importantly, I could see, it was comforting. Like how they always gave blankets to people after traumatic events. If I’d had a blanket or two … wouldn’t have changed much, but I would’ve felt a little better.
I pulled her into a tight hug as she started crying. Tears fell into my lap. I let her bury her face in my shoulder, let her hide from the world. I had to comfort her, however I could.
I began to sing.
Sara couldn’t understand a word of it, but I’ve been told my singing was nice. I don’t know if that’s true. I can’t really say if it’s any good. I liked singing and I liked the reactions I got from friends when I sang. I had sung for large gatherings and I’d sung for just Ruvalei and Naef before. I sang every day before the war started and I sang again when it was over, after my friends begged me to. It was fun, the simple joy of being able to create music and convey some real emotions through melodies and lyrics, stuff I couldn’t just say. No tools, no instruments, just my voice and the lyrics.
I sang to Sara a lullaby, something I’d learned long before I understood the words. Ruvalei used to sing it whenever I felt really homesick, back in the early days when I was still new in the forest, before I’d even joined the suunsyl. She somehow always knew when I’d need it most. When I was lonely, curled up in the little nook of Tethevallen’s guest tree, Ruvalei would show up to sing me to sleep, while Naeflin darted around just out of sight, playing my fears away on her tulavir.
I didn’t have anyone to accompany me, but I tried to put everything I had into that performance anyway. I wanted to give Sara every bit of comfort Ruvalei gave me, during those dark early nights in the forest, long before I’d understood where I was and what was going on, when I was still a stranger in a truly strange, foreign land.
The lullaby was the story of a young girl who’d lost her way. She’d wandered away into the forests and tripped, falling into a copse of trees she didn’t recognize. She cried out for her family and friends, but nobody answered. She was alone, and she was frightened, so she prayed to the stars for help.
The stars didn’t answer her of course, because the stars have no voice, but the girl suddenly remembered that she was still in her own forest. She searched for a trail, and soon found her way to another suunsyl. The Sylves there were kind and friendly, and welcomed her as a wanderer to be fed and sheltered. They sent a message to the girl’s family, and soon she was on her way home again, where her mother and father and her older brother were all anxiously awaiting her return. They were reunited in their forest, and they were happy again, and the girl felt safe once more.
Cheesy, simple story, but what did I care? It was the first thing that came to mind, and it had a happy ending, and it wasn’t like Sara could understand a single word of it anyway, so what the fuck do you want from me?
I would sing to her forever, if she wanted me to. Her hand never let go, and her head slid down until her eyes were buried in my lap, still softly crying. I kept singing as I looked up at the sliver of moon in the sky and the unfamiliar stars that dotted the whole universe around it. I still couldn’t find Tethevallen’s star, and I knew that I would never see it in this world—and that was something I could no longer accept.
I felt peace. My mind was finally settled. I’d made my decision, and not in a clap of thunder, but in this quiet place, with my best friend holding onto me like a life raft. Everything was finally calm. I wasn’t scared anymore.
I was going home.
I went through three or four more songs before Sara finally sat up again. Please don’t ever tell her this, but to be honest, the last song I picked was pretty … well, let’s just say it’s not for kids. Horribly inappropriate, but it has a nice tune, and I couldn’t think of anything else.
I let go of her hand so she could wipe at her eyes. “Now, why don’t you ever do that in English?” she choked out, trying to force a smile while still brushing away tears.
“ ’Cause your language sucks.” I grinned.
Her expression softened. “It was beautiful.”
“… Vannen.” My cheeks flared up in embarrassment.
She smiled again. I liked seeing her smile. Anything was better than what we’d gone through only minutes earlier, though it felt like it was hours and hours ago.
“Are you okay?”
“Shh. Don’t worry about me,” I said. “We’re still on you.”
“Jen—”
I raised my hand to cut her off. “I’m fine.”
“You’re not though,” she said. Her voice was getting stronger. Not harsher though. Just more confident. More like the Sara I know and love, my best friend. “Jen, I know you went through a lot, but what you just did back there … that was … something else.”
I shook my head. “It wasn’t though.”
“Huh?”
I sighed. “It wasn’t something else. It was me. That’s me now.”
“You mean—”
“It was called the Pit. They caught me alone and threw me down there. I had to fight people. Lots of people. Most of them were bigger and stronger than me. Stronger than your dad too. I had magic on my side, sometimes, but most of the time? It was just me and the other guy, and I knew I had to come out on top.”
“But—” she started in again, but I interrupted her. I had to say it all. I couldn’t stop now.
“I fought to win. I had to get out of that place, and for a really long time, I believed the only way I could was if I never lost. So I decided I wasn’t gonna lose. And that meant, as I kept fighting, as I … progressed in the Pit, I had to face a choice.”
She hadn’t caught on yet, but it didn’t matter. I’d already decided it was time to confess everything. Lay it out, so Sara knew what I was and why I couldn’t stay in this world anymore. “It was always gonna be them or me. I chose me, so I was the only one who walked away.”
“I don’t—”
“I killed, Sara.” I choked up a little, but I kept talking. “They didn’t deserve it, it wasn’t part of the war, but I still killed them.” Tears were starting to drop from my eyes now. I brushed them away. “All of them. And if I’d just waited. Just a few more days, we might have all lived. But I killed them, because I thought if I didn’t, they’d kill me.”
So that’s why I just stabbed your dad. So … you know, you can hate me now. I understand.
“Oh … Oh, God …” It was her turn to pull me in for a hug, to my surprise.
“Sorry,” I added, slightly muffled. “My timing really sucks here.”
She shook her head, brushing against my shoulder. “You’re okay.”
“… You too,” I replied softly.
“What?”
“I’m sorry.” I didn’t move a muscle, still talking into her shoulder. “For being stupid. For getting mad at you for lying. For all of this.”
“I wanted to—”
“Me too,” I said, and that was enough. She relaxed.
We didn’t say anything else. I just enjoyed the embrace, the first of its kind since we came back that I didn’t feel compelled to break out of. I actually felt comfortable. For the first time in a long time, I felt real human contact and I wasn’t afraid. I wasn’t threatened. I felt safe again. Finally.
How could I give her up?
I couldn’t live on Earth anymore. I knew that for certain. I didn’t belong in the clean suburbs. I had changed too much to ever live here safely anymore. I belonged back in the trees and the forest, with the suunsyl I knew and loved, and the people who’d come to accept me as one of their own. I belonged to that world and that era. Now that both doors had been flung wide, I knew which I needed to step through.
I had nothing tying me to this world anymore, except for Sara.
A lightning bolt would not have struck me as hard as the idea which formed in my head in that moment.
The rock specified three. There was no reason it had to be the same three.
Before I could stop myself, before I could think through the consequences or the problems, before a single new thought crossed my mind, I was already opening my mouth to speak.
“I found a way back.”
CHAPTER 16
MATT
“You’ll never guess what I—”
“Just spit it out already.”
“Stokelson popped up at Westin’s place of work.”
“Wait, what?”
“We picked up a security tape from the store at their request after a theft report. Fast-forwarded through it and saw this. Looks like some kind of confrontation.”
“Sound?”
“From a dirt-cheap convenience store security cam?”
“Okay, fine. Still, between this and Carl on the run, I think we have enough to bring him in properly.”
“So next time I see him—”
“We’re authorized to detain him. With force, if necessary.”
It was past midnight, and Jen still wasn’t home.
I couldn’t sit still. I was pacing the house anxiously. I also had no idea where Carl might be, and no idea where to start looking for either of them. I’d called Sara’s house, but no one picked up. Mom wasn’t home at least, so I didn’t have to explain to her yet, but there wasn’t a chance I could even think about going to sleep, no matter how tired I was.
There was a constant hum to the real world. I’d noticed it the second I got back, but it seemed even more oppressive now. Whether it was the steady purr of the refrigerator or the barely perceptible crackle of electricity in every direction, I felt surrounded by suppressed energy. It was like the world was ready to spring into action any second, a rubber band stretched taut and always on the verge of release. To my mind, that release could only spell disaster.
Shortly after Carl left the store, my closer showed up, and I got home without incident. Of course, without something even as mundane as work to keep me busy, I’d fallen right back into stewing in my own thoughts, reexamining every piece of our conversation in detail before it faded from memory.
Carl was crazy and desperate; that much was obvious. He’d crossed the line. He was going to do something, I had no doubt. I had to stop him, but what could I do?
The question was going to eat at me all night.
He’d mentioned a name. Daniel Whitman. I had to figure out who that was.
I went upstairs to my computer and booted it up. It hummed to life, yet another layer of sound pressing on my ears. Carl had built this computer for me; in fact, every single piece was a hand-me-down from his own machines. We’d never have been able to afford a computer this nice. Now I had to use his gift to stop him. The irony wasn’t lost on me.
It didn’t take too long to find a Daniel Whitman in the area. I might not be as good with computers or the internet as Carl, but it really wasn’t hard to look up a person’s name and location. Even so, Whitman didn’t have much info available publicly. I knew he was a real person and he lived locally, but I couldn’t get anything else.
But Carl was obsessed with him. Either he had a lot more to go on than I did, or he was even more desperate than I’d thought.
Or both.
Should I call the police? Whitman might not actually be in any immediate danger. Who was I even supposed to call? I didn’t think 911 was appropriate. This probably wasn’t urgent. Maybe the police had some kind of non-emergency tip line. Something to rein Carl in, get him back home safely.
The two detectives showing up on our doorstep felt like it had happened weeks ago, even though it was only yesterday. The police made me uncomfortable, though I wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t like I had anything to hide or had done anything wrong—in this world, at least. Yet whenever I saw a police cruiser on the road or a uniformed officer on the street, I instinctively fell into the most nonthreatening, innocent stance I could muster. I had never interacted with them once until yesterday.
If I called them, was I tossing Carl to the wolves?
Or was I doing the right thing, shining a spotlight on a potentially dangerous man for the authorities to handle?
What if I did nothing?
The last option seemed ludicrous. When it popped into my head, I laughed aloud. I couldn’t do nothing. That’s what started this whole mess. I went back to weighing my original options, but the idea kept lurking in the background, like a patient hunting cat. As I paced, my mind overburdened by pressure, it prowled back to the forefront again and again.
I could just do nothing.
It went against my gut, but the idea was incredibly appealing. Why should I be forced to take responsibility for Carl’s actions? He was to blame, not me. I hadn’t asked for any of this, and now that I’d finally escaped, I was still paying the price for actions I’d taken under wildly different circumstances. It wouldn’t be unreasonable to just wash my hands of the whole thing, and let Carl determine his own fate without my involvement.
