My system isn’t perfect. More than once, I’ve woken up in the middle of the night, sweating and shaking, held in the grip of a bad dream. Whenever this happens, Adon holds me in his strong arms and comforts me.

  Many times, he’s asked me what’s troubling me. But I’ve been steadfast in my refusal to tell him. Adon spent ten months in a dark place. His mission on Voutis put him there. He’s wrestling with his demons; he’s finally getting a handle on them.

  He has more than enough problems of his own to deal with. He doesn't need mine.

  Three days before my departure, Commander Duran comms me. “About the bodyguard,” he begins. “I found someone.”

  “You have? That’s great news.”

  “Not exactly. Wasik is a member of Clan D’elim. They’re a mercenary clan, but trustworthy.”

  “Why does the clan name sound familiar?”

  “You’re probably thinking of Tadej D’elim, who is the de facto ruler of Zabala. Wasik is, unfortunately, not as experienced. In fact, this will be his first job.”

  That’s not ideal. “Will he be up to the task?” I ask the commander doubtfully.

  “Why don’t we meet him tomorrow afternoon?” He rubs his temples. “I’d prefer someone else, but we don’t have time to find an alternative, Bella. Wasik might not be the most competent mercenary out there, but we can be sure he won’t stab you in the back. After what happened with Keomi, Clan D’elim won’t align with Petosa Exploration.”

  “Okay,” I tell the commander. “I’ll be there.”

  We are running out of time. I’ve been trying very hard not to think about it, but in two days, I set off to Atlantis.

  It’s almost time to say goodbye to Adon, but I don’t think I can bring myself to do it.

  17

  Adon

  As the days go by, I realize I’m falling in love with Bella.

  I have all the symptoms. I can’t wait to spend time with her. When I’m with her, I feel like I can do anything. I can’t imagine life without her. I hate when she’s unhappy, and I would do anything to fix it.

  I thought I had a plan for my life, but now I want to rearrange it, placing Bella at the center.

  I’m getting ahead of myself. I have no idea what Bella wants. I don’t know if she feels the same way, and it’s too soon to ask. I need to get some things in order before I broach the subject.

  Things like my knee.

  I’ve been avoiding going back to the doctor. But one morning, when Bella has a stack of research papers to read, I go to the healing center and meet with a team of experts.

  “You’re doing better than I thought,” Tora Odeh says after a detailed examination. “When that tabloid exposé came out, I was afraid you weren’t rehabbing your knee at all. How does it feel?”

  “It hurts from time to time. The pain isn’t a problem, but I need to depend on it. I can’t be the weak link in a fight.”

  “You wouldn’t have been, if you’d had the nanogen shot nine months ago,” she shoots back.

  I bite back my smile. I’ve known Tora all my life. Like Khem, she doesn’t feel the need to tiptoe around my feelings.

  “Still, you’re lucky,” she continues. “It could have been a lot worse. The damage isn’t irreversible if you take the shot now. Let’s try that and give it six months. If your knee is still bothering you then, we can talk about other options.”

  “Okay.”

  My cooperation takes her by surprise. “Just like that?”

  “You know me. I’m always reasonable.”

  She snorts. “Whatever you say.” She looks at her screen. “I’m putting you on the schedule for early next week.” She gives me a severe look. “If you don’t show up, I’m coming to the D’arana estate with a needle in my hand. You know Anusha will let me in.”

  Bella’s face flashes in front of me. “Don’t worry. I’ll be there.”

  I’m supposed to have drinks with Khem. He told me to bring Bella, but I haven’t yet asked her if she’s interested in going. I’ve been putting it off, to be perfectly honest.

  I’ll throw myself into danger, no problem. But I’m terrified to broach the subject. The moment I ask Bella, it’s going to be obvious that I want more from her than a temporary fling. And if she doesn’t feel the same way…

  I don’t want to think about that.

  So I procrastinate about asking her, and the days pass, but in the end, I run out of time. I’m supposed to meet Khem tomorrow.

  Bella’s not at home. “She went out,” Navri offers helpfully. “She said she’d be back in a few hours.”

  “Oh.” I didn’t know she had plans. It’s not a problem, of course. She’s allowed to leave the D’arana estate. In the last two weeks, she’s gone out a handful of times to meet her friends.

  But she usually tells me about it.

  Not this time.

  When she comes back, an hour before the evening meal, she’s positively radiating anxiety. Fresh unease prickles at me. Something has been bothering Bella, but she refuses to tell me what it is. She always changes the topic.

  She’s told me other things. Intimate, personal things. She’s confided that because of the way she looks, and her tendency to cry, people don’t take her seriously. She’s told me that she had to fend for herself after her parents died. She’s told me about her nightmares, the ones that are a holdover from her time in Reganne.

  But on this one subject, she refuses to break her silence. I have no idea what’s causing her to freak out.

  Poppy Rilfort hasn't given me anything. Khem doesn’t know either. I’ve been spending all my time following Earth Federation politics, trying to see if I can figure out what’s upsetting Bella, but I’m not getting anywhere either.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Sure.” She avoids my gaze. “I'm fine. Why do you ask?”

  “You don't look fine. Did you meet Hakan? Did he say something to upset you?”

  She lifts her chin. “Are you interrogating me, Adon?” she demands. “Is this a jealous snit?”

  I know Bella. If she’s pissed off, she’d be tearing up. She’s not. Her eyes are weary. She’s not angry. She’s sad.

  “Forget I said anything.” I don't want to fight with her, especially not when she's troubled. “Are you doing anything tomorrow? I’m going to have a drink with Khem. Want to join us?”

  Her head jerks up. “Khem as in Khem Vedad, the Fourth Shield of Gehar? Your former best friend?”

  “As far as I know, he’s still my friend.”

  She beams, her bad mood instantly forgotten. “Of course. I’d love to come.”

  She doesn't sleep that well that night, and neither do I. She has nightmares, and I do too.

  I dream that I’m back in the spaceship with Yasar, just before it blows up. But it’s not Yasar who sacrifices himself for me.

  It’s Bella.

  Khem and Bella hit it off famously. They spend the first hour exchanging stories about me. I watch with chagrin as Khem regales Bella with stories of the kind of trouble we used to get into when we were younger. Then Bella tells Khem how I got her dubels. “He yells at me,” she says, her eyes laughing. “He says, I hope you like Geharrim food because that’s all you’re going to get. And he flounces off.”

  “I did not flounce,” I interject.

  “No, you didn’t,” Bella agrees with a grin. “You limped angrily.” She turns to Khem. “And there were dubels at dinner.”

  Khem laughs out loud. “Sounds like Adon,” he quips. “You humans have a saying that fits Adon perfectly. He’s all claws and no scratch.”

  “All bark and no bite, you mean?” Bella gives me a sidelong look. “That describes him perfectly.” She notices our drinks are empty and gets up. “I’ll get the next round. You two talk.”

  Khem waits for her to get out of earshot. “Have you told her you’re crazy about her?”

  “Not yet.”

  “Are you waiting for this?” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small box. “The pendant. I had to go to different eighteen stores before I found it. You owe me.”

  “I already bought you a drink,” I tell him with a laugh. “If you wanted something else, you should have driven a better bargain before handing me the pendant.”

  He makes a rude gesture in reply. “I like Bella,” he says. “She’s perfect for you.” He tilts his head to one side. “You’re walking better. Have you thought about what's next for you?”

  He’s talking about my extended absence as Third Shield. “I’m coming back,” I tell him. “I went to see Tora last week. I’m getting a nanogen shot first thing tomorrow morning. Tora thinks that will fix my knee.”

  He focuses on my first sentence. “You’re coming back?” Relief flashes on his face. “Thank fuck. I thought you’d never get to this point. What brought on this change of heart? If Bella talked you into it, I’m buying her drinks for the rest of her life.”

  “Find your own woman.” I gather my thoughts. “Hakan threatened Bella with deportation to get her to be my physiotherapist.”

  “He was concerned about you.”

  “That’s not an excuse,” I shoot back. “I understand his desire to protect the Empire, but somebody needs to hold him in check. Dimek is distracted. Jehan just got married. I need to come back. Hakan can’t run roughshod over people like this, not in the Gehar Empire. It’s not who we are.”

  Khem claps me on the back. “It’s good to have you back, my friend.”

  Bella comes back at that moment, a tray floating next to her. “I have drinks,” she announces cheerfully. We change the subject. For the next few hours, I sit with my arm around Bella’s shoulder. We laugh and we talk, and everything is perfect.

  On the way back, Bella snuggles into my side. “That was so much fun.”

  “I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.”

  “I’m a little tipsy. I shouldn’t have had that last Sand Blaster.”

  I breathe in the scent of her hair. “Me neither.”

  She lapses into silence, one she doesn’t break until we’re almost home. “You made up with Khem,” she says. “Your leg is better. Are you thinking of being the Third Shield again?”

  Bella’s no fool. She knows the direction my thoughts are headed. But does she realize how everything is centered around her? Does she realize how precious she is to me? “There are more important things than politics.”

  “Oh.” Her voice changes. She stays where she is, leaning into me, but she stiffens. “Okay.”

  That’s not the reaction I hoped for. Does she not want to hear that she’s the most important person in my life? I want to ask, but I don’t dare. She’s had a little too much to drink, I tell myself in justification. And so have you. This conversation will keep another day.

  That’s not the real reason, of course. The real reason is that I’m afraid—terrified—that this thing between us is one-sided.

  The package containing her pendant is still in my pocket. Tomorrow, I promise myself. As soon as I’m back from the healing center, I will tell her the way I feel.

  18

  Bella

  We make love that night. I ask Adon to tie me up and spank me, and he does. I want it rough. I want it hard. I don’t want softness and tenderness. Not tonight. I don’t want to think about how I’ve fallen in love with Adon, and I definitely don’t want to focus on the idea that this could be the last time I see him.

  After we’re done, I want to tell him I’m leaving, but the words freeze in my mouth. Tomorrow, I reason, though I know it’s just an excuse to avoid a difficult conversation. There will be time in the morning to say goodbye.

  Except there isn’t. When I wake up in the morning, Adon isn’t in bed next to me. I head to his bedroom, but he’s not there either. I ask one of the household drones where he is, but it returns an out-of-range status.

  He’s left the D’arana compound.

  I sink to the ground, shattered. I wanted to say goodbye in person. I didn’t want to leave him a message; I don’t think I could get through it without crying. And now he’s not here, and I need to leave if I want to make my shuttle.

  How could I have messed this up so badly?

  I have nothing to pack—none of the clothes in my closet belong to me. I wear my Earth Federation uniform, the one I wore when I first walked into the compound. I once felt at home in this uniform. This was once a second skin. But it feels strange now.

  The clothes are the same, but I’ve changed. For the space of two weeks, I felt cherished. Loved.

  And now I might lose it forever.

  I make my way to the compound gate. Navri is there on guard duty. “Going into town?” she asks cheerfully. “It’s going to be a hot day. There’s rain in the forecast next week, thank stars. Adon will be glad to hear it. He’s been fretting about his plants.”

  If Navri was on guard duty, she might know where he went. “Do you know where Adon is?

  “He went into town too. He left an hour ago. He had his comm with him.”

  I can’t do this over comm. It feels wrong. “Can you pass on a message to him for me?”

  She looks puzzled. She’s probably wondering why I can’t comm him. “Are the two of you fighting or something?”

  “No, no, nothing like that. Can you tell Adon I’ve received an urgent message from home? My aunt in Axiom is gravely ill. I have to go away for a few days.”

  “Of course.” She gives me a concerned look. “Is everything okay, Bella? Is there anything I can do to help?”

  Her warmth takes my breath away, and I feel like a jerk for lying to her.

  It’s not just Adon I’m leaving. It’s everyone here. Anusha. Navri. Sej. Deroz. Huleg. Tokur. Jali. The members of Clan D’arana have been warm, welcoming and kind. They’ve always made me feel at home. They feel like family.

  I’m someone who has spent my adult life on a spaceship, bouncing around from one uninhabited world to another. Being welcomed was a heady, addictive feeling.

  “Could you call a speeder for me? I need to go to the Third Ring spaceport.”

  “Take one of ours,” she says immediately. “Don’t worry about returning it. I’ll send someone to pick it up later.”

  I’d protest, but I’m running late. “Thank you, Navri.” On impulse, I hug the Geharrim woman. “Thank you for everything.”

  I’m desperately sad. There is a hole in my heart. I might never see Adon again. I might never swim with him in the pool outside my bedroom. I might never get to tell him I love him.

  I get into the speeder and head to the spaceport. The Gehar Empire welcomed me and gave me shelter, but my time is up. Back to Atlantis I go.

  19

  Adon

  I turn off my comm while I’m getting the nanogen shot. When I turn it back, there’s an urgent message from Navri. I call her, and she answers immediately. Her expression is troubled. “Bella left the compound.”

  “She’s left the compound before, Navri. Why are you telling me this?”

  “Because she’s not running an errand in the city this time,” Navri replies. “Her aunt is ill, she said. She’s going to Axiom.”

  I sit up. “That’s weird.”

  “Why?”

  “She doesn’t have any relatives on Axiom. They’re all dead. Her crew is her family. Navri, tell me exactly what she said.”

  Navri’s forehead furrows. “She asked me where you were. I told her you went into town, and suggested she comm you, but she wouldn’t.” Her gaze narrows. “She was wearing her Earth Federation uniform. She was upset.”

  I have a dreadful feeling about this. “Do you know which spaceport she was headed to?”

  “Third Ring.”

  Fuck. That’s the busiest spaceport in Mihwar. She’s not going to Axiom—there’s no reason for her to go there. What’s her real destination, and why?

  I end the conversation with Navri and jump into a speeder to head to Third Ring. As soon as I punch in the destination, I comm the spaceport, connecting directly with the Port Authority supervisor.

  “Captain Sulveri, I need some information on a passenger.”

  The moment he recognizes me, his expression goes from annoyed to alert. “Of course, Your Excellency.”

  “I’m looking for a human woman. Her name is Bella Ortiz.” I send him a picture. “She might still be in the spaceport.”

  “I’m running a search.” His eyes go distant, and his attention shifts to his screen. A long, agonizing minute later, he looks up. “Yes, I have her. She left ten minutes ago on a commercial shuttle.”

  “Where was she headed?”

  The captain consults his screen. “Voutis. She wasn’t traveling alone. She was with a man.”

  It would be Voutis. “A man? A human?”

  “No, Geharrim. Wasik D’elim.” His tone turns speculative. “A lover, perhaps?”

  No, not Bella. Whatever it is, it’s not this. That’s just not who she is. “Do you have a vid of them?”

  “Yes. Sending it to you now.”

  I pull up a screen and look at the security camera footage. The man—boy really—is walking with Bella, his head swiveling around and his eyes alert. The instant I see him, my blood runs cold. I recognize him. “Bodyguard,” I snap. “That’s Tadej D’elim’s youngest brother.”

  There’s only one reason she’ll need a bodyguard, and that’s if she’s headed into the heart of the Earth Federation.

  I’ve asked Poppy. I’ve asked Khem. There’s one person I’ve avoided. But it’s time I talked to Hakan Abiri.

  I’m about to contact him when he comms me. “We have a problem,” he says tersely.

  “Bella’s gone. Tell me what you know, Hakan.”

 

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