Take a Bow, page 16
But he wasn’t sorry. His life was a series of temporary camps. Hers had been set in stone for years. They both needed to break out of their comfort zones.
She wiped off the countertop, straightened the dish towel hanging from the oven door handle. Apparently finished stalling, she said, “So, I’m your girlfriend?” in a carefully neutral tone.
Of course she’d get right to the point.
“That’s how this feels to me,” he said. “You admitted we’re dating. And we already talked about being exclusive.”
He paused, and she filled in the silence.
“You make it sound like I’m ashamed of us.”
“Are you?” He needed to make sure.
“Of course not,” she answered quickly. “Though I kind of wish we’d talked about the labels thing first.”
“We’re talking about it now.”
She turned away and opened her freezer. “All that talk about ice cream,” she said, bringing out a pint of rocky road and opening the lid. “You want some?”
He let out a sigh of frustration. Talking about relationship stuff with her wasn’t easy. “Mimi, come on. Crosby asked if I wanted to have dinner with him, but you and I already had plans, so when I explained, it just came out.”
“So you didn’t mean it?”
“I did mean it. Are you pissed?”
She pulled a spoon out of a drawer. “I’m not mad…it’s just that I’ve never been someone’s girlfriend before. It feels weird.”
“Weird how?”
“I built my identity around being single. And to suddenly be in a couple—I feel like a fraud. Like I’m not myself anymore.”
He considered that. “I had the great fortune of getting to know the single and proud Mimi. And even though I know you even better now, I know you’re the same person. I don’t want you to change just because I want us to sleep in the same bed.”
She took a bowl out and spooned some ice cream into it. “I know you don’t want to change me. I don’t want to change you. But don’t you think we’re different people just by being together?”
“I like who I am with you,” Nash said. He held his breath. Did she feel the same way?
She put away the ice cream. Was it him, or did she slam the freezer door a little hard?
Mimi wasn’t looking at him, and he experienced a moment of unsteadiness, like everything they’d built was about to come crashing down.
This was it. She was going to end things, and he knew with complete certainty he didn’t want that.
She then went back to her silverware drawer, pulled out a second spoon, and put it in the dish next to the other one. She took a bite with the first spoon, nudged the second toward him.
He let out a slow breath, then picked up the spoon. The ice cream was cold and rich and tasted like hope.
“You know, we don’t have to use ‘girlfriend’ and ‘boyfriend’ if that’s squicky for you.”
“How do you know the word ‘squicky?’” she asked around a mouthful of ice cream.
“That’s not important. We can define things for ourselves. And all that matters to me is that we’re a couple now. You’re the person I’m dating, and the person I’m fucking, and the person I’m starting to make plans with. The person I have a lot of feelings for.” He forced himself to stop. Was that already saying too much?
“So I’m your person?” she asked tentatively.
“Exactly. And I’m yours.” He set down his spoon and took her hand. “If you want me.”
She dropped her spoon with a clatter in the now-empty dish and took his other hand with hers so they formed a circle of two.
“Wanting you isn’t the problem, Nash. I’m scared to need you. I’m scared to lose myself.”
“I won’t let you get lost, Mimi. Being with you makes me feel more ‘me’ than when I’m with anyone else.”
She kissed him, her lips cold, her tongue sweet.
He kissed her back so hard, they bumped into her kitchen counter. They’d already had sex on this kitchen floor once; it had been hot. And cramped.
He didn’t want cramped. He wanted to spread her out, to unfurl her limbs and screw himself inside her so far, she’d feel him for days. He wanted to leave a piece of himself behind, so she knew even when she was alone, he always wanted to be with her.
“Want you, Nash.”
“I want you in a bed.”
“You going to sleep over?”
“Yeah.” He grinned. “I want to sleep over in my person’s bed.”
She wrinkled her nose. “It’s not very romantic,” she said. “‘My person.’ Maybe we can think of something else.”
He picked up her hand, and they went back through the living room to the tiny hallway that led to the only bedroom. “I could be your gentleman friend.”
“Too fancy.”
“Companion?”
“Too bloodless.”
Her room was small, too, but it had a big enough bed. It was covered neatly in the same patchwork quilt it had been made with since he’d first started coming over years ago. The same photo of her and Deb and Jay at Jay’s high school graduation sat on the dresser, the ubiquitous stack of books covering the nightstand. One new thing caught his eye—a cobalt blue gown in some wispy material hung on a hanger over her closet door.
He was too distracted by her immediately pulling her shirt up and over her head to ask what the dress was for.
“Lover?” she suggested as she removed her bra and tossed it onto a chair.
It was his turn to make a face. “Too hip.”
She slid out of her pants, crawled onto the bed on all fours, facing away from him. Her firm, round ass was on display in a pair of practical black panties. His cock swelled, and he got started on getting naked.
“Well, we’ll keep workshopping it,” she said, glancing at him over her shoulder. “Now why don’t you get back there and fuck me so hard, I can’t remember the Dewey Decimal System.”
“God, librarians are so hot,” he groaned, peeling off the rest of his clothes in a hurry. His dick hung thick and heavy between his legs. He draped himself over her body and rubbed, the skin-on-skin contact bringing him to full hardness.
Dropping kisses on the creamy skin of her back, he found his favorite mole on her right shoulder blade and felt it with his tongue. He rutted against her clothed ass, the barely-there fabric silky on his cock, a tantalizing barrier to him getting what he really wanted. He could smell her pussy, and when he reached around to finger her clit, the fabric was soaked.
She bucked into his hand, arched her back, and he strummed her clit hard and fast, like a guitar string. He ground his cock against her, and she was trapped there, between his dick and hand, pressure from both sides. She let out a sharp cry.
“Nash.” She was breathing fast, and he knew he’d made her come.
Without waiting for her to come down, he pushed the fabric of her panties aside far enough to slide right into her. Fuck, she was wet, and she pushed herself back on him, taking him all the way. He waited a beat to let her adjust, then pulled almost entirely out and slammed back in to the hilt.
She screamed. “Yes, please, do that again.”
He complied in a smooth slide of pure pleasure, his hand gripping her waist tight, pulling her back on him as he thrust forward, the sound of skin slapping on skin loud in the quiet room.
He vaguely registered his own grunts of exertion, her increasingly high-pitched moans. He wondered if her neighbors could hear them, then he figured they could have the vicarious thrill. She felt unbelievably good. He wanted to pump her full of come and then lick it out of her.
Fuck. He stilled mid-stroke when he realized what he’d done. He’d mindlessly mounted her without putting on a condom. It had seemed the most natural thing in the world to do, but he hadn’t asked.
“Don’t stop,” she panted. “Come on, cowboy.”
He pulled out all the way. “Shit. Mimi. I’m sorry. I—I wasn’t thinking.”
She twisted around, looking at him with concern. Her face was red, and her hair stuck up in every direction. She was so beautiful. And he’d majorly fucked up.
“What?” Her gaze dropped to his still-hard dick. His bare, still-hard dick. “Oh. Fuck.”
“Yeah. I’m so sorry.”
She pressed her lips together, and he made a move to climb off the bed, to give her some space, but she grabbed his arm.
“Wait. It’s okay.” She bit her lip. “I didn’t remind you, and I didn’t even—it’s okay. You know I’m on birth control.”
“Yeah, but…I don’t do that. Ever.”
“You can put one on now. Or—”
“Or?”
“Or it felt really fucking good. I don’t mind if you don’t.”
He realized he trusted her, but even more, if the unexpected happened, he could see himself happy about the prospect of having a baby with his person.
With Mimi.
She turned all the way onto her back and guided him on top of her.
He caught her mouth in a kiss, hoping she could feel some of what was going on in his head. She wrapped her legs around him, and his cock found her entrance easily. Being inside her uncovered was like nothing he’d ever experienced. It felt like freedom—the freedom to be himself with the one person he wanted to know him the best.
He started slow, until they found their rhythm again. He came, deep and hard and unexpected while they kissed, and he swore he could feel himself empty out and then fill back up again with a deep well of euphoria. She felt incredible. He felt incredible. They were incredible together.
“God, Nash,” she said, low and a bit bewildered.
He raised his head from where it had fallen onto her shoulder and looked at her, bleary-eyed. “Yeah. That was—”
“Incredible,” she said.
“My thoughts exactly.”
She kissed him, and he slowly pulled out of her. She sat up and reached for a box of tissues on the nightstand. “Sex without a condom is a lot messier.”
They cleaned up haphazardly, brushed their teeth, then Nash crawled under the covers with her. He stroked her shoulder until she fell asleep. He did his best to ignore the sneaking suspicion that as good as things seemed to be, they might not be able to last.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Please join the Misty Harbor Library Board
For the Misty Harbor Library Annual Fundraiser Dinner and Silent Auction
Honoring the Legacy of Arthur Russell
Saturday, September 24
6PM
Silent Auction
Live Music
Semi-formal Dress
Tickets Required
The Tuesday before the night of the fundraiser, Mimi was going over the guest list when she made a curious discovery. They’d sold out of tickets for the event a week earlier, and as she scrolled through the spreadsheet of the guests’ names, she clocked nearly a dozen people who were directly involved with Sawyer’s Cove.
Jay and Cami had bought tickets, naturally. But Ariel Tulip and Spencer Crosby were also listed. Not to mention showrunner Selena Echeveria, and several of the new cast members whose names she remembered from Nash talking about them. There was even a director’s name on the list, and she thought a couple of the names she recognized were in the prop and costume departments. She was happy their temporary guests were supporting the library, but it was still a bit strange to see those two distinct worlds colliding.
Once filming had started, and Nash’s schedule had gone from nine-to-five to sometimes early morning calls and days that stretched late into the night, she used her extra time to put in more hours on fundraiser prep. They still made a point of coming together as many nights as they could, sometimes at Mimi’s apartment, more often at Nash’s more spacious house. They’d spent nearly every night together for the past two weeks. It wasn’t even a question at this point. They each had changes of clothes and toothbrushes at the other’s place.
Mimi had somehow acquired a boyfriend, no matter how hard she tried to think of a term she liked better, and she had to admit, she’d never been happier. There was something comforting about going off to work in the morning to do her normal kick-ass librarian thing, knowing she was going to come home to a friendly, improbably handsome face, and a supportive ear. Someone who wanted to hold her and kiss her, someone who made her feel cherished.
But as she scanned the guest list again, and a third time, looking for a name she didn’t see, she had a sickening realization. She’d never specifically asked Nash to be her date to the fundraiser, and his name was a glaring omission.
She’d never brought a date to one of these evenings before. They were work functions, but they were also opportunities for the library staff to bring their partners and show off all their hard work. The board members were bringing their spouses. Fiona, the research librarian, would bring her husband, Mac. She hadn’t met Olive, the children’s librarian Delia’s wife, but she’d been told they’d get along because they both loved British procedural crime shows.
The night was about raising money and schmoozing with the donors, but it was also about celebrating the library. She realized with a pang she wanted Nash by her side, helping her enjoy the fruits of all her hard work.
And she’d gone and messed it up. She hadn’t asked him to be there—she’d just assumed. She knew how well assumptions worked in relationships—she’d berated her brother once or twice over the same bad idea.
Letting out a little yelp, she checked the time. She was supposed to meet Jay for lunch at the Bakeshop in five minutes. Before filming started, they saw each other almost every day, between The Cove, the library, and just randomly bumping into each other around town. But with his schedule changing due to the show and all the time they were both spending with their significant others, she’d barely seen him in the last two weeks. She missed her brother.
She closed her laptop and ran down the street to Misty Harbor Bakeshop. She hadn’t seen much of Trevor, either, since the weird night they all had pizza at her place, and she was disappointed to see he wasn’t behind the counter today.
Jay was already in line, looking at his phone, but put it away when he spotted her. She gave him a breathless hug, and they ordered quickly. They usually sat inside near the window, but Mimi pulled Jay out back to the more private patio, choosing an empty table near the back fence.
“I have a problem,” she said nervously.
“I can see that. You have the groove of despair.” He reached out to smooth the dented skin between her eyebrows. “What’s wrong, Mimi?”
“I forgot to ask Nash to be my date to the fundraiser. Everyone else bought a ticket except him, and I think I was probably supposed to ask, but I never claimed to be good at this relationship stuff, and I’m weirdly freaking out about it.”
Jay’s laugh was admirably restrained. He tried turning it into a cough, but she just rolled her eyes.
“Look, I know this is hilarious to you. Your big sister felled by—” She stopped short. She’d been about to say love. But that was another thing they hadn’t talked about. She had a feeling the giant wave of positive-skewing emotions she experienced whenever she was around Nash, or thinking about him, belonged somewhere in the vicinity of love, but again, everything was new to her. How did she know for sure? “The point is, what should I do?”
Jay schooled his face into something resembling brotherly concern. “I’m honored you’d ask.”
“Well, you are, apparently, in a committed long-term relationship,” Mimi grumbled. “You may recall I helped you pull your head out of your ass and get Cami back after you dumped her for some absolutely made-up reason.”
It was a testament to how revoltingly happy Jay was to be with Cami that he didn’t even snark at her. “And I’ll always be grateful. Though I probably would have figured it out on my own eventually.”
“So, help me!” she wailed.
“You’re being too hard on yourself, Mimi. Nash doesn’t expect perfection. He likes you the way you are.”
“True.”
“And if you want him to be your date, then yeah, I think you should ask him.”
“You make it sound so simple,” she said, looking up at the server who’d appeared with her beet salad and Jay’s BLT. Jay swirled some ketchup into the tiny cup of mayo on his plate, then stuck a French fry in the resulting pink goop.
Mimi shuddered and picked up her fork.
“Relationships aren’t rocket science,” Jay said. “But I feel like there’s something else bothering you.”
Mimi had been thinking about this on and off for weeks since she and Nash had first talked about it. She hadn’t wanted to bring up bad memories for Deb by asking her, but she honestly wanted Jay’s take. He was the only other person in the world who could possibly understand what she was ruminating about.
“Do you think the reason I’ve never had a long-term relationship before is because of the way my dad’s family rejected me?”
“What?” Jay looked astonished.
“They didn’t even want to meet me, so I suppose I shouldn’t take it personally. They’d probably really like me if they met me. Or not. They’re assholes. Nash said that. He’s really kind of smart.” She looked unhappily down at her plate, wishing she had an appetite.
“I never knew you felt that way,” Jay said softly. “You’re always so forward-looking, you never get bogged down by the past. I didn’t know it was bothering you.”
“It doesn’t bother me, most of the time. But I guess when you don’t have a dad, daddy issues are hard to avoid.” She looked at her brother. “How did you do it?”
He wrinkled his nose. “Who says I don’t have daddy issues?”
“You don’t seem to be bothered by it either,” Mimi persisted.
“I’m not, most of the time.” He smiled slightly.
She poked at her salad. “You know, I always wondered why you weren’t more curious about your dad. I mean, you never thought about doing a DNA test or something to see if you could track him down?”
