Siren Unleashed, page 25
part #13 of Texas Sirens Series
“You told Georgia to experiment.” Hurt burned at her gut. Maybe she didn’t look as nice as she thought she did. She’d thought she looked exotic and mysterious, but underneath it all she was still plain old Nat. She’d known all along that she wasn’t in their league.
“I don’t like the experiment. Take it off.” He was in full-on Dom-prick mode, and Nat wondered briefly what had happened to turn him back into the remote, cold man she’d seen that first time. She’d thought they’d connected. She’d thought she’d gotten past his barriers.
“She looks awesome.” Georgia stepped up.
Logan put a hand on her elbow, pulling her back. “Not now, Georgia.”
The whole room had gone silent, every face watching them. Everyone was watching Chase completely humiliate her.
“Come on, kids. Let’s go see if Benita needs help.” Sam reached out for his daughter but simply picked Josh up.
“I think I should stay with Nat. I don’t like how that man’s talking to her, though I didn’t like all that stuff on her face either. I was more polite.” Josh kept pleading his case as his dad carried him out.
Nice that the four-year-old knew how to be polite, but Chase Dawson hadn’t figured it out. “I think I’ll have dinner first. I can take all this off before I go to bed.”
Alone. She didn’t have to do what he told her. She could stand on her own.
Chase crowded her. “You’re flunking the test, Natalie. You’re behaving like a disobedient brat, and I won’t stand for it.”
Test? He was testing her? “You take your test and shove it right up your ass, Dawson.”
Arctic blue eyes stared down at her. “Get to the room now. Take that shit off your face and get rid of that wig. Clean yourself up then come back downstairs. I haven’t decided if I’m going to allow you a place to sit or if you can sit at my feet and take what I choose to feed you. I think it will all depend on how nicely you apologize.”
Anger flooded her senses. He thought he could pull this shit on her? She’d completely misjudged him. She’d thought there was a soul under all that Alpha-Dom BS, but he was exactly like the rest of them. The minute she did something he didn’t like, he turned on her.
She looked back, and Ben stood in the doorway with Jack Barnes at his back. Ben’s eyes were somber, but he didn’t move forward to defend her.
“You in on this little runaround, Ben?” Nat asked.
His mouth tightened. “I think you should do as he says. We can talk about this in private. Right now, you’re making a spectacle of yourself.”
“Fuck you, too, Ben.” They wanted to treat her like dirt, and she wasn’t about to put up with it. “How about you, Barnes? You want to heap a little shit on me, too?”
If she thought Chase was cold, Jack Barnes could freeze the world with the look he gave her. “I think I would like for you to remember that you’re in my home, and I deserve some courtesy.”
She laughed, a bitter huff coming out of her mouth. She’d spent the afternoon trying to make herself prettier and this was what she got. Sure, maybe she’d failed, but she didn’t deserve this. “Sure, Barnes. Hey, how about I get the fuck out of your house and then you don’t have to worry about the brat.”
She pulled the wig off her head and handed it back to Abby. It wasn’t Abby’s fault her husband was being a prick. “Sorry. I don’t think he’ll want me to babysit anymore. Please tell Josh and Olivia good-bye for me.”
Abby sighed. “Oh, hon, please think this through. Something is going on here.”
“Bye, Abby.” She started for the door. She could walk back to the freaking spa. Sure, it was fifteen miles away, but she wasn’t about to let one of them drive her home. She could call Gretchen. Gretchen would be thrilled to know she’d fucked up.
“Stop right there, Natalie.” The command in Chase’s voice actually made her pause for a moment.
“Fuck off, Dawson.” She wasn’t going to allow any man to tell her what to do ever again. Not ever. They could all fuck off.
His hand came out, grabbing for her elbow, pulling her back. “You’re not going anywhere, sweetness. We need to talk.”
She barely registered his softer tone. All she knew was that he was grabbing her. Grabbing her to put her someplace where she didn’t want to be. A cage? Did he think he could put her in a fucking cage and she would go quietly? She kicked out, every instinct in her body screaming at her to get the fuck away and do it now. She wasn’t thinking. She was reacting. Pure fear coursed through her. It was like she was right back in the moment.
She hauled off with her free arm, punching at the man trying to hold her down.
“Natalie! Natalie!”
In her mind, she could hear another voice. The one that ordered her to stay still while he beat her, raped her, used her like she was nothing. She couldn’t be nothing again. Not ever again.
“Please, sweetness.” Two sets of big arms wound around her, pressing her in and catching her between them.
“Calm down. Calm down. It’s over, baby.”
Ben was behind her, one arm around her waist. Her vision started to clear. Chase had a scratch on his neck from her nails. She’d hit him over and over, kicked him and scratched. And he hadn’t fought back. Not once.
He stared down at her, his eyes cloudy with some unnamed emotion. “You have to understand we can’t take you with us.”
“Abby, why don’t we go to the dining room and let our guests sort this out.” Jack Barnes put an arm around his wife’s waist and touched his head to hers, an intimate gesture. “It’s all right, baby. She’s going to be safe.” He turned back. “I asked them to test you. This whole thing is moving too fast. You can’t go in with them.”
Chase had said something about a test. They were testing her? By being cruel?
The crowd fled, Logan pulling Georgia out with him. Finally they were alone, but it was far too late.
“Let me go.” She pushed at them.
“Please, Natalie.” Chase’s arms tightened. “Don’t be mad. I couldn’t let you come with us without knowing. Don’t be mad. I’m trying to protect you. God, I need to protect you.”
He kept trying to get close to her, but she couldn’t stand it.
“Let me go. Let me go now. You are every bit as bad as the rest of them.” She just wanted to get away. Her heart was thundering, blood pounding. All the ugliness she’d survived was right there at the surface. It boiled and bubbled, threatening to scald her.
Chase’s hands dropped immediately and a blank look settled onto his face. “Of course. If you want to go get your things, I’ll drive you back to the spa now.”
“I don’t want to go anywhere with you.” She didn’t want to see him again. Her hands were shaking. It was all right there under the surface. How had she thought for an instant she could trust them?
“All right then.” He turned. “Benjamin, I believe I’ll skip dinner this evening. Let me know when you put the call in. It doesn’t matter who it is. This op is still on.”
Chase walked out without another word.
And she looked up at the reasonable one. Ben Dawson, nice guy, had a look of rage on his face that made her take a step back.
“You just ripped his fucking heart out, and I don’t know if it can be repaired.”
“Well, maybe he should think about that the next time he acts like an unconscionable prick.” She took a deep breath. What the hell had happened? One minute she was trying to flirt and the next she’d been fighting for her life. Just like that. She’d been back there. She’d attacked them.
What had she done?
Ben stepped back, his hands up as though he didn’t dare to touch her. “He got scared today. We went out to the strip club where we think all the contacts happen for the underground club. We were able to buy drugs and make contacts, but when we left, someone put a tail on us. A man already died, and probably because someone at that club killed him. Someone who doesn’t have a problem with hurting you.”
“You two hurt me.” It was an automatic response. A defense. But his words were starting to sink in.
Ben huffed, his hand scrubbing through his hair in apparent frustration. “If you couldn’t handle a few rough words, how the fuck do you expect to survive in a hard-core underground club where Chase and I have to look like badass Doms? It was a test to see if you could handle it and you can’t.”
She’d fucked up. Brutally. Finally. She wasn’t ready for anything. She wasn’t ready for them. Not ready to help. Not ready to love. She’d gone right back to that nasty place she’d been in for years because now she realized she’d never left that cage. Her body was walking around, but everything that mattered about Natalie Buchanan was still trapped in a cage, and she couldn’t get out.
“Well, I can’t handle some prick pushing me around, so I guess Chase is done with me. He can’t handle a woman he can’t put on a leash.” Why did that shit keep coming out of her mouth? She didn’t mean it, but she couldn’t stop. She’d fucking failed. She hadn’t even thought to ask what he was doing. He’d been nothing but kind to her and she hadn’t thought to ask him why he was being a jerk. Hell, he’d told her he was testing her, and she’d pushed on like she needed to find some boundary behind which the Dawson brothers could neatly be hidden away.
Then she wouldn’t have to come out of her cage.
Ben shook his head, his eyes narrowing in pain. “I can feel him. Do you understand that? I can feel his fucking pain, and it’s like a damn knife in my chest. He might look like he doesn’t give a shit, but he is howling on the inside because he loves you.”
He couldn’t love her. She wasn’t lovable. She was too fat. She wasn’t obedient. She was a dumb bitch.
God, she could still hear him.
But now she could also hear another voice. Two, really. Sweet. She was so sweet. She was lovely and sweet like cotton candy.
“I’ll send Logan to drive you back. I can’t look at you anymore.” Ben closed his eyes as though trying not to cry. “He’ll still protect you, you know. I won’t have to ask. That’s what he meant by the op is still on. I’m going to call and get someone down here who can go undercover. We’ll end up spending thousands of dollars because neither one of us can stand the thought of you going to jail. You remember that when you go to sleep alone tonight. We would have loved you, Natalie.”
He stalked off but not in the same direction as his brother. He had his phone in hand, already dialing.
Nat put her hand over her mouth because all she wanted to do was scream.
“Do you want me to drive you home?”
She started, turning. Logan Green stood there. At some point he’d come back and likely he’d heard everything that had happened.
Home? She didn’t have a fucking home. She had a place where she slept and forced herself to eat, and where she struggled to not take a knife to her skin.
She wouldn’t. She would never do that again. She was past it because she’d met two men, and she didn’t need it anymore. It would be a betrayal of them.
Of course, she’d already betrayed them the minute she’d decided they were the same as the criminal who had nearly killed her.
“Don’t worry about it.” Logan stood still, not a muscle of his body moving. “You’re not ready. It’s no big deal. They’ll get over it. So will you.”
Would she? Her brain was still foggy. What was she doing? She needed to get out of here before Ben decided to come back and lecture her again. “I have to get my purse.”
It was in the guesthouse—where Chase had gone.
“You’re going to have to actually move if you want to get your purse.” Logan crossed his arms over his massive chest.
“Could you go get my purse?” She couldn’t leave without it. Her apartment had been trashed. Ben and Chase had immediately gone out and bought her a few things she’d needed like a toothbrush and toiletries and some clothes. They had taken care of her.
“No. If you want it, go get it.” Logan stared at her, those green eyes unmoving.
Bastard. “I’ll get it later.”
She started to move toward the door, but Logan’s voice stopped her. “I want to know how long.”
She turned. Her head was a mire of misery, and she had an aching certainty that she was still making a mistake. “What do you mean?”
His eyes avoided hers. “How long has it been for you because you’re still twelve kinds of fucked up, and I want to know how long because I don’t know if I can stand it much longer. I want Georgia. Fuck, I want her so bad I can taste her. If I was the same guy I was a year ago, I would have charmed my way inside her by now.”
“I don’t see why you wanting Georgia Dawson means we can’t leave.”
“Because I want her like hell on fire and I won’t touch that woman because I’m toxic on the inside. I want to know how long this fucking thing lasts. How long before I feel like a whole person again? How long before I get to be me again? I have to know.” Logan’s voice came out in a tortured growl. “Because I just watched you throw away a whole lot. Chase is hard and he got soft for you. I don’t think he’ll ever open up again. That’s why I can’t touch that girl. I won’t hurt her the way you crushed him.”
A sob escaped from her throat. How long? He’d asked how long and she thought she knew the answer. Forever. She was irreparably broken, like a dish someone had tossed to the floor and shattered into a thousand pieces. No one had thought to sweep her up and throw her away, so she continued to cut up the people who came in contact with her.
How long?
Until she finally gave in and gave herself that final cut that allowed her to float away.
Or until she decided to not take it anymore. Not from a dead man. Not from herself. Logan asked how long before he got to be himself again.
“I don’t think we get to go back.” Nat wiped her eyes. She wasn’t sure what had happened to Logan, but the pain was etched in his eyes, in the lines of his face. Chase had told her he was young, barely twenty-five, but he seemed so much older, as though agony had aged him before his time. “We can’t be the people we were before.”
But maybe she could find a new normal.
“I don’t like who I am now,” Logan said starkly.
Nat didn’t much like herself, either, and there was only one way to fix that. “I need to see him.”
Logan nodded. “Please do. Please show me you can change because I’m becoming certain that I can’t. I can play the happy guy on the outside, but I’m still screaming. It’s just no one hears me. I can’t let them.”
She understood. Logan wasn’t ready to share what happened. He hadn’t found someone to ease that burden. But Nat had. She had to pray that she hadn’t ruined everything.
She loved them. She loved Chase and Ben. She needed them.
* * * *
Chase sat down at his computer and started running files, his fingers flying across the keys. Work. Work was what he needed. Calming, interesting work. Work had always been his refuge. Ever since he was a child, he would sink into a problem and let his mind roam free, logic and not emotion being his haven. Work had never ripped his heart straight out of his body and stomped on it with pretty little feet. Work had never made him feel idiotic and helpless.
He’d come across the yard to the guesthouse hoping he could get away from her, but he could still feel her eyes on him, accusing him of all manner of crime. The small space in the dining room of the guesthouse wasn’t far enough to run.
He’d pushed her hard, but how else could he convince her she couldn’t do this job? Taking her in with them would be a death sentence. The brown sedan had convinced him of that.
Someone at that club had put a tail on them. The minute they had pulled away, the brown car had slid out, like it didn’t mind that they knew it was following. It had been a warning to a smart man that they were watching. Ben and Chase could play their games, but the rules were harsh.
And then there was that wall of pictures. He’d noticed it as they were walking out, drugs stashed neatly away. The bartender had been welcoming once they’d flashed a bunch of cash. They’d been given the drugs they wanted and promised more pleasures once Cooder had checked them out. Then Chase had looked up and been assaulted by a pictorial history of Wispers, crap-ass rural strip club. It was a wall of pinned-up snapshots of drunk men partying with the women of the club. The higher-up photos were Polaroids, and the ones closer to the bottom looked like they had been taken off phones and printed from a computer.
Chase hadn’t had time to study them all, but he’d looked at them while Ben was getting the car, carefully storing them away in his memory for later perusal. A few seconds were all he needed to memorize them and to know that something was off.
Yes, that was what he needed. He needed something to get his mind off the way Natalie had looked at him.
Unfortunately, his eidetic memory would have that vision stored away forever. Big green eyes wide with horror and anger as he’d pushed her past her limit. When he’d reached for her, she’d fought. He’d wanted to pull her close and beg her forgiveness and she’d clawed and scratched at him like he was trying to kill her.
He closed his eyes and concentrated. The pictures. There was something about them. The sooner he figured the problem out, the better. The sooner he got Natalie off the hook for murder and safe from whoever did the deed, the sooner he could go back to Dallas, crawl into his comfortable shell, and never come out again.
He would support Ben. The next time Ben found a woman he was interested in, Chase would be nice to her and take care of her so Ben could have the family he wanted. Chase would be fine being the second cock, only taken out for bedroom fun because it was far easier to deal with that humiliation than the horrible ache he felt in his gut now.
She would never have to know that he loved one woman, and she was so far from him he could never have her. The one woman he wanted was the one who could never accept what he needed.
