Reunion at the Shore, page 6
“Thanks for that,” Drew said. “I may come in another time, but right now, we’re headed for Goody’s and some chocolate ice cream.”
“Black coffee for me,” Ria said regretfully. She loved Goody’s ice cream, but she had to lose a few pounds before the holiday season.
“Would you stop with the calorie counting,” Drew said. “You look great the way you are.”
How would you know, Ria thought but didn’t say. It was actually a little refreshing that Drew couldn’t see her. She didn’t worry as much about wearing clothes that hid her hips and thighs.
“He’s right, you know,” Mary said. “You’re gorgeous just as you are, and life is too short to drink black coffee when there’s chocolate ice cream available.”
“You have a point. Great to see you.” She gave Mary a side-arm hug. And as they headed down the street toward Goody’s, Ria thought about what Drew had said.
She had grown up so weight conscious because of her father’s frequent comments and her mother’s endless diets. She’d started restricting food when she was a teenager, and since then, there probably hadn’t been a six-month period in which she didn’t do some kind of dieting.
After she’d had the girls, things just got worse. Drew had always said he liked the way she looked, but she’d felt that he was just talking. She was far bigger than women on TV, in magazines and on social media. For that matter, she was far bigger than a woman like Mary.
In the last few years of their marriage, she’d become so self-conscious that she didn’t like to get undressed in front of Drew. She’d found excuses to avoid going to bed at the same time as he did.
Not that she hadn’t been attracted—she had been and still was, if she was being truthful with herself. But she’d felt too self-conscious to relax and enjoy, and so their intimate times had gotten fewer and farther between.
Drew had never been much of a communicator, and he’d gotten more tight-lipped the more she rejected his advances. And she guessed she hadn’t been much of a communicator, either. She hadn’t told him why she was hesitant to get undressed in front of him. She had just found ways to avoid it.
When she saw couples who were mismatched weight-wise, she sometimes wondered how they managed, and whether she and Drew could have worked through their issues, too.
Inside Goody’s, Drew approached the counter as if he was familiar with the place. “Large bowl of chocolate and a medium butter pecan, both with hot caramel,” he said.
“Drew!” She couldn’t deny that sounded delicious, but really...
“Come on. You’re in a tense situation, talking about visitation with your ex. You deserve a treat.” He leaned closer. “And you’re beautiful the way you are. Really.”
The little growl in his words sent a charge through all the pleasure points of her body. Not just that he’d said she was beautiful, but the way he encouraged her to treat herself and indulge. He’d always been that kind of man. Confident enough in his masculinity to let him understand a woman’s state of mind.
At least, he was that way when he wasn’t angry or defensive. So it was good he was feeling more comfortable here, and with her, right?
She studied his face, the strong line of his jaw, the dark stubble he always got by evening. It would be so easy to fall under his spell again, but being under his spell didn’t mean a successful relationship. That took openness and communication and trust.
And now, given that she was keeping the miscarriage a secret, she really didn’t want to fall under his spell. No way, no how. That would only lead to pain.
They carried their dishes to a table in the corner, a little away from the busy crowd that was gathering.
She got out her phone. “So should we set some dates?” she asked, going for a businesslike tone.
“Ree. Let’s just enjoy our ice cream. It’s not like we’re in a big hurry.”
She relented, took a bite of butter pecan with caramel sauce and let out a groan. “Oh, Drew, this is fabulous.”
“Enjoy,” he said, his voice a little choked.
She wasn’t sure why he sounded that way, and she decided not to worry about it. If she was going to have high-calorie ice cream, she was going to relish every bite. She’d worry about the consequences later.
* * *
“DID YOU KNOW you’re on some guy’s Frock account?” It was Friday night, and Sophia had come into Kaitlyn’s room and plopped down on her bed, uninvited.
“I don’t pay attention to Frock, so no.” Frock was the network of fake accounts kids at school used to hide their questionable social media activity from their parents. Kaitlyn had looked at Frock, of course, but she’d found it full of dumb things: people posting pictures of the insides of their nostrils, or the alcohol they’d supposedly stolen from their parents, or their latest lacy underwear.
“Maybe you should.” Sophia was studying her phone.
Kaitlyn barely glanced up from the book she was reading, a superwoman fantasy that was the best escape ever. She’d discovered that it made her much happier than scrolling through Frock.
“It’s bad.”
Kaitlyn rolled her eyes. She knew Sophia’s definition of bad. “What did I do, wear the wrong socks?”
“Look.” Sophia held out her phone.
There was a photo of Kaitlyn, and thank goodness, she didn’t look awful. She was wearing a green sweater that brought out the color of her eyes, and her hair was good that day.
And then she remembered the last time she’d worn that sweater. A cold hand of fear gripped her chest. “Whose account is that?”
Sophia lifted a shoulder. “TomDickandHarry. Do you know him? Or them?”
“No.” Relief that it wasn’t Chris washed over her, but it was short-lived. He could go by TomDickandHarry, for all she knew.
“Hit Play,” Sophia said.
The cold grip tightened. “It’s a video?”
“Just look at it.” Sophia hit the play button herself.
And there was Chris Taylor, smiling at her in that charming way of his, moving close to her in the secluded area behind the stage at school, saying something that couldn’t be discerned.
Kaitlyn knew what he’d said, though: “Take off your shirt.” And “You’re so pretty.” And “No one will ever know.” And “I just want to see for a minute.” And “I really want to go out with you, but I just want to see you first.”
She’d held out for a little while, but in the end, the idea of a boy being attracted to her and wanting to date her, the chance to be popular and cool for once, had been too persuasive to withstand.
She watched, horrified but unable to look away, as she slowly stripped off her shirt for him.
What he said next was audible: “Bra, too?”
The Kaitlyn on the screen—who already seemed so much younger than Kaitlyn felt in real life—shook her head, cheeks pink, hair going over her face.
He reached out and gently brushed back a strand of her hair, tucking it behind her ear. “Please?” he said.
And she started to do it, reaching behind herself to unhook her bra, which caused her breasts to point out like she was some kind of porn star, right out there on social media for everyone in the world to see. Their embarrassing size was obvious, and so was the fact that she needed to lose a few. Her side flab hung over the edge of her jeans, now unprotected by a shirt.
“At least you had on a pretty bra,” Sophia said now.
“Shut up.”
He reached out, and she jerked away. That had made her come to her senses, and she stopped before unhooking the last hook, grabbed for her sweater and covered herself.
He’d pouted and begged, but she hurried away, sweater covering her front, her back fat visible for anyone to see.
“He was filming it?” was all she could say through a throat thick with horror.
“It wasn’t him filming. It had to be one of his friends. Didn’t you know to look around? Boys always film that stuff. I could have told you...” Sophia trailed off. “Man, if kids made fun of you before, this makes it twenty times worse.”
Kaitlyn was hearing her sister’s words, but it was through what felt like thick cotton. She couldn’t believe it.
But as she started thinking about what had transpired after she’d stupidly taken off her shirt, it was suddenly more believable; in fact, everything clicked into place.
Her hope that Chris would actually become her boyfriend had faded quickly; he’d avoided her, and when she’d finally worked up the courage to talk to him last week, he acted like he barely knew who she was.
Right after that, Chris’s older friends, especially popular Tyler, had started teasing her, so she’d figured out that Chris had told other people that she’d taken off her shirt for him after school. That had been awful enough, but she’d denied everything. After all, guys lied all the time.
And then Shelby Grayson, one of the almost-popular girls in tenth grade, had started making remarks about the size of Kaitlyn’s chest.
Now, though...
Now there was proof. Now there was this image—she wrapped her arms around her stomach and bent forward, feeling sick—this image of her body, out there for anyone to see.
For all the school to see.
Had Chris known they were filming that awful encounter? And was the person who’d filmed it one of the mean boys who’d been teasing her, or someone else entirely?
The ramifications rained down on her. “Don’t tell Mom and Dad.” She gripped her sister’s hand, hard. “Promise me you won’t show them.” If either of them saw what she’d done, they’d never forgive her. Mom, always trying to teach them to be proud of themselves, respectful, feminist. Dad was just...Dad. She was his little girl. If he learned about this, not only would he hunt down all the boys and strangle them, but he’d be so terribly disappointed in her. “Promise!” She squeezed Sophia’s hands tight.
“Ow! Fine. I promise.”
“Delete it from your phone. Unfollow him, so you can’t show it to them no matter what.”
“Fine. I will.”
Kaitlyn glared at her until she actually did unfollow TomDickandHarry.
“What are you gonna do?” Sophia asked.
Kaitlyn crossed her arms over her sick-feeling stomach again and looked up at the ceiling. Tears pooled in her eyes. She shook her head. “I don’t know,” she whispered. “What can I do?”
“I mean, we can’t change schools, not really. We could get bused to Jefferson Public, but with as small as the shore is...”
“The kids there would find out.”
“Yeah.” Sophia’s phone was dinging, and she picked it up and looked at it. She glanced over at Kaitlyn and then turned off her notifications.
“What?”
Sophia shook her head. “Just dumb stuff.”
“It’s not about me, is it?”
Sophia glanced down at her phone again, shook her head, then nodded. “Just a few people asking me what’s going on.” Sophia patted Kaitlyn’s shoulder, which she wouldn’t normally have done.
It just showed how bad things were, that Sophia would comfort her and be affectionate.
“At least you’re built,” Sophia said. “You’re not gonna have any problem getting a date now.”
“I don’t want to date anyone who likes looking at something like that!” She didn’t want to date anyone, ever. Didn’t even want to face anyone.
Going to school on Monday was going to be horrible. Maybe Mom would let her stay home. She’d already used up the cramps excuse, but if she gargled hot water, maybe she could convince Mom she had a fever. She felt like she had a fever.
But staying home and wondering what people were saying wasn’t exactly going to be fun. Even now she had a sick desire to listen in on people, to grab Sophia’s phone and see what the general attitude toward the video was.
“Maybe I can get homeschooled,” she mused out loud.
“And hide in the house until you’re eighteen and can leave?” Sophia shook her head impatiently. “Besides, Mom and Dad won’t let you do that. They think socialization is too important.”
“Then what do I do?” The last word came out on a quaver.
“You should have thought of that before you took off your shirt!”
“Well, I didn’t!”
Sophia picked up her phone and studied it, and then her cheeks got pink. “Now people are texting me to see if I’ll take off my shirt or send a nude.” She blew out a breath. “I’m gonna get that thing taken down.”
“Can you?”
“I can try.”
“Don’t rat him out,” Kaitlyn begged. Chris had shown he was willing to do something awful, letting someone film that encounter. Whoever TomDickandHarry might be, they were undoubtedly popular and influential, and she didn’t dare get them in trouble.
“I won’t—I’m not stupid.” Sophia stood and stalked out, slamming the door behind her. A minute later, Sophia’s bedroom door slammed.
Kait looked around her room, her heart beating faster and faster, a loud drumming in her ears. She couldn’t go anywhere tonight, no way. Tomorrow, she and Dad were supposed to do something together before he left Pleasant Shores, but that couldn’t happen; someone might say something that would spill the beans. Church on Sunday was out, because by then the video might have made its way to the religious crowd.
Couldn’t go to school Monday. Couldn’t not go to school Monday.
She thought about the video again, how she’d looked in it, what a fool she’d been. Then she stood and, as if sleepwalking, went to her desk drawer.
She pulled out the little bottle shoved way to the back.
She’d been sneaking Mom’s sleeping pills for a couple of months now, one here, a couple there. When she couldn’t sleep, she’d take half a pill, sometimes a whole one.
She had six in the jar now.
She shut her eyes. If she took two right now, she’d go to sleep for sure. Normal dosage was just one, according to Mom’s pill bottle. Quickly, she opened the bottle, shook out two pills and swallowed them.
The image of herself, her chest sticking out without a shirt, pushed back into her mind. She wasn’t the kind of girl who liked showing off. She mostly wore loose T-shirts and hoodies.
Now everyone would know what was underneath. What if boys did ask her out, but only to make fun of her and see what they could get?
She was still holding the pill bottle in her hand.
What if she took them all?
It might make her sick, really sick. Might even...
But wouldn’t the family be better off without her? Sophia wouldn’t be embarrassed. Mom and Dad could work out their problems and get back together.
The guys at school, including that horrible TomDickandHarry, whoever he was, would get in trouble. They’d feel terrible, sorry. All the other kids would hate them.
The girls who’d been mean to her, the kids who’d shoved her in Goody’s...all of them would be falling over themselves to say how great she was, how ashamed they were. Their parents would condemn them.
Before she could think more about it, she poured the rest of the pills into her hand, grabbed a half-empty can of soda and swallowed them down.
CHAPTER SIX
“SO IT WAS touch and go for a few days,” Drew said. They’d ended up staying at Goody’s talking for longer than Drew had expected. Ria was drawing him out about what had gone down when he’d had his accident. “Apparently, they didn’t know if I’d make it or not. They actually induced a coma for a little bit.”
“Why didn’t someone call me?” Ria sounded distressed. “Drew, you could’ve died!”
“I put down Mike as my contact person,” he said. “That’s who they called, and the guys in the department rallied around.”
“It’s not the same as family.”
“We’re divorced, Ria.” It was sweet of her to act concerned, but the reality was that she had no obligation to him, not anymore. “I had no right to burden you, and Mom and Dad have their own struggles. I managed. The social workers at the hospital set me up with all kinds of services.”
“It must have been terrifying. To wake up and realize you couldn’t see.”
“It was.” Drew remembered digging at his face and eyes, trying to rip the bandages off them, before he’d figured out that there weren’t any bandages, that he was in the hospital and that he had lost his vision. He shook his head rapidly, like Navy after a bath. “I don’t even like to think about that time.”
She put a hand over his. “I’m so sorry, Drew. If there’s anything—”
His phone buzzed, but he ignored it. “Like I said, you have no obligation. I should have let you know what was going on, and I should’ve figured out a way to keep on visiting the girls even despite my issues. I...I wasn’t thinking I was that important to them.” Which sounded pitiful, but it was true. Ria always seemed to have everything under control, and he’d felt like more of an extra than a main actor in the show of their lives.
Plus, he hadn’t wanted any of them to see him this way, to pity him.
“You’re really important to them.”
He was starting to believe it. “I apologize. Really. I should have been there for the girls.” He almost wanted to say “for you,” but that wasn’t his right. As he’d emphasized to her, they were divorced.
“Water under the bridge,” Ria said, but she sounded worried. “I know Sophia will be fine. And Kait will, too. It’s just...it’s been such a tough phase for her. Much tougher than anything Sophia ever went through.”
Her phone buzzed, and he heard her grab her purse and fumble through it. He had to grin. Ria always had a giant, overstuffed purse, and she could never find anything in it.
