The Best Friend (Sister Series, #3), page 9
Tony inclined his head. She had him there. “I’m sure you don’t think too highly of me.”
“You were nice to my baby when no one was watching. That’s enough character reference for me. Besides, Will thinks the world of you; and that means something.”
“Will’s been a good friend. I guess I forgot that for awhile.”
“Maybe you could remember it and try to forgive him for all the things you think he did wrong.”
He nodded. “You’re good, Will’s wife. Yeah. I could do that.”
She smiled and sighed as Christina was now racing away on all fours. “Well, we’re off again.”
Tony watched Will move quickly to block Christina before she could reach the stairs. She giggled and plopped down on her butt. Grinning down at her, Will lifted her up so she was over his head. She reached for his face and giggled with laughter. Her drool ran down in strings onto Will’s face, but he didn’t flinch, or rub it away. He grinned right back at his daughter and tickled her softly to maximize her already infectious laughter. Ick. Tony shuddered a bit at the drool. But Will manned up and didn’t even wince or cringe. It was a rare sight for him: seeing his muscle-bound, former warrior friend cooing in strange, nonsensical words, and using a baby-like voice as he smiled and baby drool clung to his face. Huh. It appeared that many more things had pulled a one-eighty from Will’s former life.
Gretchen came in and smiled as she patted Christina’s back. Did it hurt her to see the baby? Did she picture the baby she might have had with Will? Or Will as the father he could have been to her baby? Again, the crux of why their relationship on his end had always been so complicated for him: Gretchen. Yet, Gretchen never came between them in Will’s mind. Only his.
The Hendrickses soon collected their belongings and little Christina. They both hugged Tony and wished him well, while promising to visit again soon. They made the rounds with the rest of the group and soon left. Tony actually felt a little ping near his heart. What? Almost a tinge of sadness at seeing them go. It was a new sensation. He was usually glad when visitors left.
As their car pulled out of the driveway, he glanced up to find Gretchen’s gaze still fastened on him. She said few words to him, and he avoided looking at or speaking to her. He didn’t know why. He didn’t know what she meant the other night. And he, sure as hell, was good and ready for everyone to not know any more about him and leave him the hell alone.
He claimed to be fatigued before loping down the stairs, anxious to get away. The sight of his happy brother, and the train wreck girl, now wrapping him around her finger, irked him. Mostly, however, he yearned to get away from the only person in two years who could make his heart beat faster just by her mere presence.
****
“Gretchen? What are you doing here? Tony’s still sleeping. He rarely gets this early.”
Gretchen smiled at Leila, and nodded at Lewis before Leila swept her arm, indicating for her to come in. Gretchen showed up there at nine a.m. Leila led her into the kitchen and waved for her to sit down as she quickly poured her some coffee. Gretchen added some creamer while contemplating how to approach this. They might not accept or appreciate her input; but, after witnessing Tony’s behavior, she didn’t care. She did care, however, about what happened to Tony and for Tony. Be it based on their history, or losing his arm, or because she suddenly noticed him as something more than just Will’s best friend, the reasons really didn’t matter; she intended to address Tony’s injury and the life he tried to shun and avoid living.
“That’s fine. I wanted to talk to you both anyway.”
Leila leaned across the counter and refilled the coffee in her cup. “Sure. I’m glad to have you here. Always was. I hope you know that. It means a lot, your returning to Tony’s life.”
She smiled. That’s what they thought now; just wait until they heard the next thing out of her mouth. “I think Tony needs help.”
Leila’s smile wavered slightly. “I know. We know. We try, but he refuses to accept most of it.”
Gretchen sipped the hot liquid to hide the look of shock as she thought to herself. Could they really think Tony wouldn’t accept help? All he did was sit around idly, soaking up pity and swimming in self-loathing, while his mother performed all the activities he couldn’t, or wouldn’t.
“No offense, but all Tony does is require help. You need to kick him out. He needs to find something significant to do, something for which he must be accountable. He needs a purpose and a reason to motivate him and force him to deal with his amputation. Allowing him to fester, like a boil, idly passing the time by doing nothing in your basement, isn’t helping.”
Lewis dropped the cup he took out from the cupboard overhead; and Leila choked on the sip of coffee she’d just taken. “What!”
Gretchen cleared her throat and averted her gaze; now she stared out the window. She tapped her finger on the counter and decided it was better to be quick and get straight to the point with them. “You need to stop doing everything for him. That includes his laundry, and buying his choice of groceries and cooking his meals. You need to make him do something. Anything that has even a little bit of value. Whether it’s a job, or handing out pamphlets at the local hospital. I don’t care. Just urge him to find something to do that has a goddamned point to it. And no more coddling him. He does nothing, because you allow him to. He is intentionally rude and abrasive because he feels like shit when he thinks about his lifestyle. I think we all get that. So, if he won’t take any initiative and make the first step towards living without his arm in a constructive manner, I think we have to.”
Leila shook her head. “You’ve been around him exactly three times. You had no contact with him for over five years. How dare you come back now and tell us our methods for dealing with this are failing. You don’t know. You don’t know anything. So don’t you dare sit there and suggest that I kick my handicapped, irrevocably injured son out of my house! I WILL NOT! Do you hear me? I would never do such a thing to him. I am so fortunate he came back to me still alive, and I am grateful for that every single day. A dozen steps to one side or the other, and Tony would have died. My son, not yours, would be dead. You didn’t even stay in touch with him. Some fair-weather friend you are. So don’t dare sit there and tell me what I need to do. I will never turn my back on my son who barely came back to me.”
Gretchen’s mouth dropped halfway through Leila’s passionate speech. Leila nearly screamed as she paced the kitchen.
Lewis put a hand on her shoulder, and glanced at Gretchen with a kind smile. “I know what you think you know, but you really don’t. You don’t know about this. All the counseling schools in the world can’t really teach you what this is like. You don’t know what it’s like for a man like Tony. Or for parents like us. You simply can’t be serious about coming here just to tell us to kick our son out. Forget it.”
Gretchen slowly closed her mouth. Then, with a hasty nod, she ran her fingers through her hair anxiously. “Okay, perhaps you’re right. But can’t you see this isn’t doing him any good. He’s no longer Tony. He’s not even nice anymore.”
“I don’t need him nice, I just need for him to survive.”
Gretchen pressed her lips together and stifled her reply. Okay, perhaps she failed to assess the extent of grief this catastrophe created not only for Tony, but also his parents. However, there was such a thing as enabling someone. And also tough love. Or making someone more independent.
She tried a different tactic. “You saw, didn’t you? When Donny and he nearly came to blows the other night? I didn’t imagine that. I didn’t make that up. Donny has had it with him up to here,” she said as she raised her hands to chin level. “I’m telling you right now: you’re about to lose one son if you don’t start trying to change the other. You might think that’s okay, but I don’t. And I still know what you’re currently doing isn’t in Tony’s best interest. You can hate my reasons, and hate how I say this, and hate me for saying it, but you’re not doing him any favors.”
Leila gripped the counter. Her breathing was audibly accelerated. “Do you know what the suicide rate is for Afghanistan vets? Do you, Gretchen the Doctor? Do you know how often it happens? Do you know what it’s like to check a room each morning, and get flooded with relief at finding the person inside it hasn’t taken a gun to his head overnight?”
“Leila,” Lewis warned softly.
Gretchen gasped at the vivid, gut-twisting image. “No. I don’t.”
“Thirty percent, Gretchen. Thirty percent of veterans from Iraq and Afghanistan have contemplated or attempted suicide. You see how unhappy Tony is. Can you begin to see my greatest fear?”
She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. No. Her thoughts had never gone there. She never even considered how much Leila feared Tony would kill himself. He seemed unhappy, lazy, unmotivated, but not suicidal. Then again, Leila was right, and she did lose complete contact with him; and was only around him again for a handful of times. She had—
“I’m not going to kill myself.”
Gretchen whipped around on her stool when Tony’s quiet, deep voice sounded from behind her. He stood at the top of the stairs, completely still, wearing sweats and a t-shirt. It was short-sleeved and he let the left sleeve flop loosely. His hair was down, falling well past his shoulders, and ratty. His beard descended right down into his neck, as she was sure he hadn’t shaved or trimmed it in days.
“Tony!” Leila screeched, standing up more erect. “We were…”
“I know what you were doing.” He stepped forward and she waited for the inevitable, explosive litany of curses at finding Gretchen there, discussing him, with his parents, behind his back, like he was a naughty teen in need of proper disciplining. Instead, he said nothing, but passed by Gretchen with only a quick, vacant glance before heading toward his mother, whom he wrapped in an one-armed embrace. Leila wilted into him, her head only coming as high as his collarbone, and tears filled her eyes when she clutched his shirt. “I’m sorry. We shouldn’t have been talking about you. I was trying to explain something to Gretchen. Please don’t be mad, Tony.”
He patted her back. “I’m not mad, Mom. It’s okay.” He glared at Gretchen over his mother’s head and his brown eyes sparked in anger. But his jaw was clamped shut.
Gretchen lowered her gaze as shame filled her for upsetting Leila so. It was obvious Tony had plenty to say about what she’d just put his mother through. Gretchen was a little bit humbled by the first display of affection and genuine concern she’d seen him show towards Leila. To be honest, it warmed her heart, since she was pretty convinced he felt nothing, for anyone. But he did care for his mother.
He mumbled to Leila, “It’s okay. Gretchen was just being a friend. I’ll talk to her. You don’t have anything to worry about. Neither of you do. I promise.”
His gaze was still pinned on her as he said “friend.” Lewis patted his shoulder and Leila finally wiped her eyes and nodded. “We’ll let you two be alone.”
Leaving the kitchen, his parents went into the den down the hall. Tony watched them and his gaze lingered until the door clicked shut. Then he turned towards her, and the quiet, controlled demeanor vanished with the clicking of the door. His gaze unexpectedly burned into her. Blazing. Trying to incinerate her. She gulped down the intimidating lump of fear now lodged in her throat, realizing she not only provoked the tiger, but probably lit it’s tail on fire.
“What the fuck were you doing?” His tone remained low and quiet so his parents couldn’t hear him; but the nasty retort sounded deep and bitter. “How could you go into that with her? Do you know how much she’s been through?”
Gretchen stood up slowly, sliding off the stool. Okay, she obviously miscalculated how well Leila was doing with Tony. She should not have approached her with this. But… Fine. She’d approach him instead.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know she’d take it that hard. I had no idea, to be honest. Or that you’d care so much about how she feels. I’m glad to see you still have some feelings left inside you.”
“I woke up to my mother screaming about me dying. Do you think I enjoyed that? What were you doing? What did you say to her?”
Gretchen stared into Tony’s furious eyes. Leila was his Achilles heel. He cared more about Leila than he did his missing arm. No, that’s not true… both of his parents mattered to him, and he still cared about both of them. So far, it was the only thing that gave her a glimpse of the old Tony. Now, Gretchen understood why his parents let things stand the way they were. They were right, too. She didn’t take it as far as she should have. She did not fully consider the fear they still lived with every day. The nightmare that nearly took their son from them was far from over. She licked her lips, stiffened her spine, and nodded. She got it now; and knew where they were coming from, as well as why they couldn’t force Tony to do anything or accept any help.
But she could. Yes. She could do that. He might, end up hating her for it; but she could deal with that. Tony thought she was so nice. Well, he was in for a big surprise now. In the name of healing and therapy, Tony never dealt with likes of her. He should have asked Jessie about what Gretchen did for her. How unkind she could be.
It was what she would now do for him.
“I told her she had to kick you out.”
His jaw tightened and she waited for the explosive reply. Instead, he scooted back until his butt hit the counter, which he leaned against, while assessing her. He lifted his eyebrow and inquired, “And you expected my parents to do that simply because you asked?”
She furrowed her brow. Stated that way, it was completely unreasonable that she’d come here expecting to do that simply because she suggested it. She should have begun her suggestions for Tony as something smaller, and way more easily accomplished. Something way more saner, and a lot less overwhelming. Like perhaps, Tony could try washing his own shirts. Coming here demanding Leila and Lewis kick him out... okay, a huge colossal mistake. “Well, no… I guess they wouldn’t do that just because I suggested it.”
He shook his head, and his expression seemed puzzled. “Why? Why did you come over here first thing just to tell them that?”
“I told you before. I’m going to help you. You’re just probably not going to like my methods of helping.”
He turned and rummaged around the cabinet, emerging with a box of toaster pastries. He popped them into the toaster and contemplated them. “I don’t need help. There is nothing to help me with. This just is what it is. Besides, what exactly would you do?”
He didn’t turn around towards her, so she contemplated his back. It was long and narrow, tapering down to his slim waist. The gray sweats, his standard uniform of late, barely hung onto his hips. The t-shirt stretched across his wide shoulders and hugged his lean lower back. Perfect, except… he was lopsided. His right arm looked strong and well developed on one side, and the other had nothing. It still managed to shock and surprise her. Even though she knew it was gone and expected it, the absence still startled her. He rarely let her look at him without frowning back in negative, rude glares. So she tried to sneak in all of her peeks when he didn’t know. Her heart twisted at the loose armhole every single time she saw it.
She’d gone about this all wrong. She never took into account how upset and worried his parents still were for him. She had a lapse of judgment and let her emotions rule her mind, instead of remaining objective and relying on her clinical training. She temporarily forgot the psychologist that she was.
She needed to start with manageable steps. She nearly smacked her head against the table. How could she not have approached the Lindstroms with a more normal, sane approach? With a program in mind in which Tony could accomplish little things before she demanded grand, sweeping gestures, like moving out and living alone. She cringed at her lack of foresight. She screwed up. But since she was still there, she wanted to tackle it. Despite whether the Lindstroms—any of them—wanted her to or not.
The toaster beeped and the pastries popped up. Tony grabbed one and starting eating it. After the fact, he mumbled, “You want one?”
“No. Thank you.” She stood and got off the stool. “Tony?”
“What?”
“I’m sorry for how I approached this. I got… I don’t know, excited, I guess, to get involved and inadvertently pushed my agenda way too far. Will you forgive me for that? And for upsetting your mother? I promise I won’t do it again. Never like that.”
He slowly nodded. “No, don’t upset her again.”
He didn’t ask her to leave, so she chewed on her lower lip and pondered that. He should have technically insisted that she go home. He certainly could be rude enough to accomplish that if he wanted to. Somehow, even after bringing his mother to tears, he didn’t want Gretchen to leave. He seemed to… what? Like her? Have a crush on her? She didn’t think she ever had that effect on any man. No one. Not even Will seemed ever particularly smitten by her beauty or personality. But Tony…. was? Or had been once.
Well, now she was going to use it.
“Will you do something for me?” she kept her tone soft and sweet.
“What?” he grumbled, his back straightening. He knew that tone: he already anticipated that she was about to ask him to do something she knew he wouldn’t want to.
“Would you come with me somewhere this week? Say… on Thursday?”
His entire body froze. “Where?”
“My office.”
He drew in a breath. “As in your therapist’s office? What do you want to do? Make me your newest patient?”
“No. That would be inappropriate. And it would never work, either. I’m not the kind of therapist you need. But I think you need one.”
“I’ve had therapy. And I learned that no amount of talking in the world can regrow a limb.”
“You’re brimming with unresolved anger. Rage might be a better word.”
“Duh. I know. I don’t deny it.” He turned away.
