Heartless, page 26
“Well,” she said. “We need weapons. More than just one gun anyway. I’m going to hop back up there and see what I can find. Jo, care to give me a boost? Just watch my ankle, okay?” She smiled and winked.
“Why not?” I stepped away from my father’s side and tossed her up through the trapdoor. Without the chaos around me, I heard more of the tendons popping and bones creaking than I’d heard earlier, but it was still surprisingly easy.
She turned on the light, and everyone jumped. The additional illumination settled on the pools of blood and embalming solution surrounding the dead, and I shuddered. My mother put her arm around me, but I could feel her trembling, too.
Eli stood below the trapdoor. He was stiff, partly bent at the waist, but he craned his neck upward to look into the vault. “Maybe grab some of that food we saw. It’s been a while, we could probably all use a snack.” He glanced at me, and then looked down. “I mean, most of us. Sorry, Jo.”
“No problem.”
“You sure?” Lucy called. “Didn’t Mr. Hall say it looked old?”
My father nodded. “Yeah, that stuff looks like it’s been up there since I was a kid. I think you can wait.”
“But look at this!” Lucy appeared at the hole in the ceiling. She dropped down a rope, a shovel, and a baseball bat. It was an old one, wooden, and I picked it up. It felt solid in my hands, like it belonged there.
Eli picked up the shovel, and my mother the rope, although she looked at me and whispered, “I have no idea what she expects me to do with a rope!”
When Lucy dropped back down, she held a garden hoe. “I’m not sure where they were planning on putting the garden, but they were prepared. There are seeds up there, and all kinds of other gardening things. I guess they thought they’d celebrate the end of the world by growing a victory garden?”
“Well, if nothing else, I feel pretty invincible with my shovel,” said Eli, but with the way he winced as he spoke, he looked anything but invincible.
“We need to get you to a hospital,” my mother said to him.
I tried not to be sad about the fact that even she knew a hospital couldn’t help me.
My father came up behind me and draped his jacket over my shoulders. It came halfway down my thighs, and I buttoned it up to make him happy.
We headed back the way we’d come. It was much easier for the group now that we had some light, but the twists and turns were still difficult to navigate, and the floor was less than smooth. We had to move slowly, carefully, and by the time we reached the room in which I’d awoken, I was running low on battery. There was no sign of Sondra Lewis. She’d disappeared completely into the darkness.
I sat down on the table and my mother plugged me in. I felt better as soon as the electricity flowed in, but the flow was no longer steady. It came in fits and spurts, like I was short-circuiting somewhere. I knew it was my heart pump, not doing its job.
I could tell that, even plugged in, I didn’t have much longer.
But there was no reason to tell anyone else that. Not then.
I looked at Eli. “You need to get to the hospital as soon as we’re out of here.”
“No.” His voice was flat.
“Yes,” I said, glaring at him. “You’re hurt. You need some help.”
“If I go to the hospital, they’re going to ask what happened. If I tell them what happened, they’ll come for you. If they come for you, you’ll die. And I’m not ready to say goodbye, after all we’ve been through. I love you.”
My mother walked to him and put her arm around him. Her eyes were again filled with tears. “I’m not ready, either. I’ll never be ready. But Jo’s right. You need to go.”
My father nodded. “We can tell them you were in a fight. We can stall long enough to give Jo a chance.”
“A chance at what? I don’t know what chance you all think I have.” My voice, though much repaired and more like the old me, was still harsh.
“A chance to stick around a little longer,” said Lucy. “A chance to be with us some more.”
I nodded. “Let’s get out of here first. Get me back to the dorm. Then I want you all to go with Eli to the hospital, and then to the police. I think I need some time by myself.”
“I understand,” my mother said. “But I’m not leaving your side. I hope you realize that.”
“I do.”
Eli grew angry. “Don’t I get a say? Don’t I get to choose when I say goodbye?”
“Eli, I love you. I’m sorry things worked out this way, I really am. But I’ll be around for a while yet. There’s no way to tell when my battery will run out for good. I need to know you’re safe before I go.”
Right before we were about to leave the lab to find the rest of the way out, Lucy pressed something into my hands. It was a sheath of papers, spiral bound, covered in a thin, transparent layer of plastic.
On the cover: The Order of the Adversaries It was their manifesto.
“This’ll be great for the cops,” I said, and everyone nodded.
And so we left. The way out was simple. A few sterile, fluorescent-lit hallways, and suddenly we were at a door that opened onto a campus parking lot. It was a back entrance to the campus police station. Parked near the entrance were three large, gray vans, like the one that filled me with such dread. These were newer, cleaner, still sparkly, even in the snow, but they were the same. And we were only minutes from my dorm. Something about that sight, the vans parked at the police station, terrified me.
But at least it was quiet. No one was nearby, as it was dark and, once again, snowing. Streetlights glowed faintly in the distance, but we were protected by darkness.
Adam’s cruiser sat right next to the door.
“Who’s driving?” Lucy said, and she opened the door.
“Not me. But I can ride in the trunk.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
In the end my father drove, with Eli beside him in the front seat, directing him to Calvin Hall. Lucy, my mother, and I sat in the back seat, squeezed together like little girls out for a fun afternoon outing.
“Jo,” Lucy said, and I wondered what was coming.
“Yes?”
“No offense, but you really stink.”
“I love you, too,” I said.
When we got to the dorm, Lucy ran ahead to clear the way for us, but it was conveniently mid-term week, so most people, in my dorm at least, were inside studying. We snuck in easily through the side door and headed up to my room.
I settled immediately onto my desk chair and plugged myself into the wall socket. I could barely feel the current anymore.
No need to tell them that.
“Okay, you guys. I’m safe. Dad, you’ll take Eli to the hospital now?”
“Yes, baby. Sit tight. We’ll be back soon. I’ll see you soon, Champ.” He looked like he was about to kiss me, then reconsidered. I didn’t blame him in the least.
Lucy looked at me, and I could tell. She knew. “Eli, I’m gonna stay here with the girls, okay? I’ll get my ankle checked tomorrow,” she said, taking his hand for just a second. He nodded. He had no idea.
But he walked to me anyway, every step looking more and more painful. “You’ll be okay?” he said, and he rested his hand on my cheek for a moment.
I smiled. “Of course. You go get yourself checked out. I don’t like the sound you’re making while you’re breathing.”
He winced. “Yeah, I don’t feel so great. You’ll still be here when I get back?”
I nodded. “Yes. And when you get back, we can talk about that German guy some more. Remember him? When you think about it, all this, it’s obviously his fault.”
“It’s always the Germans’ fault, right?” Tears flooded Eli’s eyes and he leaned so close to me our foreheads touched. We hadn’t been that close in days, not since I left his apartment in the middle of the night. He slid one hand around my waist, then another up to the back of my head, squeezing me tight. “I’ll never forget you, Jo.”
“I know,” I said. “I’ll never forget you either. Now go. Go get well. And maybe someday you’ll find a nice German girl.”
I pushed him away so I didn’t have to see the tears spill down his cheeks. Lucy slid an arm around his waist and let him lean against her as she walked him to the door.
Then I turned to my father. “Come back soon,” I whispered.
“I will,” he said. “This isn’t goodbye.”
But it was.
Dear Mom,
It’s been a few hours since Dad and Eli left. You and Lucy are both sleeping. I’m watching you, listening to you sleep. It makes me feel like we’re back home, like this has all been just a bad dream.
But I know that’s not true.
The Order of the Adversaries manifesto sits on my desk, staring at me, daring me to open it and read more. I can’t finish it, not now, and I don’t want to.
I’ll leave it here, though, for Lucy. For Eli. Because I’ve read enough. I know they’re not done with the battle yet. I thought about burning it while you slept, like maybe that would erase the Order, erase all that’s happened so far. But I can’t think that way anymore. I have to think about your safety. Yours, and Dad’s, and Lucy’s, and Eli’s.
Please, tell Lucy and Eli, as soon as you can: they can’t go to the cops. Open the manifesto. You’ll see. Adam really was a cop. His twin brother, too. It’s right there, on the top. Their information. And there are others as well. It’s all part of their plan. Some of the names are code names, though, so I don’t know how to tell you whom you can trust. I can only tell you not to trust anyone.
Because I believe this, and only this: they’re still going to come for you. All of you. You’re not safe.
So you have to take care of each other.
Especially you. I know you. You’ll try to take care of everyone, the way you always took care of me. And you need to do that now. But you also need to remember to let them take care of you. You can’t do this on your own.
But Mom, this is the most important thing. You have to tell Lucy and Eli: they have to stop the Order. They have to wipe them out or else you’ll never be safe. They want to destroy everything.
I’m listening to you snore. It’s all I hear right now, even with my bionic hearing. I wish I could lie next to you on my bed, curl up in your arms like I did when I was small, and forget all my troubles.
I love you and Daddy so much. You’ve been amazing parents, given me more than any girl could ever possibly deserve.
I wish I could lie down with you. I think it’s almost time.
Because I’m so tired.
I can feel my brain dying. It’s getting fuzzier. My battery is dying. My heart pump is ruptured, which means my heart is officially broken.
I’m going to unplug myself now. I’m going to stand up and walk to you and kiss you goodbye, Mama. Please kiss Daddy for me, too. Thank you for giving me everything I ever wanted, and for being here until the end. If I never seemed to appreciate it, please know: I do. I did.
And please, when you wake up, don’t plug me back in. Don’t wake me back up.
I’m so tired.
And I’m finally ready to sleep.
I love you.
Love, your Jo
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
EULOGY
Dear Jo,
You’re dead now. I have to keep repeating that to myself, over and over and over. Otherwise I forget, even for a second, and then I have to remember again. You’re dead now. The memory hits harder and harder each time.
Jolene. You were my best friend, and I loved you. You never knew how beautiful you were, how amazing your life was going to be. You never once realized how much we all loved you. And we did. Oh my God, Jo, we loved you so much. So I’m telling you that now, even though you’re dead and I know you’ll never, ever read this email.
Or maybe you will. I don’t know. Maybe it’s time I find some religion. God knows I’m going to need all the help I can get, if I want to succeed at the task you gave me.
Stop the Order, you said. Take care of each other.
Oh, Jo. I’m going to try. Please know how hard I’m going to try.
And I’m going to miss your face, every day. Miss your laugh, your cry. Hell, I’m even going to miss your smell, at the end, if you can believe that. It was my final tie to you—I smelled it for days after they took you away. If I focus real hard, I can smell it still. It’s in my clothes, I think. Or my nostrils, etched in there like the incision was etched across your stomach.
But I loved you. And I’m going to try so hard to be brave. And to take care of Eli. But he’s yours, still, Jo. He loves you. I hear him cry sometimes, even though he doesn’t want me to. He loved you so much, and his heart is broken, just like mine. Maybe together we can heal. Who knows.
But in the meantime, I just want you to know. I love you. I’ll never forget.
* * *
Love, Lucy
LucyGoosie: #SmythvilleStudentLife @EliPete21 Services celebrating the life of Jolene Hall today at the Greene-Locke Theater. 12 pm
It was hard to keep from crying as I stood in front of the huge crowd of people, all gathered to mourn the death of my best friend, who’d been buried days before in a small, private ceremony in Colorado. Her parents flew Eli and me out there for the occasion; they knew how much we both needed to say goodbye in person, and that Eli couldn’t have afforded a ticket on his own. Not with his student loans. They threw in my ticket for good measure.
At Jo’s funeral, Eli held my hand. Or I held his. We held onto each other for dear life, but now I was alone, with no one to hold. This would be the last goodbye.
We were in Smytheville College’s huge theater, but all the seats were packed. It was early March, and the snow on the ground was just beginning to melt with the promise of spring. Most of the campus had turned out to mourn their fellow student. We weren’t used to losing one of our own.
It hadn’t been easy to even reach this point, since Jo’s death was nothing short of mysterious to anyone except for the small handful of us who knew what had happened. Luckily, Jo’s father had enough contacts in high enough places that he was able to reach an agreement to keep investigators from nosing around too much.
Her poor father. He was a mess, even as he worked hard to keep Eli and me safe.
Mrs. Hall seemed to be a bit calmer and accepting about the whole thing. She’d been asleep on the bed when Jo unplugged. She found Jo lying peacefully on the floor beside her when she awoke after that terrible night. Jo was already dead, then, or at least her battery had run out. Mrs. Hall came and got me, and we sat with Jo until Mr. Hall returned, alone. Eli had a punctured lung, and was still in the hospital when Jo died. I’d gone to him as soon as I could, to tell him the news myself.
In the dorm, Mr. Hall wanted to plug Jo back in, to wake her back up to say goodbye once more. He held her lifeless body in his lap like a baby, stroking her matted hair, caressing her broken fingers. He kissed her again and again, like a prince trying to awaken the sleeping princess.
But Mrs. Hall stood firm.
Jo didn’t want to wake back up.
She’d been through enough. I was there with them that night, and this day, they were there in the amphitheater with me. They sat just a couple feet away from me while I stood in front of the packed house. Mrs. Hall’s eyes were red but calm. Mr. Hall had obviously taken a truckload of Xanax to get through the service; his eyes were vacant, dead.
Dead like Jo.
Eli sat beside them, still hunched from the pain of his broken ribs. When I faltered before starting my speech, he gave me a thumbs-up. You can do this, his smile said. You’re going to be great.
I wasn’t so sure, but since Mrs. Hall had asked me to speak a few days earlier, it seemed like the right thing to do was to honor my best friend as best as I could. It was the least I could do, really. The very least.
Jo charged us with saving the world, or at least each other. The Order’s Manifesto sat on my desk now, instead of Jo’s. I was going to read it that night. She thought I could do it, just like Mrs. Hall thought I could speak on her daughter’s behalf. I wasn’t sure about that one, either, but I knew one thing: I didn’t want to end up like Jo.
I tried to speak again, for the crowd of shocked and crying students were looking to me to make sense out of the death of our classmate.
Of course I could make sense of it, to a point, but I couldn’t exactly tell them that.
So I stayed generic.
We’re here today to honor my best friend, Jolene Hall. We met a long time ago now, Jo and me. It was late August. We shared a bathroom. I didn’t know that first day that I’d met the best friend I’d ever have, but I had.
I faltered, and this time, I looked out into the crowd. I smelled something. Something familiar. A mix of chemicals, and decay. It was faint, just a waft across the tip of my nose that made me turn my head and stare.
That smell could only come from one thing. I stared at the crowd as I spoke from memory, rather than the cheat-sheet I’d placed on the podium in front of me.
Finally, I saw her in the last row, last seat next to the aisle.
She wore a large black hat, the kind which you only see at British royal weddings, and dark, round sunglasses.
It was her. The false literature professor, the recruiter for the Order of the Adversaries.
Sondra Lewis.
Beside her sat a beautiful blonde girl. She sat ramrod-straight with the posture of a prima ballerina, almost as though she couldn’t slouch. As if something held her in place. Her face was placid, calm. She was more still than anyone in the room. It was from her that the smell emanated, and I had to pause my speech to swallow back the bile that rose automatically in my throat.
She was one of them. She was the girl who’d been circled on the wall. A soldier for the Order.
Beside her sat Adam Strong. When I saw him, I almost fell over, and had to catch myself on the podium to regain my balance. Eli hopped to his feet, as best as a battered boy could hop, but I stilled him with a quick nod and a warning glance.
