Knight Takes Queen, page 25
She didn’t sound like a woman in shock to him. In fact, she sounded quite lucid and Kaspian nodded.
“I do,” he said. “I was going to do that for him and for you. But you did not let me finish.”
He was smiling faintly as he said it and Madelayne knew that it was his way of telling her he was not angry with her. As shocking as it was for her to have taken a dagger to Nicholas, for there was no doubt the story of Lady St. Hèver and her dagger would become fodder for the rumor mills on the Marches, Kaspian didn’t seem to be upset about it in the least.
“I do not think I was meant to let you finish,” Madelayne said. “I think this is something I had to do. I have spent so much of my life being helpless to my situation and to events in my life… my children, Cairn… so many things. For once, I had to take control. Does that make any sense?”
Kaspian nodded, reaching out to gently take her arm and pull her away from Nicholas’ body. “It makes sense,” he said. “It was something that you needed to do.”
“It was.”
“I understand that need.”
She looked at him. “You do?”
He nodded, putting his arm around her as the men collected in the bailey began to break up and a few Lavister soldiers moved, with disinterest, to Nicholas’ body. Even Dolwyd was moving towards the knight rather slowly, as if the dead knight was of no matter to him.
“I understand the need to avenge family,” Kaspian said quietly. “I understand the need to ensure the safety of those you are responsible for and those you love. Mayhap I understand a wife who is much stronger than I ever gave her credit for, strong enough that she should kill to protect me. Mayhap I understand that you have a little bit of a knight’s heart in you, Lady St. Hèver. It would be quite easy to be shocked by what you have done but I find that I am not; I am proud. Proud of a woman who would be strong enough to do what needed to be done.”
Madelayne paused, turning her face up to him as the light from the coming sunset caressed her delicate features. The sky above was turning shades of pink and blue and as Kaspian pulled her into his arms, she glanced up at the sky and the brilliant dusk colors. Beyond the shades of pink and blue, she could see a faint smattering of stars beyond. A smile creased her lips as she pointed upwards.
“See the stars?” she said as he looked upward to see what she was pointing at. “My mother once said that the souls of the dead were lost stars. I have seen so many lost stars in my lifetime that there were times I felt as if I was the queen of all things lost. Surely no one has suffered as much loss as I have in my short life. Being the queen of the lost used to have such a sad connotation to me but now, as I look in the sky and see those stars, being a queen also means benevolence and goodliness. Queens protect those that belong to them, do they not? Mayhap I have done that today. I have protected those lost stars by punishing someone who had done them great harm.
Kaspian gazed at the stars a moment longer before looking at her, his gaze gentle. “You are my queen,” he murmured. “You are my sun, my moon, my stars, and the queen of my heart. Whatever darkness you have known in the past, whatever loss you have suffered, that has ended and a new day will come. For the rest of the days of your life, I will be at your side and you will only know happiness. This I vow.”
Madelayne reached up, stroking a stubbled cheek. “I know,” she whispered. “And I shall do my best to always make you happy as well. You are my life, Kaspian St. Hèver. Never forget that.”
“I won’t.”
He kissed her sweetly, feeling that instant heat that he associated with her. God’s Bones, he had so much to do at the moment – an army to gather, a fortress to regain – but all he could think of was Madelayne. Nothing on earth could consume him more. After the day they had shared, and after what they’d just been through, he needed to spend a few moments with her to collect himself. Her body against his, her flesh against his, calmed and soothed him like nothing else. At the moment, he needed it desperately. He suspected that she did, too.
Taking her arm, he led her towards the keep as the bailey of Kirk began to return to normal. Nicholas was being carted off but Kaspian kept Madelayne turned away so she wouldn’t have to see it and Dolwyd went with Thomas to sew up the man’s wound. Everything was returning to normal, as if a life and death battle hadn’t just taken place, but given the character of the man who had lost his life, there was a sense of relief in the air that Madelayne had spoken of. The man who had brought such chaos into their lives was gone and there wasn’t any man who didn’t think that his ending, at the hands of Lady St. Hèver, wasn’t appropriate.
If anyone deserved satisfaction, it was she.
Aye, there was a new day on the horizon and a fortress to regain. As Kaspian led Madelayne into the keep and passed by the entry guard, she turned to look at Kaspian, seeing that he seemed rather pensive.
“What are you thinking of, Kaspian?” she asked.
He glanced at her, looking at the back of her surcoat. “I am thinking how quickly I can remove you from your dress.”
She grinned. “Fairly quickly, I would imagine,” she said. “But you have duties to attend to, do you not? The last you and I spoke of such things, you were gathering men to reclaim Lavister.”
He nodded, leading her to the narrow stairs that led to the upper floors. “I still am,” he said. “But we will not leave until tomorrow. And I suppose that after this, I must send word to Edward about Nicholas’ death.”
Her smile faded. “What will you tell him?”
Kaspian lifted his eyebrows. “The truth,” he said. “Nicholas got what he deserved. Even Edward will not dispute that.”
“I hope not. I do not regret what happened.”
“Nor do I,” Kaspian said, sighing faintly. “But thoughts of Nicholas aside, I must find Lord de Kirk and soothe him of the big battle that just took place in his bailey. The man already thinks that everyone from Lavister is full of mischief and trouble and I suppose today proved him right.”
Madelayne could hardly disagree. “We have shown him little else.”
Kaspian conceded. “True,” he said. “But I will seek him out later. Right now, I plan to spend some time with you.”
She paused on the steps, looking at him somewhat reproachfully. “Doing what?”
“What do you think?”
She knew what he meant. “I thought we agreed that we were going to let my milk dry up.”
He shook his head. “You came to that decision on your own. I did not agree at all.”
She gave him a long look. “You cannot… well, you know… suckle forever.”
He frowned. “Why not?”
She looked at him as if he were daft. “You are not an infant, Kaspian. And you are more than well enough to eat solid food. Must I really explain this to you?”
He pursed his lips irritably. “I told you it gives me comfort like nothing else,” he said. “I ride to battle tomorrow, Madelayne. Would you deny me such comfort tonight?”
“You have already used that excuse on me.”
“Aye, I did, and it worked.”
She scowled. In response, he picked her up and carried her, squealing with laughter, up the stairs. Their mood was light when it shouldn’t have been; they’d just left a dead man in the bailey and suffered through a particularly brutal battle. But the end result of the battle, the freedom and relief that they felt, warranted the lightness of their mood. They knew that nothing could harm them, ever, knowing the strength and joy and devotion they had found in each other. Knowing that a new day was indeed coming, and the queen of those who had been lost would be the queen of the lost no longer.
Now, she was the queen of the living and of a glorious life she never thought she would have.
Finally, Madelayne had found her peace.
And her stars above twinkled a little bit brighter, just for her.
The avenged had found their peace, too.
EPILOGUE
Lavister Crag Castle
One year later
“We must leave, Kaspian,” Thomas said. “We should have been gone over an hour ago.”
Kaspian stood at the entry level door to Lavister’s keep, trying to keep a neutral expression on his face. But the truth was that he couldn’t; he was anxious and edgy, dressed in full battle regalia but not making any attempt to utilize that dress. He stood at the door as a six-hundred-man army wait for him in the bailey, growing bored as their commander delayed.
“I know,” he finally said, his attention drawn to the keep. “Dolwyd said it would be any moment now.”
“I know.”
“I promised her I wouldn’t leave. She’s frightened.”
“I know.”
“Actually, she’s terrified.”
Thomas sighed. “Then go back up to the chamber and wait,” he said. “Be close to her. Let her know you are near.”
Kaspian shook his head. “I cannot be close to the chamber,” he said. “I can hear her groaning and it makes me want to vomit.”
Thomas chuckled, trying not to let the man see him laugh. “Childbirth is not an event that brings a woman any pleasure, I would imagine,” he said. His smile faded. “The outcome will be the same whether or not you stay. We are expected at Holt Castle and I fear the Welsh will not wait. Holt has summoned our help and….”
Kaspian put up a hand to silence the man. “I realize that,” he said. Then, he sighed heavily. “I seem to remember having this same conversation with Cairn right before he died. Do you recall? We were heading to Beeston to fend off the Welsh and he was reluctant to leave Madelayne because she was pregnant.”
Thomas slapped the man on the shoulder. “I remember it well,” he said. “Do you feel badly for rushing the man off now?”
Kaspian rolled his eyes. “I do,” he said. “Now, I understand.”
A faint smile played on Thomas’ lips. He pointed to the top of the keep. “Go, then,” he said. “I will hold the army, but if Lady St. Hèver takes too much longer in delivering that child, then you must consider leaving anyway. We are needed, after all.”
Kaspian sighed with some exasperation. He almost argued with Thomas but thought better of it. They’d received a request for aid from Holt Castle, something they had been preparing for until Lady St. Hèver, hugely pregnant, went into labor. Madelayne had been laboring to bring forth their first child for twelve long hours. It seemed that all the woman ever did was go into labor when an army was departing. At least, Kaspian thought so. As a result, he hadn’t slept all night.
For the first few hours, he had remained with her because she was so frightened. He had held her hand and spoken of the pony he would buy his son, the finest pony in all of England. He told Madelayne he intended to see the boy ride before he could walk, which drew a frown of disapproval from his wife. The labor hadn’t been too painful at that point and their conversation had been light, focusing on the excitement and not the fear. But, God’s Bones, the fear was great. It was there, hovering over them, even though they hadn’t spoken of it. Still, Kaspian could see it in her eyes. The pregnancy itself had been a miracle enough but another dead baby would crush her. Nay, beyond crush. It would destroy her.
And him as well.
So they had spoken of things that stayed away from the end results of her last two pregnancies, the same conversations they’d had since first discovering she was with child. Kaspian wouldn’t let her wallow in fear and even when the labor grew more painful and she began to grunt and groan with the pains, he kept the conversation away from the worst. He kept talking until Dolwyd had chased him from the room because the pains had grown so bad that he had turned pale every time she had one. Dolwyd didn’t need a nervous father hanging about; he had enough with a nervous mother.
So, he’d gone on with his duties to prepare for the ride to Holt and that included donning his full battle armor. But now he stood in the doorway of the keep, unable to actually make a move to use that armor. He was torn with indecision.
“Kael,” he said to Thomas. “If it is a boy, we shall name him Kael.”
“A sound name.” Thomas gave him another push. “Go and see what is happening so that we may depart.”
Like a man facing something terrible, Kaspian turned for the keep and, very slowly, began to make his way up the dusty, stone steps. He truly didn’t want to hear Madelayne groaning in pain. He felt so terribly helpless against it. Moreover, while she was fearful for the life of their child, Kaspian was fearful for her. Women died in childbirth easily and the thought scared him to death.
Over the past year, Madelayne had come to mean more to him than his own life. There wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for her and the love they shared had completely transformed the emotionless, serious knight. Even with his own men, he laughed more and was able to show more compassion. That, among many things, is what Madelayne had done for him.
Love was funny that way.
And then there was the unexpected pregnancy, coincidentally, right after she allowed her milk to dry up. He still suckled her breasts, of course, but purely from the comfort and pleasure it gave him, not from the nourishment. Those days of needing her nourishment were long over and he had finally healed completely, now perfectly sound. The days of his injury, of Cairn’s death and Nicholas’ treachery, seemed like another lifetime ago. He and Madelayne never even discussed it anymore. Now, it was just him and Madelayne and the world they had created for themselves at Lavister.
It was a wonderful world.
By the time Kaspian hit the second floor, he was reveling in memories of the past year, the most wonderful year of his life. Wrapped up in reflections, he was startled when a female servant came down the stairs from the top floor where his chamber was, where Madelayne was. He recognized the old woman, the old washerwoman who had been at Lavister for many years. She beamed at him.
“Go up, my lord,” she said, pointing up the stairs. “Your wife wants to see you.”
Kaspian felt as if he’d been hit in the pit of his stomach. His mouth went dry. “Why?” he demanded. “Is everything well?”
The old woman simply smiled and pointed without answering, and Kaspian bolted up the stairs, taking them two at a time, until he reached the top. Heart pounding in his ears, he entered the chamber.
Dolwyd was the first face he saw and the old man slapped him on the chest when he entered, startling him.
“You have a big, healthy son!” he exclaimed. It was more glee than Kaspian had ever seen from the taciturn old man. “He took his time coming because the mother’s womb is scarred, but he’s finally here. Everyone is doing well enough. Go and see him!”
Kaspian was standing there with his mouth open in shock. He could hardly believe what he was hearing. Dolwyd gave him a shove to get him moving and Kaspian made his way over to the bed where Madelayne was laying down with something in her arms.
As Kaspian drew close, he could see little fists waving about. A baby was squealing. When Madelayne turned to look up at him, smiling, Kaspian put his hand over his heart and his eyes filled with tears.
“He came,” he whispered hoarsely.
Madelayne was grinning at her overwhelmed husband. “He did.”
“Kael.”
“Aye, Kael.”
Kaspian swallowed hard, trying to swallow away his tears. He was overcome. He had tried not to let himself expect this moment but now that it was here, he was having a difficult time believing it. All of his dream and hopes and passions were nestled in Madelayne’s arms, wailing away in the form of the loud little boy his wife had just given birth to.
His son!
“He… he’s a handsome lad,” he said hoarsely. “He’s very loud.”
Madelayne could see how emotional he was. She peeled back the swaddling to let him see the boy’s head, shoulders, and arms. She gazed at the child adoringly. “He looks like his father,” she said, soft tones of a woman who had much love to give her child. “He even sounds like you.”
Kaspian bent over the bed, looking at the boy. His eyes drank in the sight of his firstborn. He never knew he could feel such love. At that moment, he was swimming in it, every possible measure of joy and adoration he could feel. It was engulfing him. He put a big hand gently on Madelayne’s forehead.
“I am speechless,” he finally said. “I… I do not even know how to say what is in my heart. All I can seem to think of is to tell you how proud you have made me. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you. This child… my son… will be the most cherished child on this earth.”
Madelayne gazed up at him, tears filling her eyes. She remembered once when he had told her that he’d never longed for heirs, but she had known it wasn’t true. She’d always known it. Hearing the awe and reverence in his voice nearly undid her. She reached over and grasped one of his hands, watching as he lifted her fingers to his lips and kissed them.
“Aye, he will,” she said softly. “He has the greatest father in England and a powerful legacy to live up to. He will make you proud, Kaspian. He will be a great man like his father.”
Kaspian lowered himself onto the edge of the bed, watching the baby fuss. “I was thinking….”
“Of what?”
He paused a moment. “I was thinking of changing his name.”
“To what?”
“Kairn. We shall spell it with a ‘K’ so that it is spelled with the same letter my name is spelled with.”
Madelayne grinned, so broadly that it split her face in two. She had no thought about spelling, but it didn’t matter. She was deeply touched by his suggestion. “What a lovely tribute that would be,” she said. “Are you sure?”
Kaspian nodded. “Aye,” he replied. “I have been thinking… Cairn never had a son. And it was his tragedy that brought you to me. I would like to honor him if you are agreeable by naming our son after him.”
“I think it is a lovely gesture.”
“You do not think it strange to name our son after your first husband?”
She shook her head. “He was your friend, too.”
Kaspian nodded, his gaze on the infant. Then, he smiled. “He was, indeed,” he said. “I am quite accustomed to having a Kairn by my side. I shall look forward to little Kairn being my shadow.”
