Mastered by Malone (Haven, Texas Book 6), page 17
“Huh?” She looked over at him in confusion. Of course she was still here. She hadn’t moved.
His eyes narrowed. Then he pointed at the ground between his legs. “Here. Now.”
She stood and moved between his legs. Was this part of contract negotiations? Or something he’d always want? Was she not supposed to sit on the sofa?
“Jesus, you’re worrying so much it’s practically coming out your pores. Kneel, kitten.”
She slid down to her knees, not very gracefully. In fact, she banged her knee against the floor as she dropped, then slipped to one side, falling against his leg. But he didn’t say anything about her clumsiness. She desperately wanted to rub her throbbing knee but didn’t want to bring attention to it, in case he hadn’t noticed.
“Okay, we need to work on that,” he commented dryly.
She dropped her gaze to the floor. Shame filled her. She was never going to be one of those women whose every movement looked elegant. She wasn’t some graceful swan. She was a newborn foal stumbling around on legs that didn’t work properly.
“Eyes to me,” he ordered.
Crap. Weren’t submissives supposed to look to the floor when they were in this position? She was sure that was the case in most of the books she’d read.
“Mia. Eyes. Now.”
Okay, now his voice was doing that dark and dangerous thing that made hunger pool in her stomach even as she wondered what would happen if she pushed him too far.
Not that she was going to. She raised her eyes to him.
He ran his finger down her cheek. “There you are. Keep those eyes on me. I want to see what’s going on in that overactive mind of yours.”
And he thought her eyes would tell him that? Was he some sort of eye-reader? He couldn’t really tell her thoughts, right? They didn’t teach that at Dom class, did they? Hmm, was there a Dom class?
“Kitten.” He reached out and placed his hand around her ponytail, grasped it firmly, and pulled on it. The sharp tug of pain made her gasp and focus on him.
“That’s better. I can see I need to work on ways to keep your attention on me and only me.”
“My attention is on you.” Another tug. She let out a soft gasp. It stung. Tears filled her eyes. And yet there was an answering tug on her clit. Her heart beat faster. And all those thoughts flooding her mind vanished.
“Sir.”
Oh, shit. She was fucking up already. And she’d already been punished earlier for forgetting how to address him.
“Sorry, Sir.”
“Better. When we play, your only focus should be on me. Obeying me. Pleasing me. When we play, you are kitten and I am Sir. Got it?”
“Okay, got it. Sir. I’m sorry. I know I’m not exactly graceful and I tend to lose focus, but I’m trying.”
“Nobody expects you to be perfect, or to know what you’re doing. This is all new to you.” He reached down and grabbed both hands. “When you kneel between my legs, your hands are here.” He placed them down on the top of his thighs. “And unless I say otherwise, I want your eyes on me.”
She quickly raised her eyes from where she’d been staring at her hands on his thighs. He had nice thighs. Muscular.
“Understand?”
“Yes, Sir, is this a typical position for a sub to take?”
“This is what I require of you when you’re in this position. You don’t need to worry about other subs or Doms or the way they do things. This is what I want from you. Understand?”
Sort of. “So if I ever have another Dom,” which was highly unlikely, “he might have different ways of doing things?”
A look crossed his face, something she couldn’t decipher. But then it quickly disappeared. “Yes. The reason I want your hands on my thighs is because you have a nervous habit of tapping your fingers when you’re scared or uncertain. I want you to give those feelings to me.”
“Give them to you?”
“Yes. By bottling everything up, you create a poison that will eat you from the inside out. Have you ever spoken to anyone about what happened that night?”
“I told the detectives, Mike, and you.”
“You were angry and you blurted things out, but you definitely didn’t tell me everything. You didn’t tell me how it made you feel.”
“Can we talk about something else, Sir?” Part of her wanted to get up and storm away. To tell him to mind his own damn business. To point out that he wasn’t exactly forthcoming. About anything. But she didn’t. Partly because she knew he spoke the truth. It was a poison eating her from the inside out. And partly because she was scared that would mean this was over. And she’d never get another shot. Not with him.
“All right. For tonight, I’ll let that go. You never answered me. Is tapping your fingers nervously something you’ve always done?”
“Um, yes. It started after my parents died. Used to drive my aunt nuts.”
“I think we can agree that your aunt’s opinion doesn’t matter. She has no weight here, no bearing. Whenever anything she has said comes into your mind, you’re going to give me that too.” He tapped his finger to her forehead lightly. “I can tell a lot more goes on in here than comes out here.” Now he lightly ran his finger over her lips. Her breathing grew faster. “When it’s just the two of us, the only things that matter is what I say matters. What I want. So anytime something interferes with that, you are to tell me what’s going on.”
“You want to know everything I’m thinking?”
“If we do this right, then you’ll stop thinking altogether and just be in the moment. All those dark thoughts, all those worries will disappear. Because you’ll come to realize that the only important thing is pleasing me.”
Okay, on the one hand that sounded nice. Not to worry or think or fret. But on the other hand, she wasn’t sure she only wanted to think about pleasing him.
“Tell me what you’re thinking right now.”
“I’m thinking that you’re pretty arrogant.”
Oh, fuck. Why did I say that?
But instead of looking angry, his lips twitched. “All this time, I’ve been playing with subs who wouldn’t dare say that to me, even if they were thinking it. And along comes Calamity Jane, rocking up my world. Seems I’ve been missing out.”
“You . . . I . . . I’m not sure whether you want me to apologize or tell you that you’re welcome.” Was it a compliment or a complaint?
“Truth is, neither am I. Things seem to have quieted in your head. Let’s have our chat.”
She began to stand, and he squeezed one of her hands. “Did I say you could move?”
She froze. Crap. “No, Sir.”
“Then why are you moving?”
Drat. Shit. “Sorry, Sir.” She moved back into position. “I think I should confess that I was never good at Simon Says.”
“What?”
“You know that game where you have to do what Simon says but if you move when they don’t say Simon says, you’re out.”
He blinked for a moment then shook his head. “Yeah, I know the rules of Simon Says. There are a few differences between what we’re doing and the rules of Simon Says. I’m not trying to trick you into doing the wrong thing, all right? I don’t want you to mess up so you’re out of the game. That’s not what’s happening here. You make a mistake; we talk about it. Fix it so you don’t make mistakes like that again. You mess up big, and by big, I mean you lie to me, you disobey my health and safety rules, well, we’ll talk about it, then I’ll punish you. Like I said, I don’t expect perfection. You make a mistake like moving when I didn’t give you permission, I correct you. You keep making the same mistake then I might think you need something to help you remember. Like a hot ass. Or clamps on your nipples. Or a plug up your bottom.”
Okay, was there something wrong with her that her heart raced at those words.
“Good. So whenever we have a talk, whether it be before or after a scene, this is the position you’re going to be in, understand?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“After dinner is cleared each night and my brothers have gone back to that cesspool they live in, you’re going to come in here to my office. You’ll strip and leave your clothes at the door. Then you will come to me. If I’m sitting, you kneel beside my chair. If I’m standing, you kneel at my feet. At those times, your hands are clasped behind your back, your head down, knees apart. Understand?”
Her heart raced at the idea of kneeling naked and waiting for him to acknowledge her.
“Yes, Sir.”
“You do not speak or move from that position until I give my permission. The only exception to this is using your safeword. I would expect you to use it if you were in any pain. When you’re kneeling like that, it’s quiet time, understand? If you need my help reaching that silence in your head, you may get my attention by resting your head against my leg.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Any questions so far?”
“So we’re going to do all our play in here, Sir?”
“For the time being.”
That seemed odd to her. Did that mean they wouldn’t even sleep together?
“Next question, I can see it there. And this is the best time for it. Get everything out on the table so there are no misunderstandings.”
Damn, maybe he could read what was going on inside her head?
“This will . . . I mean . . . will we sleep together?” she blurted out.
“Well, we need to discuss that. Do you want to include sex? Full penetration? Anal sex? Oral sex?”
Her mouth dropped open. Closed. Opened again.
He grinned and her heart stopped. Jesus, when he smiled, he had the power to turn her inside out.
“I can see I’ve rendered you speechless. Let me see if I can help. I want it all. I want to be able to lick your clit, explores your plump, sweet pussy, to make you scream as you come on my tongue. I want to train that ass to take me, to stretch it with plugs then fuck it. I want your mouth on my cock, taking me deep, swallowing down every drop I give you. And I want to take that pussy with my dick. Do you want any or all of that?”
She just nodded.
“Kitten, you need to give me more than that.”
“I want that. All of that.”
Satisfaction filled his face. Hunger lit his eyes. She licked her lips. Hell, yeah, she wanted all of that.
“Good,” he murmured. “I’m clean. I was tested six months ago. And I always use condoms.”
Um. Okay. “I was tested a year ago after my boyfriend broke up with me. I was clean. I haven’t had sex since then.”
“You said you got shots for birth control?”
“Yes, but I missed my last one.”
“So we’ll still use condoms.”
“Sorry.”
He cupped her chin. “Listen to me. Your job is to obey me. Your job is to please me. Your job is to tell me when you’re struggling, to give me your problems so I can help you. Do you know what my job is?”
“Um, to show me what it’s like to have a Dom?”
“Nope, that’s our agreement. As your Dom, do you know what my job is?”
“To give me lots of orgasms?” she asked hopefully.
“No, kitten. That’s a side-benefit. But I could be your Dom without there being any sexual component to it.”
Her mind scrambled. “Is it to protect me?”
He nodded. “My job is to protect you. If necessary, it’s to guide you, teach you, protect you and discipline you. Making certain you don’t get pregnant comes under protecting you, got it?”
“Yes, Sir.” Happiness filled her. Her cousin had always done his best to protect her, but she’d always felt like she wasn’t giving anything in return. This felt fairer. She gave Alec what he wanted, and he took care of her.
Yeah. Nice.
“I can see that pleases you,” he said dryly.
“Yes, Sir.”
“Good. It pleases me too. You should know that sometimes it won’t always be easy to do what I require of you. But I still expect you to do so, unless, you’re overwhelmed or frightened or in pain. Then you use your safeword.”
“What is my safeword?”
“We’re going to use the traffic light system. Green for everything is good. Yellow when I need things to slow down. And Red for stop. And you will use them if you need to.”
She licked her lips. “I don’t want to disappoint you, Sir.”
“Using them won’t disappoint me. Not unless you try to manipulate me. And I don’t believe you’re the sort of sub to do that.”
No, she didn’t think so either.
“But I am going to teach you how to ask for what you need.”
He thought she was a pushover. A doormat. She let people walk over her.
He grasped hold of her ponytail again, giving it a tug. Ouch. “That voice is back in your head, isn’t it?”
She glared up at him. “Are you going to do that every time I have a thought that you don’t like?”
“Yes.”
“But you don’t even know what I’m thinking.”
“I can guess by the way you tensed up and the dark look in your eyes. Also, you should watch your tone of voice when you speak to me. Same with how you just glared at me.”
Oh, crap.
“What are we going to do to address that lapse in respect, hmm?”
“Um, tell me I’m a naughty girl and then move on?”
He smiled. It wasn’t a nice smile. Nope, that grin would make the Joker pause.
“Take off your top and bra.”
Oh, fuck. Oh, shit. Was she ready for this?
“Every second that I have to wait for your obedience, your punishment becomes more severe,” he warned.
She reached for the hem of her thin T-shirt and pulled it up over her head. It was a shirt that one of the boys had bought her in town. It was plain white with an image of red lips right over her boobs.
“I should burn that T-shirt,” he grumbled. “Should have known not to send Raid to get you some stuff. Damn thing is practically see-through.”
She blushed a little. She’d hoped nobody else had realized that. But, yeah, it was.
She reached behind her to unclasp her bra. It was worn and too big for her
Alec reached out and ran his finger beneath the cup of the bra, against her breast. “This doesn’t fit right.”
She shrugged. “I guess I’ve lost weight since it was bought.”
He frowned. “Then should you be wearing it?”
“I’ve only got two bras. Don’t have much choice. Not that I probably even need it, not like I’ve got much there.”
“Bras weren’t on the list of things you gave to me.”
She paused. The bra was undone but she hadn’t pulled it off yet. “Um, I was not about to let Raid pick out some bras for me.”
“You need them.”
“Can you just imagine what sort of bras he would have picked out?”
He looked thoughtful. “Go online and choose some new underwear tomorrow, then you can show me what you’ve chosen before our session tomorrow night and I’ll get them for you.”
“You-you don’t have to do that.”
“What’s your job?”
“To obey you. Please you. But how does that please you?”
“It pleases me to have you in underwear that fits. If it makes you feel better, my favorite colors on you are teal and peach. I like lacy. And matching underwear.”
“Okay.” Far be it for her to argue if he wanted to see her in sexy underwear.
“Continue,” he ordered with an arrogant nod of his head.
She took in a deep breath, trying not to feel too self-conscious as she pulled her bra off and placed it on top of her T-shirt.
He stared down at her breasts, not saying a word. She knew they were small. But then she guessed they were proportional. She was small all over. Some people might be envious of her size. But for her, it was a constant battle to stay in a healthy weight range and these past few months had not helped that one bit. Anytime she got anxious or nervous or afraid, the first thing she did was stop eating. She’d lost close to fifteen pounds since the night she’d walked in to find her coworkers had all been murdered. And she didn’t have a hope in hell of gaining it back anytime soon. So, yeah, at the moment she was leaning towards gaunt and ill rather than svelte and sexy.
Not that she’d ever really been sexy.
“I know they’re small. Even before I lost all this weight, they were small. Not much I can do about it, I guess.”
She braced herself. Was he disappointed? Did he wish they were something more? Surely he’d noticed she had nothing there.
“How much weight have you lost?”
All right, that wasn’t what she’d expected him to focus on. “Um, about fifteen pounds last time I checked. Might have changed since then.”
“All right, then.” He nodded then leaned forward and reaching out, took hold of her chin in one hand, and cupped her right breast with the other hand. “I don’t care about their size or your size. So long as you’re healthy. And we’re going to work on that, aren’t we?”
She sucked in a breath as he twisted her nipple, it was painful. But, oh, how her clit throbbed in reaction.
Holy shit. This man was dynamite to her senses. How the hell was she ever going to survive her time with him? What if he ruined her for all other men?
But, then again, she’d kick herself if she didn’t give this a chance. Because tomorrow wasn’t a guaranteed thing for her. So she was going to grasp everything she could today. Including having Alec Malone strip her naked and play with her nipples.
“We are, Sir?”
“We are. Or have you forgotten your new rule for eating already?” He gave her a stern look.
“No, Sir. I haven’t.”
“Good.” He ran his thumb over her nipple. “These are gorgeous. Pink and perfect. I’m going to enjoy playing with them. I want you to stand now and go to the bottom drawer of my desk on the left-hand side. You’ll see a black box in there, bring it to me.”
He held out a hand to her. She put her hand in his, feeling the warmth and strength in his palm, the calluses that proved he wasn’t a man who sat around in his office, making everyone else do the hard work. He helped her stand and then turned her, giving her a sharp smack on her butt to get her moving.
