One Rule - No Surrender, page 21
part #2 of One Rule Series
"What did he say?" Laura asked, on the edge of her seat.
"He told me he was impressed how little I'd aged. I said he didn't look like he'd aged at all. He laughed and then asked if I knew what you were doing. I said no. But the way he was smiling at me made me wonder if he knew something. So I asked."
"And?" said Thalma.
"He said you were doing well, better than he'd expected. That's when I knew you were doing something terribly wrong. That's the only thing that would please him."
Of all the unpleasant things that Thalma had been expecting from their talk, this was not one of them. She couldn't say if it was unpleasant or pleasant; it was just plain unnerving. How could her Darth Vader father have checked up on her? Why hadn't he just come to her in person?
"That's dumb," said Laura, drawing a cold glance from her mom. "Uh, I mean unfair. Why should you take his word about Thalma? He deserted you both, didn't he? Why trust him about anything?"
"He never lied – not that I know of. He didn't bother giving me the respect of pretending anything. He just didn't tell me what he didn't want me to know."
"That's all he said?" Thalma asked. "Did he say if he ever planned to contact me?"
"I asked him that. He said he would see you when the time was right. And no, he wouldn't elaborate."
Elena's eyes shifted away as Thalma continue to stare at her. "What do you know you aren't telling me?"
"What do you mean?"
"I've always known there's something you aren't telling me about him. Don't you think it's about time you do tell me?"
Her mother pursed her lips and regarded a dark space in the corner of the room.
"Why not just tell her?" said Laura. "Just be honest for once about her dad."
"I've never been dishonest about him. I may not have told her everything I was thinking, because that was never more than guesses. He never would tell me who he was, except to say that if he ever did tell me that would place my life at risk."
"So what are you thinking that you don't want to tell me?" Thalma demanded.
Elena turned to face Thalma. "All right, since you must know. I don't believe he's human. And that's not something you care to tell a child about her parent."
"Alien?" Laura chirped, leaning half out of her chair.
Their mother scowled and shook her head. "I don't know whether he's an alien or a mutant. Or even a demon, if I believed in heaven and hell. But I do believe he's not human."
"Is there any basis for that?" Thalma asked. "And I don't mean strange behavior. I mean physical evidence."
"I think this is a conversation we should have in private. Laura, please go to your room."
"Are you kidding? Not a chance."
"Laura – "
"Let her stay," Thalma snapped.
"You're not her mother." Elena's attempt at a fierce glare collapsed under the weight of Thalma and Laura's unrelenting gazes. "All right. You want everything in the open? Your father could change gender – just as you can. There! Are you satisfied?"
"Say what?" Laura squeaked.
The announcement arrived in two separate packets of shock for Thalma: first, her mother was finally acknowledging what she outwardly refused to accept when Thalma was growing up, and second, her father... She couldn't even imagine the man she remembered being a woman. He was the single strongest masculine force she'd ever encountered. But then she'd only been four.
"Seriously?" Thalma said in a voice not much lower-pitched than her sister's.
Elena Engstrom smiled as if she took some small satisfaction at their response. "Now you understand why I didn't want to talk to you about this? Why I wouldn't want to burden my daughter with this kind of information?"
"What else?" Thalma coughed out.
"He was incredibly strong. He ate three times as much as any man I ever knew."
"Did he heal fast?"
"I don't know. I never saw him get injured."
"Wait a minute!" Laura waved her hands to get their attention. "Thalma...are you saying you can change into a man?"
"Mark," Elena said with a derisive snort. "That's what she called him."
"But that's not possible."
"Not for a human being."
No one spoke for many seconds. Now it was Thalma's turn to avoid her sister's disbelieving gaze.
"But Thalma's so beautiful!"
"So was her father. Even monsters can be beautiful."
Elena's voice held a weary wistfulness.
"There's something else," said Thalma. "You never told me his name."
"I don't know his name."
"Oh come on, Mom," Laura groaned. "It wasn't a one-night stand, was it?"
"No, and watch your mouth, young lady. Our relationship, if you'd call it that, went on for several weeks, off and on. Looking back, I can't say I understand it. It was as if I lost my free will. Sometimes it even felt like a kind of rape..." She paused, shivering. "I was incredibly young and naïve. But I offer no excuses."
"You're saying he never told you his name?" asked Thalma.
"He may have at some point. I think it sounds something like your name, Thalma. I'm not sure. But he didn't want me to know it, and I don't. He often told me it was dangerous to know much about him. That much I have told you."
Her mother hunched forward hugging herself, as if the memory – or lack of it – was too painful to bear. Laura rose from her chair and crossed over to her, laying a cautious hand on her shoulder. Elena had rarely accepted any contact between the two of them – a practice that had fueled Thalma's childhood fantasies of grabbing her and wringing affection out of her. But her mother made no motion to shake off Laura's hand now.
An insight struck Thalma – one so obvious she could scarcely believe hadn't occurred to her before.
"That's why you couldn't bear to touch me," she said in a wondering voice. "When you looked at me you saw him!"
Elena opened her mouth to protest, but an insight which mirrored Thalma's own appeared to shine in her eyes, and she closed her mouth slowly.
"I didn't come here to dredge up memories," said Thalma. "I wanted to talk to you about Laura. I would like to have some contact with her, some involvement in her life."
Thalma wished she wasn't seeing horror in her mother's eyes, but there it was.
"I'm sorry, Thalma," Elena whispered, "but the risk is far too great. You two cannot have any kind of connection. You must say your goodbyes and never enter our lives again – unless you are someday able to make your peace with our government."
"No!" Laura jerked back from her mother as if she'd been burned. "You don't have the right to say that! You didn't even care enough about me to be my parent until less than two years ago!"
Thalma watched her mother flinch even as she absorbed her own hit. Despite knowing that Elena was just protecting her daughter – my sister - Thalma couldn't stop the feeling of being crushed: her mother saw her as nothing more than some dark specter of disaster that she needed to protect the one daughter she truly loved against.
Elena faced Thalma, ignoring the fiery death rays emanating from Laura's eyes. "Can you honestly tell me, considering your lifestyle, that being involved with Laura will not place her at risk – possibly deadly risk?"
It was like hearing a death sentence. Thalma dipped her head and exhaled.
"No," she said.
"Thank you for your honesty."
There seemed nothing left to say. No refutation of that single savage argument. Thalma stood up, feeling as if she'd run a dozen marathons. Only emotions could wear her out that much.
Laura moved to her, fear shining through the tears in her eyes, and grabbed her wrists. "I won't accept that."
Thalma gently freed her wrists and smoothed back the girl's bangs – the strawberry blond hair so much like her mother's – from her knotted forehead.
Chapter 14
THALMA DROVE BACK TO Tahoe under a dark cloud punctured by some powerful rays of sun – a dizzying mix of darkness and light. Despite losing Dr. MacDougal – may Zeus have mercy on his soiled soul – they'd succeeded in getting the dirt on WSGI and its measles-scare campaign. Ahead, a few miles to the south, lay the man she loved and the life they both cherished – the greatest victory of all – assuming Murphy was right about the coast being clear. And she was sure he tended to be right about things like that. That kind of intelligence, after all, was his bread and butter.
Yet the dark cloud composed of her mother and sister persisted overhead. Her homecoming had been both better than she could've imagined – I have a sister! – and worse – my mother still fears and hates me! It was like winning the lottery and being told you could never spend it. There had to be a "work-around" – a resource she always seemed to find in the most dangerous situations – but nothing came to mind now that undermined the brutal truth that she was a living, breathing black hole when it came to attracting violence and death. Could she defuse that attraction and find the lasting peace she craved? Stay tuned, she thought.
But now it was time for some serious sunbeams: she was coming up on Louis's safe house in Minden, Nevada, a scant thirty miles from their home. Murphy had contacted him via their encrypted, multi-bounced internet connection saying that he should expect a "special package" today, but no specific time was mentioned. She was so looking forward to showing up on his front door, seeing his big grin and glowing eyes – and then carrying him to the bedroom and having her way with him. She couldn't stop smiling as she approached a tidy new housing development on the west side of Minden and parked a couple blocks down from a modest ranch-style home with a fescue-rock-cactus front yard.
When no one answered the front doorbell, Thalma had immediate visions of catastrophe, but when she opened the unlocked door and walked through the house, gun drawn, calling his name, she spotted a short-haired, clean-shaven young man through a rear window rooting around in what appeared to be a cactus garden. She breathed out a massive sigh of relief.
Thalma stepped out through the backdoor as casual as a cool breeze. Louis dropped his hoe and gawked at her.
"You look like a fucking fashion model!"
"Exactly the look I was going for."
He charged toward her, his big dopey grin everything she'd hoped for, their bodies meeting with a thud and a grunting gasp from Louis. She kissed his lips and nestled in his strangely smooth face.
"And you look like Andre Agassi," she laughed when he leaned back.
"Actually, I think he lives in Nevada."
"What are you working on back here?"
"Just developing my green thumb. Heh – red thumb, actually." He held up a pair of cacti-pricked fingers. "God, it's good to see you. You can get an idea of how lonely and bored I am by the fact I'm gardening."
"How are you feeling?"
"Great, thanks to you. Two or three days after they dropped me here I was good as new. You could have a fine career as a psychic surgeon."
"Funny. My mom always thought I should be a doctor."
"Murphy said you were working in Seattle – she lives near there, doesn't she?"
"Yes." Thalma's smile contracted. "And I saw her. She had a surprise for me."
"No kidding! That must've been epic." He peered at her. "How did that go?"
"Let's talk about it later. Being near you is giving me a buzz, and she's the ultimate buzzkill."
"Can I get you something to eat? I stocked the fridge with various meats when I heard you were coming."
"Thanks, but I have more basic needs we should probably attend to first."
"Dude, I was hoping you'd feel that way."
"I wish you wouldn't call me –"
"I know."
They undressed each other in the master bedroom with slow-motion urgency. Louis liked it that way – it tended to avoid dislocated limbs and clothing-related burns – but for Thalma it was an exercise in self-restraint. A delicious exercise at times, but still...
She flashed on her lack of restraint in a different life, throwing Maggie on the bed and –
"What?" Louis was frowning at her. "You look like you just saw a ghost."
"Yeah. Something like that." Thalma pulled herself back into the moment, smiling at him. "It's been a long week. Let's just focus on 'the now' as they say."
Louis's smile gained serious wattage as he slipped off her bra.
"Fine by me," he said.
Thalma let herself wallow in Louis's caresses, his slow, exquisite entry, the loving touch of his lips on hers, the leisurely build-up of sensation to the ultimate eternally stretching release. So different from being a man – from the skyrocket ascent and crash – so much more to her taste to surrender and be cherished and ride the waves of ecstasy than to burn out in a momentary all-consuming flame of passion.
At least on most days that was true. Thalma snuggled closer to Louis, smiling away her secret thoughts, her body glowing, as if she might float off the bed without the aid of LSD-35.
"So what happened up there?"
The gravity of those words brought Thalma back to earth. As much as she wanted to bare everything to this man, she knew she had to tread carefully.
"First, we broke into the CDC in Atlanta and downloaded some classified files relevant to the MMR2 trials. Then we went to Seattle to break up a false flag operation involving vaccine-exempt kids being infected with measles. We identified the person bringing the measles in, a doctor who works – or worked – for World Security Group International. We convinced him to cooperate and sent him on his rounds wearing cameras and microphone transmitters. Unfortunately, the WSGI got onto him – and us – and they took him..."
Thalma gave him a Reader's Digest condensed version of what happened then, skimpy on the violent details, raising a deeply concerned frown on Louis's face.
"So how many times did people take shots at you and how many people died?
"Three men died." Thalma joined Louis in frowning. "I don't think anyone got a clear shot at me."
"But the men in that house probably had you in their crosshairs."
Thalma shrugged, loosening her hold on him but not surrendering to the urge to break contact and roll away. She couldn't think of any way to put a positive spin on that or many things that had happened since she'd rescued the girl from the Aryan Nation bank robbers.
"What about the doctor? What do you think they'll do to him?"
"Question him. After that, I'm not sure. Maybe keep him in the organization or..."
"Kill him."
Thalma didn't reply. Louis's body tensed in her arms.
"So in the midst of all this you went to see your mom?"
"We had some down time, so I thought I'd just go by my old house while she was at work. I assumed no one would be there, but I was wrong."
"Oh, shit. Was your dad there?"
"No." Thalma gave him a small smile. "But someone almost as scary was. My sister."
Louis squirmed around in her arms to face her. "Are you serious? You never said anything about having a sister."
"I didn't know I had one until she walked up to me in the backyard demanding to know who I was. Turns out my mom had a boyfriend, a fellow chemist she met in her lab, and she got pregnant. She took a leave of absence from work, apparently hiding her pregnancy from everyone who knew her, and had her baby in California. And being my mom, she naturally left her daughter with the father. Only when he got sick a couple of years ago and died did Laura come to live with her."
"Laura," Louis murmured wonderingly. "Wow. All these years, and she never bothered to tell you."
"In all fairness, she didn't know where I was."
"Maybe, though in more fairness, she could've googled your name, since you were still going under Thalma Engstrom."
"She wanted to protect her from me." Thalma spoke in a flat voice. "That's what she told me now. And I can hardly blame her."
"How did your sister – Laura – take this? How much did you tell her about yourself? What kind of person is she, anyway?"
Thalma released a quiet laugh. "She's very bright. Looks a lot like our mom. I didn't tell her much. She already knew about my exploits – seems to think of me as some kind cult hero or something."
Louis stroked her shoulder, and then the side of her face. "Man, this is crazy. So what happens now?"
"My mom doesn't want us to have any further contact because of my risky 'lifestyle.' I couldn't argue with her."
"Oh. Shit. That's fucked up."
"You know what's really fucked up? She's right."
"Oh, baby..."
He stroked her hair. Thalma regarded him with her one eye that was above the pillow.
"I noticed you're not offering any counterarguments," she said with a half-scowl.
"Heh. Maybe I just don't want to share you with anyone." He continued smoothing her hair. "I like having you all to myself. Except for those damn dogs. Speaking of which, how and where are they?"
"Fine as far as I know. They're in a safe place not far from here. I've been checking up on them every few days. They have plenty of food and water. But you're changing the subject. Do you think I should stay out of my sister's life as my mom says?"
"If your sister's around, she's a connection to Thalma Engstrom. If someone connects that to you – Theresa McDowell – wouldn't we have to go on the run again?"
"In other words, my mother's right." Bitterness corroded her voice. "The most sensible course is to stay out of her life?"
"I wouldn't necessarily go that far, Thal. I'd just say we have to be damn careful and really think this through."
Thalma rolled away from him, beyond his stroking hand. "Sometimes I think it would be best if I just went back to living alone. Then I wouldn't have to worry about hurting the people I care about."
"Come on, baby. Speaking for me, no pain could be worse than being apart from you. I learned that very clearly over this last week. So please put that thought out of your mind. To be with you, I'd accept any risk."
"How many serious relationships have you had, Louis? How do you know you wouldn't be happier with a normal girl and a normal life?"
"I don't want a normal girl. How could I be happy with anyone average after being with you?"
