You Shouldn't Be Here: A Novel, page 20
Still no word. She sighed, putting her phone face down on her desk, then immediately picked it back up and checked again. She couldn’t help it.
If anything happens to me, it was Doug Raymond.
The bell rang, marking the end of the day, and the students filed out of her classroom. Madelyn slumped back in her desk chair, checking her phone again. Where was Kelsey? Why wasn’t she calling her back? Madelyn had said in her messages that this was important.
Her phone rang, and Madelyn sprang upright, certain that she was about to find some answers. “Hello?”
There was a pause, and then a mechanical voice said, “Hello. If you would like information on consolidating your credit card debt—”
Madelyn hung up, slamming the phone down on the desk a little too hard, as if it were the phone’s fault that it wasn’t Kelsey. “Screw you,” Madelyn said out loud, flipping off her phone.
“Whoa, what did they ever do to you?”
Madelyn spun in her chair to see Alex standing at the door of her classroom, hands in his pockets. Today he was wearing a brown sweater vest over an orange collared shirt. A goddamn sweater vest. A person should not be allowed to be this adorable. Frankly, it was obscene.
Madelyn curled her hands into fists, nails digging into her palms. No more flirting with Alex. Not until she had some answers for him that wouldn’t make things worse.
“Nothing,” Madelyn said, forcing a smile. “Telemarketer.”
“You know you can silence those calls,” Alex said. “Especially if they’re pissing you off that much.”
Madelyn shrugged. “It’s not so bad.”
“Tell that to whoever was on the phone.” Alex took a tentative step into the room. “So, I wanted to apologize,” he said, his eyes not quite meeting hers.
“Apologize? For what?”
“I think I came on a little too strong. All the stuff with Angie, and your house and her bag . . . I realize we’ve only known each other a few weeks, and that was a lot. Probably too much. So I wanted to apologize for dumping all of that on you, and to let you know that I’m going to back off.”
“Back off?”
“Yeah,” Alex said, his cheeks reddening. “I’m going to give you your space. Which I realize I’m not doing right now. But starting whenever I leave this classroom, I will stop bothering you.”
“Bothering me?” Madelyn’s brain felt sluggish, able only to echo back to him what he’d said. She didn’t want him to back off. She wanted him to back on, or whatever the opposite of back off was. She didn’t want to hurt him, but that didn’t mean she wanted to lose him entirely.
He gave her a sad smile. “I can tell when I’m making someone uncomfortable. And I’m sorry for doing that to you.”
Madelyn’s mouth gaped, but before she could find the right words, he’d turned and walked out of her classroom. For a moment, she sat glued to her chair. Had he broken up with her? After one date?
She picked up her phone and texted Syzygy. I think I just got dumped.
TIL you were dating someone?
Alex.
WTF.
He apologized for unloading too much of his baggage on me.
AND???
And . . . that’s it. He said he’d leave me alone.
Three dots appeared, then disappeared. A second later, her phone rang. Syzygy.
“Hey,” Madelyn said listlessly.
“Is he still there?”
Madelyn shrugged. “Probably headed to his car.”
“You absolute imbecile.”
“What?”
“How far is the parking lot?”
“I don’t know, like a couple minutes?”
“And how long have you been talking to me?”
“Um—”
“Please tell me you’re not still sitting in your classroom like a shrub.”
“I can’t just—”
“Move your ass.”
Syzygy had always had an uncanny ability to get Madelyn moving when she would’ve otherwise stayed frozen in place. It was probably because of them that she’d ever managed to walk away from Ralph at all.
Now she found her feet moving almost of their own volition, taking her out of her classroom and down the hall, toward the exit to the teacher lot. She wasn’t sure what she’d do when she got there, only that she didn’t want Alex to leave thinking that he’d ruined something between them. She didn’t want him to leave at all.
Pushing her way through the double doors to exit the school, she spotted him moving toward his car. She wasn’t sure if he was moving twice as slowly as usual, or she was moving twice as fast. Either way, she caught up with him right as he was pulling his keys out of his bag.
“Alex!”
He turned toward her, and she realized too late that it was definitely her moving twice as fast, because she barreled into him with enough force to send them both slamming into the side of his car. Her elbow hit the window, sending a flash of cool pain followed by numbness down her arm.
“Sorry! Sorry,” she said, rubbing her arm as she disentangled herself from him. His messenger bag had swung around his body, and now hung between them like a shield.
“Um, hi?” He smoothed his hands down his clothes, blinking at her with an expression caught between confusion and—she hoped—hope.
“You aren’t bothering me,” Madelyn blurted. She realized, now that they were face to face, that she hadn’t actually planned out what to say to him. She just hadn’t wanted him to leave thinking that she didn’t like him.
“Oh,” Alex said, blinking.
“And I don’t need space.”
“Clearly,” Alex said, a bemused smile playing on his lips.
“But I . . . have some stuff right now, okay?”
“Stuff,” Alex repeated, and she wondered if maybe she wasn’t the only one cursed to awkwardly echo instead of contributing anything meaningful to the conversation.
“But I don’t . . . it’s not anything about you, all right? Not anything bad, I mean,” she said. Oh God, was she even making sense? Was she making it worse?
But he smiled, and her heart turned from lead to feathers. “Are you sure?”
“I—”
Either fate had a wicked sense of humor or it hated her entirely, because as soon as she opened her mouth, she caught movement out of the corner of her eye. Someone was standing at the edge of the parking lot, waving at her from the open door of a blue Prius. A woman with dark, curly hair and an expression like she was delivering a war telegram.
Kelsey.
“Crap,” Madelyn hissed under her breath. Once Kelsey had her attention, she gave her a small nod, then got back in her car.
“You okay?” Alex said, glancing over his shoulder to see what had grabbed her attention. Madelyn was glad that Kelsey was already out of sight. Her car remained where it was, waiting for Madelyn to join her.
“Actually, I need to go,” Madelyn said reluctantly. Obviously, Kelsey wanted to talk, and for some reason, she’d driven all the way out to East Henderson instead of calling. She wouldn’t have done that if it weren’t important.
Something like disappointment flashed across Alex’s face, but he was polite enough to tuck it away almost as soon as she caught it. “No problem. I’ll see you tomorrow?” He took another step away from her.
She hated this. She didn’t want to hurt him, but she also didn’t want to be someone who wasn’t honest about how they felt, or who played games with other people’s emotions. She knew too well how it felt to be with someone like that, and how miserable it was. She couldn’t do that to Alex, even if her motives were pure. So either she needed to end this for good, or she needed to let him know she was in. Even if “in” was way more complicated than she wanted it to be.
Screw it all. Maybe they were doomed to crash and burn, but at least it wouldn’t be because she hadn’t tried. Stepping forward, she hooked a hand around the back of Alex’s neck and rose up on her toes, lifting her face to his. She could feel his surprise as their lips met, but it quickly turned to eagerness as his mouth opened to hers. He tasted of coffee and, underneath, spearmint gum, and his lips were even softer than she remembered. His hair was like silk between her fingers, and that stupid sweater vest was so soft she wanted to curl up in it and purr.
She allowed herself two blissful seconds before pulling away, gasping even though it had been only a moment. “I don’t need space,” she repeated breathlessly. “I’m sorry.”
He blinked at her, lips still slightly parted. She could tell he wanted to talk, to discuss them, whatever that meant. But she didn’t have any answers right now, other than that she desperately wanted them to be a thing.
Better to not talk at all. Better to let the moment be a moment, and hope more would come soon.
Before he could say anything, she turned and speed-walked back toward the school, hoping Kelsey understood that she wasn’t ignoring her, but was just waiting for Alex to leave. She didn’t want him to think she was ditching him for someone else, even though technically, that’s exactly what she was doing.
As soon as she saw Alex’s car pull out of the lot, Madelyn exited the building again, walking straight to Kelsey’s car, which was still parked in the same spot. She knocked on the passenger window, and Kelsey unlocked the door.
“Well, this is a surprise,” Madelyn said, dropping into the seat.
“Sorry about that,” Kelsey said, swiveling her head to scan the parking lot. “This just felt safer than calling.”
“What’s going on?”
“You remember what I said about Raymond’s playbook?”
“Yeah . . .”
“Well, I think we might be going another round.” Kelsey slumped in her seat, shrinking into her oversize black sweatshirt. She looked like she was trying to disappear.
“What do you mean?”
Kelsey fiddled with her key chain, a beaded turquoise seahorse. “I got a letter from his lawyer. Again. Seems someone knows we talked.”
Madelyn’s stomach dropped. “Who?”
“I don’t know. I told you, he’s got flying monkeys everywhere. Who did you tell about our meeting?”
“No one,” she said. She hadn’t even told Alex about Kelsey. Syzygy knew, but they didn’t count. Not only would they never say anything, but they didn’t even know anyone in East Henderson.
“Well, someone figured it out. I’ve been reminded in no uncertain terms that I am legally bound not to discuss the case. And that if I willfully break the terms of our agreement again, they’ll make me regret it. I’m paraphrasing, but that’s the gist.”
The blood drained from Madelyn’s face. Everyone had warned her that Raymond was powerful and paranoid, but she hadn’t dreamed that he might actually be spying on people. She was seized by an overwhelming urge to look behind her, as if there might be a man in a trench coat and sunglasses hiding in the back seat, but a quick glance confirmed she was being absurd. “Oh, Kelsey. I am so, so sorry. I swear, I didn’t—”
“You may want to check your mail when you get home. If I got one of these, I wouldn’t be surprised if you did too.”
“I will. Listen, the reason I called—”
“I’m sorry, Madelyn, but I don’t think I can talk to you anymore. It’s not you. I just . . . I can’t go through that again.” Kelsey’s eyes jumped briefly to the mirror. They hadn’t stopped darting around since Madelyn got in the car. “But I didn’t want to just . . . disappear. I wanted to tell you what was going on with me. I figured I owed you that.”
Madelyn nodded, her throat tight. They both knew she was thinking about Piper. “Thank you, Kelsey. If there’s anything I can do . . .” She trailed off, unable to come up with a promise that wouldn’t be empty.
Kelsey gave her a tight smile, her eyes glassy. “Just don’t give up on her, okay? Promise you’ll keep digging, and don’t let them shut you up.”
“I promise.” She wouldn’t give up on Piper or Angie. Of that much, she was certain.
Kelsey leaned over the console between the seats to give Madelyn a tight hug. Her curls tickled the side of her face, and Madelyn heard her quietly sniff back tears. “Thank you for listening to me,” Kelsey whispered. “It means so much.”
“Of course,” Madelyn said. “It’s the least I could do.”
Kelsey drew back, giving her a sardonic smile. “It’s really not. Most people do a lot less.”
She unlocked the doors, and Madelyn got out of the car, shivering slightly even though it wasn’t that cool. She felt like she was living in a movie. The kind where not everyone had a happy ending. “Take care of yourself,” she said. The words rang hollow in her ears.
“You too.”
Madelyn closed the door as Kelsey turned on the car, but before she could walk away, Kelsey rolled down the window.
“And Madelyn?”
“Yeah?”
“Be careful. They’re watching you.”
Before Madelyn could think of a response, Kelsey pulled out of the space and was gone.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Don’t have a ton of sympathy for her, TBH. She signed up to work there. Either she didn’t do her research, or she was willing to look the other way in exchange for a paycheck. Sure, it sucks to be in her position, but she got there all on her own. Next time, maybe don’t work for fascists.
—comment by deusexmacaroni replying to post FORMER EMPLOYEE SUED BY RAYMOND REALTY on r/RottenRaymond
Madelyn’s mind reeled the whole way home. Who had talked to Raymond about her? Was it someone she knew? Someone she trusted? Or was it a complete stranger eavesdropping on her conversations without her even realizing it?
She thought of the places she’d talked about Doug Raymond. With Alex in the coffee shop, and again in the hardware store. With Nat at the coffee shop, and then in the library. The possibilities made her stomach twist.
She checked her mail when she got home, her heart in her throat. Nothing from Raymond Realty Group. But that didn’t necessarily mean she was in the clear.
The afternoon passed in a haze. During Potato’s walk, Madelyn found herself sizing up the people around her. Was that woman really taking a selfie, or was she filming Madelyn? Was that man looking at her too much? Was that guy really stopping to tie his shoe, or was he trying to eavesdrop?
Everyone looked like a spy. Everything felt like a threat.
She cut their trip to the park short, nearly dragging Potato back home in her haste to get inside, away from prying eyes. Away from the flying monkeys.
Back at her house, she walked from room to room, shaking out her hands to try to still the feeling of buzzing beneath her skin. Kelsey’s voice kept playing over and over in her mind. They’re watching you.
No matter what she did, she couldn’t shake the sensation of eyes on her back, tracking her every move.
She hadn’t even fully decided to call before she was reaching for her phone. She tapped the video icon by Syzygy’s name, then chewed on her lip until their face appeared on the screen.
“Hey, what’s up?” Their short hair, shaved on the sides and currently dyed a rainbow of pastels, was pulled up in a purple scrunchie on the very top of their head, making them resemble a brightly colored onion. They didn’t wait for an answer before setting the phone on the counter, so Madelyn could see them moving around the kitchen they’d once shared making dinner.
“Kelsey came to see me after school.”
“Really? All the way from Lancaster?”
“She said it felt safer than talking on the phone.”
“That sounds a little extreme.”
“It is. Someone knows we met. She has no idea who, but somehow, Raymond found out. She got a threatening letter, and now she says she can’t talk to me anymore.”
“Holy shit.”
“I’m not going to lie, Syz, I’m kind of freaking out.”
“Um, you and me both, babe. What are you going to do?”
“Keep checking my mail, I guess. See if I get a letter too.”
“Even if you don’t, Mad, I think you need to drop this. It doesn’t feel safe. Three people are missing, and the one who’s still around had to move to freaking Amish country to get away from them, and apparently that still wasn’t far enough. I don’t want you to have to change your name and go live in a bunker just to be able to sleep at night.”
“I don’t either, but he can’t just get away with all of this.”
“People do every day, Mad. It’s how the world works. If you have enough money, you can get away with anything.”
“Which means this whole thing is pointless,” Madelyn said, her shoulders slumping. “Even if I could get to the bottom of what happened to Angie and Piper, there’s nothing I can do about it. Not if Raymond is determined to cover it up.” She sighed. “I was stupid to think I could change anything.”
“Slow your roll, Little Miss Anxiety Spiral.” Syzygy was moving again, running water and clanking dishes. When they returned to the screen, they were twirling a forkful of linguine in red sauce. “Also, did you take your meds today? You’re a bit more nihilist than usual. That’s supposed to be my thing.”
Madelyn wrinkled her forehead. “I’m honestly not sure about the Effexor. I took my BuSpar a little while ago, though.” She could mentally picture her pill organizer on the bathroom counter, but couldn’t remember if she’d opened it that morning. She’d just been so distracted lately.
“Okay, well, maybe let’s allow for the possibility that you’re a bit unregulated right now, so things may feel a bit worse than they actually are. He may be powerful, but he’s not invincible. So let’s not rush to the worst possible conclusions.”
Madelyn pursed her lips. After two years of living together, Syzygy could always tell when she was off-balance. Madelyn found their extremely specific talent both helpful and deeply annoying. “There’s something else too,” she admitted, then told Syzygy about Angie’s recording. “So you can see why I’m feeling a bit pessimistic at the moment.”
