Midnight Sun, page 12
part #1 of Mortal Heat Series
A sigh burst from my lips. The night already felt as if it had lasted too long. I was not in the mood to go out and party. I was in the ‘retreat home and hide out under my comforter with my two favorite men, Ben and Jerry’ kind of mood. “I dunno, Em, I-”
“Oh, come on Lulu,” She wheedled, “I’ve been cooped up all week, I need to blow off some steam. Pleeeeease, Lulu?” She used the nickname twice in one plea; she must really want to go out.
“Okay, Em, I’ll go with you to O’Brien’s,” I conceded. “But that’s it. I’m not bar-hopping tonight.”
“Sure thing Lulu,” Em beamed at me.
I turned to say goodbye to Mick, but he was already gone. He must have slipped away while I was talking with Emily, so quietly we didn’t even notice. Now that I thought about it, he’d done that to me more than once. I wondered, only half-sarcastically, if he’d been a ninja in a past life. For all I knew he could have been. It occurred to me I didn’t know much about his previous ‘lives’ as a human. I wondered if he changed his appearance and back story often, moving to different places and living different lives.
“Lulu, let’s go!” Em shouted through the open window. She had climbed into the passenger seat of my car and was waiting impatiently to make the most of her night.
“Okay, Em, I’m coming,” I answered, my eyes raking the building from the alley entrance to the front door. Seeing nothing, I gave up and climbed in the driver’s side, revving the engine once before I put the car in drive and pulled away from Midnight Sun.
HIGHS AND LOWS
FOR A FRIDAY night, it was rather uneventful. Emily and I went to O’Brien’s, where we met up with a few people we only hang out with at the bar, our so-called ‘bar friends’. Em flirted shamelessly with Charlie, who slipped her free shots while his face grew even more ruddy in response to the attention. The music was good, and it was a fun night out.
Despite all the appearances of a good time, I felt like something was missing, and I suspected Emily did, too. She smiled, and danced, and said all the right things. But when she thought I wasn’t watching, her mask of carefree Friday night fun fell away. A wistful look would creep into her blue eyes, and she’d invariably check her phone before sighing heavily and sipping her drink. At first I hoped it was Mick, not Todd, that she was waiting to hear from. Once I assessed how I truly felt, I realized I didn’t want her hoping for a text from Mick, either.
It was as if, suddenly, we were in a giant knot of mixed-up feelings. A few days ago it was simple: Em and Todd, Mick and me. Two threads connecting us each to one other person. Now the threads were so tangled up I didn’t know where any of us stood. Did Em still have feelings for Todd? She succumbed to Mick’s alien mojo and told Todd off, but I couldn’t help worrying that it wasn’t as simple as Mick said. And Mick, did he have feelings for Emily? Or was that also a factor of the mojo? He seemed very affectionate with her after he bit her, but was that just a reflex? Was it part of convincing her to leave Todd? Also, I had assumed that he was just entertaining me to keep me away from Todd, but it sounded like he was going to say something else before Emily interrupted us. Was I wrong?
Not that it mattered, I thought to myself as I lay sleepless in my bed later that night, frustrated and confused. We could never be together, a fact that I seemed to keep forgetting. Even if he wanted me that way, we would have the same issue that Todd and Emily had, and we’d either have to break up or I would eventually die. It was entirely hopeless... so why did I continue to hope?
My phone emitted the low ding that notified me of a text message. The clock on the lock screen proclaimed that it was just after four in the morning. I picked it up, heart beginning to race as I tried not to hope it was from him.
Mick: Lucy, are you awake?
There it was. Oh God, he texted me. What did that mean?
Lucy: Yes... how did everything go?
Mick: OK. Todd was a little low in spirits, but honestly he took it better than I expected. He still put on a good show, although he didn’t bother with the girls afterwards. He turned in early.
Mick: I suppose, all things considered, that makes sense.
Lucy: Yeah, I suppose.
Mick: How is Emily?
I tried to convince myself I wasn’t hurt that he asked about Emily before asking about me.
Lucy: She’s fine. We had a good time at O’Brien’s. I could tell she wasn’t quite as happy as she was pretending to be, but she’s got a lot of her spirit back compared to how she was earlier this week.
Mick: That’s a good sign.
Lucy: Yeah, I hope so.
There was a lengthy pause, during which I wondered if he was done texting, or just trying to think about what he would say. I set my phone face down, refusing to stare at it accusingly like a crazy person. For good measure I tossed my hair and rolled to my other side in bed, facing away from my nightstand. I will go to sleep, I told myself severely. If he texts me, he will have to wait for my response until I feel like messaging him back. I scrunched my eyes closed tightly and imagined waking up to a long, remorseful text message. I pictured myself crafting a witty, dignified response while I sipped from a giant mug of coffee. I would-
Ding!
I practically fell out of bed snatching my phone from the nightstand. So much for dignified.
Mick: Lucy, I assumed you understood, but from what you said earlier, I think I ought to clarify: I don’t have feelings for Emily. I never have.
My pulse beat in my veins. Yes! A grin spread across my face and I breathed in deeply, releasing an icky feeling I didn’t realize I’d been holding.
Deep in my heart, I’d been harboring a seed of resentment for Emily. It had sprouted into a tiny green shoot when I thought Mick wanted her after I had allowed myself to develop feelings for him. That shoot was in danger of growing into a choking vine, wrapping itself around my heart and strangling the affection out of my relationship with my best friend. But, if I was being honest with myself, that tiny kernel had been there for our entire friendship. It was a little chip of ice, a painful sliver that reminded me I was always second-best compared to Emily. Despite how close of friends we were, despite how much I loved her, despite everything, that tiny, hard part of me remained.
Just knowing that Mick didn’t want Emily and never had was enough to melt that icy pebble in my chest. The shoot of jealously shriveled and died in the realization that Emily had never once treated me as second-place. It was me, all along. I put myself in that position because I believed it was my place. Emily had always fought for me, had been the sister I had lost so long ago. Emily always insisted I was beautiful, that I was clever and funny and that we were equals. Emily had been a much better friend to me than I had ever been to her. I thought back to the conversation when she accused me of being jealous of her about Todd, and the painful things she’d said about me. She may have just been striking out at me defensively, but there was truth to her words.
While I was lost in these revelations, my phone dinged again.
Mick: We both know a relationship between a human and someone like me could never happen. I would never allow myself to endanger someone that way.
A brief, shining moment of euphoria before a sucker punch to the gut. I should have known. It wasn’t that he wanted me over Emily—it was that he didn’t want either of us. The oppressive weight of disappointment flooded my chest. Leave it to me to fall for someone who wasn’t even in my species, let alone out of my league.
Mick: I hope everything returns to normal for you now. Emily should be over any residual feelings for me within a day or two. Any traces of Todd should also be out of her system by then, so she should be able to move on with her life. Both of you should.
Sure, I thought sarcastically. Emily gets over it in twenty-four hours as if it’s a stomach flu, then goes on her merry way while I nurse real broken feelings. I was amazed at my bitterness; I hadn’t realized I was so invested in Mick until that moment in the alley when I watched him share a beautiful, blissful moment with someone else.
It struck a chord, and suddenly I realized that I wished it had been me. Despite knowing what was happening. It was easier, in the darkness of my room and the safety of my warm bed, to admit the truth to myself: I wanted Mick to bite me. I craved the feeling of his lips on my neck, my blood in his system and his mojo in mine. I longed for that glorious feeling of pleasure, the sweet after-glow that I watched him share with my best friend. I wanted to experience the connection they felt that still coursed through her system. My heart ached with desire for it, and the shattering disappointment I felt was more about the loss of that moment than anything else.
Because with one text, he just told me it wouldn’t happen. Ever. “I would never allow myself to endanger someone that way.” That’s what he said, and it was very clear.
I couldn’t bring myself to reply to that message. After turning the sound off on notifications, I returned my phone, face down, to the nightstand. Curled in a ball beneath my comforter, I wallowed in grief so inexplicable I couldn’t combat it. Knowing it was a ridiculous thing to be that upset about did not change how I felt. Hot tears trickled over my nose and dripped onto the pillow, soaking into the cotton and leaving a wet spot against my cheek. Eventually even the tears deserted me, and I drifted off into a wretched sleep, tainted with echoes of despair and rejection.
JUST GIRL THINGS
“MORNING, SLEEPYHEAD!” EMILY’S voice chirped loudly from the doorway. “Well, afternoon, actually. Are you hungry? I made pancakes!”
The door creaked open and Emily’s footsteps padded across the carpet of my room. I refused to lift my head or look in her direction; I was not in the mood to listen to another soliloquy on the finer attributes of Mick’s kissing. I didn’t have it in me.
“Lu? Do you feel okay?” Em’s weight settled on my bed, forcing my body to slide toward the dip she was creating in the mattress. Her hands brushed the hair that concealed my face from her view, and I felt her light touch on my forehead, gauging my temperature. “Lulu?”
“Grrrmmmpphh,” I groaned, pulling the comforter over my head.
“Lulu, it’s almost one in the afternoon. You should get up and have some food. It’ll help with the hangover. I made blueberry pancakes, your favorite!” I could practically hear the smile in her voice. What does she have to be so happy about? I grumbled internally.
“Fine, I’ll be up in a minute, okay?” The blanket muffled my voice, but she heard me.
“Okay Lulu, it’s ready for you.” I felt her weight rise off the bed and heard her footsteps cross my room before the door creaked shut.
I didn’t want to get up. I wanted to stay in bed, my quilt wrapped around me like a safe little cocoon, and count every tiny misery that lead to me feeling as if I had an aching hole in my chest. The weekend stretched ahead of me; I could wallow for another thirty-six hours at least before I had to think about work and functioning like an adult.
Of course, that plan did not factor in one Miss Emily Trenton. She would not allow me to wallow in my little cesspool of despair.
“Lulu, your food’s getting cold!” Em’s voice shouted through my closed door, reminding me she was waiting. It was still disturbingly bright, but there was an edge to her tone that told me she was on the verge of being annoyed at my slothfulness.
Heaving a sigh, I threw my comforter back and sat up. My feet searched independently for my slippers as I tried to keep my eyes closed for a few seconds longer. Once both feet found their targets I cracked open my puffy eyes and stared blearily around my room, searching for my robe. When I had it in sight I rose stiffly, my body aching at every joint as if I had completed a long workout the day prior. I felt old, used up, lifeless.
I shuffled out of my room to discover that Em had been busy. Our condo was usually fairly clean, if a little cluttered. Today it was spotless—every surface shone, there was no clutter in sight, and I could even see the fresh vacuum tracks in the carpet. Em hated vacuuming. This was huge.
“Em,” I started slowly, “Are you feeling okay?” The dining table was set with placemats and silverware, a full breakfast laid out in the middle complete with a steaming pile of pancakes. There was even a single pink rose in a bud vase.
“Yep!” She chirped, carrying a bottle of syrup from the kitchen and depositing it on the table as she took her seat. “Sit! I bet you’re hungry, I know I am.”
“I don’t know, I feel like I’m having an out-of-body experience,” I lowered slowly into the chair and stared at her curiously. “What brought this on?”
Her tinkling laughter made me instantly suspicious. Typically, she only laughed that way when she was attempting to charm some schmuck in the bar to buy us another round. Around me, her laughter was heartier, often with a few snorts thrown in for good measure.
“Honestly, Lucy, what’s up with you? You’re acting so strange.” Em spread her napkin on her lap and served herself pancakes.
“I’m acting strange? What about you? Since when are you the domestic type?”
She set her fork down and regarded me seriously. “Well, I know you’ve been worried about me, and I know you’ve been taking care of me this last week. I wasn’t myself, but I still knew what was going on. I wanted to say thank you.”
“Oh,” was all I could muster. I believed she didn’t really know what was going on, so I hadn’t anticipated any gratitude on her part. A swift pang of guilt stabbed my chest when I remembered my realizations last night, that I had been nursing a secret resentment of Emily for as long as I’d known her. I swept away the discomfort with the knowledge that I had given up the bad feelings and resolved to be extra appreciative of her kindness. “Thank you, you didn’t have to. This looks great,” I added, sniffing appreciatively and sticking my fork into the stack of pancakes to transfer some to my plate.
“You’re my best friend, Lulu. I love you like my own sister.” She smiled warmly, her blue eyes sparkling.
“I love you too, Em.” A sharp tingling sensation warned me that tears were flooding my eyes, threatening to spill over. She probably didn’t realize the significance of that word to me, since I didn’t talk about Mary much. But it tapped into a painful memory of my real sister, and my heart thumped hollowly in my chest. I refocused my attention on my plate, determined to keep the tears at bay while we enjoyed our brunch.
After we had eaten, Emily insisted I get dressed so we could get out of the condo for a while. She lured me with promises of junk food and pedicures, and it worked like a charm. Despite my less-than-girly tendencies, I loved getting pedicures. It always felt like such a luxury to have someone massage my feet while I enjoyed a heated massage chair and sipped a glass of chilled white wine.
Toes freshly painted, we wandered the mall for a while before grabbing dinner. We ended up at the movie theater watching the latest blockbuster action film. Em and I shared a giant bucket of popcorn and giggled at the over-the-top special effects.
It was exactly the type of lazy Saturday we had enjoyed together throughout our friendship. Em seemed to work off a hit list of our favorite memories, going out of her way to reaffirm our status as the best of friends. She didn’t mention Todd, or Mick. It surprised me that Mick’s alien mojo had worn off so fast, but then again what did I know about how all of that worked? I was just grateful that she was acting normal.
A part of me questioned this miraculous recovery: Was she too normal? Should I be suspicious at this drastic turn? Or was she just trying to get over the weirdness of the last week and wanted me to get past it too? For my part I was eager to be done with it. I wished fervently that the ache in my chest over Mick would shrivel up and die soon. The pressure behind my eyes reminded me how recently I’d cried bitter tears over him and told me it wouldn’t be quite so easy. For me, anyway.
***
After the movie we headed home. Em gushed about how hot the lead actor in the movie was and threw in a few tidbits she’d heard about his real-life girlfriend. We lay on the couch, feet-to-head, just talking about any and everything that popped into our heads. Laughing over shared memories of our hijinks through the years. It was such a nice evening I didn’t want it to end, but eventually the exhaustion got the better of me and I decided to turn in.
Em hugged me tightly before I went to bed. “I love you, Lulu,” she said fiercely. “I always will. You know that, right?”
“Of course Em,” I hugged her back, surprised at her intensity. “I love you too.” I hesitated, confused. “Is everything okay?”
“Yes, why wouldn’t it be?” The innocence in her tone sounded slightly hollow.
“Okay, well, I’ll see you in the morning, then. Good night,” I walked through the doorway into my room and paused again, hand on the doorknob, to look at Emily one more time. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
Her eyes were sparkling with unshed tears. “I’m fine, Lulu. It’s just been a long week. I’ll see you in the morning.” She smiled one more time then padded down the hall to her room.
I waited until she closed her bedroom door before I shut mine. I almost turned and walked to her room to check on her, but I figured that she probably wanted some space. I’ll talk to her about it in the morning, I decided, and promptly drifted off to sleep.
***
