Let's Pretend, page 24
‘We’ve already met, actually. The last time we were partying here.’
When Sarah saw Nina putting the moves on Adam, a few short hours before his death.
‘Right! Which is why it’s so wonderful that Talia and Sarah are reinventing this place,’ I babbled. ‘As, you know, Adam’s legacy. It’s going to be incredible. Though it must have been especially hard for you, Sarah. Returning to the house, I mean.’
‘Yeah,’ she said stiffly. ‘You could say that.’
Talia was looking anxious. ‘It’s so great that you’re here, Nina. Lily and Sarah and I were thinking of ways to say goodbye to Adam. As our own little ritual.’
‘Aha, now the robes and the candles make sense. It’s an exorcism.’
Sarah’s eyes narrowed. ‘What do you mean by that?’
‘Nothing, nothing … A private joke.’ Nina turned to me. ‘What did you do with Danny-boy, by the way? Did you shut him in a closet for the night?’
‘Oh, that’s right – your new boyfriend drove you down here.’ Talia gratefully seized on the change of subject. ‘I’d love to meet him if there’s time before you go. Danny Bowers always seems so warm, so genuine. That’s how he comes across on his show, anyway.’
Nina grinned. ‘Yes, Lily does love a good show.’
I glared at her. ‘Show’s over. We broke up.’
‘No!’ Talia gasped. ‘Why?’
‘We had an argument on the way here.’ The humiliation, and ugliness, of the encounter was still raw. ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’
‘Well,’ said Talia, rallying, ‘how about a drink then? There’s Nina’s whiskey, so we could do Manhattans. Or old fashioneds are fun. I do love a maraschino. They’re so pretty, aren’t they? Like a sticky pink kiss in a glass! And there’s always champagne –’
‘Let’s start with the fizz,’ said Sarah brusquely.
‘Have you got anything soft?’ Nina asked.
I was incredulous. ‘Since when are you teetotal?’
‘Since I’m trying to get knocked up. They say cutting out the fun stuff helps.’
‘What’s the big rush? Trying to lock in Nick and his trust fund before he changes his mind?’ Yes, this was bitchy, but I was smarting from the showmance reference.
‘No need for locks,’ Nina said, giving her corset-bound boobs a jiggle. ‘I’ve got plenty of ways of ensuring Nick’s devotion, believe me. He owes me and he knows it.’
‘Owes you for what?’
‘I’m sure Nick’s crazy about you,’ said Talia.
‘Lucky guy,’ Sarah dead-panned.
Talia and Sarah went off to fix the drinks.
‘What the fuck is the Ugly Sister doing here?’ Nina demanded as soon as they’d gone. ‘And I’m talking about her personality, by the way. It’s almost as bad as her brother’s.’
‘Talia invited her. She feels sorry for her. And tone it down, will you? This evening’s going to be awkward enough without you stirring the shit.’
‘Me? You’re the pissy one. What did Danny do – dock your lunch allowance? Or threaten you with a lifetime of floral skirts and velvet scrunchies?’
‘Oh, shut up.’ Nina gets like this sometimes. Bullish, abrasive, inclined to either lash out or self-sabotage. Adam was the same. They’d both get this dark and feverish glitter about the eyes, and I knew it was time to watch out.
‘All I’m doing is trying to lighten the mood. This isn’t supposed to be a wake. And to be honest, it kind of gets on my tits the way that you and Talia mope about like Adam was your knight in white satin armour.’
‘You know why I can’t move on from Adam’s death.’
‘Yeah, and your obsession’s getting unhealthy. Good on you for following the leads, but it’s not like you’ve found a smoking gun. Or a smoking anything.’
‘I thought you were supporting me.’
‘I am, Nancy Drew. I believe you, for one thing. Somebody definitely wanted the wanker dead. Or at least bundled off to rehab in a blaze of bad publicity. What I find harder to get my head round is why you care so much. About getting justice, I mean. What are you trying to make up for, Lily? What do you think it’s going to change?’
‘God, Nina. Maybe I’m just concerned that a killer’s on the loose.’
‘Fine! Then go to the police with what you’ve got or else let it go. Because holding hands with Talia while crying into your quails’ eggs isn’t going to help anything.’
‘What’s not going to help?’ Talia had come tottering back, bearing a silver tray with three champagne flutes and a Diet Coke. Sarah followed with assorted canapés. Quails’ eggs were, indeed, among them.
I gave Nina a warning shake of the head over the rim of my glass. She ignored it. ‘Lily and I were talking about Adam’s legacy. Has it not occurred to you that a drama school in his name is pretty much the last thing on earth Adam would have wanted?’
‘I … I don’t understand you.’
Nina laughed. ‘Insecure jerks like Adam – and, to be fair, most other actors – don’t want to nurture the talent of the bright young things coming up behind them. They want to crush them beneath their heel.’
Talia looked as if she’d been slapped. ‘Nina! I appreciate you’re trying to make a joke or whatever but I actually think that’s really harsh. Unkind, even. Especially in front of Sarah.’
Sarah pulled at her lip. ‘No, it’s OK.’
‘You mustn’t put a brave face on it –’
‘I’m not. It’s true, I can’t see Adam being interested in helping other kids follow in his footsteps. He was way too selfish. All the opportunities he messed up, all those second and third chances, all the people he hurt … He always assumed he’d get away with it because it was his right.’ She shrugged. ‘Doesn’t mean we can’t try and make something worthwhile out of his memory.’
Sarah had voiced similar resentments at Adam’s funeral. And I knew she had a point. But it still pissed me off. ‘Adam was generous to you,’ I said. ‘Wasn’t he?’
‘Here and there, now and again. It was a power game to him.’
I frowned. ‘He didn’t owe you anything.’
‘No? “Adam has the beauty; Sarah’s got the brains.” That’s what my dad likes – liked – to say. Which was a sick joke, right, because Adam wasn’t stupid, was he? So where did that leave me?’ She looked at us fiercely. ‘Adam got me to sign an NDA before he let me come to his party. Like I was some pathetic groupie. Or a servant. Do any of you know how that felt?’
We were all silent.
She abruptly got to her feet. ‘I’m going out for some air.’
‘Wait, Sarah, please –’
Talia pattered after her. When she came back a few minutes later, her face was as stern as I’d ever seen it. ‘Sarah’s going to lie down. She’s very hurt. Very unhappy. As am I.’
Nina, however, was unconcerned. ‘C’mon, Talia. It’s clear Sarah’s got a ton of issues with her brother that have nothing to do with us.’ She dug into the wasabi shrimp. ‘Because, really, how well did the three of us know him? Two beards and a bitch.’
I finished my drink and put the glass down on the table with a bang. ‘It’s not for you to say how we choose to remember Adam.’
‘Sure. Because I’m just the sidekick. The disposable gal-pal. But for a walk-on part, I’ve got some killer lines. Wanna hear them?’
I shook my head. Obviously, Nina ignored me.
‘Adam used you as an emotional punchbag and Talia as his personal ATM,’ she said, jabbing her finger for emphasis. ‘He bullied his sister, physically assaulted his boyfriend, put his stalker on his payroll and blackmailed his way to top billing. Yeah, he was hot, yeah, he was talented, and yeah, he had his “troubles”. But let’s not pretend the end of Adam Harker was some great fucking tragedy. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say he had it coming.’
‘You’re right: those lines are killers.’ Talia’s over-plumped lips had abruptly thinned. ‘And nobody could mistake you for a walk-on part.’ Tossing back her hair and breathing hard, she grabbed her iPad from a shelf and set it up on the coffee table.
‘If you’re about to show us a montage of Adam’s greatest hits, then I’m officially outta here,’ said Nina.
‘Not his hits, no. It’s a TikTok video my friend Jenna uploaded to her private account the night of the party. I watched all of them because I had to stay home in London and had major FOMO. Look.’ She swung the screen round to show us.
Jenna was one of the Party Blondes, bumping and grinding with one of the Party Dudes. Barbie ’n’ Ken, giving it their best to ‘Big Pimpin’’. In the background, the swimming pool glimmered. People were sitting and smoking on the side, legs dangling in the water. Another couple were snogging, half-undressed, in the shallows. Nick and Nina. Nina wriggled out of the embrace and clambered out, dripping. She disappeared through the door at the far end of the pool garden. Only a moment or so later she returned, waving something triumphantly over her head. Nick was out of the pool now too, and she leapt towards him and wrapped her legs around his waist. Clutched in one hand was a bag, clearly emblazoned with the Union Jack.
Jenna and her boy toy twerked and gurned. Jay-Z rapped. The swimming pool glimmered and the video cut.
‘That’s Adam’s bag,’ I told Nina, and my voice had a crack in it. ‘That’s his drug stash.’
Her chin was up and her shoulders squared. ‘So?’
‘So … why did you take it? Why’d you give it to Nick?’
‘I knew where Adam was bunking and that he’d have kept the good stuff back for himself. I figured he owed me a little fun. So I stole his blow.’
Her insouciant shrug infuriated me. ‘Because he’d rejected you?’
‘What? Jeez. Of course Adam didn’t reject me. Why the hell would I come on to a gay dude?’
‘Maybe you hadn’t realised he was a gay dude.’
‘What the fuck are you saying, Lily? You know I didn’t mess with his fucking pills. Why would I? Nick snorted a line off my tits, then I dropped the bag back to the studio, and the two of us roared off into the night – high as kites and happy as Larry.’
‘OK, maybe you didn’t touch the pills. What about Nick?’
‘Somebody must have touched them, I think,’ Talia piped up. She’d been silent during the video clip and the exchange afterwards, picking at the skin around her nails. One of them was now bleeding and she wiped it distractedly on the sofa. ‘Lily says Adam would never have bought dodgy pills and I think she’s right. He was too careful.’ Her voice trembled. ‘What if … what if someone gave him bad drugs, though? As in – you know – swapped them out?’
It was a struggle to look Nina in the eye but I did it. ‘You said Nick owes you. And … and that Adam had it coming.’
Nina turned bone white. ‘Nick “owes me” for getting him free of his toxic ex. Not for helping him to poison yours.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me you’d messed with Adam’s stash?’
‘The same reason you didn’t tell the police you’d taken one of his pills,’ she hissed through clenched teeth. ‘It doesn’t make me look good. Doesn’t make me a killer, though, any more than you, Lily-pet.’
We stared at each other. I could hear my pulse loud in my ears. My breaths came fast and shallow. Talia was crying softly in the background.
‘Look,’ I said eventually, ‘let’s take a moment and try and calm down. Things have got out of hand, and if that’s my fault, I’m sorry. We need to step back and –’
‘Fuck you.’ Nina lurched to her feet and grabbed the unopened bottle of whiskey. ‘And fuck this fucking ambush.’ She’d started to cry. Not like Talia’s snuffles – she was snotty and gulping, her make-up running down her face like a freak-show clown’s. She scrubbed at her cheeks with shaking hands.
‘Nina, please –’
In moments, she was at the door, fumbling for her car keys. I ran after her. ‘Nina, wait, don’t leave. Please stay –’
She spat in my face.
‘You’re dead to me,’ she said.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
I went back to the living room, unsteady on my feet.
There were tear-tracks running down Talia’s make-up too, but she was trying to compose herself, pressing her palms together and doing some sort of deep-breathing exercise. I wiped my face on one of the paper napkins and gulped down some more champagne. Maybe tonight was, after all, a good night to get obliterated.
‘What shall we do?’ Talia said at last, in a very small voice.
I closed my eyes. ‘I don’t know.’ The booze had hit me quickly; everything around me seemed insubstantial and far away. Dance music continued to pulse in the background. ‘Can you turn that off?’
The silence when it finished was unsettling.
‘Should we get Sarah?’ Talia asked. ‘She hasn’t seen the film yet. I think she should, though, shouldn’t she? And what was Nina on about when she was talking about blackmail and stalkers? Is there some, like, major conspiracy?’
‘Let’s not think about this any more. Not till the morning.’
But I couldn’t let go of it just yet. My eye rested on the little origami boat, lying crumpled on the floor. Something tugged at my tired mind. ‘Talia … the marsh. The creeks. Do people sail on them?’
She nodded. ‘There’s the local fishermen, of course. And tourists go bird-watching and boating in the nature reserve. But the creeks can be dangerous if you aren’t, like, a native.’
So it was possible to get to the house by water. Not just through the gates by the road.
The marsh had always seemed impenetrable to me but what would I know, as a landlocked Londoner? I rubbed my head groggily. Everything seemed an insurmountable effort. I was sick of the whole business and tired to the bone.
‘Why do you need to know?’ Talia asked. ‘Oh! Oh! Are you thinking that Adam’s drug dealer came by boat? Because that would totally exonerate Nina! There’s a boathouse in the pinewood, you know. Shall we go and check it out? I can get a torch.’
The idea of blundering around a pine wood in the dark did absolutely not appeal. ‘Better wait until morning.’
‘Yes,’ she said, nodding, ‘you’re probably right. That’s more sensible. What if we –?’
I screamed.
Talia screamed too, in reaction. ‘What? What? Lily!’
‘There!’ I pointed at the window. My hand shook. ‘Did you see it? A figure – I swear – somebody – outside in the night.’
We both ran to the glass and peered out to the sloping lawn and the marsh below. Beyond the spill of light from the house, the landscape was black and densely blotted.
‘Could it have been an animal?’ Talia suggested, hand still fluttering over her heart. ‘A cat or something? Or, like, a tree branch in the wind?’
‘Maybe.’ Now that my own heart had stopped pounding, I was beginning to think it more likely I’d imagined something. ‘Or it might have been Sarah, I suppose. She said she wanted some air.’
‘Sarah went to lie down in the studio. The poor thing got up at the crack of dawn and hasn’t been sleeping properly for weeks.’
‘The studio?’
‘Well, she said she wanted to be in the last bed Adam slept in before he died. To, you know, feel close to him.’
I had a powerful urge to lie down too. ‘Why’d she want to feel close to someone she basically loathed?’
‘Oh no, Sarah loved Adam. And resented him. She’s very conflicted – I think that’s why she’s working so hard to make something good out of his death.’ Talia chewed her lip. ‘You know what? I think it might be a good idea to check on her.’
I stayed at the window, staring out at the dark. I’d been so sure I’d seen someone. But my mind could have been playing tricks on me. My thoughts were too scattered to be sure of anything.
That’s why it took a minute or so for me to realise that Talia had left the room.
I was gripped by the same sense of foreboding I’d felt that sunlit June morning, walking along the dewy verges to where Adam lay dead. Why had I let Talia go to find Sarah alone? Talia said that Sarah had loved Adam, but all I’d seen was bitterness. And rage. All those years of seething resentment …
I set off, a little unsteady on my feet, to the other end of the house and the sliding doors to the patio. I definitely shouldn’t have had that second glass of champagne, not on an empty stomach. Outside, pinpricks of damp misted the air. The revamp hadn’t got as far as the garden: the solar lights set in the walls were wan and flickering, and spindly dead shrubs spiked the beds.
I faltered on the threshold. ‘Talia?’
Was another shadow on the move, there behind the tree? My eyesight had gone blurry again.
‘TALIA!’
Finally, her voice floated back. ‘Over here!’
Relief flooded through me. ‘Are you OK?’
‘Of course! Come and see!’
She was calling from the swimming-pool enclosure. I didn’t want to face the pool again. But I didn’t want to be alone in the house either.
It felt good to be in the fresh air. The heat from the fire and the sickly sweetness of all those scented candles had been more oppressive than I’d realised. Maybe that was why my head felt so foggy.
Or was it from the fall onto the rock? I checked my hands for grazes before remembering that was a different night – the other night at this house. God. I needed to pull myself together. I pinched the soft skin at my waist, hard enough to make myself gasp, then pushed through the door to the second garden.
There it was, gently steaming and glittering before me. But this was another swimming pool again – a swimming pool from an entirely different time and place, perhaps even a different world. The water was a rich inky blue, the colour of midnight. Tiny silver bowls bearing tea lights floated on the surface. And there were flowers, too, scattered across the darkness: silvery-white water-lilies, even more star-like than the candles that flickered in the breeze.
I looked closer. I realised the water must have been dyed. The flowers were made of silk and the tea lights were battery-operated.
