Riley's Paradox, page 11
part #9 of Hearts of ICARUS Series
Riley bit her lip, trying to think of something to say that could actually help her sister. Unfortunately, she knew all too well how hard it could be to accept life altering facts that couldn’t be changed. There were no words in any language that would make that easy, and she wasn’t going to pretend otherwise. “I’m so sorry, Rosie,” she said finally. “Would you like me to come visit?”
“Don’t you have to return to school?”
“That has nothing to do with this,” Riley said, not even a little tempted to tell her sister about the Katre-Laus, or the attack on the skyport. Rose had enough to deal with at the moment.
“You’re the best big sister ever, Riley,” Rose said with a little smile. “But there’s no need to come here. I have school starting soon, and so do you. Just talking to you about this helps a lot, so if you can bear with me calling now and then to cry on your shoulder, I’ll be fine.”
“You can call me as often as you like, whenever you like,” Riley said. “And if you change your mind and want me to come to you, just say so. I’ll come as fast as I can.”
“I will, Riley. I promise.” Rose looked away, then back again. “I have an appointment I’m already late for, so I have to go now. Thanks for always being there for me. I love you.”
“I love you too, Rosie. Take care of yourself.”
***
Wilder watched Riley turn off her hand terminal, then stand staring at the blank screen with one tear rolling slowly down her cheek. He was surprised by how much it hurt to see her so sad. There was only one thing he could think of that might help.
“Riley, which clan does your sister belong to?”
She glanced up at him as she put her hand terminal back in its holster. “I’d like to tell you, but I need to ask what you’ll do with the information.”
Wilder arched a brow. “Perhaps teach a male-set that their berezi, whoever she may be, deserves more respect than they’ve shown your sister. Not wanting to claim her is no excuse for treating her so foully.”
“I agree,” Riley said, turning to walk up the corridor toward her stateroom. “I suppose that makes me a hypocrite.”
“Why would you say that?” West asked in surprise.
“Because I did much the same thing to you yesterday. I wasn’t trying to be mean, but I’m not sure that matters.”
“The two situations are nothing alike, Riley,” Wilder argued. “You’ve given us the names of those who will give us answers to our questions. I won’t deny that we’d like you to tell us why you can’t soul-link with us, but if you choose not to, we certainly won’t accuse you of dishonor.”
Riley stopped at her door. “Since we’ll be together on this ship for the next ten days, I don’t think any of us could take the tension if I didn’t tell you. But what if the supplement I take fails while I’m with you?”
“We’ve made our decision regarding the risk,” Wilder said gently. “That’s a subject we’d prefer not to discuss until all four of us are together.”
“All right,” she agreed.
“Would you please tell us your sister’s clan?” he asked gently. “We’d really like to handle this matter for you, and for her as well.”
“I want to, Wilder. I really do. But Rose made her feelings about that clear when I asked for their names. As much as I love my sister, and as much as I want to protect her, she’s an adult, it’s her life, and her choices are hers to make. Answering your question would be a betrayal of Rose’s trust, and I can’t do that to her.”
“I can’t fault you for that,” Wilder said reluctantly. “Especially knowing you feel the same way we do about it.”
“Are you all right, Riley?” West asked.
“I’ll be fine once I get a little more sleep. If Percy wants to know where I am, will you tell him?”
“We will,” Wilder replied. “Riley, would you join us for dinner tonight?”
Riley’s heart skipped a beat, but whether it was in excitement or dread, she had no idea. She wanted to say no so much that she had to bite the inside of her cheek hard to hold it back. This had to be done, and the sooner the better. “Yes. Where?”
“Where?” Wilder repeated, so surprised that she’d said yes that he couldn’t seem to process the question.
“My room, the cafeteria...where?”
“I suspect we’d all prefer privacy for the conversation we need to have. We don’t have a private dining room, but if you agree, we can use the master suite. We also have a small meeting room we could use but it’s not very comfortable. Just one long table and six chairs with bare walls. Or we could go to the cafeteria, though I can’t guarantee we’d have much privacy.”
Riley didn’t even pause to think about it. “The master suite. What time?” Wilder stared blankly at her and she frowned. “Unless you’d prefer to go somewhere else,” she added cautiously.
“No, the master suite is perfect. Six?”
“Yes, that’s fine.”
“We’ll come for you then,” West said.
“In the meantime, try to get some sleep,” Wilder added.
“I’m going to do that right now,” she said, turning around to place her hand against the scanner.
***
Wilder and West waited until Riley’s door slid shut behind her, then turned and headed back toward the elevators.
“You noticed her eyes turning black, right?” West asked.
“I did. I also noticed that she tried to hide it, which means she’s aware of it.”
“It happens whenever she gets upset,” West said.
“No, not upset,” Wilder said, stopping in front of the elevators but not pushing the call button. “Angry. It happens when she gets angry.”
West thought about that for a moment, then nodded slowly. “Angry, and everything leading up to angry. Irritated. Annoyed. Frustrated. They don’t become completely black like her katrenca’s were yesterday, though. Just a thin ring around the iris.”
Wilder’s eyes narrowed in thought. “Maybe they start to turn black when she begins to get angry, then gradually become blacker as her anger increases.”
“They return to normal when she’s able to calm herself, which she appeared to do repeatedly during her conversation with Rose,” West said thoughtfully.
“Yes, I noticed that too,” Wilder agreed.
“Why, though?” West wondered. “I’ve never heard of anything like that before. Have you?”
“No,” Wilder said. “Maybe it has something to do with whatever she plans to tell us tonight.”
“If she doesn’t bring it up, I think we should ask her about it.”
“Perhaps,” Wilder said. “We’ll have to see how tonight goes. I don’t want to push her too hard, too fast. We have lots of time before we reach Jasan, don’t forget.”
“Agreed,” West said, then sighed. “I’m disappointed that her scent has faded so much since we took her to her room this morning. She barely smells like dark chocolate at all now, and the scent of oranges isn’t quite right, either.”
“I know,” Wilder agreed. “I can’t believe how good she smells without that supplement in her system. We’ll have to talk to her about that tonight too.”
“Agreed,” West said fervently as he reached out and pressed the call button for the elevator.
Chapter 7
Riley awoke from her nap several hours later, feeling much better. She wondered briefly if there might have been some traces of the drug still in her system that caused her to feel so tired earlier.
“You’re awake,” Percy said with a touch of relief in his voice.
“Yes, and I feel much better now, so you can stop worrying.”
“I wasn’t worrying,” he said loftily from the end of the bed where he sat. One ear twitched. “Very much.”
Riley sat up and studied the slender silver chain he now wore around his neck. There was a smoky blue stone pendant hanging from it that matched the color of his eyes exactly. “I see you got a disrupter.”
“Yes, I did. Win was very nice about the extra work necessary to make it appear to be a necklace that I choose to wear rather than a collar.”
“He did a great job,” Riley said. “What’s the blue stone?”
“It’s a memory crystal. The disrupter is beneath it.”
“It looks very good on you, and not remotely like a collar. Thanks for doing this, Percy.”
“Thank you for caring about me enough to want me protected.”
“Of course I care about you.”
“But?”
“No but, Percy. I don’t want to sound sappy or anything, but I meant what I said before. You truly are the best friend I’ve ever had.”
“I am?”
“Yes, you am,” Riley said, smiling. Then she sighed, her smile fading. “There is something I want to talk to you about, though. A different subject altogether.”
“All right.”
“The Katre-Laus have invited me to have dinner with them tonight. In private.”
Percy tilted his head. “Do you wish to decline the invitation?”
“Yes,” Riley replied. “And no.”
“What did you tell them?”
“I accepted.”
“Will you let them link with you so that your healing ability works better?”
“This is the subject I promised we’d talk about. Please don’t take this as an insult, but I need you to promise me that you won’t share what I’m about to tell you with anyone. Well, other than myself. And the Katre-Laus, I suppose, since I’ll be telling them all of this later.”
“I’m not insulted, Riley. And I promise, of course. More than that, I hereby swear upon the Blue Moons of Rha, again, to never share your secrets without your express permission.”
“Thank you.” Riley took a deep breath, and began talking. When she was finished Percy sat quietly for a few moments, processing what she’d just told him. Then he looked up at her, his eyes filled with such sadness that it made her feel like crying.
“I regret making that oath to you, Riley.”
“You do?”
“Yes. I understand what you plan to do, and I understand why you feel the need to do it because I understand you.”
“It means a lot to me that you understand, Percy. But why do you regret your promise?”
“Because you’re the best friend I’ve ever had, too, and I don’t want to lose you. I want you to live.”
Riley nodded, unable to speak for a long moment. She blinked away the threatening tears and cleared her throat. “I want to live, too, Percy. But I’ve had to face facts, and focus my efforts on a more realistic goal. I was fine with that for a long time, but now that I’ve met them, and gotten to know them a little, it’s more than just a goal to me. I don’t just want them to live. I need them to live.”
“You love them,” Percy said.
“Despite how little time I’ve spent with them, yes, I do.”
Percy’s ears flattened slightly. “I don’t understand, Riley. What has time to do with love?”
“I don’t know,” she said with a little smile. “I guess I feel like I should know them longer before feeling so strongly about them.”
“Humanoids have such strange ideas sometimes,” Percy said.
“Do we?”
“Definitely.”
Riley smiled just a little before it slipped away. “I have more to tell you.”
“Very well,” Percy said hesitantly, not sure he wanted to know more after what she’d already told him.
“What I’ve just told you is the plan I’ve had for the past three years. Now I want to tell you about a call I got from my sister while you were getting your disrupter.”
“All right,” Percy said slowly, not liking the tension, sadness, and worry he felt radiating from her now. He soon understood it, though.
When Riley was finished, she sighed. “After talking with Rose, I’m not so sure my plan is the right thing to do anymore.”
“Why not?” he asked, even though he already knew the answer.
“Because of what my sister’s male-set did to her. I’m not saying they should commit to someone they’re not compatible with and sacrifice their own happiness, because I don’t believe they should. If all parties aren’t happy, then it’s not going to work anyway so there’s no point to that.
“It’s how they did it that’s so wrong. They didn’t give her a chance to voice her opinion, or express her feelings. They treated her with no respect, no consideration, or even the tiniest bit of compassion. It’s like they decided what they wanted, and how they felt, and couldn’t bother to concern themselves with how she might feel, or what affect it would have on her life.
“The worst of it is that the cold, cruel words on that reicere are never going to change or go away. Rose is going to remember them for the rest of her life, and she doesn’t deserve that.
“It was wrong, Percy. I could see in Rose’s eyes how wrong it was. And yet that is, essentially, what I planned to do to the Katre-Laus.”
“I think that your reasons and methods are somewhat different from theirs,” Percy said dryly. Riley looked at him in surprise. “I don’t mean to say I don’t agree with you regarding your sister. I’m just saying that your plan had nothing to do with how they look, or what their interests are. It’s about their lives, and you’re choosing theirs over your own. It’s a completely different situation.”
“It’s not different,” Riley argued. “The reasons behind the situations are different, but the situations are all too similar on the surface. From their point of view, from Rose’s point of view, I don’t think the reasons matter all that much. What matters is that Rose, and the Katre-Laus, deserve to be treated with respect, compassion, and most of all, honesty.”
“I can’t argue with that,” Percy said. “But I also can’t see you deliberately treating anyone without respect and compassion.”
“I never intended to tell them a lie, or to ask anyone else to do that on my behalf. But I did intend to stop short of telling them everything, which is a lie by omission. I also decided what I was going to do about my future and theirs without discussing it with them. After seeing the pain in Rose’s eyes, I realized how wrong and unfair that would be.”
“Unfair?”
“I don’t want to tell them everything because I don’t want them to feel guilty or responsible in any way which, since they’re male Klanaren, is practically unavoidable. But they aren’t children, Percy. What right do I have to decide what information they should or shouldn’t have when it affects their lives as much as it does my own?”
Percy decided not to answer that question since his answer was the same as hers. Instead, he asked a question of his own. “What will you do now?”
“I have to tell them all of it. I know it’ll be difficult for them, but at least it’ll be the complete truth.”
“Riley, I will always be on your side, no matter what you do. But if it helps at all, I would want the whole truth if I were in their place.”
“So would I, Percy. The hard part is going to be convincing them that everything that can be done, already has been done. I don’t look forward to that.”
“I don’t blame you,” Percy said. “Just remember that being honest and telling them everything doesn’t mean you have to change your decision about linking with them.”
“No, you’re right, it doesn’t,” Riley said, surprised that she hadn’t thought of that herself. She leaned over and kissed Percy on the top of his head. “That does help, Percy. A lot.” She straightened and rubbed his cheek for a moment. “I hope you don’t mind having dinner on your own tonight.”
“Of course I don’t mind, Riley. Among my own kind I’m an unmated male, which means I was more accustomed to being alone than not even before the black marketeers got their hands on me. I have the vid screen, the remote, and a seemingly endless variety of vids to choose from. I ask only that you order food for me before you leave as I cannot operate a vox.”
“I’ll order you three bowls of beef, and put them in the little chiller before I leave. You can open that, can’t you?”
“Yes, I can open it.” Percy tilted his head. “You plan to spend the whole night with them?”
Riley looked at him in surprise. “No, I don’t.”
“Why not?” Riley arched a brow. “I don’t mean to be crude, Riley, but why not enjoy yourself while you can?”
“I don’t think sex is crude, Percy. It’s just that, if my supplement works as it’s supposed to, sex is not possible for them.”
“Why not?”
“It’s just the way male Klanarens are made. Up until they mature at the age of eighty to ninety years they can have sex whenever and with whomever they want. The only limitation is that they can’t father children. When they reach maturity their mating fangs develop. When that happens, they become physically incapable of having sex with anyone until they descend, which only happens naturally when they find their berezi and catch the scent of her pheromones. Then they can have sex only with her for the remainder of their lives.
“Unless, of course, their berezi has found a way to alter her pheromones, preventing their mating fangs from making an appearance. In that case, there’s no reason for her, or in this case, me, to spend the night.
“That’s the main reason I decided not to tell them everything. I want them to have a future without me.”
Percy blinked, stunned by what she’d just told him. After a moment he shook his head, and focused on the current conversation. “I don’t know what mating fangs are, what they do, or how they’re used. Nor do I want to. I do understand what you intended to do much better now, though.”
“But?”
“But, I can’t help but wonder how you’ll react if they do make an appearance? Would you stay the night then?”
“I’m not sure,” Riley said slowly. “It’s not something I’ve let myself think about. I want them to at least have the choice. That’s very important to me, especially since talking to Rose.”
