Shattered Dreams, page 19
But when we uncover the deepest motives that drive our actions, we discover a determination to feel now what no one will feel until heaven.
In what ways—and how strongly—can you identify with the feelings and motives described in the words above?
What God has in mind when He tells us to keep hoping may not be what we usually mean when we think of hope. We wish for things to get better; we want to feel what we want to feel.
Those are our dreams. But that kind of hope is for later. For now, in this life, the Bible offers a different kind of hope, a kind that at first we don’t find attractive or even hopeful….
The best hope, our highest dream of being in His presence where nothing ever goes wrong and where we fully enjoy Him more than every other blessing, will not be granted till the next life.
13. To what degree, if any, might you be seeking fulfillment in this life for hopes that won’t be granted until eternity? What are these hopes?
14. When our life’s purpose “is to have a good time, to have soul-pleasure exceed soul-pain,” Dr. Crabb writes, “God becomes merely a means to an end, an object to be used, never a subject rightfully demanding a response, never a lover to be enjoyed.” To what extent might this have been true in your life in the past, or even in the present?
It’s harder to discover our desire for God when things go well. We may think we have, but more often all we’ve found is our desire to use God, not to enjoy Him. Shattered dreams are the truest blessings; they help us discover our true hope. But it can take a long, dark time to discover it…. Shattered dreams open the door to better dreams, dreams that we do not properly value until the dreams that we improperly value are destroyed. Shattered dreams destroy false expectations, such as the “victorious” Christian life with no real struggle or failure. They help us discover true hope. We need the help of shattered dreams to put us in touch with what we most long for, to create a felt appetite for better dreams. And living for the better dreams generates a new, unfamiliar feeling that we eventually recognize as joy.
15. How fully do you agree with the statements about shattered dreams in the preceding quotation? To what extent have you come to any of these same conclusions on your own?
Jesus Speaks
16. Dr. Crabb portrays the Mount of Olives as a “Place of Hope” for Jesus, despite the agony of His prayers there on the night before He was crucified. Explore Luke 22:39-53 and Acts 1:6-12 (you may also want to refer to Zechariah 14:3-5 and Matthew 24) to find the verses that speak most directly to what Jesus wanted His followers to learn from their experience with Him in this place.
How would you summarize those lessons? And how do they relate to the topic of this week’s study?
17. In a chapter of Shattered Dreams titled “Jesus Speaks,” Dr. Crabb writes: “Drawing from all that we have now considered, I hear Him speaking words like these to us. Listen.”
These words are listed below. Read them reflectively, accepting each paragraph, as you’re able, as the Lord’s personal communication to you. Then choose one or more of the paragraphs and record your prayerful response.
Some of your fondest dreams will shatter, and you will be tempted to lose hope. I will seem to you callous or, worse, weak—unresponsive to your pain. You will wonder if I cannot do anything or simply will not.
As you struggle with dashed hopes, you will fail, just as My servant Peter did. You will feel discouraged with yourself to the point of self-hatred. And I will seem to withdraw from you and do nothing.
When all of this comes to pass, My word to you is this: Do not lose hope. A plan is unfolding that you cannot clearly see. If you could see it as I do, you would still hurt, but you would not lose hope. You would gladly remain faithful to me in the middle of the worst suffering. I guarantee you the power to please me, not to have a good time. But pleasing me will bring you great joy.
In the deepest part of your soul, you long more than anything else to be a part of My plan, to further My kingdom, to know Me and please Me and enjoy Me. I will satisfy that longing. You have the power to represent Me well no matter what happens in your life. That is the hope I give you in this world. Don’t lose it.
18. In quietness, review what you’ve written and learned in this week’s lesson. If further thoughts or prayer requests come to mind, you may want to write them down.
19. What for you was the most meaningful concept or truth in this week’s lesson?
How would you talk this over with God? Write out your response as a prayer to Him.
What do you believe God wants you to do in response to this week’s study?
WEEK THREE
THE PATH OF HOPE
THIS WEEK’S LESSON IS BASED ON
CHAPTER 5, “THE RHYTHM OF HOPE,”
CHAPTER 6, “BREAKING THE RULES,”
AND CHAPTER 7, “HIDDEN HOPE”
Hope has its own rhythm,” writes Dr. Crabb. “We cannot rush it. The water of life will find its way down the mountain to fill the lake from which we can drink.” In this lesson we’ll explore this rhythm as well as some other surprising aspects of true hope.
As you begin, remember again to ask for the Holy Spirit’s help in hearing and obeying His words for you at this time.
God’s Goodness and Our Happiness
Think about your personal definitions for “happiness” and “joy” as you read carefully through the following extended excerpt from Shattered Dreams.
If given the choice, we would prefer to keep whatever happiness we’ve already found. Like the child who never wants to grow beyond the wide-eyed excitement of Christmas morning, we like to remain naively happy. Keep the blessings coming. Keep the good times rolling. When we signed on to the Christian life, that’s what we thought was the deal. We do what we’re told, and God stacks presents under the tree.
Our experience of happiness is not entirely wrong; it is, however, naive. It is both innocent and shallow, rooted in a strange blend of a child’s optimism and a fool’s arrogant spirit of entitlement. Things will go well for us; they’re supposed to. Other people get cancer and suffer through divorce and lose their jobs and experience a friend’s betrayal.
With adolescent maturity we declare that God is good when we ace the physics test or finish law school with honors, when our son is offered an unusually good position or the biopsy comes back negative. “Of course,” we say, “God is good!” Without putting it quite this way, we assume God is pleased and grateful that we think so—and maybe just a little relieved.
When blessings come, we should of course enjoy them. It’s good when children squeal with delight on Christmas morning; it’s sad when they can’t. Celebrate the good things of life. Enjoy the juicy steak, the unexpected bonus, the beautiful granddaughter.
Happy people, though they’re right to be happy, face a subtle danger. They tend to spiritually gloat, to publicly express gratitude and praise for the good things they enjoy while privately thinking that blessings are their due. They can easily slip into a concern for the less fortunate that carries with it a mood of judgment: If they were more like me, they would be given the blessings I have. We don’t easily recognize that mood within ourselves.
Unhappy folks face their own unique temptation. Publicly they tell the more fortunate how glad they are for all who are so blessed; privately they wish that the happy person’s path would hit a ditch.
Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. No command is more difficult to obey. Beneath the surface, we lament another’s joy (that’s the sin of jealousy) and feel good when a much blessed friend has reason to cry (that’s the sin of smugness, a close cousin of jealousy).
Happy people do not love well. Joyful people do. That’s why happiness, the pleasant feelings that pleasant circumstances generate, must be taken away in order to be replaced by joy.
Happy people rarely look for joy. They’re quite content with what they have. The foundation of their life consists of the blessings they enjoy. Although they may genuinely care about those less fortunate and do great things to help, their central concern is to keep what they have. They haven’t been freed to pursue a greater dream. That’s why they cannot love well. In His severe mercy, God takes away the good to create an appetite for the better, and then, eventually, He satisfies the new appetite, liberating them to love.
1. What statements or descriptions in the above selection can you most identify with, and why?
How would you describe, as fully as possible, your own view of happiness?
How would you describe your understanding of true joy?
2. “It comes down to this,” Dr. Crabb says:
God’s best is available only to those who sacrifice, or who are willing to sacrifice, the merely good. If we are satisfied with good health, responsible children, enjoyable marriages, close friendships, interesting jobs, and successful ministries, we will never hunger for God’s best. We will never worship. I’ve come to believe that only broken people truly worship. Unbroken people—happy folks who enjoy their blessings more than the Blesser—say thanks to God the way a shopper thanks a clerk.
What thoughts come to mind as you read these conclusions? In what ways is it easy for you to agree with them? In what ways do you find it difficult to agree?
Heavy Blessing
List every blessing you desire. Put them all on the left side of a scale. Now list the blessing that we’re told is the very highest, an intimate relationship with God. Put that one, by itself, on the right side of the scale.
Do we believe that what is on the right side immediately and decisively outweighs what is on the left? If we did, we would move more quickly from happiness through the agony of shattered dreams to complete joy.
Only a few in any generation believe that the weight of knowing God is a blessing heavier (and by that I mean more wonderful) than every other. And those who believe it appear to have developed that conviction only through suffering.
Happiness must be stripped away, forcibly, before joy can surface, before we will value and pursue dreams whose fulfillment produces true joy.
3. What do you think it takes for someone to be convinced that knowing God is a greater blessing by far than all other blessings? And how important is it to have this conviction?
4. In what ways and to what extent do you see this conviction reflected in any of the following passages?
Psalm 16:2
Psalm 42:1-2
Psalm 73:25-26
Habakkuk 3:17-18
Matthew 10:37
Philippians 3:8
The Rhythm of Hope
5. Take a few moments to review the first chapter of the book of Ruth.
Dr. Crabb points out “three characteristics of Naomi’s despair” that emerge in Ruth 1, characteristics which are “often part of our own journey to hope.”
His summaries of these characteristics are shown below. For each one, list the verse or verses in Ruth 1 where you see this characteristic in Naomi. Feel free to mention also your own impressions of Naomi’s despair and to tell about times when you have had similar thoughts.
First, she believed people would be better off spending time with someone other than herself…. You’re better off without me.
Second, she lost all hope of a return to earlier blessings that brought happiness…. Happiness is only a memory, never to be experienced again.
Third, she believed the tragedies were God’s doing…. Tragedies in our lives are God’s doing. Perhaps they come as discipline for our wrong choices or maybe they come for some other reason, but either way, tragedies are God’s doing. He could prevent them. He doesn’t.
6. At this time in your life, what gives you the most help in patiently following God’s “rhythm of hope,” as Dr. Crabb expresses it in the following quotation?
God is working when we see nothing but darkness. He is moving with rhythmic purpose through our agony and pain to unimaginable joy.
Knowing that He’s moving at all sometimes becomes the central piece of faith we need to keep ourselves moving. The courage to not quit, to not settle for immediate pleasure that brings happiness back for only a moment, often depends on our conviction that God is moving, that we are being taken to an experience of ecstasy along a path of suffering, that there is no other way to get there.
7. With honesty, describe the degree of confidence you now have that God indeed is working and moving in your life and in your circumstances.
The Desire Beneath the Pain
The Western church has become a community of either the victorious or the acceptably broken. Either we speak glowingly of our love for Jesus—usually because the blessings are abundant—or we struggle nobly through hard times, convincing others and sometimes ourselves that we’re doing better than we are. With each other we’re more proper than real, more appropriate than alive….
Could we actually love God so much that we could feel all the pain of a teenage daughter’s pregnancy and still worship? Could we still love our daughter? Or do we believe that loving God would somehow reduce the pain that a child’s rebellion creates?
8. How would you answer the questions raised in the second paragraph of the preceding quotation?
When you hurt, hurt. Hurt openly in the presence of God. Hurt openly in the presence of the few who provide you with safe community. Feel your pain. Regard brokenness as an opportunity, as the chance to discover a desire that no brokenness can eliminate but that only brokenness reveals.
Remember what brokenness is. It’s the awareness that you long to be someone you’re not and cannot be without divine help. Never pretend to God, to yourself, or to your safe community that you feel what you don’t or that you are what you’re not. With everyone else, including Christians attending a Bible conference, choose to be congenial. Not everyone needs to see your brokenness.
9. How do you respond to the advice given in the preceding quotation? How possible would it be for you to fully follow this advice?
10. Revisit some of the familiar biblical passages listed below that relate to handling your own hurts or the hurts of others. In what ways, if any, do you view them differently as a result of this study? In what ways might they communicate more strongly to you than before? Write down your thoughts about these passages.
Romans 12:12-15
1 Corinthians 12:26
2 Corinthians 1:3-5
Galatians 6:2
Ephesians 4:2
Philippians 1:29
Hebrews 13:3
James 1:2-3
1 Peter 1:6-7
Keeping Desire Alive
My growing conviction is that no one discovers the fullness of their desire for God without entering the fullness of lesser desires….
We must therefore feel the soul-piercing pain of disappointment, of the imperfect love we’ve received and the equally imperfect love we have given. But when all we experience is pain, loneliness, and despair, we can know with certainty that we have not yet entered the depths of our souls. Beneath our troubled emotion is a desire for God that in rich measure can be satisfied now….
Don’t let your hearts be troubled. In the middle of shattered dreams, discover a desire that Christ pledges Himself to satisfy. Don’t set out to discover that desire. The desire will surface, like bubbling water from a spring that can no longer be held back.
11. What do you think it means to “enter the fullness of lesser desires,” as this term is used in the above quotation?
Is it easy for you to agree with the author on this? Why or why not?
Breaking the Rules
12. Think about how you generally respond to others who are experiencing pain or loss. Dr. Crabb notes that “two unwritten rules eventually surface in our response to one who hurts.”
First, mourning has a time limit…. Second, we think there’s a proper way to mourn. Ugly battles should remain out of sight. Acceptable battles may be shared, but only if we season our account with hope.
Then he notes that “Naomi broke both the time-limit rule and the proper-mourning rule.” In your own reading of Ruth 1, where do you see Naomi breaking these “rules”?
13. Below is an excerpt of Dr. Crabb’s further comments on Naomi’s “rule-breaking.” Once more, record your own response to his analysis plus any other reflections or questions you have. (You may also want to look once more at Ruth 1 with these fresh thoughts in mind.)
Her husband had died nearly ten years earlier, her sons more recently but still long enough ago that by now she should have gained perspective. But still she was reeling. Where was her faith? Is God good or not? Is He worthy of trust or does He make mistakes? I can see her community pointing fingers while expressing similar admonitions.
And the way she talked about her shattered dreams was unbecoming to a follower of El Shaddai. “Yes, God is an invincible mountain, a force that cannot be resisted. But that is cause for praise, not complaint.” Perhaps that’s what the elders in Bethlehem told her. It’s certainly what many sufferers hear today from their spiritual leaders. No wonder we run off to counselors.
Don’t sanitize the story. Naomi did not say, “I’m having a hard time. Most nights I cry myself to sleep. But God knows what He’s doing. My family died for good reasons that I cannot see but I claim by faith. I know nothing enters my life without passing through His tender hands. My hope is in the Lord.”
That may be what we think she should have said, what we wished she had said, but it’s not what she did say. She was miserable, and she saw God as the source of her misfortune.
