Room 143: A Standalone Romance, page 14
Nash
Caroline and I lay on the couch, arms wrapped around each other. She’s been quietly crying off and on. I've shed a few tears too, because I know how bad it feels to lose one of the people so close to you. You go through all the questions. Could you have done anything to prevent it, change it, or lessen the damage? In almost every scenario I've been involved in since Katie died, I've come to realize the answer is no.
But what I don't know is how Caroline is feeling. Understandably she's hurting for her friend, but I'm worried because she's been so quiet since we got here. I kiss her on the nose before I whisper. “Are you okay?”
Her head moves up and down. “I just feel so bad for Taylor. She’s been worried about what she’s going to do when her mom passes away, and here we are.” She sniffs, hugging me tightly to her. Since we've come home, she hasn't wanted to let go and I can't say I mind it, or am surprised.
Beside us, Bailey lays with her head on Caroline's leg, looking up at her. I know my girl wants to make sure one of her humans is okay, but she's being super respectful and I'm so proud.
“She’ll get through it,” I assure her softly. “If I could get through what I got through, Taylor will be fine.”
She holds my shirt between her fingers. “But you weren’t fine for a long time.”
Putting my finger over her lips, I give her a smile. “My unwillingness to let people help me crippled my recovery, babe. Taylor isn't like that; she's going to have you and I have a feeling you won't let her be sad for long - it's one of the things I love most about you. One-four-three.”
Her eyes fill with tears again, but I know they’re happy. Expressing myself to her is getting easier, and I know she wants to hear the words again. No one is going to be happy with hearing them once and that’s it. “What did you think your life was going to be like?” she whispers.
“Lonely as fuck,” I croak out. “Like I thought I had Katie and that was it, I’d known happiness for a few short years, and that’s all I was going to have. I believed that for a long time.”
“You think that’s how Taylor feels?”
“Hard to say.” I kiss her on the forehead. “Taylor was with her mom a lot, she was not only a daughter, but a caretaker and a decision maker. It’s going to be hard at first, just like every new thing is when you try it. I have a feeling she’ll get on with her life.”
“With your brother?” she questions, glancing up at me. “But he set you up with her?”
“Their relationship is difficult. Has been for a very long time. Besides, I make it a habit not to get involved with either one of my brothers’ sex lives.”
“Yet they got all up in yours.”
I tighten my arms around her. “And I’m happy they did. I don’t know where I’d be right now if they hadn’t.”
“Does it bother you, that you weren’t the one to make the decision?”
Truthful is the only way to answer this question. “It used to, but I don’t think it bothered me so much, as forced me to see how I was living. I wasn’t. I’d closed myself off to everyone except for Bailey, and it’s not healthy. Slightly ashamed they had to take matters into their own hands would be a better way of putting it. If they hadn’t forced me into that hotel room with you, I don’t know how long it would have taken me to realize life is short.”
“What do you mean?”
“For so many years, life felt long.” I try to find the words to adequately express how I feel. “It felt like I was trudging along and life had hit the slow-mo button. My only thought was to get to where Katie was. How could I get there faster? For a while I drank a lot. Way more than I should have. Then I just stopped caring about shit for a while, but my family wouldn’t stand for that. Eventually I came to the conclusion it was time for me to stop thinking about the end of life and do my best to live this middle part. But it wasn’t until I got into that hotel room with you, that I realized life doesn’t end when someone else’s does. It doesn’t have to.” I caress her cheek, tilting her chin up to me. “It took me a little bit, but I realized it’s possible to have two parts of your life. One you share with your first love, and then one you share with your last. You may not have been my first, but God willing, Caroline, you’ll be my last.”
“Does that mean you’re ready to make plans?” she asks slowly.
“Plans would be good. Maybe not all of them right now, but us living together is something I want to happen much sooner, rather than later.”
“Me too,” she answers, her voice thick with emotion.
“Please, babe. No more crying. Not today. Life is short. If anything, what’s happened to Katie and Taylor’s mom has taught me that. We need to enjoy the time we have together, not dwell on the shit we can’t change. We’re here, in the living, and we need to live.”
“I don’t know what’s happened to you.” She wraps her arms around my neck. “But I like it.”
“I do too.” I lean in, kissing her deeply.
And I do. I’m not sure when it happened, can’t pinpoint when my outlook changed, but it has. Thanks not only to her, but Katie, who showed me I was being stupid in her own little way.
Caroline
The man in my arms is the man I’ve always wanted to be with, but just never knew existed. As he kisses me crazy, I think about how I came here, why I came here, and how this place has completely changed my life. He's right. Before I rolled into Harper Valley, life felt long. It was taking forever to get through the days. No matter how short they were, if I was in my office at work, it was a long day. The grind was getting to me and I just refused to see it until it was almost too late.
"What would you be proud of if your life stopped today?" His arms around me tighten, and Bailey whines from where she is.
"I would be proud of my business and both my girls."
A smile spreads across my face. "Thank you."
"No, thank you. if you hadn't waltzed into that hotel room that night, if you'd let Taylor cancel, I don't know where I would be. I was going down a path, one I don't think I'd be proud of today."
"Life changes so quickly."
He makes a noise in his throat. "In a fucking instant. We just have to make sure we live every day to the fullest and that we say the things we need to. We have to make the ones we love, understand how much we love them."
I wrap my arms around his neck. "And those of us who are the ones you love, need to let you know they get it. I love you, Nash. I think I've loved you from the moment you walked into that hotel room. Fuck, I fell in love with the pictures they gave me of you. Even before you came through the door, I knew you would make a huge impact on my life."
'I know I’m not easy to get along with all the time."
I grin, biting my lip. "I don't know Nash, I kinda like fighting with you. We make up so well."
He growls in the back of his throat, flipping us over so that I’m straddling his hips. "That we do. Our making up is explosive. I know,” I tell him, rubbing my hands down his chest, stopping at his waist.
"What?"
"How much you love me. It's in your eyes, it's in the little things you do, and it's in the way you let me hang out with your girl."
Bailey barks, making both of us laugh.
"I don't think she likes being ignored." He grabs me at the hips.
"She can handle it a little while longer. Sometimes while we live life, other things will have to be ignored."
I lean down, my head tilting as I fuse our lips together in an electric kiss. All of them are electric now. I feel them from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. The way his tongue sweeps across the recesses of my mouth, the amount of emotion he puts behind every touch. There is no way I question him now. And maybe I never should have, but we had to go through the hard times to get here, and if it means we get to stay together? I'll go through them over and over again.
I also realize time is our enemy, and I’m sick of wasting it.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Nash
“How are you holding up?” I ask Caroline as she gets into my truck.
“Better than Taylor,” she wipes at her nose. “I’m not sure how she’s going to make it through today.”
“It’ll be hard,” I reach over, taking her hand with mine. “But she’ll make it. We do the things we have to, because we have to. The mind and body are extraordinary things. They get us through the most harrowing experiences and let us heal.”
“I hope so,” she grips my hand with hers. “I wasn’t close to Tay’s mom, but I’m heartbroken for Tay. She’s always so strong, Nash, and she’s broken down a few times. When she does, she leaves, not wanting me to see it.”
“Jameson went over to her house last night,” I drop my little piece of gossip. “He left the shop early.”
Caroline has taken a few days off to help Taylor, so we’ve been making do without her.
“Really?” Her eyes flash with a spark of pain. “I offered to be there for her last night, but she said she was fine and wanted to be alone,” she bites at her nail. “Why is Tay lying to me?”
“Jameson is lying to me,” I admit. “But I figure maybe they’re helping each other through these hard times, and honestly we can’t expect a lot more than that.”
She’s quiet as we approach the church and I wish I could take the hurt away from her.
“It’s stupid,” she whispers. “For me to be upset that she’s getting comfort somewhere else, but it’s always been she and I against the world,” she shrugs. “She’s always been there for me, I want to be there for her, and I’m kind of pissed off at your brother for being the person she’s turning to,” she scoffs.
“It’s understandable though, no one really knows how they’re going to react to things like this,” I rub her hand with mine.
The funeral is held in the same funeral home Katie’s was held in. In the room across the way from where hers was. As we walk in, I watch Taylor receiving people and as someone who has been in her shoes, I can tell she’s hanging on by a small thread. Jameson stands at her side, holding her up with his hand on her elbow. I’m interested in what’s going on with these two, especially since he was so quick to set me up with her.
Like I’ve told Caroline before though, Jameson has always been odd when it comes to his sex life, and who am I to question it. We approach the two of them, I lift my eyebrow at him while Caroline hugs Taylor.
“I’m so sorry about your mama,” I tell her when it’s my turn.
“Thank you,” she whispers, taking the flower I offer her.
We take our seats, and as the funeral goes, I zone out, thinking about how my life has changed since the last time I was here. I grip Caroline’s hand tightly in mine, knowing without a doubt how lucky I am. Some people don’t even get one love in a lifetime, and here I’ve gotten two.
As we leave the funeral home, headed for the cemetery, I know without a doubt what I have to do, and I know I have to do it soon.
If I lose this, it’ll be my fault and no one else’s.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Caroline
"Have you seen Nash today?"
Jameson sits across from me at the table I've put in the back of the shop. He's busy with something on his phone and completely ignores me as I ask him this question.
"Hello! Earth to Jameson! Have you seen Nash today?"
"Sorry." He puts the phone down, giving me a look like I've interrupted him. What the fuck ever. "I haven't. He called in, that's all I know."
"Well, I tried calling him and he didn't answer. That doesn't sound like him to me."
"He probably just needs a day off. Sometimes we get on his nerves." He shrugs.
None of it sounds right to me, and maybe it's because of my new love of True Crime podcasts, but I still want to know where he is. It's not like him to completely ignore my texts and phone calls. "Maybe you get on his nerves, but I sure don't."
A smile ghosts across Jameson's face.
"What's that grin for?"
"No reason." He begins to chuckle, looking up at me. "Like I said, maybe we're getting on his nerves."
I'm slightly offended by what he's suggesting, but only slightly. "Are you suggesting I'm annoying?"
"I'm suggesting I don't know the answer to the questions you're asking. When are you gonna leave me alone?" he grumbles.
Deciding to change tactics, this time I grin. "When you decide to go out with Taylor."
His cheeks heat a red I don't think I've ever seen outside of a cartoon. "What makes you think I haven't gone out with Taylor yet?"
This is a bomb I didn't expect to be dropped, at least not any time soon. "Are you holding out on me, Gilbert?"
He grins. "Wouldn't you like to know?"
"Ummm yes!"
"Maybe if you weren't so annoying when it comes to knowing where my brother is, I would tell you."
That's it, I throw a napkin right at his face, which he easily intercepts and uses to wipe at his mouth. "You're annoying, not the other way around."
His grin widens. As an only child I don't know how this teasing between brothers is supposed to go, but I can at least recognize he's baiting me. "So, have you?"
"Have I what?"
"Jameson, if I knew your middle name I'd say it, Gilbert. Tell me!"
"I thought you were worried about where Nash is? I see your allegiance changes so easily. Not sure if I want that in a future-sister-in-law."
For a moment I'm struck stupid by what he's said, then I snort. “Yeah, right."
He nods behind my shoulder. "Bailey girl is here, so he must be around somewhere."
Turning around I see her, yelling for her when she notices me. She's wearing a cute ribbon around her neck, and it looks like she's been groomed recently. "Did you get a bath? Oh, your nails look so pretty," I tell her as I see her nails have been painted a pink. "And oh my gosh, this ribbon around your neck." I scratch her behind the ears. It's a polka dot, and there's something hanging from it. "What do you have?"
When I get her to stop her excited prancing, I realize it's an envelope with Nash's writing on it. Opening it up, I grin as a key falls out. It's the key to room one-forty-three. Pulling the paper out, I read the note. "C'mon back, babe, to where it all began."
There's an excited thundering in my stomach and chest. I'm not sure what all of this means, but I have a feeling about it. I'm torn with what to do. Should I take Bailey? Should I not?
"Bailey will be fine here with us," Jameson says. "Go."
Immediately I know he's in on this, but I also know I don't want to spoil whatever surprise it is. Running to my car, I hop in, driving over the speed limit but still safely to the motel that started it all. When I pull in, I see Nash's truck, and my heart beats harder. Getting out, I take the stairs two at a time, totally out of breath when I reach the door. My fingers fumble with the key, and when I finally get it in and the door open, I stumble inside.
"Nash!"
"Right here, babe."
His voice is deep, full of emotion and excitement. All of a sudden, I slow down. He's answered from the living room. The first spot we saw each other. I push my hair back from my face, square my shoulders, and walk far enough so that he can see me. When I ‘round the corner, he's there. Wearing one of his gray t-shirts I love and a pair of well-worn jeans. He's on his knee and his shaking hand is holding out a ring.
Immediately I cry, completely overcome with emotion, knowing what this means for him, knowing exactly how far he's come. "Nash..."
"No." His rough voice croaks out. "Let me tell you."
I wipe at my eyes. "Okay."
"I truly believe you were sent to me. We were supposed to meet. Everything in our relationship has happened on its own time, and managed to take place even when I've tried to ruin it. You've stuck by me, been there when I couldn't get out of my own way, and you managed to show me that life goes on. That not everyone has their one true love. Sometimes you have more than one. Every once in a while you're a lucky guy and get two, and maybe the love of a good dog. I was drowning when I met you, Caroline. I couldn't see the world around me because I was so lost in how wrong everything had gone, I couldn't even see what was right."
"You saved me," I whisper, interrupting him. "I didn't know what the hell I was doing, I only knew I needed a change in life. You've been there every step of this change. You've always been there to catch me if I fall."
"And I will," he continues. "Taylor losing her mom and me losing Katie taught me one valuable lesson: Tomorrow isn't promised and I know without a doubt, I don't want to spend another tomorrow without you. Even though I'm scared to fucking death, I'm willing to risk it. I want it with you, Caroline. Everything I never thought I deserved again. The house, the family, the family car, and the dog. I want you by my side helping me run the shop. I want you doing the books with those glasses on your face, and I want you in my bed at night. I want to mess you u, and know how you look right as you come. I want it all, and I want it all with you."
My heart is full, breaking because it's so full, because I know Katie had to die so that I could have this happiness, but at the same time I think maybe she's the reason we're here. So many things had to align for us to be together. Maybe neither one of us ever had a say in how it would happen. Maybe we were guided by a force greater than us.
"Caroline, will you marry me?"
"Yes," I answer, sobbing, wishing like hell I was a pretty crier. "On one condition. Every year on our anniversary, we come back to this room and relive that first night."
He gets off his knee, picking me up in his arms, holding me close. My arms go around his neck, and I can't help but rub our noses together, the way we did in the very beginning. "You've got it," he says as he puts me down. "Whatever you want, you've got it."
"I want a child."
