Unleashed: An Ogg's Point Novel, page 28
“Even better.”
He shoved his feet into his untied work boots and said, “Be back.”
It was then I realized that during our exchange I hadn’t gotten dressed. I hurried to do so, pulling on my floral boots. He’d yet to fuck them off me. I needed to remind him. I had just stepped from the trailer, when I sensed something was wrong even before I saw Rut moving across the lawn toward me. I’d never seen him looking as he did. He didn’t stop, grabbing my hand and pulling me back into the trailer.
“What’s going on?”
He didn’t answer me as he snatched his cell off the small dining table, tapped the screen, put it to his ear then said, “Need a car out at forty-seven Clover Lane, ASAP.” He hit the screen ending the call and came to me. He pushed me back until I bumped the counter behind me. A cold swept through me, followed with a numbness. I didn’t know what he had to say, but I knew it wasn’t good. He put his arms around my waist and pressure on my body, holding me in. “Willy’s dead.”
I didn’t understand those words. I stared at him, replaying the words in my head, but they didn’t make sense. I thought maybe I was dreaming, almost pinched myself. “I don’t understand.”
“Not sure, baby, but looks like he might have fallen off the ladder,” he told me softly.
Fallen off the ladder. Willy fell off the ladder? But I hadn’t made his coffee yet, we still had to have our chat. Shock set in, denial because it wasn’t possible that Willy was dead. I tried to get around Rut, his hold was unyielding. “He could just be unconscious. We need to go to him.”
His arms grew tight around me. “He’s not, Peaches, he’s gone.”
Slowly it was penetrating, my body went weak. Willy was dead. The man who had helped bring this house to life, the one I’d shared coffee with every morning, the one who hadn’t had a family but he was finding one here, with us. He didn’t even get to see the house done, all the work he’d put into it, all that blood, sweat and tears and he was gone. Dead. That wasn’t right. It had to be a cruel joke. “No. I don’t believe it. He’s not dead. He can’t be.”
Then I heard the sirens, growing closer, the sound filling my head, forcing me to accept a reality I didn’t want. I couldn’t keep myself up, my knees giving out. I clutched Rut’s arms, tears streaming down my cheeks. “He’s dead. He can’t be dead.” I buried my face in his chest. “He was my friend. How can he be dead?”
Rut held me to him, his hands firmly pressing me to his body so I didn’t collapse. He whispered, “Baby, I wish I was lying.” He held me as I sobbed then he picked me up. Walked us over to the couch and placed me on it, reached for my cell on the table, knelt down in front of me, and said, “You stay here and call your girl, Kinsley, see if she can come sit with you, yeah?”
I took my phone, looking up, but not really feeling like I was there. I’d lost people before, I forgot how much it hurt. “Okay,” I answered but I wasn’t even sure what I was agreeing to. I sat there, feeling numb, feeling a little lost.
He kissed my lips and uttered, “I gotta get out there, baby,” Another kiss. “It’ll be okay, call your girl.” Then he rose but I reached for his hand before he could walk away.
“He didn’t have family. I want to pay for his memorial. Make it clear, I want to handle it. He died here…” I sobbed, but worked to control it. “I’d like to see to him. Okay?”
He nodded. “Okay, baby.” Then like he did that first time he left me, he held my hand until distance broke us apart. I didn’t call Kinsley. I sat in that spot, trying to understand how once again a senseless tragedy had taken someone I cared about. When I did reach for my phone, my fingers were shaking when I called Coda.
“Hey, Peyton. I was just thinking about you. Thanksgiving is coming up. We need to talk plans.”
“Coda.” My voice broke.
“What’s wrong? What’s happened?”
The words just tumbled out.
The next few days moved in a haze as I planned Willy’s funeral. I didn’t remember most of the days, moving around like I was a zombie. Death was never easy, especially when it was out of the blue. His funeral had been earlier, everyone came back to the house after. Rut was seeing the last of them out. I came to the cliffs to look out at the water. His funeral had been beautiful. We had coffee and donuts in his memory. I’d left one of my mugs on his casket along with the roses. He was here though, all around in the work he’d done here.
Rut joined me, his arm going around my shoulders and pulled me up against him. He didn’t say anything, neither did I. Life went on, even after tragedy.
***
For a week, we stopped work on the house to honor Willy, but it was now weeks later and the sounds of working filled the inside and out. I was in the trailer dressing. Max had called. He was going to be in the area and hoped to get together with us. I’d called Kinsley because we were going to Bluff’s for burgers. I was just finishing stepping into my boots when Rut entered the trailer. He glanced over at me, his focus moving to my feet. I saw the look, he really didn’t like my boots. I couldn’t help the grin.
“You know you have yet to fuck them off me,” I called from my spot in the back of the trailer.
Even from my distance, I could see the blue of his eyes turn a darker shade. He looked to his watch then back at me, like he was seeing if there was time now. A throbbing started between my legs. “We got about ten minutes, think you can handle it?” He winked.
I almost dropped down on the bed, but holy shit. What an invitation. “I want to say yes, but I’m not sure,” I answered honestly.
He grinned at me, gave me a once over again and told me, “We’ll get to it, baby.” He looked to his watch, again, and ordered, “Finish up and let’s get over to the main house.”
“So bossy. I am finished,” I said as I headed for the door. “You know I’ve started a new list. A bucket list. Having you fuck my boots off is on the top of that list,” I said with a wink, then walked outside so he could lock up.
Just as he turned after making sure the trailer was secure, Max’s truck was pulling down the driveway, and Rut muttered, “Keep a pen handy, babe, ʼcause you’ll get to cross that off your list tonight.”
My head jerked to him, his focus was on his friend. “I’m going to hold you to that.” He didn’t reply, just smacked my ass as we headed toward Max’s parked truck. I couldn’t wait until later.
“Hey, man.” Rut extended his hand toward Max after he exited his truck. “How was the drive?”
“Good,” Max said and turned to me, “Good to see you again.” He bent, Max was slightly taller than Rut, and kissed my cheek.
“It’s nice to see you too.”
Max’s eyes roamed and stopped on the house. “Holy fuck,” he expressed in awe. “That place is fucking gorgeous.”
I followed his gaze. It really was. “Rut said you had somewhere to be, so we’ll have to give you the tour when you have more time. It’s even better on the inside.”
“What time is your girl showing up?” Rut asked me.
I glanced at my watch, but the sound of a car turned all of our heads. “Right about now,” I said.
Rut and Max chuckled.
Kinsley parked her Jeep and climbed out. We’d been out before but she’d dressed for tonight. Black jeans and boots, a burnt orange sweater that looked beautiful against her auburn hair that she’d left down and brushed to a shine, falling over her shoulders. As soon as she saw us, she ran her hands down her sides in a self-conscious gesture. When we’d been out, just the two of us, she was animated but there was the slightest hesitation in her gait as she walked toward us. I understood, when I glanced over at Max and saw his full attention was on her.
I joined her, reaching for her hand and giving it a squeeze. She smiled before we joined the men.
“Max, I’d like to introduce you to Kinsley. Kinsley, this is Rut’s friend, Max.”
It was like being in a time warp seeing Max’s expression. It matched the one Rut had given me that very first day I met him. I could so totally see the two of them together. Max stretched out his hand toward her. It was like watching a slow motion movie.
“Kinsley,” he whispered as he intently stared at her.
Her hand slipped into his. “Max.”
Rut chuckled under his breath. I was grinning from ear to ear. They stood for second, still holding hands. “We should probably get going because I’m really hungry,” I said, which snapped them from the moment. Their hands dropped, Kinsley took a step back.
Rut elbowed me, and when I turned to look up at him, he scowled at me. I resisted the urge to stick my tongue out, but I knew Kinsley well enough to know, she’d overthink the moment with Max. I knew I would have in her shoes. I didn’t want this night to start off on the wrong foot for her because I had a feeling about the two of them; another great love story. I hoped.
***
A night of good food, good drink and excellent company. Kinsley had been a little quiet in the beginning, but as the night progressed she grew more comfortable. It was easy being comfortable around Max and Rut. Despite how they looked, they had an easy way about them.
Kinsley and I were in the restroom, she was looking at herself in the mirror. Her cheeks were a little pink from the beer and her happy mood. She ran her hands down her hips. “I wasn’t always this heavy.”
My head jerked to her. “You’re not heavy. You’re beautiful. Having meat on your bones doesn’t make you heavy.”
She tucked her hair behind her ear, her expression grew distant, like she was being pulled into the past. “Yes, full figured,” she teased.
“From the way Max couldn’t keep his eyes off you, I’m not the only one who thinks you’re beautiful.”
Absently she smiled, and I wondered where she’d gone. She was back, playing with her hair before turning to me. “Are you ready?”
“Yes.”
We left the bathroom, moving through the tables when my eyes connected with Rut’s. He was watching me, but as he watched I noticed a change in him. His eyes bore into me, watching my every move. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but I wasn’t surprised when I reached his side and he stood.
“You ready?” he asked as he threw some bills on the table.
Glancing at Max, I saw his brows were drawn together, wondering what he was missing. I thought he might ask Rut, but he didn’t. Instead, he glanced over at Kinsley. “How about I give you a ride home?”
She pulled her attention from Rut’s odd behavior, her focus on Max for a beat too long before she said, “I’d like that. Thanks.”
Rut had my hand and was already moving, making a beeline for the door. We were all just struggling to catch up. Outside the bar, he stopped and turned to Max.
“Drive safe, buddy,” he said, his eyes darting around the parking lot. “Give ya a call tomorrow.” He paused for a second and he looked to Kinsley. “Great seeing ya again.” Then he turned to me. “Let’s go.”
I barely had time to say goodbye to Max and Kinsley, before he was dragging me to his truck. He opened my door and practically threw me inside it, slamming the door and coming around to his side like he was on fire. To say we peeled from the parking lot was not an exaggeration. I didn’t speak, didn’t have a clue what I’d missed, but I knew better than to pepper him with questions. Worry churned in my gut, my eyes darting to his profile and the expression that scared me because it was a lot like the tormented one I’d seen that first day. I had a terrible feeling it was the calm before the storm. I had no idea how right I was.
thirty
rutledge
All the nights I stood at the cliff’s edge, staring out into the distance, were dark, but you still had that glimpse of a ship in the distance or even the moon’s reflection cast along the water. Tonight hadn’t held any of that. So when I gazed out into the water that held no end, I had nothing to draw my attention.
The only focus were the thoughts swirling in my head.
Dinner with Kinsley and Max had started off great. The way they looked at each other, I knew my boy and Kinsley were feeling something. Because I’m sure it had been the same look that I held that day Peyton folded out of the car. The way I had eye fucked her until I had almost been coming in my damn jeans. He drove her home, so there was that. But I knew Max had a lot of shit on his plate. I also knew he deserved to be happy too.
Happy.
Just a simple five letter word that held so much meaning to everyone that walked the fucking earth. People spent days, sometimes years just trying to find it. Objects or people weren’t supposed to be the cause of your own happiness. That’s not how it was believed to be, or so they say. You were expected to find happy within yourself or you really couldn’t ever be happy.
I was finding this out the hard way.
I thought I found my happy. Peyton. Did she make me happy? Fuck yes. But she wasn’t my happy. Not the happy I searched for within myself. She couldn’t provide that. I needed to fucking do that for myself.
A small light in the distance caught my attention. A star. One fucking star lighting up the miles of dark that lay in front of me. I thought about wishing on that damn star, making all the demons disappear. But it didn’t fucking work that way.
I didn’t have to turn to know she was approaching. I could feel her. I wasn’t sure of the time, but I knew I’d been standing at the cliff’s edge for a while. I asked her if I could have a few minutes to myself when we got home. But by the extreme chill in the air, she’d given me more than a few minutes.
Peaches. The scent hit my nose. I inhaled.
She stopped, but not at my side. She was just there, being there for me. I took a deep breath.
“I lied to you,” I whispered, my voice hoarse.
“I know,” she whispered.
“The day I told you I was going—”
“Rut.” She stopped me mid-sentence. “Kinsley saw you going into the cemetery.”
I didn’t say anything. What the fuck was I supposed to say? We both knew we needed to be honest with each other. We’d been over this shit. And here I was falling back on what I preached.
Honesty.
Another word people searched for in others, but not many in today’s world were willing to give it so easily. Most held secrets deep inside, not willing to share them. Not showing their true colors except to those close to them. Even then some still held those secrets like a sacred treasure. But was it healthy to hold that to one’s self? Keep those secrets inside, eating away at the flesh like a damn parasite. No it wasn’t.
And now it was time to give my honesty and if she ran, she ran. I needed to do it. And I needed to find my happy within.
“It was the summer I had just turned nine,” I started, heard her inhaled breath, but I kept my focus out into the vast darkness and continued. “It’d been years since my grandfather had passed. My grandmother was finally happy and it had to do with a new man in her life.” I paused, took a breath, settling the nervousness that began to crawl through my veins. “It made me happy to see her happy. He suggested...” I stopped. Not knowing how to say what I wanted to say. Fuck. What I needed to say.
Peyton put a hand on my back, so simple a gesture, but it brought a warmth that coated the chill that ran down my spine. “He helped me build a shelf for grandmother ʼcause she talked about having one where she could place her pies to cool, and out of my reach.” The lump formed in my throat, eyes stinging from the emotions building inside. “Her new friend and I had just finished it.” I choked on my words, “I…” I stumbled. “I was so fucking happy, Peyton.” The next words came out in a rasp. “But it didn’t last long ʼcause...” A sob caught in my throat, I took a deep breath, hoping it’d pass but it only caused tears to fall from my burning eyes. “He raped me.”
The sound that ripped from her mouth matched the agony I was feeling, but once the words spilled from my mouth, finally confessing to her what haunted me, the demons I’d held inside were freed, and with their release, the words just kept coming. “Only in my dreams do I see that day vividly, ʼcause I won’t allow it in my waking hours. But I was only nine fucking years old.” I choked on a sob. “Jesus, I was just a little fucking boy.” I paused, trying to keep the rage that was building inside at bay. “I should have spent that summer playing ball at the park with my friends, but instead I kept close to my grandmother’s house, afraid to fucking breathe.” I rolled my shoulders, gripped my fists, but kept on going. “I never told my grandmother, didn’t have the heart to do it, ruin her happy. But shortly after what the man had done to me, he stopped coming around so much, but when he did, I would hide up in the widow’s walk.” I wanted to turn when I felt her hand slip down my back, and I lost her touch, but I didn’t.
I couldn’t.
I didn’t want to see the look on her face, so I kept my eyes to the darkness, looking ahead because it was time I stopped looking behind. “It wasn’t until we put my grandmother in the ground that I told my father.” I let out a sarcastic huff. “I got no fucking reaction from him. He looked at me like it was my fault, and...” I paused, closed my eyes, letting my head fall back. “It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I found out my dad took hush money from this guy. The business was falling the fuck apart and all he cared about was the money.” I took a ragged breath before I finished, “My own father confronted the rapist of his nine-year-old son for the sole purpose of squeezing money from him so he could live the good life.” I turned then.
Fury building inside of me because I was filth. Disgusting. And I didn’t care because it was who I was, my story, my life. If she looked at me the way I felt, I understood, because I looked at myself the same way every morning in the reflection of the mirror.
Even looking at her, I didn’t see her. Too enraged, too absorbed in the cleansing that had been a long time coming. “Do you know what that does to someone?” I shouted. “Do you?” I didn’t let her answer, just kept yelling. “Being raped at any age, but when you are nine fucking years old. Not knowing if you brought it on yourself, not fully understanding what the hell happened. Holding that shit inside, hoping one day you’d wake up and it’d all just be a fucking nightmare? Do you?” I reached my hands out to grab her, but stopped because the state I was in, I was afraid I’d hurt her. It was then I saw the tears rolling down her cheeks, her expression of horror.
