Lark awakening, page 19
I lay on a rug inside the hut Harrison allowed us to live in. Dad left about an hour ago, Jenna stayed with me for sometime. Fussing over my barely there wounds from Trent's attack until she realised they were healing faster than she applied bandages and ointment. She left me about ten minutes ago, but not before covering me with blankets and the order to rest, to sleep. But I can't even close my eyes. Anger, rage and sorrow battle inside me for dominance. I know Jenna and my dad love me. I feel it. They broadcast their regret for lying to me like they're shouting through a megaphone. But I can't help feeling bitter. Hurt. My dad will have known about me since birth, almost seventeen years. He didn't tell me any of it. My mom was a wolf, too. She died and I never even knew that about her. I can't help but wonder what my life would have been like if she hadn't died. Would she have told me? Guided me into this whole new world with love and understanding? Would she have triggered me, or would she wait until I was deemed old enough, mature enough to handle it?
I sigh and roll over until my paws are in the air. It's uncomfortable so I twist to my side. The floor is uncomfortable but the thought of walking into my room and sleeping in my bed makes me feel kinda sick. The last time I was in there, everything was normal. I was human. A teen girl with boy drama and a best friend I trusted with my life. Part of me wishes I could forget everything I remember. The wolf attacks, being kidnapped, finding Trent in the woods. Almost drowning. Almost attacking my dad. The look on that child's face as I snarled at him.
Jesus, I'm a mess.
I don't know how long I've been laying here but the small window beside me only allows a small amount of silver light in. Day has turned to night and I'm no closer to getting the answers I need. I can't say I forgive my dad for letting me be turned, but I also can't say I hate him for it. I kinda can't concentrate on any one thing right now. Exhaustion pulls at my mind, but it fights against relaxing enough to go under. A stinging nausea rolls through my stomach as hunger makes it grumble.
* * *
Sometime later, the door to our cabin opens and then softly closes. A musky scent envelopes me. It calms me instantly as the sound of paws on wood reach my ears. I don't know how, or why, but I already know who it is.
A wet nose nudges my arm - leg - and I look up into glowing blue eyes. Elijah - the wolf version of him - slides to the floor beside me and whimpers. He nudges me again and I scoot over, giving him room on the blanket. He moves beside me and snuggles into my side. His fur tangles with mine, and he lays his head on my paw. My whole body relaxes at the feel of him against me. All the tension in my mind floats away.
Mine.
Mates and answers
I wake with the dawn, faint yellow light streams through the window next to me, highlighting the wolf next to me. Elijah doesn't stir as I lift my head to look at him. He isn't what I thought he would be. I expected black, angry fur, I thought he'd look fearsome, a scary beast I should be scared of. But in sleep, his face is relaxed and though dirty, his white fur is beautiful. His face is longer than mine, more masculine and strong. His ears are bigger, they flop over backwards as he twitches in his sleep.
Everything in me screams loud and clear.
Elijah is mine.
He's my mate.
Before now, the word mate confused me. Having heard it used several times, I had no clue what it actually meant. Until now.
His eyes flutter open and lock onto mine.
Mate.
Mine.
Lark. He mumbles sleepily in my mind. I -
Shh. I say with a shake of my head. There are things I need to know, Elijah, but right now, I shift a little and then stand. He follows my lead and gets up too. I need you to tell me one thing.
Anything.
Do I poop in the woods or…? He laughs, I giggle, the ice is broken. Waking up with him was pretty odd but it felt completely right at the same time.
Shift and use the bathroom, love.
I bite my lip then wince as one of my canines jabs my skin. I'm scared to. I admit.
Why? He asks, his head tilts to one side. Oh, he's so adorable as a wolf. Handsome as an almost man.
It'll hurt. I plop my butt back down and shake my head. Everyone will be able to see the war raging inside of me. They'll look at me with sad eyes and I just can't…
Lark, everyone here cares about you, sad eyes or not, they love you. You need to learn how to shift. Your human side needs to be taken care of too. The longer you leave it, the harder it will be.
I know. I sigh but this time I don't jump at the noise I make. Ok, tell me how.
Close your eyes.
I do as I'm told but sneakily open them back up when I feel his flank brush against mine. He circles me, surrounding me in his scent.
That's it, relax. Look inside you, round about here, he touches the middle of my chest with his paw.
My breathing speeds up.
Think of it like a ball of light. Yours is pure white, your human light, do you see it?
My eyes flick back and forth behind my lids, searching for what he's explaining. But all I see is black. I shake my head.
It's there, Lark, his paw lands softly on my neck and slides up and down my back in slow sweeps.
The sensation makes me even more relaxed. And happy. My tail moves on its own and I yelp while jumping away in an attempt to escape it.
It's just your tail, love.
I roll my eyes but Elijah presses down on my butt until I sit back down.
Relax. Find your inner light. It's beautiful, I've seen it.
A slow smile spreads across my face.
How am I meant to concentrate when he's so close to me? Touching me? He smells like the forest after a light rain. Like home. Like mine. A shiver runs down my spine all the way to the tip of my tail when he presses his forehead against mine.
When you're touching me, everything seems - clearer? Maybe.
There's a reason for that, love.
And that would be?
Shift, and I'll tell you.
Tell me and I'll shift.
He chuckles deeply. Come back to me, Lark, I want to look into your eyes when I tell you.
I gulp. Uh oh. Is it bad? I open my eyes and pull my head back. He opens his and stares into mine.
Trust me.
Trust. I wish I could say I trusted Elijah. I want to trust him with my life. My heart. My soul. And everything in me is saying I can, that he won't hurt me. But there's a small part that's telling me I can't. I shouldn't. Finding out I've been lied to my whole life really put a strain on my ability to trust again. Elijah sits up on his butt and takes my face between his paws in an oddly human fashion.
You can do this, love, I believe in you. He leans down and rests the side of his face against mine so his mouth is close to my ear. He nibbles it lightly at first but then bites down pretty hard.
Fireworks explode in my chest and heat pools in my belly. A flicker of light expands inside me, until it's almost blinding. It's blinding white just like he said.
Mentally, I reach out and grab the light. I pull it further up, until it's above my heart. That's when it happens. I shift. Excruciatingly slowly, my body snaps, crackles and pops. A ripple that starts at the base of my spine runs down my body, like a wave washing over me. By the time I open my eyes, I'm panting and tears stream down my cheeks. Elijah wipes them away with human hands as he lifts my face to his.
"You're so beautiful, Lark. Incredible." I blush and wrap my arms around my chest. He extracts a blanket from beneath his and wraps it around me.
"Why does it seem so much easier for you?" I say as my teeth chatter together.
"You'll warm up soon, your body is in mild shock from the shift." He pulls me into his arms and I relax against his chest. "I was triggered when I was nine."
"Is that - normal?"
"No, quite the opposite. My mom got into some trouble with a -" I look up when he pauses. His face is set in stone but his eyes flick back and forth as he relives the memory. "A snake shifter." He forces out.
"You don't have to." I slide my hand out of the blanket to take his. He laces his warm fingers with mine.
"It's ok. Dad was away on pack business, although she ran the pack back then, not him. But she was - she was pregnant. So he went to Rio instead." A shiver runs through him and I squeeze his hand harder. "Two days after he left, a slither of snakes invaded our home. They feed - they feed on unborn babies. Their leader timed the attack just right. With my dad gone, they snuck in and bit her. I woke up to her screams." I turn slightly so I can wrap my arms around his middle. Completely ignoring the fact he's naked and so am I. "I tried to save her but they got me too. My mom - she triggered me to save my life. Like your dad did for you."
"How did he trigger me when he's human?" My whole body freezes.
"He gave permission. To save your life. You were hit by a truck,"
"I remember." I cut him off. "I just don't know who did it or why."
"Jenna said you were out there with Trent." He edges, it's his turn to stiffen.
"Yeah, when I - when I ran, we bumped into each other in the forest. He shifted right in front of me, I didn't know where I was going or even really why. I guess - I guess I freaked out."
"Yeah, you did." He chuckles lightly.
"Well, yeah! Hello? Welcome back from the dead, Lark, by the way, you're a freaking wolf!"
"I get it, I do." He kisses my forehead and I settle back into his chest. "I had no one for days after - you know. My dad had no idea what had happened. I was all alone. It took three days for me to shift back."
"Because the longer you leave it, the worse it will be?" I echo his earlier words.
"Not just that. It had been centuries since a kid that young had been triggered. They stopped it happening when they stopped being able to shift back. A lot of kids didn't make it. They didn't know if I would. My dad's never forgiven my mom. Not even now."
"But she saved your life!" I squeak.
"Exactly, Lark, and your dad saved yours." The words ring true but hang in the air like a balloon. He might have saved me, but he kept me in the dark.
"He should have told me. I might've..."
"What, Lark? Handled it better? Not stepped into that road?" He shakes his head.
Guilt stabs my heart. I ran away and blamed my dad for turning me into a monster. But maybe that's not true, after-all? Maybe, I've always been a monster.
"He did what he had to. So did I."
"What do you mean?"
"I was the one who triggered you." My breath catches in my throat and I sit up.
"You? I-"
"Yes, and I'd do it again and again, Lark. There was no way I could let you die!" He frowns down at me, his aqua eyes on fire. "You're mine! Do you understand, mine! And I'm yours! I tried to fight it, I promised myself I'd give you five more years of being human. I tried, Lark, I wanted you to live your life. But I wasn't going to let you die." I see tears swim in his eyes and I bite down on my tongue to stop myself from crying. "Lark," he reaches out and takes my hands, "I'm your mate."
My chin hits the floor.
Holy mother of all things on four legs.
We're mates?
His chest heaving, he leans back on the sofa behind him but doesn't break contact with my hands or my eyes. I barely breathe as I take it all in.
Eventually, I can speak.
"Can you — could you explain that to me?"
The corners of his lips twitch. "Remember when I told you our pack doesn't mess with girls until they find the one?"
I nod, I remember everything he said.
"Well, that's because we have mates. Basically, soul mates but deeper. It's not marriage, not even close. It's forever. Irreversible once the mating has been," he rubs his hand over the back of his neck and looks down at his crossed leg. "Sealed?"
"Huh?"
"You know, consummated."
Ooooh. Oh, boy.
"But what if one of the mates changed their mind?"
"Never happened."
"Surely there's been divorces? Break ups?" I frown, confused.
"Nope. The only way mates part once they,"
"Have sex, Elijah, you can say it." His eyes flick up to mine. They burn with lust as they travel from my eyes to my lips.
"Yeah, sex." He mumbles and licks his lips.
"So it's just perfect harmony from day one? Because, that's very hard to believe."
"Harder than wolves?" His eyes flick back up, an eyebrow raised in challenge.
"Touché." I concede. I can change into a massive wolf at will. If painfully. So is the idea of mates so preposterous?
"They have to work together like any other couple but mostly, they're made for each other. Destiny pairs you with your mate for life. She never gets it wrong."
"And that's what we are, mates?" He nods as I shuffle closer. Pulled to him by invisible forces.
"Yes,." He gulps, hard as my hands land on his knees.
"Destiny," I mumble as he closes the space between us until our lips almost touch.
"Mate."
He crashes his lips to mine and suddenly, I'm on fire. A voice deep inside me screams that this is right, we belong together. I listen to her bossy butt and press my lips against his a little harder. Elijah's hands snap up, threading his fingers through my hair, he pulls me to him with a passion that takes my breath away. He pushes me back onto the blanket and hovers over me. A tiny memory surfaces but I push it away. Trent lied when he said I was his mate. I know that now because wholly and completely, I belong to Elijah. He's mine and I'm his.
My whole body shivers like I'm cold but I feel like I'm on fire. He continues to kiss me like I'm the air he needs to live. Just when I think I'm going to pass out from lack of air, he breaks the kiss to stare down at me. Breathing heavily, I smile up at him. Nothing has ever felt more right as the feeling of his weight on me. Nothing. And yet, it feels wrong. Like my skin feels wrong. Tight. Hot. Itchy.
"Lark," he growls when I sit up a little to nibble his neck.
"Umm," I mumble into his skin. He tastes like salt and the woods. Mine. My mind screams at me. Mark him as mine. She urges.
"We need to stop."
My hands take on a mind of their own and slide up his body. The moment my palms touch his skin, I let out a moan/groan/growl that hardly sounds human.
"You've been through so much," His left hand grips my hip so hard, I'm sure it'll leave bruises behind but I don't care.
I want him. Now. Forever. Always. Wrapping my legs around him, I pull him back to me, barely recognising myself. He allows the move and plants small, tender kisses along my collarbone, earning small gasps from me.
"I want you, Elijah, I want this. Do - do you?" His right hand fists my hair, I'm unable to move my head but I try to bite his neck, hard. I can't seem to stop myself.
"You're so beautiful, Lark. Perfect. Mine." He growls, the noise vibrates through me.
The world around us darkens, shrinks until it's just me and Elijah. Nothing else matters except for the feel of him in my arms.
"Mine." I echo the sentiment, feeling the rightness of it deep in my soul. His hand leaves my hip, something inside of me howls at the loss of contact but when he lays it on my chest above my heart, I come undone. Electricity flows through my nerves as his fingers glide over my skin, making their way to my chest. My back arches off the floor when his hot palm covers my boob. Everything is on fire, the world is burning and I don't care.
This is what it means to be mates. Forever. Always.
"I love you, Elijah." I gasp as he takes my face in his hands. He completely stills. I barely breathe as I wait for his rejection.
We might be mates, but that doesn't mean he loves me.
"I love you, Lark. Forever."
My teeth sink into his neck and I don't let go.
The morning of the beginning of the end
* * *
Birds chirp outside my window, annoying me but making me smile at the same time. Sometime during the night, I shifted into a wolf, then back again. It was painful, but I barely felt it. Elijah turned with me.
We sealed our mate-hood. It was beautiful and perfect and all those things I've only ever read about in books. I'm living the dream. A small giggle escapes me. Holy Moses on a tightrope, I have a mate and I’m a freaking wolf.
"What tickled you, love?" Elijah's arms tighten around my waist as he snuggles into me.
"Just thinking." I murmur as I kiss the top of his head.
"Good thoughts, I hope."
"Good, yes, but pure?" I laugh as his fingers glide along my ribs.
"Pure is overrated." He growls as he sits up, taking me with him. He twists until I'm on top of him, looking down at the most beautiful man I've ever seen. My appreciation must show in my eyes because he laces his hands behind his head and smirks up at me. "Enjoying the view, my love?"
"Meh, it's ok." I quip which earns me a scowl and a light swat on my butt. Without so much as a twinge of shyness, I run my hands over his highly toned body. I knew men could look like this, I'm not completely sheltered. I've seen book covers, movies and watched TV, but I didn't really think real life men could have eight packs bulging arms and necks like Elijah has. And never in my wildest dreams did I think I could end up with a guy who looks like a Greek god.
"You got a little drool," he reaches up to wipe said drool from my chin but I bat his hand away playfully.
"Ha ha." I mock and flick my hair behind my back. It's his turn to stare. Since I turned ten, I've hated my body. Or lack thereof. Underdeveloped and boy-like, I never felt like a woman. But under Elijah's intense scrutiny, I feel like a goddess.
"You're incredible, Lark, like a dream come true." He stares into my eyes as he says it which makes it more - I don't know — believable? Like I can't deny his words when he looks so genuine when he says it. "I'm a lucky man."
