Adrift, page 14
He laughed, his breath cooling my damp skin. Then he pressed his teeth in, and I groaned as he fluttered the tip of his tongue across my now extremely sensitive nipple. After a moment, he let go and grinned up at me. “So. Condom?”
“Was working on it.” I fumbled with the small stack of remaining rubbers. “You distracted me.”
“So sorry.”
“Uh-huh. Sure you are.” I snatched one of the condoms off the stack, tore the wrapper, and quickly put it on. Then I rolled on top of him. Settling my hips between his thighs, I kissed him and, for a moment, forgot all about fucking him. I was so hooked on this man and especially on the way he kissed—lips and tongue moving gently with mine, fingers running through my hair. Any man I touched after him was going to have a lot to live up to.
I don’t want to touch anyone else. I want you.
I quickly banished those thoughts. Not here. Not now. I could have regrets and thoughts about other men on the way home. Tonight was all about Eric.
I broke the kiss and started on his neck. I kissed under his jaw, letting his beard tickle my lips and nose, and continued along the side of his throat. He tilted his head. A soft moan escaped his lips, and I wanted more of that. More of the sounds he made when he was this turned on.
My voice came out as a low growl when I said, “I want to go down on you again.”
Eric groaned, nails digging into my back as his hips squirmed under mine.
I grinned against his neck. “You want me to?”
“Do you even need to ask?” The words sounded strained, like he was about to start begging.
“Mmm, maybe.” I nipped his collarbone. “Or do you just want to be fucked?”
“You know I love what you do with your mouth.” His hands moved to my shoulders, and he gently pushed me downward. “C’mon.”
I laughed softly. “Someone’s impatient.”
“’cause someone else is really good with his mouth,” he growled.
I shivered and dropped another kiss on his neck before I continued down the middle of his chest.
The first time I’d done this, I’d slowly worked my way down because I’d been nervous. I hadn’t been quite sure what to do. Websites only did so much, after all. And I’d admittedly not been sure how I’d feel about it. I’d given head countless times before, but this was definitely new, and I’d been intimidated that night. What if I wasn’t good at it? What if I didn’t like it? What if I didn’t like the taste?
Whatever fears and worries I’d had, they’d been gone the instant I’d realized how much Eric loved this. It hadn’t taken long at all to figure out what he liked. What would make him moan. What would make him gasp. How to get his whole body to tense and arch with just the faintest swirl of my tongue. How to make him come.
Now, there were no more nerves. I’d done this a few times now, and loved it, and the only thing making my heart pound tonight was pure want and need. I loved the way he tasted because he tasted like him, and I loved teasing him and driving him wild. My cock was desperate for attention, but I was a hell of a lot more desperate to make Eric come the way he’d only come when I’d done this. Every time I’d gone down on him, his orgasms had taken a while, but they’d been well worth it for the throaty cries and the violent tremors and the way he’d beg—almost sob—for my cock afterward.
But I still teased him—kissing my way inch by inch down his lean torso—just because I loved his sharp gasps and mumbled curses. I nibbled on his hipbone and glanced up at him, and was briefly mesmerized by the flush of his skin and the tightness of his lips and the furrow of his brow and—
“Damn it, Andrew.” It was probably meant to be demanding. Maybe another frustrated growl. Instead, it was a breathless plea. “You’re driving me…” He trailed off into a moan as I kissed his inner thigh. “Please.”
I’d teased him more than enough, so I buried my face between his legs and gently closed my lips around his small, fully erect cock. He rewarded me with a low moan as his fingers combed through my hair. As I started moving my tongue—making gentle, languid circles—he breathed, “Oh God.”
How I had ever thought I wouldn’t enjoy this, I had no idea. What wasn’t to love about something that turned Eric on like this? Arms wrapped around his thighs, I steadied him, and the more he squirmed and moaned, the harder it was to ignore my own erection rubbing against the mattress. Fuck, I was aching to be in him, to be riding him deep and hard, but not until after he came.
My jaw and tongue ached, but I didn’t care. It took him a while to come like this, and I’d keep going until my mouth was numb if it meant making him lose it.
Do you have any idea how much I love hearing you and feeling you when you fall apart?
Do you have any idea how much I—
I doubled down, teasing his cock even faster with my tongue, and he sucked in a breath as a shudder ran through him. His body arched and he tightened his grip on my hair. “Oh yeah,” he murmured. “D-don’t stop. Keep doing…doing it just like that.”
My head spun with arousal. I did exactly what I’d been doing, and after just a few more rapid circles of my tongue, Eric’s whole body jerked and he cried out. His hips tried to come up off the bed, but I held them down, and I kept teasing him gently to draw out his orgasm, and good God, I’d be hearing that strangled, helpless moan in all my hottest fantasies for the rest of my life. Holy fuck.
“S-stop,” he slurred, nudging my head.
I pushed onto my arms and crawled up on top of him, and as soon as I was within reach, he dragged me down into a deep, hungry kiss. We both moved our hips in a frantic, clumsy bid to get my cock into him, and just as I was about to reach down and guide myself in, Eric did something—hell if I knew what—and I slid inside.
I broke the kiss as a shudder pushed a ragged breath out of me, and I let my head fall beside his as our hips—moving on their own, it seemed—rolled together. “Oh Jesus, Eric. Oh God…”
He whimpered softly, clawing at my back, and he rocked his hips as if to encourage me to thrust harder. So I did. Face burrowed into the side of his neck, breath coming in short, sharp huffs, I fucked him. Hard.
“Oh yeah,” he said through his teeth. “God, yeah.”
I lifted up onto my arms for more leverage and gazed down at his flushed, sweaty face. “Like that?”
“So much.” He bit his lip as his back arched under us. “You feel so, so good.”
“Mmm. Yeah. So do…so do you.” I moaned, squeezing my eyes shut, and didn’t even try to fight it as my orgasm closed in fast. I gave Eric everything I had, forcing myself in as deep and hard as he could take me, drinking in his moans and pleas for more, and completely surrendered as my balls tightened and my breath caught and…I couldn’t even make a sound as I released inside him. As all the tension broke. As Eric kept rocking his hips to keep me going until I collapsed on top of him, panting and shaking.
He wrapped his arms around me and stroked my hair. “Fuck.”
“Uh-huh.” I kissed his neck. Somehow, I steadied myself enough to carefully pull out and sit up. “I’ll, uh…be right back.”
Licking his lips, he nodded. “’kay. I’ll be right here.”
“Good.” I patted his thigh. “Don’t move.”
He touched his forehead in a shaky mock salute. “Copy that.”
My wobbling legs stayed under me long enough for me to get rid of the condom, and then I flopped onto the bed beside Eric. “That was fun.”
He grinned, sliding closer to me. “Yeah it was. Give it a few and we’ll do it again?”
“Definitely.” I turned onto my side, and we faced each other. “All those excursions we blew off? Totally worth it.”
Eric laughed, making my heart and stomach both flutter.
You are so fucking gorgeous.
I stroked his cheek and trailed my finger along the edge of his beard.
I really want the chance to fall for you.
My own thoughts almost made me jump. Whoa. Wait, what? Already?
Yeah. Already. Because if this is what ten days can do…
Except he still had an ex to get over. Shit.
I must have been quiet for a long time, or something had crept into my expression, because Eric cocked his head, narrowing his eyes a little. “What?”
“Nothing. Just…” I smoothed his hair and thought fast. “I was so into you right from the start. After we crashed into each other that first day. And I can’t believe you’re here now.”
“Why not?” Eric gave me one of those smiles that made my pulse surge. “We’ve been barely been apart since you bought me a drink.”
“I know. I know. But I…” My cheeks burned, and I laughed self-consciously. “I guess I’d just convinced myself you were out of my league.”
Eric gaped at me. “What the hell gave you that idea?” Before I could answer, he added. “You’ve got to start giving yourself more credit.” He tipped up my chin and kissed me softly. “Any man who says he’s out of your league is a fucking idiot. You’re hot, and it turns out you’re also a really good guy. And, you know, amazing in bed.”
I laughed, cheeks warming again. “You’re not so bad yourself.”
He smiled, brushing another kiss across my lips. “In case it wasn’t obvious, the last week or so has been awesome. I’m really, really glad you came up to me at the mixer.”
“Yeah, me too.” I wanted to make a comment about how we should do this again. How we should take another cruise together. Get on another ship and find all new places to fuck.
But that meant…taking another cruise together.
And that meant…this thing continuing after this cruise was over.
And that meant…
Sighing, I pulled him a little closer and kissed his forehead.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
Drawing back, I shook my head. “Nothing. Just thinking about how this is all going to be over soon.”
Eric’s brow pinched. I could hear the offer on the tip of his tongue. The gentle nudge that this didn’t have to be over quite yet.
He didn’t say it, though. Instead, he pulled me into another kiss.
And this one didn’t stop.
Eric was asleep beside me, hair still damp from the shower we’d shared. I watched him, barely believing I was even here. All day long, I’d fully expected to spend tonight in that cabin my mom had fought so hard for me to get. The one I’d spent precisely one night in since the beginning of the cruise.
But here I was, in the bed that had become almost as familiar as the one I had at home.
As we lay there in the dark, I couldn’t get Eric’s offer out of my mind. It was getting a hell of a lot harder to turn down. The first time, it had seemed like a pipe dream, like meeting a stranger in a bar and talking about taking some wild surfing trip to some island neither of us could pronounce. It sounded like a fun adventure, but no one in their right mind would actually start looking up airfare and making it happen.
Somehow, a week later, the offer seemed more concrete. Like something I should actually consider. And I was considering it—I hadn’t been blowing smoke when I’d told him it was tempting.
But I really did have to get back to looking for a job.
Except…it wasn’t just the thought of putting my job hunt on hold for another couple of weeks that had me balking.
It was one thing to spend time together on a cruise that we’d both already been on. It was another thing entirely to go on another trip together. That was…that was almost like going somewhere as a couple. A pair of fuck buddies didn’t make plans to spend two weeks in Rome. Right?
So what happened if we went, and we were a couple, and then…we weren’t? Or we got sick of each other? Or his breakup caught up with him? I swore the only thing stronger than the temptation to go with him was the utter terror of making a huge mistake. What if two days into it, he resented my lack of money? Or he needed some time to himself and we didn’t have my cabin to fall back on?
It’s such a huge risk. A huge, huge risk.
But is it worth taking?
My dad had encouraged me to take a risk, and I’d used that to work up the nerve to approach Eric in the first place. It had worked once, so why not do it again? Well, aside from the fact that staying with Eric for another couple of weeks meant putting my job hunt on hold again. It meant making a bet that this thing between us would stay shiny and fun and we wouldn’t decide we were incompatible after all.
So why did I feel like my mom was right? That I was taking a bigger risk if I walked away at the end of the cruise? Why did sticking with my current plans—the safer bet—feel like a bigger gamble than throwing caution to the wind and spending two weeks with a newly single stranger in a foreign country?
Fuck, I was losing my mind. Two weeks ago, I hadn’t even known Eric existed. Which was bizarre to think about, actually. Time had done some weird things lately. It felt like years since I’d been back in my pathetic apartment in Des Moines, poring over the scant few ads for jobs I actually qualified for. I felt like I’d known Eric my whole life. At the same time, the cruise seemed to have gone by in a blink. It had just been a few minutes ago that I’d crashed into a gorgeous stranger after needing a break from my parents.
And now, it was over.
Almost over.
In a couple of days, the ship would dock in Italy.
We had tonight and two more nights after that. And then…
Then I’d go home. Back to Iowa and résumés and job interviews and waking up without Eric beside me.
I swallowed as a lump tried to rise in my throat. Absently, I pulled Eric a little closer and nuzzled the back of his neck. He murmured in his sleep but didn’t move.
Why did it hurt so bad to imagine waking up alone? I’d only been waking up with him for the last, what, week and a half?
My eyes flew open. Oh God. That was why the idea of staying in Rome scared me so much—because of how far this thing could go if we had two more weeks on our hands. If I could feel this strongly about him after just over a week together, I was scared to death to find out what two more weeks could do. What if I fell hard, and this was just a rebound fling for him?
Now I understood why I was hesitating to take him up on the trip to Rome. I wanted to. God, I did. But I didn’t want to know what it was like to fall for him and then lose him.
Taking risks and applying for jobs above my qualification? That was one thing.
Approaching a man in a bar even though he was out of my league? That was another.
Ditching the job search altogether to spend a couple of weeks with a man I’d just met in a country I’d never been to and possibly realizing I felt more for him than he did for me? Another thing entirely.
Closing my eyes again, I pushed out a long breath. Yes, I wanted to go to Rome with Eric. But I wouldn’t. I couldn’t justify it. Not without some sort of job prospect on the horizon.
I wish I could tell you how much I want to keep doing this. I wish I knew how to tell you I can’t do Rome, but I want to make this work somehow.
Except I had to be realistic. I had to keep this here and now. We’d had a fling, one that was too short to turn into a long-distance relationship. No thinking about a future that wasn’t going to happen. No pinning hope on a stupid fantasy.
Closing my eyes, I pressed a kiss to Eric’s shoulder.
I wish Seattle were closer to Des Moines.
Chapter 19
Eric
Andrew had fallen asleep a long time ago. Face half-buried in the pillow, arm slung over me, he breathed slowly and evenly, almost soundlessly. The moon was full tonight, and poured in through the balcony window, illuminating his stubbled jaw and mussed-up hair.
I couldn’t help smiling as I watched him. I’d thought it was a good idea to spend one single night of this cruise apart? Just so I could deal with my ex? Fuck that. I only had a little bit of time with Andrew, and I was an idiot to waste any of it alone.
Having him here, lying next to me just hours after I’d buried the hatchet with Chris…it felt good. This was the closest I’d been to feeling at peace since, hell, I didn’t know when. Long before I’d caught Chris cheating on me.
My life had gone in a direction I hadn’t expected. My relationship with Chris was over. And I was okay with that. I wasn’t just ready to let him go—I already had. And now that I’d had some time to digest that surprisingly peaceful call with Chris, it felt good. Liberating. Like instead of wallowing in how much time I’d wasted on him, I could think about the time in front of me. Other people I could spend that time with. Like Andrew. Like myself.
I was moving on, and it felt fucking amazing.
I couldn’t quite sleep yet, though. I had one more thing left on my mind.
Making as little noise as humanly possible, I slipped out from under his arm, out of bed, and into the bathroom. It only took a second of feeling around in my shaving kit to find the tiny box I’d tucked all the way at the bottom. I palmed it, then tiptoed across the stateroom and carefully opened the door to the balcony.
Alone on the balcony, I opened the box. There was just enough moonlight to illuminate the slim band, and the ring looked silver instead of gold. It was too dark to read the engraved inscription, but did it matter? I knew the words.
Until my heart stops. Eric.
I’d meant it then. Just three months ago. Back when I’d written it down for the engraver.
That was then. This was now.
I hadn’t even meant to bring the ring on the cruise with me, but I’d left it in my laptop case after I’d picked it up, and realized when I got to London that it was still there. I’d been more than a little bitter at the sight of it; my wounds hadn’t needed any salting, damn it.
But now, with a little time and perspective, I was glad I’d accidentally brought it along.
I freed the ring and left the box on the balcony table. Leaning on the railing, I made a fist and rested the ring on top of my thumb like I was about to flip a coin. For a long moment, I stared at the band, letting all the emotions from the last couple of months wash through me before they calmed in favor of relief. This chapter was over, but my life wasn’t. More than I had in a long time, I was sure I’d be okay.
