Chased By Him (Merge Second Generation #3), page 10
“What’s going on?” I ask, not moving.
“Oh yeah, that’s great. Ignore me for your floozy, Chase. Don’t mind me, love. I’m just the mother he’s trying to do wrong by.”
Chase groans, his whole body vibrating with rage as his chest heaves.
“Your mum?” I ask him quietly. I’ve heard a little about Chase’s past. Though not much, I’ll admit. However, I know enough to understand this woman might have given birth to him, but she most certainly is not his mother. I side-step Chase and stare at the would-be intruder. She’s frail looking, like an addict, which I’m assuming she is. “You need to leave. It’s obvious you’re not welcome here,” I say.
“Who the fuck do you think you are, you little bitch? You think your pussy is the first and only one this boy’s having at? Please, he beds a different girl every night. Now run along and leave us to our conversation.”
“Okay, stop! Don’t you dare speak to her like that,” Chase yells. He goes to walk down the stairs, but I step in front of him this time.
“You are not his mother. You were nothing more than a womb oven. And I’m clearly way more secure in my relationship than you give me credit for.”
“Hope, please, just wait inside and let me get rid of her,” Chase says, his hands falling to my hips.
“Really? And how’s it feel to fall asleep next to a murderer every night?” his mother yells back at me. I look at Chase. I can see the truth in his eyes, and he doesn’t deny the accusation. But right now, my only goal is to get him away from this woman. I don’t know what she wants, or what she’s doing here, but she needs to go.
“Warm. Safe. Honestly, I’ve never slept better. Now if you’ll excuse us, we have plans. By all means, stay on this lawn if you want. But I’ll be calling the police and having you charged with trespassing.” I take Chase’s cold palm in mine and turn around. Thankfully, he silently follows me inside and locks the door. He then presses a button on the wall, and security shutters start sliding over the glass doors and windows.
Chapter Fifteen
This is it. This is the moment I’m going to lose her. I knew it was too fucking good to be true. I knew that a guy like me never ends up with a girl like Hope Williamson. I thought I’d finally done enough. Earnt enough money, educated myself enough, became enough. But nothing I ever do will allow me to escape my roots. Nothing will change the fact that I’m trailer park trash. I might dress nicer, live in a nicer house, drive nicer cars. But at the end of the day, I’m still that same kid left to fend for himself with little more than the shirt on his back.
“I’m sorry, Chase. I’m so sorry.” Hope wraps her arms around me, burying her head in my chest.
“Me too. I understand, Hope. I get it. I don’t fucking like it, but I’ll respect it.”
“What? You’ll respect what?” Her watery eyes send daggers straight through to my fucking heart.
“I’ll respect your choice to distance yourself from me.” I run my fingers through the ends of her hair, praying I can retain the memory of how this feels. The image of Hope in my arms locked away in my mind forever.
“Is that what you want? For me to distance myself from you?” she seethes.
“Fuck no. But it’s the smart thing to do, right? You don’t need to get caught up in the shitstorm that is my life.”
“No,” she says firmly.
“No?”
“No, I will not distance myself. No, I will not leave. No, we are not going to let that woman or anyone else break us apart. We’re stronger than that, Chase. We have to be.”
“That woman is my mother, Hope. And unfortunately, until the day she dies, she’ll always come looking for more. I give her money every fucking month. This was the first time I refused.”
“Okay, well, let her come. I’m not afraid of an old woman, Chase.”
“What about what she said? Are you afraid of me?” I ask her. Hope laughs—literally doubles over and laughs. I wait for her to compose herself.
When she straightens back up, she stares at me. “You don’t know, do you?”
“Know what?”
“You are the only person other than the members of my family who I’ve truly felt safe with. You are the only man I’ve ever trusted not to hurt me. You, Chase Mathers, have become my damn security blanket. Besides, my uncle is literally the Don of one of the five families in New York. Do you really think I’d be scared of you because your mother accused you of being a murderer? I know some truly ruthless men, Chase, and you are far from one of them.”
“But I am. I mean, I did it,” I admit, and sit on the sofa. My head hangs in my hands.
“I don’t care.” Hope walks towards me. I look up in time to see her strip her coat off. What the fuck? She’s not wearing anything under it.
“Where the fuck are your clothes, Hope? Did you drive here naked?”
“I had a coat on. I wasn’t naked.” She pushes my arms off my legs as she straddles me.
“You were naked under that coat. Fuck, Hope.” My hands squeeze the globes of her round, perky ass.
“I want you, Chase. I want you so badly I feel like I’m going to burn from the inside out.”
“You already have me,” I tell her.
“No, I want to… I want you to make me yours… fully. I want to…”
This is not what I was expecting. I’d wait forever if I had to, but fuck, I feel like I’ve just won the fucking lottery. “Are you sure?” I ask her.
“Yes.”
“Just so we’re clear and on the same page here, you want me to fuck you, right? That’s what we’re talking about?”
“Well, when you put it so eloquently, yes, that’s exactly what I want.”
“Okay, but not here. Not like this. Come on.” I push to my feet and carry her to the bedroom. Then I lay her on the bed. “Don’t move.” I walk out of the room and rummage through my house for every fucking candle I can find. Once I’ve collected more than I can carry, I head back upstairs. Hope is still on the bed; she hasn’t moved a muscle. “You really do listen so fucking well. Who would have known you were such a good girl?”
“What are you doing?” she questions as I place the candles on various surfaces around the room before lighting each one.
“I wasn’t exactly planning for this tonight, babe, but this is your first time. It’s a big deal, it should be romantic, and all I have are candles.” I shrug. A lost look crosses her eyes. Shit, I’ve fucked up. I discard the last two candles and climb onto the bed. “Hope, look at me. You’re safe. It’s just you and me here, babe.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I just… You’re perfect, you know that?”
“Yeah, I know.” I smirk.
“And egotistical.”
“You love me,” I tell her.
“I’m pretty sure I do,” she says with a smile.
Bringing my face down to hers, I settle on top of her. My cock is fucking raging with the thought of sinking into her. “You know we don’t have to do this, right? You don’t have to do this. I want you to be one hundred percent sure you’re ready.”
“I’m sure.” She smiles shyly at me. Hope is one of the most confident girls I know, but get her into any intimate situation, and her confidence falls away.
I kiss her. I try to pour every feeling I have for her into this single kiss. I need her to know she’s it for me. Hope tugs at my shirt. Reluctantly releasing her lips, I lift myself off her and pull the material over my head. I then strip out of my shorts, and my cock springs free. I reach into the bedside drawer, retrieve a condom, and make quick work of sheathing myself before settling back between her legs as my cock rests at her entrance.
“I’ll go slow. Tell me any time you need to stop, okay?” Hope nods her head and wraps her arms around me. Slowly, I push my way inside her. She’s fucking tight. When she gasps, my movements freeze. “Are you okay?”
“I’m good. Don’t stop.” She urges me to continue, and it’s so fucking hard to not slam into her like I fucking want. I need to be gentle; it’s just not my usual repertoire when it comes to how I fuck. But for Hope, I’ll be whatever the fuck she needs me to be.
The moment I bottom out inside her, our pelvises connect. I stay still. Leaning down, I gently kiss her, trying my hardest to remain motionless. To give her body time to adjust to my cock. “I, fuck, Hope, you feel so fucking good. Your tight little pussy is gripping me like my cock is your fucking life support.” When she doesn’t respond, I look up. Her lashes are pressed tight, and her eyebrows are knitted. “Fuck, Hope, open your fucking eyes now,” I say more harshly than I should. Her watery eyes open slowly as she rapidly blinks away the tears.
“Chase?” she questions. I knew I’d lost her. I fucking lost her to her own nightmare.
“Yeah, babe, it’s just you and me here. It’s always going to be just us.”
“Just us.” She smiles.
“You good? Want me to stop?”
“No, don’t stop. I’m okay. Keep going.” Her hips move as she grinds up on me.
“Fuck, this is going to be embarrassingly quick for me, babe.” I draw out of her and slam back in. She gasps as my cock reaches that spot inside her. Her legs wrap around my waist and her arms circle my neck.
“Chase, can you…”
“Can I what?” I grunt as I pull out and slam back in.
“Talk to me. Keep talking—oh God.”
“You want me to tell you how fucking perfect your tight little pussy is? How it’s taking every last bit of control I have not to fucking come right now?”
“Yes, just, I need you to keep talking. I need to hear your voice.”
I continue to drive in and out of her—harder, faster—with each thrust. “I’ve been dreaming of this moment for as long as I can remember. I’ve wanted you since you were too young for me to be wanting you. Fuck, Hope, fucking hell,” I groan.
“Oh God, don’t stop.” Her hips start jutting upwards. Into me.
“Whose cock is fucking you right now, Hope?” When she doesn’t answer, I ask more firmly, “Tell me now, Hope. Who is fucking your perfect pussy right now? Who owns this pussy?”
“Argh, God, you. Chase. You.”
“Good girl. It’s always going to be me, babe. Only. Ever. Me.” I lift my weight from her. Then, sliding a hand between our bodies, I find her clit and pinch the bud with my fingers. “I’m going to need you to come. I need to feel your pussy pulsing around my cock. I need you to fucking milk me, Hope. Now.”
A few more pumps and her whole body stiffens as she lets herself go. I’ve never understood works of art or any of that cultured bullshit. But this sight? The vision of Hope letting go. Of her experiencing pure fucking bliss. This has to be the absolute most beautiful fucking thing I’ve ever witnessed. It’s something I want to see over and over again. Finally, I allow my cock to release the load I’ve been holding back.
And fuck me, I think I see fucking stars.
Chapter Sixteen
Holy shit, is this what I’ve been missing out on all this time?
I’ve been so bloody scared of any kind of intimacy. I allowed him to take yet another thing away from me for so many damn years. I make a note to myself that I have to stop. I can’t let what that asshole did to me ever dictate my life again. I need to find a way to move on. I guess this, being able to do this with Chase, is me moving on.
Because now that we’re both lying here catching our breaths, my first thought was when can we do that again? Then the anger settled in. Anger that I’ve been missing out on so much because of my fear. I feel the tears on my cheeks before I can stop them.
“Shit. Fuck, Hope, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you? Hope, look at me.”
“Nothing’s wrong. Everything is perfect. You are perfect,” I whisper.
“Bullshit. You don’t cry because everything is perfect. What happened? What did I do?” Chase pulls me onto my side so we’re facing each other.
“I just… I’m angry, okay? I’m fucking angry that I’ve been missing out on this all these years. I’ve been wasting my life. I let him take away my life.” More tears spill down my face.
Chase wipes them away. “You have every right to be angry. But you haven’t wasted your life, Hope. You waited until the timing was right. There is nothing wrong with that.”
“I’m sorry… I don’t know… I have so many feelings right now. I don’t know how to process them. That was so much more... Is it always like that?”
“It’s never been like that for me. What we have is different. Better than anything I’ve ever experienced before.”
“Are you sure? I know I’m obviously not as experienced as the other women you’ve, well, you know.”
“Babe, stop. I’m fucking glad you’re not experienced. Trust me, it’s not a fucking flaw.”
I reach up and kiss him. I love kissing him. I love being able to touch him. I love him. And that is both terrifying and freeing at the same time. Terrifying because I’ve put all my trust into this one man. He has the power to break me like no other. But also freeing, because I finally have a man who’s worth it. A man with whom I can experience things I’ve never experienced before. Pulling away from his lips, I curl up next to him. “Thank you.”
“You don’t need to thank me for anything, babe. I should be thanking you.”
I have two more days with Chase before he leaves for Melbourne. Hopefully I can talk him into spending those two days in bed. I close my eyes and let the sleep take me.
I wake up to an empty bed. Reaching a hand to Chase’s side, I feel the coldness of the sheets. He’s been up for a while.
“Morning.” His gruff voice calls out from the doorway of the bedroom. Looking over, I see he’s dressed. In a suit.
I scrunch up my eyes. “What time is it?”
“It’s eleven. Here.” He hands me a hot cup of coffee. Leaning in, he kisses my forehead.
“Why are you dressed like that?” I’m sure I’m actually pouting right now.
“Ah, something happened in Melbourne. I have to fly down there today.”
“No,” I say firmly.
“I’m sorry, Hope. I really don’t want to go but I have to.”
“Can’t you send someone else?” He shakes his head in response. “Well, I happen to be good friends with your boss. Maybe I can convince him to send someone else.”
Chase laughs. “I’m good mates with the boss, babe. What you are is family. I’ll only be gone for a week, tops. I promise you’ll be so busy with Christmas and your family you won’t even miss me.”
I glare at him. Is he serious? I won’t miss him. We just slept together last night. Oh my God! We just slept together last night, and now he’s disappearing like he can’t get away from me quick enough. Is this what he does? I place the cup down on the bedside table. Shoving him out of my way, I stand and look around for my clothes. Then I remember I didn’t wear any, and that my coat is still in his living room. I head into his closet, pull down a shirt, and roughly cover myself with it. “I’m sorry. I’ll get out of your way.”
“What? Hope, stop. What are you doing? Where are you going?” He follows me out of the room.
“Home. Isn’t that how this works, Chase? You got what you wanted, and now you don’t need me anymore.” Even as I say the words, I know how stupid and insecure I sound. I’m not this girl. I don’t need validation from a man. I don’t need a bloody man at all.
“Stop. That’s not what’s happening here. That will never happen, Hope. You think I want to leave you right now? You think I want to spend even one day, one night, away from you?”
He’s scared? Angry? I’ve seen Chase in many situations, but I’ve never seen him like this. He’s always so controlled, able to both manage and hide his emotions. Although last night, when his mother was on the back lawn, he was visibly angry. But not like this. He starts pacing up and down the living room. Then he stops, looks at me, and pulls his phone out of his pocket.
“Fuck it.” He dials a number, and I stand there like an idiot watching, waiting, and not bloody knowing how to navigate this situation. Not knowing how to do this relationship thing.
“Ash, I quit. It appears I don’t want to work for The Merge any longer.” Chase hangs up without listening for a response.
“What are you doing? You can’t just quit your job, Chase. Are you nuts?” I dig through the pockets of my coat, looking for my own phone.
“I don’t need a job that will come between us, Hope. You are more important to me than a job, and if me taking a trip to Melbourne has this much of an impact, then I don’t want the fucking job. What I want is you.”
I’ve forgotten about my search for my phone. “I’m sorry… I acted irrationally. I know that. I don’t want or need you to quit, Chase. You love your job.”
“I love you more,” he counters.
“I think I love you more. But seriously, I don’t know how this works. I’ve never been in a relationship before, so I’m likely to fuck it up.”
“You and me both, Hope. We’ve both never been in a relationship before.” Chase approaches me slowly, as if I’m a wounded animal and he’s not sure if I’m looking to fight or flee.
“I’m okay. Go to Melbourne. Do what you have to do, and be thankful you have an excuse to escape the craziness that is the Williamson family Christmas.”
“I happen to love your family’s Christmases.”
“I know, you weirdo.” I laugh as I rest my head on his chest. Chase’s phone has been ringing nonstop since he hung up on Ash. I take the device from his hand and answer it. “Ash, he’s not quitting. Ignore him.” I then hang up and hand the phone back to Chase. “I’m really sorry. When’s your flight?”
“In…” He looks at his watch. “Two hours.”
“Two hours? Shit, you have to go. Why didn’t you wake me earlier?” I say, pulling away from him and putting my coat on.
“Because I like watching you sleep,” he says, like that’s not creepy at all.
I don’t even know how to respond to that? “Okay, well, I’m going to go home, you are going to make it to the airport on time, and I’ll see you when you get back?”
“Oh yeah, that’s great. Ignore me for your floozy, Chase. Don’t mind me, love. I’m just the mother he’s trying to do wrong by.”
Chase groans, his whole body vibrating with rage as his chest heaves.
“Your mum?” I ask him quietly. I’ve heard a little about Chase’s past. Though not much, I’ll admit. However, I know enough to understand this woman might have given birth to him, but she most certainly is not his mother. I side-step Chase and stare at the would-be intruder. She’s frail looking, like an addict, which I’m assuming she is. “You need to leave. It’s obvious you’re not welcome here,” I say.
“Who the fuck do you think you are, you little bitch? You think your pussy is the first and only one this boy’s having at? Please, he beds a different girl every night. Now run along and leave us to our conversation.”
“Okay, stop! Don’t you dare speak to her like that,” Chase yells. He goes to walk down the stairs, but I step in front of him this time.
“You are not his mother. You were nothing more than a womb oven. And I’m clearly way more secure in my relationship than you give me credit for.”
“Hope, please, just wait inside and let me get rid of her,” Chase says, his hands falling to my hips.
“Really? And how’s it feel to fall asleep next to a murderer every night?” his mother yells back at me. I look at Chase. I can see the truth in his eyes, and he doesn’t deny the accusation. But right now, my only goal is to get him away from this woman. I don’t know what she wants, or what she’s doing here, but she needs to go.
“Warm. Safe. Honestly, I’ve never slept better. Now if you’ll excuse us, we have plans. By all means, stay on this lawn if you want. But I’ll be calling the police and having you charged with trespassing.” I take Chase’s cold palm in mine and turn around. Thankfully, he silently follows me inside and locks the door. He then presses a button on the wall, and security shutters start sliding over the glass doors and windows.
Chapter Fifteen
This is it. This is the moment I’m going to lose her. I knew it was too fucking good to be true. I knew that a guy like me never ends up with a girl like Hope Williamson. I thought I’d finally done enough. Earnt enough money, educated myself enough, became enough. But nothing I ever do will allow me to escape my roots. Nothing will change the fact that I’m trailer park trash. I might dress nicer, live in a nicer house, drive nicer cars. But at the end of the day, I’m still that same kid left to fend for himself with little more than the shirt on his back.
“I’m sorry, Chase. I’m so sorry.” Hope wraps her arms around me, burying her head in my chest.
“Me too. I understand, Hope. I get it. I don’t fucking like it, but I’ll respect it.”
“What? You’ll respect what?” Her watery eyes send daggers straight through to my fucking heart.
“I’ll respect your choice to distance yourself from me.” I run my fingers through the ends of her hair, praying I can retain the memory of how this feels. The image of Hope in my arms locked away in my mind forever.
“Is that what you want? For me to distance myself from you?” she seethes.
“Fuck no. But it’s the smart thing to do, right? You don’t need to get caught up in the shitstorm that is my life.”
“No,” she says firmly.
“No?”
“No, I will not distance myself. No, I will not leave. No, we are not going to let that woman or anyone else break us apart. We’re stronger than that, Chase. We have to be.”
“That woman is my mother, Hope. And unfortunately, until the day she dies, she’ll always come looking for more. I give her money every fucking month. This was the first time I refused.”
“Okay, well, let her come. I’m not afraid of an old woman, Chase.”
“What about what she said? Are you afraid of me?” I ask her. Hope laughs—literally doubles over and laughs. I wait for her to compose herself.
When she straightens back up, she stares at me. “You don’t know, do you?”
“Know what?”
“You are the only person other than the members of my family who I’ve truly felt safe with. You are the only man I’ve ever trusted not to hurt me. You, Chase Mathers, have become my damn security blanket. Besides, my uncle is literally the Don of one of the five families in New York. Do you really think I’d be scared of you because your mother accused you of being a murderer? I know some truly ruthless men, Chase, and you are far from one of them.”
“But I am. I mean, I did it,” I admit, and sit on the sofa. My head hangs in my hands.
“I don’t care.” Hope walks towards me. I look up in time to see her strip her coat off. What the fuck? She’s not wearing anything under it.
“Where the fuck are your clothes, Hope? Did you drive here naked?”
“I had a coat on. I wasn’t naked.” She pushes my arms off my legs as she straddles me.
“You were naked under that coat. Fuck, Hope.” My hands squeeze the globes of her round, perky ass.
“I want you, Chase. I want you so badly I feel like I’m going to burn from the inside out.”
“You already have me,” I tell her.
“No, I want to… I want you to make me yours… fully. I want to…”
This is not what I was expecting. I’d wait forever if I had to, but fuck, I feel like I’ve just won the fucking lottery. “Are you sure?” I ask her.
“Yes.”
“Just so we’re clear and on the same page here, you want me to fuck you, right? That’s what we’re talking about?”
“Well, when you put it so eloquently, yes, that’s exactly what I want.”
“Okay, but not here. Not like this. Come on.” I push to my feet and carry her to the bedroom. Then I lay her on the bed. “Don’t move.” I walk out of the room and rummage through my house for every fucking candle I can find. Once I’ve collected more than I can carry, I head back upstairs. Hope is still on the bed; she hasn’t moved a muscle. “You really do listen so fucking well. Who would have known you were such a good girl?”
“What are you doing?” she questions as I place the candles on various surfaces around the room before lighting each one.
“I wasn’t exactly planning for this tonight, babe, but this is your first time. It’s a big deal, it should be romantic, and all I have are candles.” I shrug. A lost look crosses her eyes. Shit, I’ve fucked up. I discard the last two candles and climb onto the bed. “Hope, look at me. You’re safe. It’s just you and me here, babe.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I just… You’re perfect, you know that?”
“Yeah, I know.” I smirk.
“And egotistical.”
“You love me,” I tell her.
“I’m pretty sure I do,” she says with a smile.
Bringing my face down to hers, I settle on top of her. My cock is fucking raging with the thought of sinking into her. “You know we don’t have to do this, right? You don’t have to do this. I want you to be one hundred percent sure you’re ready.”
“I’m sure.” She smiles shyly at me. Hope is one of the most confident girls I know, but get her into any intimate situation, and her confidence falls away.
I kiss her. I try to pour every feeling I have for her into this single kiss. I need her to know she’s it for me. Hope tugs at my shirt. Reluctantly releasing her lips, I lift myself off her and pull the material over my head. I then strip out of my shorts, and my cock springs free. I reach into the bedside drawer, retrieve a condom, and make quick work of sheathing myself before settling back between her legs as my cock rests at her entrance.
“I’ll go slow. Tell me any time you need to stop, okay?” Hope nods her head and wraps her arms around me. Slowly, I push my way inside her. She’s fucking tight. When she gasps, my movements freeze. “Are you okay?”
“I’m good. Don’t stop.” She urges me to continue, and it’s so fucking hard to not slam into her like I fucking want. I need to be gentle; it’s just not my usual repertoire when it comes to how I fuck. But for Hope, I’ll be whatever the fuck she needs me to be.
The moment I bottom out inside her, our pelvises connect. I stay still. Leaning down, I gently kiss her, trying my hardest to remain motionless. To give her body time to adjust to my cock. “I, fuck, Hope, you feel so fucking good. Your tight little pussy is gripping me like my cock is your fucking life support.” When she doesn’t respond, I look up. Her lashes are pressed tight, and her eyebrows are knitted. “Fuck, Hope, open your fucking eyes now,” I say more harshly than I should. Her watery eyes open slowly as she rapidly blinks away the tears.
“Chase?” she questions. I knew I’d lost her. I fucking lost her to her own nightmare.
“Yeah, babe, it’s just you and me here. It’s always going to be just us.”
“Just us.” She smiles.
“You good? Want me to stop?”
“No, don’t stop. I’m okay. Keep going.” Her hips move as she grinds up on me.
“Fuck, this is going to be embarrassingly quick for me, babe.” I draw out of her and slam back in. She gasps as my cock reaches that spot inside her. Her legs wrap around my waist and her arms circle my neck.
“Chase, can you…”
“Can I what?” I grunt as I pull out and slam back in.
“Talk to me. Keep talking—oh God.”
“You want me to tell you how fucking perfect your tight little pussy is? How it’s taking every last bit of control I have not to fucking come right now?”
“Yes, just, I need you to keep talking. I need to hear your voice.”
I continue to drive in and out of her—harder, faster—with each thrust. “I’ve been dreaming of this moment for as long as I can remember. I’ve wanted you since you were too young for me to be wanting you. Fuck, Hope, fucking hell,” I groan.
“Oh God, don’t stop.” Her hips start jutting upwards. Into me.
“Whose cock is fucking you right now, Hope?” When she doesn’t answer, I ask more firmly, “Tell me now, Hope. Who is fucking your perfect pussy right now? Who owns this pussy?”
“Argh, God, you. Chase. You.”
“Good girl. It’s always going to be me, babe. Only. Ever. Me.” I lift my weight from her. Then, sliding a hand between our bodies, I find her clit and pinch the bud with my fingers. “I’m going to need you to come. I need to feel your pussy pulsing around my cock. I need you to fucking milk me, Hope. Now.”
A few more pumps and her whole body stiffens as she lets herself go. I’ve never understood works of art or any of that cultured bullshit. But this sight? The vision of Hope letting go. Of her experiencing pure fucking bliss. This has to be the absolute most beautiful fucking thing I’ve ever witnessed. It’s something I want to see over and over again. Finally, I allow my cock to release the load I’ve been holding back.
And fuck me, I think I see fucking stars.
Chapter Sixteen
Holy shit, is this what I’ve been missing out on all this time?
I’ve been so bloody scared of any kind of intimacy. I allowed him to take yet another thing away from me for so many damn years. I make a note to myself that I have to stop. I can’t let what that asshole did to me ever dictate my life again. I need to find a way to move on. I guess this, being able to do this with Chase, is me moving on.
Because now that we’re both lying here catching our breaths, my first thought was when can we do that again? Then the anger settled in. Anger that I’ve been missing out on so much because of my fear. I feel the tears on my cheeks before I can stop them.
“Shit. Fuck, Hope, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you? Hope, look at me.”
“Nothing’s wrong. Everything is perfect. You are perfect,” I whisper.
“Bullshit. You don’t cry because everything is perfect. What happened? What did I do?” Chase pulls me onto my side so we’re facing each other.
“I just… I’m angry, okay? I’m fucking angry that I’ve been missing out on this all these years. I’ve been wasting my life. I let him take away my life.” More tears spill down my face.
Chase wipes them away. “You have every right to be angry. But you haven’t wasted your life, Hope. You waited until the timing was right. There is nothing wrong with that.”
“I’m sorry… I don’t know… I have so many feelings right now. I don’t know how to process them. That was so much more... Is it always like that?”
“It’s never been like that for me. What we have is different. Better than anything I’ve ever experienced before.”
“Are you sure? I know I’m obviously not as experienced as the other women you’ve, well, you know.”
“Babe, stop. I’m fucking glad you’re not experienced. Trust me, it’s not a fucking flaw.”
I reach up and kiss him. I love kissing him. I love being able to touch him. I love him. And that is both terrifying and freeing at the same time. Terrifying because I’ve put all my trust into this one man. He has the power to break me like no other. But also freeing, because I finally have a man who’s worth it. A man with whom I can experience things I’ve never experienced before. Pulling away from his lips, I curl up next to him. “Thank you.”
“You don’t need to thank me for anything, babe. I should be thanking you.”
I have two more days with Chase before he leaves for Melbourne. Hopefully I can talk him into spending those two days in bed. I close my eyes and let the sleep take me.
I wake up to an empty bed. Reaching a hand to Chase’s side, I feel the coldness of the sheets. He’s been up for a while.
“Morning.” His gruff voice calls out from the doorway of the bedroom. Looking over, I see he’s dressed. In a suit.
I scrunch up my eyes. “What time is it?”
“It’s eleven. Here.” He hands me a hot cup of coffee. Leaning in, he kisses my forehead.
“Why are you dressed like that?” I’m sure I’m actually pouting right now.
“Ah, something happened in Melbourne. I have to fly down there today.”
“No,” I say firmly.
“I’m sorry, Hope. I really don’t want to go but I have to.”
“Can’t you send someone else?” He shakes his head in response. “Well, I happen to be good friends with your boss. Maybe I can convince him to send someone else.”
Chase laughs. “I’m good mates with the boss, babe. What you are is family. I’ll only be gone for a week, tops. I promise you’ll be so busy with Christmas and your family you won’t even miss me.”
I glare at him. Is he serious? I won’t miss him. We just slept together last night. Oh my God! We just slept together last night, and now he’s disappearing like he can’t get away from me quick enough. Is this what he does? I place the cup down on the bedside table. Shoving him out of my way, I stand and look around for my clothes. Then I remember I didn’t wear any, and that my coat is still in his living room. I head into his closet, pull down a shirt, and roughly cover myself with it. “I’m sorry. I’ll get out of your way.”
“What? Hope, stop. What are you doing? Where are you going?” He follows me out of the room.
“Home. Isn’t that how this works, Chase? You got what you wanted, and now you don’t need me anymore.” Even as I say the words, I know how stupid and insecure I sound. I’m not this girl. I don’t need validation from a man. I don’t need a bloody man at all.
“Stop. That’s not what’s happening here. That will never happen, Hope. You think I want to leave you right now? You think I want to spend even one day, one night, away from you?”
He’s scared? Angry? I’ve seen Chase in many situations, but I’ve never seen him like this. He’s always so controlled, able to both manage and hide his emotions. Although last night, when his mother was on the back lawn, he was visibly angry. But not like this. He starts pacing up and down the living room. Then he stops, looks at me, and pulls his phone out of his pocket.
“Fuck it.” He dials a number, and I stand there like an idiot watching, waiting, and not bloody knowing how to navigate this situation. Not knowing how to do this relationship thing.
“Ash, I quit. It appears I don’t want to work for The Merge any longer.” Chase hangs up without listening for a response.
“What are you doing? You can’t just quit your job, Chase. Are you nuts?” I dig through the pockets of my coat, looking for my own phone.
“I don’t need a job that will come between us, Hope. You are more important to me than a job, and if me taking a trip to Melbourne has this much of an impact, then I don’t want the fucking job. What I want is you.”
I’ve forgotten about my search for my phone. “I’m sorry… I acted irrationally. I know that. I don’t want or need you to quit, Chase. You love your job.”
“I love you more,” he counters.
“I think I love you more. But seriously, I don’t know how this works. I’ve never been in a relationship before, so I’m likely to fuck it up.”
“You and me both, Hope. We’ve both never been in a relationship before.” Chase approaches me slowly, as if I’m a wounded animal and he’s not sure if I’m looking to fight or flee.
“I’m okay. Go to Melbourne. Do what you have to do, and be thankful you have an excuse to escape the craziness that is the Williamson family Christmas.”
“I happen to love your family’s Christmases.”
“I know, you weirdo.” I laugh as I rest my head on his chest. Chase’s phone has been ringing nonstop since he hung up on Ash. I take the device from his hand and answer it. “Ash, he’s not quitting. Ignore him.” I then hang up and hand the phone back to Chase. “I’m really sorry. When’s your flight?”
“In…” He looks at his watch. “Two hours.”
“Two hours? Shit, you have to go. Why didn’t you wake me earlier?” I say, pulling away from him and putting my coat on.
“Because I like watching you sleep,” he says, like that’s not creepy at all.
I don’t even know how to respond to that? “Okay, well, I’m going to go home, you are going to make it to the airport on time, and I’ll see you when you get back?”
