It's Wrong for Me to Love You, Part 2, page 9
Jamie did everything he could to try to get me to move in with him. As soon as we got back from Tennessee, I moved in with Renée. I hated every minute of living with her only because she thought she was my mother and because her boyfriend (or should I say “Fuck Buddy”) slept there on the couch every night. Either the two were having sex out in the open, or they were at each other’s throats. Jamie didn’t want me in the midst of that drama, but I wasn’t ready to move in with him. My heart and mind were at war with each other from the moment Jamie stepped foot back in Maryland.
Jamie had gotten my name tattooed over his heart. I was a little skeptical about getting a man’s name on my body that wasn’t promised to me forever. I got a fancy “J” tattooed on the back of my neck, the very place that I loved to feel his lips. I hesitated every time Jamie went to hug or kiss me. After sex, I would barely let him hold me. I hadn’t spent the night with him since before his father passed away. Since I moved back in with Renée, Jamie made it a habit to show up every morning at 7:15 to wake me up for class. He spoiled the hell out of me with clothes and jewelry. He even let me drive his baby, his black, chromed-out Cadillac Escalade. Jamie was crazy about his cars, and there was no way he would let just anyone drive them. But he let me. Me, the girl who had a hard time loving him back. Here it was, the day before Thanksgiving, and I couldn’t even admit to myself that Jamie was back in my life again.
“Are we gonna talk about this, shorty?” Jamie sat down on the edge of the bathtub and lit a cigarette as he watched me undress in the bathroom at my cousin’s apartment that morning.
“Talk about what?” I slid off my panties, going over to the shower to turn the water on.
He looked at me, exhaling smoke from his nose. “You leaving your cousin’s apartment and coming to stay with me.”
My eyes grew misty, but I wasn’t going to cry in front of him today. I rolled my eyes as I climbed into the shower. “Jamie, just yesterday, you asked me to meet you at your mansion. As I walked up to your mansion, some bitch shows up in her red Corvette asking me if you were home. When I told the bitch you weren’t home, she was like, ‘You must be Ne’Vaeh, his childhood sweetheart. Sweetie, when he gets home, could you ask him if I left my panties by the pool a few weeks ago?’”
Jamie laughed nervously. “The Puerto Rican chick?”
I nodded, “Yeah, Jamie, the li’l Puerto Rican chick.” Vexed, I stood underneath the showerhead, washing my hair. “These groupies are gonna make me catch a case, I swear. I’m trying to hold it together, but you know my temper when it comes to you. My love for you is a very lethal weapon, Jamie. This is why I was telling you in the beginning that I wasn’t ready to be sprung like this.” I closed my eyes, rinsing my hair.
“Well, shorty, I saw your boy, Aaron, the other day. Every time I see that nigga, I wanna knock his ass the fuck out. We both are feeling some type of way about the past; it’s normal, Ne’Vaeh.” I felt cold air as Jamie swept the curtain back and climbed into the shower.
I wiped the excess water from my face before grabbing the bottle of shampoo that sat alongside the bathtub. “What? How can you even compare the two, Jamie? My past is across town, minding his own fuckin’ business. Meanwhile, your past shows up at your mansion, your events, autograph signings, radio appearances, to my fuckin’ classes at school, and to restaurants while we’re fuckin’ eating, Jamie. Yeah, Aaron showed up to your father’s funeral, for what I don’t know. But you don’t have to constantly be reminded that we slept together. I can guarantee you right now that at least three groupies are gonna show up to your dinner party tonight.”
Jamie exhaled loudly, taking the shampoo bottle from my hands. “Ne’Vaeh, bae, I promise you that no unwanted guests will show up tonight. I’m through with the hoes, Ne’Vaeh, I promise you. You know I never make a promise that I can’t keep.” Water trickled down his body as he poured shampoo into his hand. He set the bottle back down on the edge of the tub, and then pulled my body closer to his before lathering my hair.
My body trembled up against his as his fingertips massaged my scalp. Everything he did to me made the insides of my thighs throb.
“Hopefully, you can learn to trust me enough to add a few more letters to that ‘J’ on your neck.” He gently kissed my lips. “I love you, Ne’Vaeh. You be having a muthafucka goin’ crazy. You see my ass is over here every morning, shorty. It feels good as fuck makin’ love to you every morning, noon, and night. It would feel even better if I got to wake up next to you every morning, instead of comin’ by your cousin’s crib to see you. I don’t know how I’m gonna make it through football training camp. Shit, I’ll probably pay to have you fly out to a hotel close by.” he chuckled. “You got a muthafucka goin’ crazy.”
I blushed, eyes misty. “You already said that, Jamie. Trust me, I feel the same way. Sex every day, sex every night. Every night is date night. Every night we’re going somewhere different. Every day, a new outfit or a pair of shoes or a necklace or a bracelet. Yesterday, you bought me a new Apple iPad. You’re spoiling the hell out of me, Jamie. I’m not used to shit like this. You don’t have to buy my heart, Jamie, because it’s already yours.”
Jamie backed me under the showerhead a little more to rinse the suds from my hair. “I’m just trying to give you all of the things you deserve, and more. I’ve been gone a long time, shorty. And now that I’m back, I’m trying to find a way to make it up to you. Seeing you laced with nothing but the finest is the only way I know how to show you how much you mean to me. Let me spoil you, shorty. I like seeing you in expensive clothes and fine jewelry. You’re the best, and that’s what you deserve.”
“You make me feel like I’m the most important person in your world, Jamie. You make me feel so beautiful,” I whispered to him. “I never felt like this before.”
Jamie’s wet lips pressed against mine. He sucked on them a little before saying, “You are beautiful. So beautiful to me.”
“This feeling scares me because I’m afraid you’re gonna take it all back. I would be so hurt if you took all of your love away from me again.” I felt like crying. I didn’t cry, but I wanted to.
Jamie shook his head. “Baby, I’m not going anywhere, believe that. Only God can separate us, shorty. You’re mine, I’m yours, forever and ever.” He gently kissed my lips, gripping my hips in his hands.
Omg, I love the way that he touches me. He backed me up against the wall of the shower, then lifted my body up, wrapping my legs around his waist. We must have devoured each other’s lips for a good five or ten minutes before he eased his way inside.
“You feel good as fuck, shorty, got-damn,” he panted in my ear, gripping my thighs in his hands. “I got you, Ne’Vaeh. I’m not goin’ anywhere.”
That boy had me crying and squealing his name just about every morning. He had rejuvenated my heart. I tried to fight my feelings for him, but my heart embraced each and every moment with him.
That afternoon, Jamie asked me to meet him back at his place to help him set up the pre-Thanksgiving Dinner. Just a few friends would be there. I invited Alisha, Kelissa, and Renée over. A few of Jamie’s friends came over around 7:30. Jamie was nowhere in sight, though. He wasn’t answering his phone. My girls and I had done most of the setting up ourselves. Jamie’s cooks were off that day, but Plata, the eldest Jamaican cook, helped start the turkey early that morning. Kelissa and Alisha helped entertain the guests in the party room. Renée tried to comfort me in the kitchen.
I tossed my phone on the kitchen counter after calling Jamie the tenth time. The last time I talked to him, he was on his way to his sister’s house. “Where the fuck is he?” I exclaimed.
Renée sighed, shrugging. “Girl, he’s probably with his agent, Rodney. You know that dude is always dragging him off to some event at the last minute. You know he doesn’t care about Jamie’s life outside of football.”
Kelissa walked into the kitchen. She was dressed in a sexy navy-blue lace gown with a belt by Nicole Bakti. She always knew how to dress for the occasion. Her boyfriend kept her in expensive clothes. That girl didn’t want for anything. “Still no Jamie, huh?” Kelissa came over and sat down on the stool at the granite-top island in the middle of the kitchen.
I sighed. “No. Where the hell is he? Has anyone seen him today?”
Kelissa looked at me. She hesitated. “Well, the last time I saw him was at the Gaylord at the National Harbor.”
I looked at her, heart pounding in my chest. He promised me that he wouldn’t cheat on me. I trusted him. But what was he doing there? “The Gaylord? The fuck he doin’ at the Gaylord?”
Kelissa sighed. “Girl, don’t trip. You remember Charlie’s engagement party is tomorrow?”
I gave out a sigh of relief. “Okay, yeah, I remember her party is tomorrow. What was he doing there today, though?”
“He dropped his sister off to help with the setup. I was glad too, because I was ready to get the fuck outta there. Charlie’s got everyone waiting on her hand and fuckin’ foot. She needs to hurry up and have this baby because her emotions are driving me up the wall,” Kelissa exclaimed, smoothing her edges down.
Renée laughed a little. “Yeah, being pregnant will have you driving everybody around you crazy, girl. My older sister had us all fuckin’ trippin’ when she was pregnant. I wonder how Aaron’s doing. I don’t think he’s been with her to even one appointment. The last one he was supposed to go to with her was rescheduled. Didn’t you go to that one with her, Kelissa?”
Kelissa quickly glanced at me. “Ummm, yeah. Never will I go with her again. I just don’t agree with anything that she’s doing, and I’ll leave it at that. She’s playing with fire.”
I looked at her, sweeping my bangs from my face. “What do you mean?”
Kelissa shook her head, her eyes coated in tears. ”Girl, I have so much I wanna say to you right now, but I just can’t bring myself to say it. You need to talk to Charlie. I’ll let her tell you.”
“Tell me what?” I turned to Kelissa.
“It’s about time y’all showed up.” I heard one of Jamie’s friends coming from the entertainment room.
I was too upset to move. I sat down at the stool next to Kelissa. Running late was not like Jamie. Something was going on. The way Kelissa rolled her eyes as soon as she heard Jamie’s friend’s voice let me know that whatever she had to say to me was serious.
I looked at Renée.
Renée had the same expression on her face that I probably had.
Jamie came into the kitchen, eyes low, looking like he’d been smokin’ some loud. He was dressed in white Adidas from head to toe. He looked good in whatever he wore, whether it was sports apparel, urban wear, or an Italian tailor-made suit. It was so hard to be mad at him when he looked so good.
“Where the fuck have you been?” Kelissa hopped up from the stool, taking the words that should have been coming out of my mouth.
Jamie grinned at her. “What’s up, ladies?” He looked at me, holding out his hand for me to come to him. “Shorty, can we talk for a minute?”
I looked at Renée and Kelissa, who both stood there with their arms folded. I looked back at Jamie, then hopped off the stool, going over to him as he took me by the hand.
We stood face-to-face in his bedroom. He just looked down at me, hands in his pockets.
I looked up at him. “So, where have you been, Jamie? We were supposed to be cooking together tonight. Everything is already done. My girls helped me cook. Even Plata helped out, and she’s supposed to be off today.” I stopped talking to look up at him.
He just stood there, not really sure what to say.
I held his face in my hands. “Baby, what’s wrong? Where have you been?”
He hesitated. “I don’t wanna hurt you, shorty. You’re my best friend, my soul mate, my heart, my life, my air. Baby, I would do anything for you.”
I just looked up at him, in shock, not really knowing what to do. It was hard seeing him so upset, especially when he barely showed any emotion about anything. If Jamie was speechless, it had to be something serious. My heart was pretty much prepared for anything. “Whatever it is, baby, just say it.”
Jamie shook his head while biting his lip. “Nah.”
I looked up at him, taking my hands from his face. “Are you leaving me again?”
He vigorously shook his head. “Nah, babe, I’m not leavin’.”
“Did you cheat on me?” My eyes bore into his.
Jamie dried the tears that wouldn’t seem to stop. “Nah, shorty, you know me better than that. When I’m with you, I’m with you.”
“Then we’re good, Jamie. No worries,” I grinned, taking his hands in mine.
He put my hands to his lips, kissing both of them. “Shorty, I went to see your mother today.” He hesitated.
Instantly, I slipped my hands from his. It was just a reflex to flinch every time I heard someone mention Juanita. Every time I heard anything about her, my little brother’s face would flash before my eyes.
“Wha—” I couldn’t even find the words to express how angry I was that he would go see her. My heart beat rapidly in my chest. I had to sit down. I sat down on his bed to catch my breath and gather my thoughts. “Why would you go to see her, Jamie?”
He exhaled deeply before explaining himself. “I got some news today that threw my entire life off track. I did something stupid as fuck, and who else better to talk to about making stupid, fucked-up decisions than your mother, shorty?”
I looked up at him, shaking my head. “There is no advice that she could give you that is worth a damn, Jamie, and you know it. The bitch is crazy. She killed my brother. She doesn’t deserve for me or anyone in my life to visit her, Jamie. Why did you go to see her? What did you say to her?”
Jamie reached for my hand, but I pushed him away. He breathed heavily, sitting down next to me. “I fucked up, shorty. My life caught up with me, and I don’t know what to do. All I want is to play football and be with you. My father told me to slow down, but I wouldn’t listen.”
I was confused. He wasn’t making any sense. “Jamie, baby, I’m lost. If you’re not ready to talk about it, it’s cool. I haven’t been back in your life long enough to sweat you about anything you did before we got back together. I love you, and it’s cool. Now, I don’t appreciate you going to see Juanita, but I’m not gonna pressure you about talking to me if you’re not ready to talk.”
Jamie looked at me. “She looked good for a change, shorty. She’s not the fucked-up-in-the-head person she used to be. She has her mind right now. And I know what she did was fucked up, but that person wasn’t your mother.”
I cringed at the thought of Juanita. “Please, can we talk about something else?”
Jamie nodded. “I’m afraid of losing you, shorty. That’s my biggest fear right now. I’ve been gone a long time. I can’t even get you to spend the night with me. I’m lucky you even came by the crib today. Just stay long enough for me to give you a special gift, a’ight?” He got up from the bed and reached for me, pulling me up by the hand. He held my body up against his and gently kissed my lips. “I just have a lot on my mind. Give me some time, shorty, and I’ll be ready to talk.”
The evening went well. Everyone enjoyed the cooking and the drinking. Kelissa couldn’t get this irritated glare off of her face every time she was in Jamie’s presence. I sat with Alisha on the love seat in the entertainment room. That night, I caught her in the bathroom, kneeled over the toilet, throwing up, sounding like she was coughing up a lung. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that the chemo always made her sick. It was the first time I had heard her mention chemotherapy. It was the first time I had heard her mention that she had cancer. She had a massive brain tumor that was inoperable. She was dying, but she seemed happy. She made everything that I was going through seem trivial. I sat next to her, talking to her on the couch, when Jamie sat down at his grand piano.
“Look at this fool.” Alisha giggled, pointing over at him.
Renée clapped as soon as he sat down at the piano. “You go, boy,” she cheered.
I laughed a little. I have to admit, it was a little hilarious to see dude sitting in front of a piano. I had never known Jamie to play anything but football and his PlayStation. But there he was, fingers stroking the ivory keys of his piano, and everyone was stunned, myself included.
I looked at Alisha, whose mouth dropped open.
Kelissa’s glare changed to an awestricken grin. “Okay, Jamie.” She was impressed.
Jamie smiled at me. “This song is for my baby, Ne’Vaeh Washington. It’s called ‘I Never Thought I’d Get Her Back.’” And then . . . He began to sing.
My heart nearly exploded, it was pounding so hard. I had never in my life heard Jamie sing. He never even mentioned that he could sing. Never gave the slightest interest to anything musical. The studio had only been used by people he knew who were putting down tracks for demos. You should have seen the looks on everyone’s faces. Both his agent and his manager looked at each other like they both struck liquid gold.
There Jamie sat, singing his heart out to me, playing that got-damn piano like he was John Legend. Once my tears started flowing, I couldn’t stop crying.
“You’re my heart, you’re my soul, the best part of my life. I’m not playin’ no games, gonna make you my wife.” Jamie’s voice serenaded my heart and soul that night.
I held my hand over my heart, my face wet with tears.
