The Surviving Sky, page 25
“Remember,” Laksiya said. “You are not to traject. That is immediate grounds for excision. Are you ready?”
Iravan nodded, his heart hammering in his chest. Trajecting now would show a terrible lack of control, disregarding all three conditions. He gripped his courage, but cold sweat bathed his skin and his teeth chattered lightly against his will.
“I need a verbal response, Iravan.”
“Yes,” he croaked.
“You may enter the Moment.”
Iravan obeyed, and his vision split into two.
The effect was immediate.
The confrontation with pure, uncontaminated veristem smashed into him with the force of a dozen walls. Iravan staggered and fell to his knees with a grunt. Airav and Chaiyya exchanged a glance. Bharavi looked furious.
Iravan took a deep shaky breath. He pushed himself off the floor to stand upright again.
In the pocket Moment, infinite gigantic stars loomed in every direction. Uncontaminated veristem stars had no viewable states of their own; they were cultivated to reflect infinite interpretations of the same situation. The stars blinked golden and opaque.
Laksiya began to speak. Iravan tightened his jaw, and a view opened into his own memories.
26
IRAVAN
Did you break the limits of trajection?” Laksiya called out.
In the pocket Moment, the golden stars glittered and shifted, like windows opening. Iravan glimpsed himself on every side.
In one star, he chased the mysterious Resonance after the landing. In another, he trajected three vortexes out of the jungle during the earthrage. He was on his knees, screaming and screaming, as his Two Visions merged. He was in the library, fighting the spiralweed.
Iravan drifted as a dust mote, examining his own actions.
And a window opened up to show him what he had been dreading.
He saw himself, a force outside of the Moment, reveling in his own power as he let go of Oam.
No, he thought, recoiling. Not that. I don’t want to remember that.
In answer, the stars glimmered.
Around him every one of them opened a window to reveal his action in the vortex. Iravan zipped through the pocket Moment in alarm, but in every one of the stars, he saw a different interpretation of the incident.
He was formidable, drenched in power, uncaring of the boy’s life. He was mad, gloating in his skill, and these tiny consciousnesses were no match for his own. He was a monster, flaying all of existence; the world existed for his entertainment, and he was a cruel god.
Iravan stared into Bharavi’s eyes, and his breath came out in short, heavy pants.
“No,” he said aloud, his voice hoarse, knowing it to be a lie. “No, I didn’t break the limits of trajection.”
In the veristem garden, the velvety black teardrop leaves began to unfurl. White buds emerged on the walls, floor, and ceiling. The five councilors stood in the humiliating white chamber, Iravan’s blatant lie unfolding in front of them. Overwhelming shame filled Iravan. The pain of it was almost unbearable, like he was standing naked in a storm, whipped from every direction. He closed his eyes in a long blink and swallowed.
“A lie,” Laksiya confirmed. “He broke the limits of trajection. Condition failed.”
Bharavi’s brown eyes reflected his own disgrace. She didn’t blink. She didn’t move. The white buds around them closed, preparing for the next question, and Iravan was submerged within the glinting darkness of unbloomed veristem again.
“Did you endanger Nakshar and its people with your trajection?” Laksiya called out.
The stars in the Moment shifted as the scenes within them changed.
The shame crept deeper in. Iravan started to hyperventilate. He saw Bharavi’s eyes widen a fraction in alarm before his own eyes closed.
In the Moment, a window opened within a star. He saw himself traject within the solar lab. Ahilya cried out at him, but he paid no heed, opening one hole in the floor after another. She begged him, trembling, and he heard her say Iravan, stop, please! He laughed cruelly, glorying in his power; he crushed Naila’s rudra bead, and the intoxicating control gratified him. In their escape from the jungle, he looked into Oam’s eyes, coldly, as he let go of the boy.
Iravan whimpered in the veristem garden, lifting his arms above his head in protection. The memories battered him, pounding him wherever he looked. There was no way out. “I didn’t…” he gasped. “I’m sorry… I should have…”
“He’s spiraling.” Bharavi’s urgent voice washed over him. “Move to the next question.”
“Can’t—” Laksiya’s voice. “—a wave!”
The scene in the star changed, and he watched himself become a Senior Architect; in the acceptance of his rudra beads he detected greed and hunger. Iravan fled within the pocket Moment, but there was no place to flee. Each star showed his own excuses, his self-deceptions, his brutalities. The light attacked him, laying him naked, and he couldn’t avert his gaze. This is who he was. This is who he had been.
“Memories—morphing—lose him—”
“Ride out—hasn’t confronted—”
Iravan fell to his knees. Again and again he saw himself crush Naila’s bead and let go of Oam. Ahilya begged him, tears down her face, to stop, but he reveled in her terror, her fear the sweetest aphrodisiac. He saw himself in the library with the spiralweed, and he reached for the rudra beads too late. He walked away from Ahilya in anger because she had been right; after all his machinations, all his deflections, he was a ruthless beast, a power-hungry, petty little man with pretensions of grandeur.
“Stop,” Iravan moaned. “Please stop… I’m sorry… I’m sorry.”
Laksiya’s voice cracked like a whip. “Iravan, did you endanger Nakshar?”
“I don’t… I don’t know…”
Tears fell from his closed eyes as he knelt in the veristem garden, spiraling deeper into despair. Ahilya looked at him accusingly and cried, You killed Oam! If you had only stayed at the watchpost! The deathbox pressed into his pocket, and he saw how he hadn’t reached for his rudra beads, deliberately too late. Naila came to him, speaking of how architects were better, and deep inside him he knew he agreed. Oam screamed, just a child, and Ahilya said, Please, Iravan, I had a duty of care, and he replied, No, I did. He had failed. It was his fault. All his fault.
“I’m sorry,” he wept. “I’m so sorry.”
“Answer the question, Iravan! Did you endanger Nakshar with your trajection?”
“Yes,” he cried. “I did, rages help me.”
He heard a collective gasp around the garden. Iravan opened his blurry eyes, and everything had turned white around him again.
“Another lie,” Airav breathed.
“He didn’t endanger the ashram,” Laksiya said, sounding stunned. “Condition passed.”
Iravan turned his head. Airav looked shaken but relieved. Chaiyya had tears streaming down her face.
“That’s enough,” Bharavi said. “That’s enough, Laksiya. He’s passed the second question. All conditions must fail for an architect to be declared Ecstatic.”
“No,” Laksiya snapped. “We need better evidence. We are deciding whether to let him walk free or to excise him. Neither of those can be taken lightly. We continue.”
“This is torture!”
“It’s a test, and we have his consent. I pity him too, as I do all of us witnessing this, but he’s wavering. If we don’t continue, we’ll be doing this again in a couple of weeks. Is that what you want?”
Bharavi cursed as Laksiya’s voice called out again.
“Iravan. Do your material bonds tether you to your consciousness?”
I love Ahilya, he thought desperately. It has to be true. Rages help me, it has to.
For the third time the stars in the Moment changed.
And Iravan finally saw himself for the kind of husband he was.
He and Ahilya stood in the temple, exchanging flower garlands on their wedding day. Ahilya was beautiful, her eyes bright with unrestrained joy, but his eyes burned maliciously. He walked away from her, and her face crumpled in anguish, and his heart soared at inflicting the pain. He looked her over as she extended a hand to ask about his missing rudra beads. His contempt of her was a dagger through her heart.
“No…” Iravan wept in the veristem garden. “No… I wasn’t… It wasn’t… No, please.”
Again and again, he saw as he made a vow to hold her as his highest ideal, as he promised to travel with her on a path or not at all. And Iravan watched as his words and his actions scorched her.
“No,” he gasped. “Please, please.”
He saw himself insult her as she ordered him away from the expedition. He saw as he laughed at her futile fury. He saw himself manipulate his wife as she grieved for her dead friend.
“Make it stop,” he screamed, holding his head. “Please, oh, rages, please.”
“Answer the question, Iravan,” Laksiya’s voice whipped out. “Do your material connections—”
He put his hands over his ears, still on his knees, and rocked himself back and forth.
“Iravan!”
Ahilya held out a pleading hand to him in the solar lab, but he continued to traject, and she trembled in fear; he saw himself, staring in satisfaction as she balked at his supremacy.
“No,” he sobbed. “That’s not me… It’s not me… Please.”
He abandoned her, over and over again, punishing her with his silence, and there was a sick vindication in the action. Her face trembled as he spoke about the architects; she would never be one of them, she would never understand.
Iravan’s hands dug into his hair, the nails scratching his scalp. Uncontrollable sobs rocked his body. I’m sorry, he thought. I’m so sorry. Had he ever loved her? He had vowed to keep her at the center of his universe, and he had failed. This wasn’t love. This wasn’t love. He was a monster. A horrible weight pushed at him, and he grew smaller, disappearing.
“Iravan, answer the question!”
“No,” he wept. “Release me. Excise me. I didn’t… I haven’t… Not tethered… I’m not tethered.”
Through the tears blurring his sight, Iravan saw the veristem garden bloom again as every leaf budded a white flower.
“A lie,” Chaiyya whispered, her voice choked.
“Material connections,” Laksiya said, sounding surprised. “Confirmed and still holding. Third condition passed.”
A silence greeted her words, broken only by Iravan’s soft sobs.
“Leave the Moment, Iravan,” Laksiya said quietly.
He obeyed, but the memories filled his mind, haunting him, shaming him. He was on all fours, his body shaking like a leaf in a wind, his head bent, tears relentlessly pouring down his face. He felt more than heard as the others clustered around and knelt by him.
Someone touched him—Bharavi—and he flinched as though she had hit him. Bharavi gently pushed at him until he was sitting back on his knees. Iravan put a forearm over his face, unable to meet her gaze. Her touch was gentle but insistent. She forced him to meet her eyes.
“It’s done,” she said. “You’ve passed.”
“This time,” Laksiya added in an undertone, but Iravan glanced up to see Kiana touch Laksiya’s knee with her cane and shake her head. He looked away, unable to gaze upon them any longer.
“You need to rest.” Chaiyya’s voice quavered. “You’ve been through a traumatic experience.”
“The veristem,” Iravan whispered. “What I saw… it wasn’t a lie. That is… that is who I am.”
Chaiyya exchanged a worried glance with Airav. “Veristem doesn’t account for the truth of your interpretation, Iravan,” she said. “It’s meant to sieve through your memories, past intent and desire, to objective fact. The flowers responded to the questions we asked. They’re no guarantee of the accuracy of the feeling or the visions you saw in the Moment.”
Iravan shook his head. There was no redemption.
“You spiraled, my friend,” Airav said. “You hadn’t confronted your own truths in a while, and in the Moment, they must have warped into their worst versions. It doesn’t mean those memories, those interpretations, were true.”
“They were true,” Iravan rasped. “I can’t lie anymore.”
“You’re being too hard on yourself,” Kiana muttered.
“You need to rest,” Chaiyya added. “You’ll feel differently in the coming days.”
Iravan shook his head again. Bharavi put a hand under his arm, and he staggered to his feet. His tears were drying, but a crushing weight settled on his shoulders. The others gave way. Kiana stumbled away to a corner, no doubt to turn off the forcefield of the deathchamber.
“We’re done here,” Bharavi said, holding Iravan, her arm around his waist.
Underneath her translucent robe, her arms turned blue-green. She trajected and some of the black veristem in the chamber disappeared to be replaced by green grass. A white healbranch bush pushed through the floor, and a gnarled rosewood tree began to take shape from stem.
Airav, Chaiyya, and Laksiya froze.
Bharavi started to lead Iravan away, but Airav said, “How did you do that?” and she stopped.
“You—you bypassed the deathchamber,” Chaiyya blurted out. “That—that shouldn’t have been possible.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Bharavi snapped. “There’s no force—”
She cut herself off as her eyes flickered around them. Iravan followed her gaze. The golden forcefield still shimmered. Bharavi’s grip around Iravan slackened. He frowned, his mind slow. It was impossible to bypass the deathchamber’s forcefield. If Bharavi had done it, she was breaking the limits of trajection. If she was breaking the limits of trajection, she was…
His eyes widened. His muscles drained of what little strength they had remaining. He threw her a startled sidelong glance. No.
Bharavi was staring at the plants around them as though unable to speak. Then she looked up at Airav, the corners of her lips lifting ruefully.
“Well,” she said. “I guess there’s no point in denying it now. Would you like me to bring back the veristem, or will my word suffice toward any truth?”
Airav, Chaiyya, and Laksiya seemed unable to move. Laksiya opened her mouth, but Iravan spoke over her before she could say anything.
“This is ridiculous,” he wheezed out, his chest hurting. “You—all of you—you’re targeting the both of us.”
“Don’t you dare be that much of an idiot,” Kiana said, and he saw that she had not even made it to the deathchamber’s controls in the grass. “You saw what she just did. Deathchambers are supposed to be impenetrable.”
“Then your technology is flawed,” Iravan rasped. “Bharavi is not an Ecstatic. You’re not, are you?” he added, turning to her.
Bharavi shrugged, still smiling.
“No,” Iravan said, stumbling back from her. “No.”
Laksiya cleared her throat. “I vote we put Senior Architect Bharavi through the Examination of—”
“NO,” Iravan shouted, his voice cracking, as the others began to nod. “No one should be put through the Examination without adequate evidence.”
“She broke a blatant limit of trajection,” Chaiyya said, her face drained of color. “There’s no getting around that.”
“You made an exception for me when I returned from the jungle. Make it for her. Give her time to defend herself.”
“We made an exception for you because you had been through an ordeal,” Airav said, in his deep slow rumble. “You needed time to recover. Bharavi is healthy. The Examination can happen right away.”
“I’m afraid,” Bharavi interrupted, “you can vote all you like, but there won’t be an Examination.”
Airav and Chaiyya glanced at each other, naked fear on their faces.
Iravan’s eyes widened. “Bharavi. What are you saying?”
“I don’t intend to undergo the humiliation you just did, Iravan,” she said, her voice calm. “You were supposed to convince the council of the true nature of Ecstasy, but the truth is, this council isn’t fit to decide my guilt. None of you are.”
Out of the corner of his eyes, Iravan saw Kiana move slowly, her fingers twitching, reaching almost casually toward the deathchamber’s controls.
“Don’t be foolish, Kiana,” Bharavi said. “I trajected through a forcefield. Do you really think you’ll be limiting me if you took it away?”
A subtle blue-green glow permeated Airav and Chaiyya; they had entered the pocket Moment. Vines crept up their dark skins in intricate patterns. The grass Bharavi had impossibly trajected within the garden grew into tight, thick creepers and reached toward her, binding her arms to her sides, trapping her legs. She glanced down at her limbs, immobilized.
Then her dark skin lit up like a blue sun, ethereal.
Iravan lifted his hand against the fierce glare. Chaiyya and Airav screamed in agony, flickering like they were malfunctioning. The blue-green light winked out of them.
The plants binding Bharavi burst into tiny fragments, spraying all of them with leaves and twigs.
Chaiyya whimpered, her fingers touching the bloody scratches on her skin. Airav stumbled over to her and put an arm over her shoulders, his eyes terrified.
Bharavi emerged out of her bindings, shaking out her translucent robe.
“Bha,” Iravan whispered. “No.”
She reached and patted his cheek.
“Now,” she said. “Let me show you what Ecstasy truly is.”
27
IRAVAN
Bharavi raised her arms in exultation.
Her skin glowed with the blue-green light of trajection, but so close, Iravan saw what he hadn’t seen before. The tattoos growing on her arms and face didn’t resemble vines anymore. They appeared like delicately carved boulders, too square, too angular. There was an eerie familiarity to them, although he had never seen such a thing before.
