B00DW1DUQA EBOK, page 36
Shireen shook her head. ‘I’m not. I understand why you would say that but I’m not. Believe me. This place, all of this, I despise it.’
‘Why?’ continued Diane. ‘Look at you. You’re trusted here. You’re important. You have a comfortable life. Why should we believe you’re ready to destroy it all, after all this time?’
‘Mrs. Megrim said she was with us,’ said Finn to Diane.
‘Mrs. Megrim is miles and miles away,’ said Diane. ‘She doesn’t know what’s really going on here. She doesn’t know what your sister is like now.’
‘You’re right,’ said Shireen. ‘You don’t know you can trust me. But I assure you, ever since I came here, all those years ago, I’ve done what I can to bring about the destruction of Engn.’
‘Why?’ said Diane.
His sister reached out to stroke Finn’s hair. A memory came back to him of her doing just that when he was a boy. ‘Don’t you see?’ she said. ‘Don’t you understand what Finn meant to me? I was his sister, of course, but I’m a lot older. I was more like his mother at times. I looked after him when our parents were busy. He was my boy, my baby. I loved him more than anything in the world. And they took all that away from me. His growing up, everything. I thought I’d never see him again and I hated them.’
Finn looked into her eyes. It had never occurred to him she would have missed him. Too concerned for himself. He couldn’t think what to say. At least he’d had their parents, their home, all those years she’d been here.
He touched her hand and she smiled at him. He wasn’t that little boy any more. She’d never really have him back now. ‘They’re still alive,’ he said to her. ‘Our parents. They’re here, outside the walls. They came for us.’
‘Ah,’ she said, nodding. Tears filled her eyes. ‘I’d heard they’d left home.’ She looked at him for a moment, a fond smile on her face. Then she turned back to Diane, wiping her eyes with the palms of her hands. ‘Come on. There’s something I want to show you. I know you don’t trust me but I can at least prove to you that I believe in the outside still.’
She stood and picked up the flask from the tray on the table. ‘We’ll pour this down the sink to keep Nathaniel happy. It really is just a sleeping draught like he said.’
Diane nodded.
‘And I’ll lock your doors in case anyone comes by,’ said Shireen. ‘If we make a hump in your beds with a pile of clothes and towels anyone glancing in will just think you’re both asleep.’
‘How far are we going?’ asked Finn.
‘Not far. We’ll only be gone a few minutes. Best be careful though.’
She opened the door, stepped outside and turned to look at them. ‘Coming?’ She was looking mainly at Diane.
Diane paused for a moment then followed her outside, Finn right behind her.
They walked down the familiar, bare stone corridor but, instead of descending to the ground-floor when they reached the stairs, Shireen began to climb. Neither of them had been up there before. Finn suddenly felt they were in very dangerous territory. If they were seen, would his sister be able to protect them or would they all be in danger? They climbed the stone stairs as quietly as they could, listening out for voices or footsteps. The only sound was the distant, muffled hum of Engn; the hum you only noticed when you made an effort to listen. Once, a door slammed shut somewhere down below, but they saw no-one else.
They climbed past three or four identical landings, corridors leading off to rows of rooms like their own. They all looked deserted. Had they once been full, all these rooms? Perhaps, in the old days, there had been many in the Directory struggling with their delusions of an outside.
Finally they reached the top floor, a dead end that led only to a final line of doors.
‘We need to go higher,’ said Shireen. She looked up to indicate a square cut in the ceiling, barely visible. ‘It’s a hatchway that leads on up to the top of the tower. They don’t like anyone going up there. You’ll see why.’
‘How do we get up there?’ asked Finn. The ceiling was high above them, with no way to climb up.
‘It’s a bit tricky. If you climb onto the banister you can just about reach up with your fingers and open it.’
‘You’re serious?’ asked Diane.
‘It’ll be easier with the three of us. Ready?’
Diane looked unconvinced, as if all this was some elaborate ploy.
Shireen, seeing this, stepped up onto the rail of the balcony, leaning with one hand on the wall to steady herself. She pushed off from the wall to stand upright on the narrow handrail, balancing as if on a tightrope. She began to make small, sideways steps. She took it slowly, deep in concentration, wobbling a little. If she fell forwards onto the landing she would be fine. If she fell backwards she would either hit the flight of steps or plummet down the central shaft to the distant floor. Finn wanted to reach out and hold onto her, but was too afraid he’d overbalance her. Both he and Diane watched in silence as she edged her way along.
Finally, reaching the hatch, she reached carefully up and pushed. The square lifted and she worked it sideways, revealing a dark hole in the ceiling.
‘Mind out,’ she called down. ‘I’m going to jump up and haul myself in.’
Shireen sprang upwards, legs flailing around as she got an elbow then her arms up through the hatchway. She hauled herself inside. Finn was impressed. The thought of teetering on that narrow banister, the great drop gaping beneath him, filled him with alarm, reminded him of too many other events. Shireen had clearly done it on her own, and more than once by the sound of it. He thought he’d been the one for adventure and getting into trouble. Perhaps they were more alike than he’d imagined. He looked across at Diane again. ‘Do you believe her now?’
‘Maybe.’
‘Here,’ called Shireen from above. ‘This will make it easier.’
The end of a rope snaked down towards them, its end bent slightly like a snake’s head as it searched for them. Finn grabbed hold and climbed onto the banister. When he was underneath the hatch he began to climb, feeding the rope between his legs and working his way upwards. Through the hatch, he found himself in a dark, hushed room that smelt of wood and dust. Shireen was a disembodied voice beside him.
‘Let’s get the rope down for Diane. We’re safer once the hatch is shut. No-one will know we’re here then.’
‘What if they find out we’ve gone?’
‘We’ll be OK for a while. They don’t think we can really go anywhere after all.’
‘OK.’
Diane clambered up next and Shireen lowered the hatch back into place. Once more they found themselves in utter darkness.
‘Where are we?’ asked Diane.
‘The Sanatorium has a steeple,’ said Shireen. ‘I began to wonder whether you could get up inside it, right up to the top. That was when I found the hatch.’
‘So we can go higher?’ asked Finn.
‘There’s a ladder. It’s pretty old and rickety. We should go up one at a time.’
‘How far?’
‘One hundred and fifty three rungs.’
‘And what’s at the top?’ asked Diane. ‘Why are we going up there?’
‘There’s just a little platform. Nothing much. A part of the scaffolding they used when they constructed the building, I suppose. But there should be room for three of us up there.’
Shireen climbed first, Finn holding the bottom of the bowing, swaying ladder as she ascended. As his eyes adjusted he could just make out a dim light filtering down. Not enough to see by, but he could make out Shireen as a shadow, occasionally eclipsing the glow as she climbed. Once she reached the top she called down to them.
‘I’ll go next, shall I?’ said Finn.
‘OK.’
The wood of the ladder was soft and soapy beneath him. It sagged alarmingly. He wondered how long it had been there. He could see nothing save the glow from above but he had the clear sensation the walls were closing in around him as he climbed. At the top, Shireen reached down for his arm to guide him up. She knelt on a little wooden platform right in the apex of the spire. A series of small, semicircular openings at floor-level, like half-open eyes, were set around the platform, letting in the dim, indirect light. Finn huddled up next to his sister and called down to Diane to follow. The top of the ladder began to buck as she came up after them.
When they were all together, Shireen spoke. ‘You know, you were right not to trust me, Diane,’ she said.
‘Why?’ asked Diane, wariness clear in her voice.
‘You thought I’d forgotten about the outside world, that I’d convinced myself Engn was everything. The truth is, I have often thought that. Living in the Directory, it’s hard not to. No-one tells you what to think but everyone assumes there is nothing else. They don’t even try and persuade you. They simply assume you think the same way. And there have been times, quite a few times, when I’ve doubted it all too. So I come up here.’
‘Why?’ said Diane again.
Shireen lay down on the small circular platform so that her eyes were level with one of the semicircular openings. She peered through.
‘I come here to remind myself. See for yourself. It looks stormy over the mountains today. The Silverburn will be in full spate tomorrow.’
Finn and Diane lay down alongside her to peer out through the openings. They were very high up. He could see clear across the walls of the Directory, out over the steaming, turning, pumping workings of Engn, out across the great grass plain and all the way to the steel-grey mountains he recognized. Somewhere over there, beneath those storm-clouds, he had been born and raised. Somewhere over there was home.
‘I couldn’t see any of you, of course. But I could come up here to remind myself it was all real. That you were all real. So far as I know this is the only place in all of the Directory you can see the outside from.’
Finn craned his neck around, trying to see more familiar detail. Through the machinery he could see the Drop Tower. Some way beyond it, glimpsed through the spokes of a vast turning wheel, a dome that looked very much like the one near the dormitory, where the figure had beckoned to him all that time ago.
He peered downwards, to the stone ground just visible over the Directory walls. Knots of Ironclads and masters worked their way among the engines, some of them accompanying blue-clad workers.
He sat up and looked at his big sister. Had she ever seen him out there? Glimpsed him as a distant dot, coming across the plain perhaps or making his way along the walkway, the night the Ironclad had hurled him off? Probably not. Still, it pleased him to think she might have been there all along, watching over him.
‘OK,’ he heard Diane say quietly beside him. ‘Let’s talk about how we go about destroying Engn.’
Chapter 33
‘Not now,’ said Shireen. ‘We should get back. The longer we’re up here the more likely someone will notice.’
They took turns to work their way back down the sagging ladder, then dropped through the hatchway onto the landing. There was no-one around. Shireen led them back downstairs and locked them in their rooms. Finn lay on his bed. He stared at the ceiling and thought about everything that had happened. Diane, burning with enthusiasm now, lay on the other side of the grille and talked. It was good to hear the excitement in her voice, but he was in no mood for conversation. Probably the medicine. Diane was still talking as he drifted off to sleep.
Shireen didn’t come to them the next evening, nor the next. Diane now took her sleeping draught without objection. Matilda, watching her glug it down, smiled with satisfaction. Diane simply smiled back as she placed her cup on the tray. Even so, after two days of seeing no more of Shireen, they both began to worry. Perhaps someone had found out about their excursion up the spire.
‘What do we do if she doesn’t return?‘ Diane whispered through the grille.
‘We need to find Connor,’ said Finn. ‘He’s the key. He must be here somewhere. Perhaps we could climb back up the spire and try and spot him. If we took turns one of us might see him.’
‘Let’s give Shireen one more day. Then we’ll try it.’
‘OK.’
The following day, Nathaniel returned to the subject of Connor’s father. It was something that clearly fascinated him.
‘So, this Baron. He tells people what to do?’
‘Not really,’ said Finn. ‘It’s just an old title. It doesn’t mean much any more.’
‘But someone must be in charge. Someone must give the orders.’
‘No. It’s not like that. Nobody’s in charge.’
Finn’s words seemed to trouble and fascinate Nathaniel in equal measure. He paused for thought. ‘But somebody has to control everything. Like here in Engn with the Directory and the masters. Otherwise it would be chaos.’
Finn shrugged. ‘No, everything works OK. Sometimes people gather at the Moot Hall to decide things, but that’s all.’
‘I see. And tell me, do you think this is a better system than the one here?’
Finn hesitated. He could see where this was going. Nathaniel clearly thought these supposed fantasies were dangerous; the result of a desire to destroy Engn perhaps. He had to be careful. ‘No, I … it’s just different.’
Nathaniel regarded him in silence for several moments. He looked unhappy, as if Finn had disappointed him. Finally he returned to his notes, filling several more pages while Finn and Diane sat there in silence.
That evening, it was Matilda and not Shireen who came with their medicine once again. They both became more worried still, convinced their plot had been uncovered. Perhaps Shireen was being held somewhere, grilled, interrogated. They began to talk about spending three hour shifts up at the top of the spire, watching for Connor. Perhaps they could claim to be ill during the day then sneak away to spend some time up there. They went to sleep with nothing decided. Despite the medicine, Finn slept less well, waking repeatedly, his stomach fizzing with anxiety.
The following day, when they arrived for the day’s interview, Nathaniel stood with his back to them, looking out of the window. Finn and Diane sat down but Nathaniel didn’t move.
‘Is there anything wrong?’ asked Diane.
Nathaniel turned to look at the two of them. He looked tired, as if he hadn’t slept well, either. ‘In truth I’m worried I may not be able to help you,’ he said. ‘Your delusions are so deep-seated, so detailed. It may be that I can’t return you to full health.’
‘And what happens then?’ asked Finn.
‘It has happened on occasion,’ said Nathaniel. ‘In the end it becomes too dangerous to have such people around. For everyone else I mean. I’m sure you understand.’
Finn glanced at Diane. They could both see where this was going. They had to do something. They needed to stay in the Directory, not be thrown back into the mines. Or worse. ‘But we are making progress,’ said Finn. ‘Truly. Telling you all these stories has helped me … understand them. Put them in perspective.’
Nathaniel’s brow creased as he considered Finn’s words. ‘So you begin to accept these are just stories?’
‘You must have had similar fantasies yourself,’ said Diane. ‘Everyone must. Dreams of impossible worlds and imaginary lands.’
Nathaniel regarded her with something like alarm, as if Diane had touched a raw nerve. Who would he go to, Finn wondered, to discuss such things?
‘Of course, everyone has idle dreams,’ said Nathaniel. ‘It’s perfectly normal.’
‘Talking to you is certainly helping us understand that,’ said Finn, choosing his words carefully.
‘It is?’
Finn nodded. ‘Definitely.’ He glanced at Diane, prompting her. She nodded too.
Nathaniel let out a sigh of air. ‘Well, that’s good. Let us proceed then.’ He strode over to his chair and picked up his sheaf of paper, ready to begin the day’s questions.
That evening, finally, it was Shireen who came to them with their sleeping draughts. She looked calm, smiling as she pushed back the cowl on her hood. All Finn’s gnawing fears for her melted away.
I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I came as soon as I could.’
‘What do you do here anyway?’ he asked. ‘What is an Executive?’
‘I simply execute various functions here. Helping Nathaniel is one such duty.’
‘So Nathaniel isn’t the Director?’ asked Diane.
‘No, no. He’s in charge of the sanatorium, nothing more. That’s why he’s so fascinated with you two. There’s actually no-one else here.’
‘We noticed,’ said Diane. ‘Why is that?’
‘It was busy once, when a lot people came in from outside – from Engn I mean – but these days that doesn’t happen much. So much of the machine is automated now.’
‘Connor got in,’ said Finn.
‘He did. Being his mother’s son helps, as I say. I think he was picked out to come here a long time ago. Chosen as a candidate because the existing Director is so old.’
‘So Connor is in the Directory? You’ve met him?’
‘No. I mean, I haven’t met him. I only know he’s here because I heard it over the grapevine, as you did.’
‘Then you have a line-of-sight?’ said Diane. ‘How can that be when no-one believes the outside world even exists?’
‘Our line-of-sight is only used to relay instructions to other parts of Engn. It’s not connected to the outside world. But sometimes we get news that way. Then things get passed around on the grapevine. Word of mouth. Whispered messages as people brush by each other.’
‘So what do you know about Connor?’ asked Finn.
‘That secretly, despite everything, he’s supposed to be one of us. Although others doubt this and are wary of him.’
‘Mrs. Megrim said we had to find him. Do you know where he might be?’
Shireen frowned and didn’t speak for a moment. ‘Before we talk about that I need to know more about him. I don’t remember him from back home; he was too young. I’ve never spoken to him. The question is, can we really trust him? You both knew him better.’
