No More Secrets: A Novel, page 20
Lucas frowns. “What’s wrong? Food not good?”
“It’s okay.” Delicious, she’d bet. It’s been years since she had a diner burger. She was five when her mom took her for a late lunch after visiting a museum. They used to spend time together before she got into drugs. Then Ellis came along, and they didn’t do anything together at all.
“How was the shake?”
The best. She almost finished it. “Fine.”
“The burger? Have you tried it yet?”
She shakes her head.
“Want ketchup with those fries?” He grabs the bottle.
“No, thanks.” Her shoulders droop.
Lucas puts down his burger and wipes his hands with a paper napkin. He crumples the napkin, tossing it aside, and wipes his hands on his jeans, glancing around and looking uncomfortable. Then he clears his throat and leans his arms on the table. “Talk to me. What gives?”
“Nothing.” She mopes. She can tell it was difficult for him to ask and that he doesn’t really want to talk. She’s not in the mood either.
“Bullshit.”
“Stop bugging me,” she says, annoyed.
“Shiloh—”
She stares at her plate. “I don’t want to talk.” She’s too embarrassed, making one naive decision after another ever since she left home.
“Something is obviously bothering—”
She lifts her head. “Why’d you leave?”
As soon as she says it, she realizes that’s what bothers her most. Almost as much as the fact that she can’t return home. She really thought Lucas was different from the other men she’s met. He promised he’d help her. He said she could stay with him if she wanted. Then he took off.
Lucas lets out a long sigh, leaning away from the table. He presses his back into the seat back and stares out the window. Down the road is Warner Bros. Studio. They drove past on the way here and Shiloh told him that’s the studio producing the Tabby’s Squirrel movie. Lucas went still. After that, he got very quiet until they arrived here and sat down.
But he turns to her now, his expression resigned. “I thought Sophie was after me.”
She frowns. “Sophie? You mean Zea?”
He nods. “You were right. Her real name is Sophie Renau.”
“She’s here for you?”
He frowns, his gaze turning inward. “Apparently not.”
Her heart starts beating very fast. “Then she’s after me. Ellis sent her.”
“No.”
“She tell you that?” She doesn’t know whether to believe him.
“Yes. Bounty hunters chase criminals with warrants, not fifteen-year-old runaways. Unless you got a warrant?” He gives her a look.
Her eyes widen. She shakes her head hard. She doesn’t. But he does; otherwise, he wouldn’t have left her. She remembers how he reacted when she told him Sophie was a bounty hunter, how wild his eyes were.
“Why would a bounty hunter be after you? What did you do?” There is something hard and untamed about Lucas, but she can’t imagine him murdering someone. At least not intentionally or unless they deserved it. She thinks of what he did to Bob and Barton.
Lucas drags his hands down his face. They drop into his lap. His lips purse, and it looks like he’s biting the inside of his mouth before his mouth pops open. He exhales heavily. “I’ve done a lot of things.”
Her eyes grow large. “Like what?” she asks, intrigued. If she was smarter, she’d be scared, but if he was going to hurt her, he would have done so already. He’s had plenty of opportunities.
He shakes his head.
“Come on, tell me.” When he doesn’t, she pouts. “Then tell me why you thought Sophie was after you.”
“That’s the one thing we’re not talking about.”
“Well . . .” She chews her lip, thinking. If she can get him talking, she won’t have to talk about herself. Her life is too depressing, and she finds his much more interesting. He’s a mystery to her. And if she’s going to live at his place, that is, if she’s still welcome, she wants to know more about him. “Sophie’s a bounty hunter. If you thought she was after you, that means you have a warrant. But since she isn’t, you don’t?”
“Not for what I thought.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Neither do I.” The lines between his brows deepen. “Guess things didn’t happen as I remember them.”
“Meaning?”
He slowly shakes his head. His elbow on the table, he turns toward the window again, his fingers absently tapping his mouth. Her gaze snags on the rigid scar under his tattoo. She loves the intricate vine. One day she’ll get her own tattoo. But it’s the scar that compels her to ask, “What happened?” His eyes swing to her, and she juts her chin at the scar. “Your arm? Why’d you do it?”
He lowers his arm to the table and rubs a hand over the tattoo. “I was in a bad spot.”
Like her friend Jace. He didn’t see any escape from his mom’s abuse until he decided he wouldn’t let what she said define him. That he was better than how she saw him. Every day is still a battle, but so far he’s managed to overcome his struggles. She owes him a phone call. She told him she’d reach out when she made it to Hollywood. He must be worried.
She picks up another fry only to stop when it’s halfway to her mouth, registering that Lucas is talking.
“I was arrested when I was sixteen while trying to buy beer. My friend brought a gun. I didn’t know he had it, but when he pulled it out, I grabbed it from him, thinking he was going to shoot someone, and it went off. I almost killed the guy working there.”
The fry hovers near her mouth. “Holy shit.”
“Long story short, I spent six months in juvie. Something . . .” He takes a beat. “Something happened while I was there. I was . . .” He swallows roughly, agitatedly rubbing his palms up and down his thighs. “I was assaulted.”
Shiloh slowly puts down the fry and sits up straighter.
“When I got home, my headspace was shit. I tried to kill myself.”
“Did it hurt?”
He gives her a blank stare, then a bark of emotionless laughter. “Yeah, it hurt. Like hell.”
Her heartbeat slows. There’s an ache in her throat. “Then what happened?”
He sighs, weary, and Shiloh notices the exhaustion pulling at his face. “My mom found me and slowed the bleeding. Then the ambulance took me to the hospital.”
He stops talking, and Shiloh is quiet for a stretch, processing what he went through. She has an idea of what his recovery must have been like, having witnessed Jace’s. “I’m sorry for what happened.” All of it. The arrest, the attack, the suicide attempt.
“Why? It wasn’t your fault.”
“Yours either.”
His mouth flattens, and the tension in his face bleeds out. “I’m starting to realize that.” He holds her gaze for a few beats; then the corner of his mouth curves up.
Shiloh smiles back. Then she picks up her burger and crams it into her mouth, taking the biggest bite ever. Lucas watches her with a bemused smile, shaking his head. “What?” she asks, mouth full.
“Nothing. You remind me of someone.”
That’s the second time he’s said that to her.
She puts down the burger and wipes her mouth. “Who?”
His nostrils flare. “Lily, my sister. Though I guess she goes by Jenna Mason now.”
Shiloh’s mouth falls open. One beat, two. Then she smacks the table. “I knew it.” She points a finger at him. “Knew it, knew it, knew it.”
“Shush.” He bounces his hand for her to lower her voice as he looks around.
“Omigosh,” she loudly whispers, clapping her cheeks. “Jenna Mason is your sister. That is sick. You have to introduce us. I want to meet her. I have so many questions.”
Lucas is shaking his head, and he looks kind of sad.
Her hands flop into her lap. “What?” Then she remembers the article she read, the one she told him about. Jenna Mason hasn’t seen her brother since she ran away fourteen years ago. Her chest deflates. “Why haven’t you called her? It’s been so long. Don’t you want to see her?”
“Every day.” He absently scratches a fingernail on the table.
“Then call her.”
“I can’t.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
He scowls at her.
“You’re scared.”
“By all means, beat around the bush. Subtlety is not one of your strong suits.”
She shrugs. “When I want something, I go for it.” And right now she wants to talk about his sister.
“I envy that about you.” He pulls out his wallet, inching toward the seat edge, but Shiloh isn’t ready to go. This is Jenna Mason they’re talking about, her idol. And she senses something terrible must have happened between them. But the article she read left her with the impression Jenna misses her brother, too.
“I’m scared,” she admits. Lucas stops fiddling with his wallet and looks up at her. “I’m scared to go home. I know I need to. Eventually. It really hurt when my mom didn’t believe me, but it doesn’t mean I never want to see her again.”
Lucas leaves the wallet on the table and leans back. His face slackens and his mouth parts. His shoulders drop, and his hands fall listlessly into his lap, and what Shiloh witnesses is a man who’s been carrying a lifetime of regret and guilt and shame finally set down his burden at his feet. “I was there the night my sister ran away. I saw everything. My dad, the gun, Wes. I was living in the apartment above my parents’ garage, and Lily was shouting for me to come help. It was foggy. I knew she couldn’t see me, but I was already there. Watching. I didn’t help her.”
“Why not?”
He shrugs. “Don’t know. No . . . I do. I’ve been telling myself I didn’t care. I was still hating on myself and the world, you know, because of juvie. But really, I was scared.”
He visibly swallows, and she can tell it was difficult for him to admit. But it still doesn’t explain why he hasn’t reached out to her. Unless . . .
“You’re still afraid.”
His eyes snap to hers.
“Of Jenna. Lily to you. You’re afraid of what she’ll say if she finds out you were there.” His mouth pulls into a taut line. “You have to tell her, and you have to apologize.”
“Uh-uh.” He shakes his head hard. “Won’t change anything.” She suspects he thinks the truth will make things worse between them. But it might ease his guilt.
“You don’t know that.”
He doesn’t say anything.
“I hate that my mom didn’t believe me about Ellis. But I miss her, and I’d forgive her in a heartbeat if she apologized.”
“Thanks for the pep talk, Dr. Bloom.” Shiloh snorts, and his face sobers. “This is different. She lived a life on the run because of me. I didn’t stop her or go after her. She won’t forgive me,” he admits in a low voice.
“Only one way to find out.” She waits for him to look at her before her smile explodes. Her chest inflates with excitement.
“What?” he asks, wary.
“Tomorrow’s Saturday. Jenna will be signing at the Grove.” He frowns, and she rolls her eyes. “You know, Tabby’s Squirrel. Big promo event before the movie release. Jenna’s here in LA. It’s going to be huge.”
“Oh, hell no.”
She pulls her trump card. “You promised what we did next would be up to me.”
He glowers. “That’s blackmail.”
And she isn’t ashamed one bit. She grins uncontrollably. She’s going to meet Jenna.
33
Lucas sits alone in a hotel room, staring at the minibar. He wants to open it and power his way through the shot-size bottles. Seven should do. Enough to make him feel numb so he stops stressing over tomorrow. But he worries about Shiloh in the adjoining room. She’s his responsibility, at least until they get where she wants to go. And he’ll only add to her unease if he’s hungover tomorrow and reeks of alcohol.
Sitting on the bed, knee jiggling, he roughly pulls at his fingers to distract him from the monster clawing up his throat, tempting him. What’s one drink? He hears the TV in the next room. From the sound of it, Shiloh’s flipping through channels. Where he’s nervous and agitated, she’s excited. She could barely contain herself in the car when he reluctantly agreed to go tomorrow. He took her to Target for clothes so she could wear something other than that sweatshirt that could probably walk on its own by now. She picked four outfits; she couldn’t decide. Lucas bought them all. And through the entire shopping spree, she talked endlessly of Lily and her own plans to study video animation.
Shiloh’s right, though, about Lily. He wants to apologize, has known the day would come when he’d have to summon the courage to do so. Olivia once told him she wished the three of them could be close like they were as kids, before their family imploded. That won’t happen unless he reconciles his guilt. Tomorrow’s event is that opportunity.
And he’s nervous as hell about it.
How does he start? What does he say? Will Lily even want to talk with him? Will she ever want to see him again once she knows the truth?
Why is he so damn thirsty?
He lurches for the fridge door, only to throw himself back on the bed. “Fuck.” He shovels his hair. His phone buzzes. He lunges across the bed for the distraction. “Hello?”
“Lucas, it’s Ivy. I’ve been trying to reach you all day.”
He knows. He’s seen her calls come in. He left a message this morning that he had family business to take care of and wouldn’t be able to open the market for her. Little had he known then how true his excuse would be.
“I’m here. Don’t know when I’ll be back, though.” That depends on the kid in the next room.
“Zea told me about Shiloh. I’ve been worried. Did you find her?”
Damn Sophie. He swears under his breath. He hadn’t mentioned Shiloh for that exact reason. He didn’t want her to worry. But apparently Sophie did, and she neglected to let Ivy in on her real name.
“I found her. She’s fine.”
“I’m so relieved.”
“Listen, Ivy.” He grips the back of his neck, looking at the carpeting. “I’m not sure when we’ll be back. I know I’ve left you in a bind—”
“It’s family,” she interrupts. “You take all the time you need.”
“Thank you.” The impulse to tell her he wants to buy the building sits on his tongue like a rider waiting for the bus. He realizes now that he never gave up on his dreams to design and build. They’ve just been waiting for him to go after what he wants. But he can’t make promises when his future is still unknown. He has to find out about Dwight and what the police suspect. Either Sophie is wrong about her information, or his mind is messing with him.
He sighs, resigned. “We’ll talk when I get back. ’Night, Ivy.”
He ends the call and listens. Shiloh’s room has gone eerily quiet.
Did she leave? Has Sophie found them? He’s been wondering if she’d follow, but he hasn’t seen or heard from her, which makes him just as nervous.
Come to think of it, maybe they should skip tomorrow’s event and head back now before she gets the wrong idea about him with Shiloh. But he needs to get Shiloh’s situation squared away before Sophie convinces the cops he’s kidnapped her.
Shooting off the bed to check on Shiloh, he hears her adjoining door unlock and open. Then she knocks. “Lucas?”
He hurriedly unlatches and opens his door. “You okay?”
She looks up at him with big eyes. “I want to go home. My home,” she clarifies.
“Now?”
“No, tomorrow, after the book event. You’re not getting out of introducing me to your sister.” She jabs a finger at him.
“Shiloh, I can’t—” He shakes his head. He’ll take her anywhere but home. “What about Ellis? You aren’t safe with your mom.”
“I know. That’s why I want you to take me. If you’re there, he won’t try anything. And you can help me convince her she’s better off without him.”
“I don’t know.” He’s shaking his head, having his doubts. With his background, he’s the last person anyone will listen to. He’s a stranger to her mom. Practically one to Shiloh. Ellis will see him as a threat. Who knows what he’ll do? He could have a weapon Shiloh isn’t aware of, and he might not be afraid to use it. Lucas would much rather take her straight to his place, where he knows she’ll be safe, and he tells her so. They can call her mom from there.
“I have to see her in person. For once I want her to look me in the eye and choose me, not him. And I want her to promise she’ll stop using. If she doesn’t, then, well, I’ll tell her I’m moving to California City with you. That you’ve given me a job, and I’ll finish high school there. That is, if I’m still welcome.”
Of course she is, but as with Ivy, he can’t make promises. Until he straightens his own issues, he doesn’t know what commitments he can make.
There’s also another not so tiny issue.
“It won’t work.” Her mom will call the police on him if he takes in Shiloh without her permission. He’s already crossing that line.
“How do we know if we don’t try?”
He groans his annoyance. He doesn’t.
“You know I’m right.”
He knocks his forehead against the door. “Yes, I do.” They won’t know what her mom will say or do unless they try. And Shiloh’s well-being is worth that try. The same goes with Lily. He can’t control how she’ll react when he confesses what he did. But he can no longer put off making that first step. He has to try, even at the risk she’ll never want to see him again.
As for him and Shiloh, he already knows her mother will never allow her to live with him, not with his record and lack of parenting experience. Not that Harmony’s one to talk. But he might be able to convince one of his sisters to look after her. Because he can’t leave her in New Mexico where Ellis has access to her.
“All right. We’ll go see Lily tomorrow; then I’ll take you home.”
34
Lily’s book signing is outside at the Grove, an upscale shopping plaza, and the turnout is insane. People mill about, waiting for a chance to meet the author Jenna Mason.
