The Perfect Moment Beyond, page 21
part #3 of The Perfect Moment Series
"You're struggling," The Designer remarked.
"Is it that obvious?"
"Yes, but even if it weren't, I would know. Your struggle is a natural result of assimilation, separation and being in close proximity to the Great Community. Merging with your past counterpart will go a long way toward helping you resist the Community's pull."
With a tap of the touchscreen panel, The Designer opened the dual shuttle bay doors. "Good luck."
"May the Force be with me," Emily quipped.
The Designer stared blankly at her.
"It's a reference to..." Emily lifted her hands, palms forward. "Never mind."
She walked past The Designer and into the shuttle bay without another word. She fully expected to hear a few more parting words before she reached the shuttle, but the thud and the hiss of the shuttle bay doors closing and sealing behind her shattered that expectation.
She stopped just short of the pilot side door and looked back. The Designer was watching her through the window. Emily gave The Designer a slight smile and a subtle wave and waited for The Designer to return the wave before climbing into the shuttle.
She ran her fingers over the console, prompting the shuttle to hum to life. The procedure had become second nature to her, as effortless as starting a car in the 21st Century. She tapped the console to open the external shuttle bay doors. The dual sliding doors retracted from one another with a hiss. She was confident enough in her piloting skills to engage forward thrusters before the doors had fully opened. The shuttle glided through the opening doors with just enough room on both sides to vacate Encounter without scratching the shuttle. Not that she was particularly interested in whether or not she scratched the shuttle.
She pulled a hard left to put her destination directly ahead of her and watched it grow through the viewport with Earth providing an all too tempting backdrop. Earth seemed to be reaching past the outbound Encounter and whispering seductively into her ear, inviting her to fly the shuttle right past the outbound Encounter, to go straight home, to be with her family, her one and only true family, the only family she had ever known. And she so desperately wanted to accept the invitation. Temptation clawed at her. Her hands twitched over the console. Her chest pounded with the struggle. What was the point in resisting what she so desperately desired? she reasoned. Why not just give herself what she clearly wanted?
No! She was strong. She would not give in. She’d merged with past counterpart countless times before. She would do it again―one last time.
But the struggle was becoming increasingly more difficult with each pass through the loop. If she had merged with her past counterpart countless times before, and that decision had led her right back to a position of having to make that very same decision again and again with the struggle becoming increasingly more difficult with each pass through the loop, perhaps it was a sign; perhaps she had made the wrong choice.
Or perhaps the Great Community was tightening its grip on her. Perhaps the Great Community was desperate to have her back, desperate to have the rock, desperate to have the race of corporeal slaves that would evolve from the microorganisms the rock was carrying. Perhaps the Community was using this opportunity to pull her away from The Designer's watchful eye.
"Hang on, Emily," she whispered to herself. "Hang on. You got this."
She crossed Encounter's starboard side, pulled a U-turn behind the vessel and slowed to a crawl along the port side before coming to a complete stop next to the airlock. She eased the starboard side of the shuttle up against the airlock. The sound of the shuttle door connecting to the airlock was the exclamation point to the commitment she’d made. She was going to see this thing through. She breathed a sigh of relief as if she had just averted some kind of disaster.
She didn't hesitate, jumping from her seat and heading for the door. She looked through the window to find exactly what she expected to find. It was like looking in a mirror. It was like looking at The Designer. But the face on the other side of the glass did not belong to her doppelganger. And despite the fact that she fully expected to find her slightly younger self on the other side of the window, it didn't do much to prevent her from feeling as if she were having an out of body experience. And the fact that she was in flux, feeling the Great Community's pull, didn't make the moment any less surreal. She still had nerve endings, and she was feeling nervous.
The shuttle door and Encounter's exterior airlock door opened simultaneously. She stepped into the airlock and received the same smile she had flashed two weeks earlier. Inbound Emily reciprocated the smile and immediately concluded that she had been right two weeks earlier. The smile had been forced. She wasn't feeling the smile now, in the moment, so she dropped it. She didn't want to fake it. She didn't want to lie to herself.
Despite her previous trips through the loop, the question that was on her lips was not a deception. She was still confused. "What is happening to us?"
"The Great Community warned us that this would happen."
The Great Community. She still believed in the Great Community. Of course she did. Why wouldn't she? She hadn't been where her future counterpart had been. She didn't know what her future counterpart knew. And her past counterpart wouldn't believe it if she told her. Such was her past counterpart's faith in the Great Community. She wouldn't believe herself. She wouldn't believe the truth if it came from her very own mouth. It wouldn't be enough to tell her past counterpart. She would have to show her.
No, she couldn't show her. The Designer had warned her about the dangers of revealing too much information about her future. How could she have forgotten this crucial advice so quickly and easily? Something was happening to her. She was becoming increasingly more confused.
She furrowed her brow as her future counterpart had two weeks earlier. "I don't understand. I'm confused. Everything is...muddled."
"You don't remember. Fortunately for us, I do, but I won't remember for long. Soon, I will be where you are now."
The words sounded familiar, but she was having trouble contextualizing them. "Don't remember. Don't remember what? What is happening to us?"
"We are removed from the Community, and the longer we are separated from the Community, the closer we come to our former corporeal selves."
Inbound Emily had known this. She had forgotten most of what she had experienced in the Great Community, but she had understood why she had forgotten. She had known exactly what was happening to her. But even that was beginning to slip away. She was as close to being a corporeal being as she had been since before she rejoined the Community on Eden, back when she only felt the Community's pull but didn't understand what was happening to her.
"We are starting down a path," her past counterpart continued, "one we have traveled down before. Do you remember?"
Inbound Emily probed the recesses of her addled mind for the memory. It was there, but it was hidden behind a thick blanket of fog and just out of reach.
She shook her head. "I don't...I don't remember."
Outbound Emily nodded. "I feared this would happen. We are transitioning faster than I believed was possible."
"Transitioning." That sounded familiar. "Transitioning to what?"
"Corporeal form."
Inbound Emily scanned the floor, searching for the memory that she knew existed but couldn't access, a memory that she’d been able to access before boarding the outbound Encounter.
Her eyes met those of her past counterpart. "This is apparently something that I knew at one time...but I've forgotten."
Her past counterpart nodded. "Don't you feel it? Don't you feel your physical form taking hold?" She felt something, but she didn't know what it meant.
She was frightened. No, terrified! Her chest pounded. It shouldn't have been. She didn't have a chest. Or did she?
"Your hands, they're shaking. Why is that?"
She raised her hands, held them apart from one another. They were shaking. There was no denying it. And with that acknowledgment came the sliver of a memory, something akin to the truth. "How is this possible? We've shed our skin."
"The filter of the flesh is beginning to take hold. It is robbing you of your memories, and it will soon rob me of mine. Shedding our skin is a euphemism. It's not entirely accurate. We don't actually shed our skin. We absorb it. It's there within us. It's always there. Our link to one another within the Great Community keeps it at bay, or more accurately, it allows the best part of ourselves to shine."
Inbound Emily made no effort to conceal the fear and confusion from her countenance. On the contrary, she wanted her past counterpart to pick up on it and offer her something, a series of wise words that would alleviate the fear and lift the fog of confusion that had suddenly settled all around her.
Her past counterpart's smile was a promising start. "Fear not, Emily. This condition is temporary. You're almost home. Once you rejoin the Great Community, your physical form will be reabsorbed."
Reassured by the words of her past counterpart, inbound Emily allowed a faint smile to touch her lips.
"If that's what you really want."
Inbound Emily's smile morphed into a frown. "If that's what I really want? Of course that's what I...what we want." She regarded her past counterpart. "Isn't it? I mean, why would you say such a thing?"
"Oh, nothing. Forget I said anything." She had the distinct feeling that her past counterpart was teasing her. But she couldn't be certain. One thing she was certain of was that she was not about to let outbound Emily drop a tease like that without elaboration.
"No, out with it. Yes, my head is a bit muddled, so I need your help on this one. You seem to know something I don't."
Her past counterpart hesitated, appearing to consider her next words carefully. "Well, I would say that you remember how it felt as we were departing Earth. That, of course, was two weeks ago for you, moments ago for me. I would tell you that you remember the strange sensation as our physical shell began to take hold, that longing for a simpler time, but of course, you don't remember, do you?"
Inbound Emily reached back, but she remembered no such sensation, nor did she remember longing for a simpler time.
She shook her head.
"Of course you don't. Well, let me remind you. It's thrilling! The touch of David's hand. The warmth of his lips. That's something we can't experience in non-corporeal form. That's something we never had the opportunity to explore at length before we rejoined the Great Community. There's nothing like that sensation when the corporeal form begins to take hold. The human touch is new. It's exciting. Surely, you know what I'm talking about. You've had an additional two weeks with David."
There was a change. Something was different about this trip through the loop. Her mind may have been muddled, but she was certain that her response to her past counterpart was going to be different than it had been during her previous trips through the loop because the circumstances had changed. She was going to answer the question honestly. How could she lie to herself?
"I know exactly what you're talking about." It was a perfectly honest response that wouldn't pollute the timeline any further. Sure, she wanted to tell her past counterpart that she and David had been intimate. But she couldn't, and the extreme irony of not being able to share that beautiful moment with herself was not lost on her.
She gave her past counterpart a smile, and the smile was reciprocated.
"Yet, you're still returning. You're willing to give up your body and return to the Great Community."
She hesitated, lost in a state of mental and emotional flux, before shaking the cobwebs from her mind. "This is not why we're here, Emily. You're forgetting yourself, and you're forgetting the mission."
Her past counterpart nodded. "Right, the mission. You have something to share with me, something that will help us to avoid the situation we find ourselves in. So lay it on me."
Inbound Emily lifted her hands, examined them. They weren't shaking anymore. She rubbed her forearms. They felt more real, more solid, than they had since before she rejoined the Great Community. Was the transition complete? Would she be able to merge with her past counterpart?
"Don't worry," her past counterpart attempted to reassure her. "You haven't completed the transition yet. We're both non-corporeal. You're much closer to completing the transition than I am, but we can do this."
Inbound Emily was reassured. She was still a non-corporeal being. She could still merge with her past counterpart. She just had to focus.
"But before we do," her past counterpart said, "I have a favor to ask of you."
Inbound Emily was nonplussed.
Her past counterpart extended her hand. "Will you give me your hand?"
Inbound Emily raised her hand. "We can do that?"
"We can." Her past counterpart nodded toward the cockpit. "They can't." She flashed an inviting smile. "Give me your hand."
"Of course."
Her past counterpart glided toward her gracefully, never taking her eyes from inbound Emily's. She took inbound Emily's hand. Her past counterpart's touch was only vaguely familiar. Outbound Emily raised her other hand, inviting her future counterpart to take it. Inbound Emily accepted the invitation. Their fingers intertwined. Inbound Emily was only vaguely aware of the fact that she had been in this position before.
"Let go of the Great Community for a moment. Don't push the physical away. Embrace it. Allow yourself to feel."
Inbound Emily followed her past counterpart's advice, taking what was only vaguely familiar and allowing it to become intimate.
Her past counterpart said, "It gives a whole new meaning to touching yourself, doesn't it?"
What a strange thing to hear herself say. But she laughed all the same. Her past counterpart laughed along with her.
When the laughter subsided, they remained silent, gazing into one another's eyes. Inbound Emily was seeing herself, literally and figuratively seeing herself. She saw everything she had ever embraced and shunned about herself all wrapped up in this beautiful package standing before her. And she loved herself as she never had before. She was beautiful. Everything about her was beautiful. And she knew that she had come to that realization two weeks earlier, and as she was approaching Earth, approaching the Great Community, she had almost forgotten how much she loved herself.
The kiss was a powerful statement. She didn't need the Great Community to find her identity, to give her life meaning. She had already found her identity. The meaning of her life had always been there. She didn't need the Great Community, and neither did humanity.
Their lips parted. Outbound Emily opened them to offer her future counterpart a few more words of wisdom, but inbound Emily gently placed her index finger over those lips.
"Shh. I've already made my choice."
Her past counterpart smiled as inbound Emily withdrew her finger. "Do you have something you want to share with me?"
With the fog of confusion beginning to lift, inbound Emily said, "I most certainly do."
Without having to focus, with no effort at all, inbound Emily allowed her consciousness to expand, to envelope her physical form. Her physical form was phased, the molecules of her body scattered through different points in time. If corporeal eyes were watching, they would have seen a ball of golden light.
Her past counterpart mirrored her actions.
Two spheres of consciousness belonging to the same individual. Two spheres of consciousness from two different timelines. They moved toward one another and merged, became one.
Within this single sphere of consciousness, time opened up, became irrelevant. The two Emily's, sharing this single sphere of consciousness, could go anywhere at any time. But there was a restriction: one had to take the other. Neither could access the others experiences without being invited. Inbound Emily had two weeks of experiences on her past counterpart, most of which she couldn't share.
But there was one very important piece of information that she had to share with her past counterpart. She had to share the nature of the loop with her. She had to show her where it began and where it ended.
Her suicide attempt was where it all began―the loop and the Great Migration. Her suicide attempt was the catalyst for the Great Migration. Someone or something was watching. Someone or something knew where all of this was heading. And someone or something was giving her a second chance. The loop was her second chance.
We can close the loop and stop the Great Migration in one fell swoop, inbound Emily communicated to her past counterpart. You were right. We were right. The Great Migration has been a disaster. The Great Community is mental and emotional slavery. The mind and the body coexist. They are partners. They have a symbiotic relationship. They compliment one another.
There will be sacrifices, outbound Emily communicated. Major sacrifices. Closing the loop would mean...
We will be much older when David becomes aware, inbound Emily finished her past counterpart's thought.
If we live that long.
We won't be with David.
We won't fall in love with him.
He won't fall in love with us.
Let's not forget about Richard, George, Elexa and Deanna.
We won't know them.
Well, if we live long enough, we may get to meet them.
The two Emily's considered the situation.
We really don't have much of choice, inbound Emily communicated.
Of course we don't.
The two spheres of consciousness separated and allowed the molecules of their semi-corporeal forms to return to the present.
"If all goes according to plan," outbound Emily said, "this is going to be the last time we meet like this."
Inbound Emily smiled at her past counterpart. "It's been a pleasure getting to know you."
"Likewise."
Inbound Emily turned and headed toward her shuttle. She reached the outer airlock door and stopped. There was something she needed to say, something she was certain her past counterpart was waiting to hear. She turned, looked at her past counterpart, looked at herself, and said, "I love you."
