I'm the Bad Guy!?: Shadow Over Ziral, page 5
[I’m detecting that you’re hungry. Is that correct?]
“Yes, I’m starving.”
[Think of something you’d like to eat from Earth.]
“That’s easy.” I snorted. “I want an extra-large pizza smothered in cheese, spicy sausage, and pepperoni.”
[Would you prefer white or red sauce?]
“White— No! Red.”
[It’ll cost ninety-six points. Is that all right?]
Holy— Is this actually happening??
“Yes!”
[Understood.] The construct’s body flashed white, then red, then black, then let out a high-pitched ring. The smell that assaulted my nose was… Perfection. It’d haunted my dreams for months on end but always remained out of reach. An opening appeared on the front of the construct, through which emerged a rather large metal box. I could see swirling steam trickle out of tiny holes that littered the lid.
[Would you like anything else?] It asked as I took the box in hand.
I opened it, gazed upon its perfection, then quickly slammed the lid back into place.
“I’d kill for a liter of soda.”
Chapter Six
I groaned as I came awake. My stomach was cramping something fierce, and my bladder was full to the point of bursting, but it was so worth it. I sighed contentedly, slowly climbed out of a bed large enough for seven people, and immediately set out to make myself feel alive.
Pizza and soda were great, but by god, they make me feel sluggish.
A servant girl brought a steaming cup of tea and a few pieces of peeled fruit into my room at around 6:30 a.m. As with most female servants of the emperor, she wore an expensive-looking dress in red and gold—the imperial color scheme.
The male servants, butlers and such, usually wore white long-sleeved shirts beneath an embroidered red and gold vest depicting twin lions on the left breast.
I filled my stomach and got some much-needed caffeine into my system, then took a quick bath and began getting ready for the day.
Today’s outfit consisted of dark slacks, a brown long-sleeved tunic, and my favorite green vest. The shoes and socks that I wore were my standard pair: dark leather boots and wool socks that both kept my feet warm in the cool autumn weather and gave my ankles much-needed support for the trials ahead.
I pulled my dark leather belt tight around my waist and fastened it with a grunt of annoyance.
I was happy that I’d slimmed down, don’t get me wrong, but I hadn’t had time to purchase a new wardrobe yet. That meant pretty much all of my clothes were ill-fitting and hung off me like a loose bedsheet.
With everything fastened the way it should be, I took a moment to inspect my reflection in the full-length mirror hanging inside the walk-in closet.
I looked better than I used to, bloated as I was, though, I would still never call myself handsome. My shoulders were slightly broader than they used to be, and much of the baby fat around my face was beginning to fall away.
I wondered if I would eventually look like my father. I imagined what I would look like with his hooked nose and shuddered.
Please no… Just… No.
I let out a quick sigh and scratched at the back of my head. My hair was getting longer than I liked; my bangs now hung below my eyes and did little to make me look like the noble I was supposed to be.
I need to ask if one of the servant girls knows how to cut hair.
Though I was still uncomfortable with asking them to do what I believed I could do myself, I didn’t trust myself with a pair of scissors. The only way I would even dare to cut my own hair was if I was planning on shaving it all off and becoming a monk—a plan that wouldn’t seem all too bad, were it not for the fact that most monks were required to be vegetarian.
I loved animals, especially grilled, or sautéed with garlic butter.
All jokes aside, if it came down to asking someone to cut my hair or giving up meat for the rest of my life… Well, the answer should be obvious.
I peeked out the only window in the room, which was actually a glass door that led out onto a small balcony overlooking the heart of the capital city, Zilren.
Like most authors who couldn’t come up with a better design for a city, the author of God’s Favored Arcanist designed Zilren to resemble a giant wheel. Each district connected to another in a never-ending loop; the only thing separating them were seven dividing walls that extended inwards from the outer walls.
Sitting at the center of this giant wheel, on a plateau only accessible via a single road, was the palace. Gesshin and his three wives lived here year-round, only leaving in the event of an emergency or the rare vacation.
The sun rising over Zilren’s outer wall was beautiful. The way the shadows danced over the various buildings was mesmerizing, especially in the entertainment district. With its high-roofed buildings made of some kind of reflective metal, the entire district looked like a rainbow for half the morning.
It’s a shame someone my age couldn’t find much to do in said (entertainment) district. They tended to frown on clients who had yet to reach maturity waltzing through their doors.
With my sightseeing done. I walked to the door, picking up my robe from where I’d thrown it over the back of the couch along the way, and headed out to begin my day.
I always went outside first thing in the morning. It was the only time I was allowed any peace at the academy, and now it was simply habit.
Along the way, I greeted the numerous servants and soldiers I crossed. None of the soldiers had anything to say to me, which wasn’t surprising. None of them held me in very high regard, no matter what the emperor said.
The scowls and sneers that crossed their face every time they saw me were evidence enough of that. Though they did a wonderful job of hiding it whenever the emperor was around, I guessed they didn’t mind if I saw what they really thought.
I only wish I had any cares to give.
These soldiers were as inconsequential to me as the literal insects outside. I would be surprised to learn if any of them even had a real name, but that could just be my pettiness talking.
When I first arrived at the palace, I did my very best to be sociable. I stayed out of trouble, always helped however and wherever I could. But despite that, none of the soldiers took to me.
They looked at me like they expected me to sprout horns, a spiky tail, and call myself the Demon King.
In stark contrast to the soldiers, the servants all treated me very well. They greeted me by name, some made jokes at my expense, which I didn’t mind since I did the same to them, and others asked how my morning was going.
I was even lucky enough to run into one of my favorite servants, the head servant Lucian. He was a thin, balding man in his sixties with gray eyes, silver-white hair, and black rimless glasses balanced precariously atop his nose.
I’d met Lucian during my first visit to the palace and quickly befriended the older man.
“Pleasant morning, Master Ulvani?” he asked in a smooth tone. The genuine happiness in his eyes as he looked at me was enough to make me smile.
“So far, Lucian. Anyone else awake?”
“The emperor, of course. I imagine your father is also awake, but I haven’t seen him yet. I should warn you, though, someone is quite upset that you haven’t made time to come see them yet.”
I felt my eye twitch, and a feeling of utter dread settled in the pit of my stomach.
She’s going to kill me.
“Thanks for the warning. Any idea when she’ll wake up?”
Lucian shrugged a single shoulder, and there was more elegance in that single motion than I would be capable of in my entire life.
Damn anime characters and their inhuman movements.
A few months ago, Lucian wouldn’t have been caught dead shrugging. It wasn’t proper for a servant of the emperor to respond to a noble in such a way, but I’d finally worn him down and gotten the old bastard to relax.
“Right. Well, thanks for the heads up. If you don’t see me again, I want you to delete my search history.”
“Pardon?”
“Stupid joke. Don’t worry about it,” I replied while waving him off.
“Ah…” He had a look on his face that said he wanted to ask what I meant, but his sense of professionalism kept him from doing so.
“I best be off. Have a good morning, Lucian.”
“You as well, Master Ulvani. I’m praying that I will not have to, as you put it, ‘Delete your search history,’ whatever that means.”
“Thanks… I think.” I waved him goodbye and continued walking through the twisting corridors of the palace.
The place was a literal maze of doors, hallways, and dead ends. However, I’m proud to say that I only got lost four times on my way to the front door—a new record, considering the last time I was here I got lost twelve times a day.
I passed through the throne room on my way out the door, pausing only for a moment to stare down at the place those criminals had met their end.
In a sense, I pitied them. They were criminals, enemy soldiers who would no doubt slaughter innocents if given the order. I’m kidding, of course, I don’t pity them at all.
They deserved everything they got and more. But thinking like that is likely the reason I wasn’t reincarnated as the hero of this story.
Masato was kind, even to his enemies.
Which is probably why he ended up sleeping with most of them.
I snorted at the thought and continued walking toward the door.
I reached up and placed my palm flat against the heavy, gilded door leading to the outside world and began to push. Normally, this would be something the two guards standing on either side of the door were supposed to do, but as previously stated, soldiers didn’t really like me.
The door swung open soundlessly despite its size, and I stepped into the courtyard.
Waist-high bushes with several dozen varieties of flowers every color of the rainbow surrounded the courtyard.
Every morning and every night, the steps leading down to the concrete patio, as well as the patio itself, were dutifully swept clean of any loose debris or dirt that may have been tracked through.
The most important fixture of the courtyard was the massive stone lions standing guard on each side of the courtyard. The western lion looked angry; its body was in prime pouncing position. This was clearly the one who took his job seriously, as the eastern lion looked almost lazy in comparison and looked absolutely bored with its chosen duty.
The sound of feet slapping against tile caught my attention. I turned around and looked through the door. The girl running toward me was beautiful for her age. She had fair skin, disheveled wavy brown hair that hung slightly past her shoulders, and bright blue eyes that reminded me of the sky on a cloudless day.
In a few years, I had no doubt that this girl would grow into a world-class beauty that would take my breath away. I know, because that’s the way it was when she was just an anime character.
“Good morning, Kami—Oof!” I grunted as the thirteen-year-old missile slammed into my chest, carrying us both down the steps and onto the unforgiving concrete patio at the bottom of the stairs.
Luckily, my head broke our fall.
None of which Kami seemed to notice. The first imperial princess was too busy trying to break my ribs with a hug to even notice the fact that my face was turning blue from the lack of oxygen getting to my brain.
“Uncle, uncle—” I gasped as I patted her on the back in an attempt to tap out of this submission hold.
After a few more seconds of trying to squeeze my organs out of my mouth like I was an oversized tube of toothpaste, Kami lifted her head and placed her chin at the center of my chest.
Her big blue eyes stared up at me, and if I wasn’t already entirely out of oxygen, they likely would’ve taken my breath away again.
Stupid teenage body with its stupid teenage hormones.
“I don’t see you for three weeks, and then you don’t even tell me that you’re coming to visit?” Her arms tightened around my back in response to her annoyance and her eyes flashed gold.
See, Kami and her father shared a rather unique form of magic—one that allowed them to assume the aspects of the mythic class lion who legends say was the patriarch of their family.
I don’t know how true that statement is, but it was a fact that both had the ability to become much more feral when the mood suited them, though, that ability seemed to run much deeper in the emperor than it did in Kami.
“It was kind of short notice. I only found out the day before yesterday. No time to send a letter,” I said in between pained gasps. Between my head and my lack of oxygen, everything was starting to get kind of psychedelic.
That’s probably not a good thing…
Kami narrowed her eyes for a long moment, then let out a sigh and sat up until she was straddling me—a position I definitely didn’t want to be in.
In one quick motion, I grabbed her around her waist, picked her up off my lap, and placed her on the ground beside me.
I climbed to my feet and headed back inside. Any thoughts of going for my morning jog had been literally knocked out of me, and all I wanted to do now was go back to bed.
But even that was taken from me when Kami grabbed me by my wrist and started pulling me deeper into the palace.
“I’m glad I caught you before you disappeared again. Dad asked me to grab you for breakfast in his private chambers.”
“I passed fifty servants on the way here. So, why did he send you?”
“I’m not sure. Something about how I would be the only one able to convince you,” she said with a lighthearted laugh.
Well… He’s not exactly wrong.
I bowed my head and followed after Kami silently, fully accepting of my fate.
I’ll get you back for this, Gesshin. Mark my words. You might have swung first, but I’ll be the one left standing when the day is done.
Chapter Seven
Kami led me into a high-ceilinged room, somewhere near the center of the palace… Probably?
I’d gotten lost after the fifth turn and had given up trying to remember my way back out. At some point, I was going to need to draw a map to the most important places: my room, the library, the kitchen, and a smattering of escape routes to the outside world.
You know, the essentials.
The room was decorated lavishly with gold and silver, ruby and sapphire, and other precious metals that made me uncomfortable.
When I’d first arrived in this world, I was so fascinated by everything that I didn’t really care what was around me. But after being stuck here for the last several months, that novelty has slowly worn away, leaving me with the feeling of dread every time I think about how many people could’ve been fed just from selling the gems inlaid into the twenty-five-foot-long table in the center of the room.
Sitting around the table were the emperor, his three wives, my parents—who looked almost as annoyed as I felt—and the bearded man I’d seen in the throne room yesterday. My gaze lingered on him for a while longer than was proper, but something about him seemed familiar to me.
It’s like that feeling you get when you see something you recognize, and though the name is right on the tip of your tongue, it becomes mist and slips through your fingertips before you can vocalize it.
Then my eyes landed on an emblem sewn into the fabric of his dark tunic: a yellow tower shield served as the background for a bow, which had twelve arrows pointing toward what would be numbers on a clock.
Seeing the symbol caused a spark of recognition to flare in my subconscious. There was only one family in the anime who supported such an odd-looking symbol, the Talto dukedom, led by the barrier master Duke Adus Erlataz Talto, a well-known supporter of the empire.
Duke Adus was also the father of one of Kami’s closest friends, Shana Talto. Closer inspection of the bearded man’s eyes revealed that they were the same striking shade of gray as Shana’s.
My eyes widened as further recognition dawned on me. I’d met this man before a few months ago, during the party Gesshin threw to celebrate our acceptance into the academy.
I felt like an ass for forgetting the man, but in my defense, there were other things going on that night, such as my father dueling Lord Tomas Malkfey as punishment for his son bullying Aren—the original Aren.
There was also the little incident of me waking up in Kami’s bed the following morning, which, as you might’ve guessed, didn’t end well.
The duke noticed my prolonged gaze and glanced in my direction. The moment our eyes met, my body froze as wave after wave of unmitigated bloodlust washed over me.
My body broke out in a cold sweat. My knees went weak, my arms grew heavy, and I was suddenly worried about throwing up.
Thank God I didn’t have spaghetti for dinner.
Speaking of which— my eyes landed on the spread set out on the table, and my stomach railed in protest at the fact that I wasn’t already eating.
“Adus, enough,” Gesshin commanded without looking up from his breakfast.
“But, my emperor. He—”
“Has done nothing wrong,” my father interjected with a bored look on his face. His white-knuckled grip on the glass sitting in front of him told me more about his true emotional state than his face ever could’ve.
“What, uh— What did I not do?”
“So, you admit it?” Adus exclaimed, slamming his fist down on the table. “I told you— I told you! Boys his age can only think of one thing.”
“I admit to nothing except being utterly confused. Can someone please, tell me what’s going on?”
My father never removed his gaze from Adus’s face, but I could see the corner of his lips twitching upward.
I get the feeling that the day’s going to go quickly downhill unless I say something. The last thing we need is another duel.
