This was mortifying. My stomach was roiling.

  “Well, we’re in a bit of a hurry,” Melody’s mom said, seeming frazzled. “It was nice meeting you both.”

  Melody waved at me as they passed, but I couldn’t help but spot a glint of something unfriendly in her eye.

  “Why did you have to tell them what was wrong?” I asked.

  “What?” Mom said. “Just being honest.”

  I would never hear the end of this. Why did it have to be Melody, of all of them?

  Mom sniffed. “Can you get some ground turkey?”

  I nodded and headed over. I returned with the bagged meat and she was still crying silently, maybe worse than before. “You want me to drive?”

  She stepped to the side, wiping her eyes again. I really hoped we didn’t run into anyone else. Still, it was a good thing she wore waterproof mascara, or we’d have an even bigger disaster on our hands. I started pushing the cart along next to the open coolers and she picked up a package of bacon. “I feel like treating myself,” she said.

  “Cool.” I smiled, but it was hard. I was thinking about Mateo. I sort of got why Mom was so upset, but I did think she should have gotten better by now. It had been weeks. What if we moved soon? This made my heart ache. I mean, it was possible we’d stay in town—Mom had a date tonight—but I probably wouldn’t be at the same school. At least I could still meet everybody Saturday nights. But I’d miss seeing him at school every day.

  I followed Mom down the toilet paper aisle. She put a big pack on the bottom of the cart and then stopped in front of the paper towels.

  Mateo. I should tell him that I loved him the next time we were alone. I wanted him to know.

  The thought that we would have to leave made my eyes burn. I just couldn’t cry at the grocery store, too. Mom could, but I wasn’t going to.

  This was dumb, anyway. We weren’t leaving yet. I shouldn’t be getting so upset.

  I pushed on my eyes to keep myself from losing it.

  Mom picked some paper towels and set them in the cart. “That’s all we need.”

  “Cool.” Now my voice sounded a little husky. I forced a smile as she turned to look at me. She must have believed the smile because she turned back around, and I followed her to the cash register.

  I made it all the way home and begged off unloading with a fake headache, and when I finally got to my bedroom, I texted Mateo a bunch of hearts and tried not to cry too hard.

  Monday lunch felt normal until Mateo touched my arm before it was over and said, “Let’s go for a walk.”

  I smiled at first because I thought we’d go behind one of the buildings and make out for a few minutes. But then I saw his face. He wasn’t smiling and his eyes were not twinkling.

  After we dropped off our trays, he didn’t take my hand like I expected and I wondered about that as we walked toward the classroom building, so I tried to take his and he stopped and turned to face me.

  “Listen,” he said.

  He sounded so serious. My heart started racing as the sun beat down on us.

  “Okay,” I finally said.

  He looked over my shoulder. “So the thing is.” He stopped.

  “What?” I asked shakily.

  He took a deep breath and looked at the ground.

  The sun shot straight at me no matter where I looked. I squinted and when I peered at him all I saw was dancing spots from the sun.

  “There’s another girl.”

  He might as well have slapped me. “Another girl?”

  He nodded and looked off to the side.

  I already wanted to cry, but I really didn’t want to start here. I couldn’t speak.

  “So, I guess I’ll see you around,” he said, looking up but past me again. Then he walked off a little before stopping.

  Kids were coming out of the cafeteria.

  There was Melody. As she passed me she made an exaggerated frowny face and motioned with her finger down her cheek. Like a tear. I barely remembered the grocery store, I was so numb. Then she met up with Mateo and he took her hand.

  I was about to throw up. I couldn’t hold the tears in anymore. They made rivers on my cheeks. I waited for my group to get inside and then went and hid in a bathroom stall.

  And cried like a baby, just more quietly.

  Oh, my God. How could he do that to me? And with Melody? And why did she have to be so mean about it?

  I sat there for a long time, stomach twisting. I threw away so much tear-soaked toilet paper. The bell had rung earlier, but I had no idea what time it was.

  I opened the stall door and looked at my puffy face. It looked awful. I was just like Mom.

  This just made me start all over again, because I knew this agony was going to last for weeks.

  After a while I calmed down and splashed water on my face. I waited until the ending bell rang and then went to the nurse and told her I felt horrible and needed to go home.

  I waited for Mom in the office, still having to wipe tears from my face. It was humiliating and I just needed her to get there.

  I was staring at my Chucks, noting how dirty the white looked next to the bright green when Mom finally got to the office.

  “What’s wrong, honey?” she asked.

  This made me start really crying again.

  “We’ll talk in the car.” She took my hand and pulled me up and then threw her arm around me. I stared at the floor while she signed me out.

  We reached her gray Corolla and she opened the door for me, helping me inside because I was still a mess.

  When she got in, she asked, “What happened, honey?”

  “Mateo broke up with me.” I hiccupped on a sob.

  She scooted over so she could hug me. “I’m so sorry, sweetie. I’ll never understand how anyone could break up with you.”

  I cried for a little while longer, with her still hugging me, until she finally said, “I think we need some ice cream.”

  I wiped my eyes as she started the car, but I wasn’t done. How was it possible to feel this horrible?

  We went by McDonalds and she got me a Butterfinger McFlurry.

  I numbly stuck the spoon in and got a big chunk of Butterfinger and chewed it. Eating the thing on the way home did not make me feel better, but it did taste good, so it was a little distracting.

  Mom parked in Grammy’s driveway and she squeezed my free hand.

  I followed her inside and Grammy met us at the door. “What happened? Are you okay, Sarah?”

  I felt stupid and was still crying and holding onto my McFlurry.

  “Mateo just broke her heart,” Mom said.

  I didn’t even look at Grammy’s face because I was afraid she might look happy. Or annoyed.

  “I’m sorry, sweetie,” she said. She hugged me.

  “I’m going to go to my room,” I said.

  “Sure,” Mom said. “Let me know if you need anything.”

  I needed Mateo, that’s what I needed. But he wasn’t mine anymore.

  I cried and cried until I fell asleep.

  I eventually woke up, fresh tears squeezing their way out as I thought about Mateo. I wiped my still-puffy cheeks and sat up. I thought of the Oreos Grammy had in the kitchen. Grammy was sitting on the living room couch, reading. I knew Mom was at work.

  “You’re up,” she said.

  I nodded.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Do we have Oreos?”

  “We do.” She closed her book and got up. She put her arm around me and led me to the kitchen. She pulled the Oreos out of the cabinet and turned the kettle on. I sat down and pulled out one cookie and looked at it.

  It looked like a normal Oreo. How was this possible when everything was different now? My mouth slipped into a deep frown and I had to deal with even more tears.

  While Grammy prepared the hot chocolate, I started munching on the cookie. When I was finished, I said, “Grammy, how can I feel this awful? I feel like I could die.”

  “I know, sweetie. Breakups are always hard, especially when you don’t expect them.”

  “I didn’t! I thought everything was great. How could I have missed everything? And Melody. God.”

  Grammy didn’t say anything as the kettle clicked off. She brought me my cocoa and sat down across from me.

  “I’m not going to say I know how you feel, but I’ve had my heart broken, too.”

  “You have?” She never talked about this stuff.

  She nodded and took a sip. “Your grandfather, for one. He was the love of my life, and taken so young. It never seemed fair.”

  He’d been killed in a car accident when he was thirty-four and Mom was ten.

  Even though I was a little queasy, I pulled out another Oreo. “I wish I’d gotten to meet him.”

  “Me too. He would have adored you.” She smiled sadly and took another sip of her cocoa.

  I finished my cookie. “How long did it take you to feel better?”

  “A long time, honey. But the shorter the relationship, the quicker you recover, usually.”

  “So you think it won’t take me very long?”

  She squeezed my hand. “I hope not. But I can’t make any promises. Every time, and everyone, is different.”

  I nodded.

  “You know what one of the best cures is?”

  “What?”

  “Any distraction. Start a new knitting project.”

  I tried to mentally refocus on my knitting. Wasn’t I going to do something new? I brushed my hair back and thought. Oh, yeah. “I was going to make a video of me making a potato. I guess I can still do that. Can I borrow your phone when I’m ready?” The camera on my laptop was broken for some reason—it showed all these vertical colored lines down the shot—and I no longer had a smart phone, so hers was the only option.

  “Of course.”

  I nodded and took a sip of the cocoa. Then an image of Mateo staring at the ground while telling me he’d found someone came into my head, and I was crying again. Found someone. Who’d been there the whole time, scheming until she finally got her way.

  This was horrible. I hated feeling this bad.

  “I know it’s hard, Sarah, but you will eventually get over him. I promise you that.”

  My jaw trembled as I tried to stop the tears.

  “Some day you’ll even wonder how you could care so much,” she continued. “It’s weird.”

  I closed my eyes and thought about everything. “I guess this was going to happen anyway. I’m sure we’re moving soon.”

  Grammy frowned. “Are you? Katie never said anything for certain.”

  “She’ll find someone soon.”

  “I see. You’d know it better than me.”

  “Just watch.” I took a sip.

  “Well, I’m going to miss having you around, and I hate that you never get to visit. I love you so much. You’re my best girl.”

  That almost made me smile. But not quite. “I know, I love you, too, Grammy.”

  I thought of Mateo again, and then for some reason thought of Mom and her various relationships. Was she always this bad? This took me back to wondering about what it had been like when my father left her. How did she handle that, with a baby me to take care of, too?

  It occurred to me that Grammy might know something. “Grammy?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Have you heard anything about my father? Do you know where he is?”

  “Oh, sweetie. You still want to see him again?”

  “I guess? Yeah.” Technically it would be seeing him again, not meeting him, but it didn’t feel that way to me. I’d been too young when he left.

  “He’s just going to disappoint you. He’s still not father material.”

  I perked up. “So you know something?”

  “Not really. I know he is out of the Air Force now. Still hasn’t settled down and moves all over the country.”

  Like me and Mom.

  “Honey. I really think meeting him would upset you more than help you. He’s not the knight in shining armor you’ve probably imagined.”

  “That’s not what I think.” I mean, it sort of was. When I was younger, I’d always imagined he had a big house with a yard full of toys. I hadn’t really updated the fantasy.

  She held my wrist. “Please don’t let yourself wish for too much with him.”

  “How do you know all this, anyway? Mom doesn’t know anything.”

  “I hear through the grapevine. He’s from here too, and his family is still here, as far as I know.”

  “If you can find out where he is, would you?”

  She sighed and let go of my arm. “I’ll try.”

  Maybe it would happen. I could hope.

  But there was Mateo in my head—and the pain in my chest—again. “I have to go lie down again,” I said. I hadn’t even finished half the hot chocolate.

  “When you feel a little better, start working on your potato.”

  I nodded and wiped even more tears away.

  The worst thing about this was that I had to go to school tomorrow. I’d see them all. Mateo and Melody.

  School the next week was as awful as I’d guessed it would be. All through Spanish class I had to see Mateo, and hear him. He avoided looking at me, which was horrible. I was nothing to him. I avoided them all at lunch, obviously, but I still saw them. And by Thursday, Melody was practically sitting on his lap at lunch.

  I ended up eating lunch with some other kids from one of my classes. They were pretty nice, but I still missed Mateo and my old friends. It was so hard to be dumped by not just your boyfriend, but an entire group of people. I wondered if any of them missed me. Probably they just felt sorry for me.

  Well, not Melody. She was gloating. Every time I saw her she still did that finger-down-the-cheek thing, which always made me have to fight tears. I mean, why did he like her? I didn’t understand what she had that I didn’t. It still made me cry when I thought too much about it.

  But Grammy was right about the distraction. I worked on my potato video over the next week and I’d finished it up this past Wednesday night. It was a series of short shots I’d taken with Grammy’s phone. After showing it to both her and Mom, I posted it later that night.

  Nobody had commented by Friday morning. So when I got home Friday afternoon, I opened up my laptop and navigated to YouTube.

  Two comments!

  The first one said, “This is very creative! I love love love it!”

  The second one was different. “Your video quality is crap, though the potato is cool. Fix your production. And I could barely hear your voice.”

  This was awesome! They liked it. I could see how the video quality wasn’t the best. I had no idea what I was doing. I’d have to study up on video production. But I counted this as a major success.

  I read the comments again. She triple loved it! I felt so cool.

  I dug into the internet looking for info on video making. I lost hours doing this before dinner, and got back to it afterward. When I heard Mom’s voice in the hall, I realized it was already after ten. I also had learned that I would need a real videocamera and a decent microphone. Editing software I would have to get for free because the real stuff was really expensive.

  It sounded like Mom was walking back to her room and Grammy was following her and they were talking, though I couldn’t understand them. They weren’t being loud enough, so I opened the door.

  “Where?” Grammy asked.

  “Montana,” Mom answered.

  “We’re moving?” I asked, stunned. Then I felt stupid for being surprised.

  They both turned to look at me.

  “Oh, hi, honey,” Mom said. “I was just about to come talk to you. Let me just put my bag down and I’ll be in.”

  My stomach roiled. I panicked at the thought of leaving, then realized I’d get away from constant reminders of Mateo and the Mom-crying imitations.

  But then that also meant I’d be leaving Grammy, which sucked.

  And Montana? What was in Montana? Mountains?

  I sat back at my desk. Grammy followed me in, stopping in the doorway. “I’ll sure miss you,” she said.

  My heart twisted. I really would miss her, too.

  She came in and kissed me on the head before leaving again.

  I read the two comments again, which temporarily brought me out of the funk.

  Mom came in and sat on the bed. Her eyes crinkled from how big her smile was.

  “Montana?” I said.

  She nodded. “His name is Larry. He’s really nice. I know you’ll like him.”

  I couldn’t help but doubt that. I never really cared for her boyfriends. Usually we just avoided each other. I never understood how she could get so into them, but she always did. Besides, I didn’t know why she had to travel all around the country to find these losers.

  “When are we moving?” I asked, almost relieved.

  “We’ll leave next weekend. Saturday morning.”

  One more week of torture at school. I could handle that.

  “Mom, look.” I picked up my laptop and walked over so she could read the comments.

  “What is this I’m looking at?”

  “Two people watched my video!”

  She squinted. “Oh, honey, that second one is just a grump. Don’t worry about it.”

  “I’m not.” I took the computer and sat back at my desk. “They both liked my potato. I’m going to make another one this week. Another carrot, following the design I did before.”

  “That’s great. I’m excited for you.”

  That’s when I realized something. I’d used Grammy’s phone to do the video. Mom hadn’t bought me a new smart phone since Steve’s, and her camera was still broken since she’d dropped her phone at Walmart on the way out here. “When can I get a new smart phone?”

  “Not for a while. We need to get there and get settled. I’ll need to find a job.”

  No! I was just getting started making videos and now I’d have to stop.

  Why couldn’t I have a normal mom? It was so unfair.

  “Start getting ready to leave, Sarah. Let me know if you need another duffel for all your knitting. Grammy really hooked you up, didn’t she?”

  I nodded. I had way more stuff now than I’d arrived with. Now I just had to pack everything up again. Again.

 

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