The Skeptic, page 23
I squeezed him tight and thought of what Pops would say. “It’s too soon to know how you’ll feel about anything, Dad. I think he’d remind you that you’re not done mourning him yet, and to stop trying to act like you are.”
Dad chuckled. “True. I have not yet given him his full due.”
“And you don’t want a jealous ghost on your hands.”
“Also true.”
“But, at the risk of upsetting you, I’ve gotta say—I’m with Pops on this one. You’re far too lovable and full of love. Look at the support you’ve given all the Lost Boys since he’s been gone. No one’s ever gonna take Pops’s place, but you can’t keep this big heart to yourself. Not forever.”
Dad looked up at me. “So… you would be okay if I started dating again?”
“Unquestionably,” I said without hesitation. “It’ll be hard, seeing someone else where Pops should be, but that’s okay.”
“How did you get so wise?”
“I was lucky enough to be adopted by the two most amazing men in the entire world.”
Dad knocked his forehead against my shoulder. “Holden, we have got to work on your hyperbole. Please at least add handsome and youthful to the adjectives.”
“You got it, my youthful, handsome, amazing dad.”
He rolled his eyes, then looked around. “Son, why are we standing in the middle of the sidewalk? Let’s go home and get some hot tea.”
I grinned and tilted my head at the Sold sign standing under a leafless ash tree.
“Huh,” he said. “I didn’t realize the Hollises had sold their house. Guess I’ve really had my head in the clouds.”
“It was a quick turnaround. Mrs. Hollis’s mom over in San Marcos passed away and left her that house in the will.”
“I didn’t realize her mom had passed. I wonder if it’s too late for me to send them some flowers.”
“Probably. The last day for them to get everything out is tomorrow.”
Dad wrinkled his brow. “How do you know all this? Are you on some sort of neighborhood gossip app?”
“Nope. I bought the place.”
Dad stared up at me. “You bought this house?”
“Yep.”
“But wasn’t your boss having a hard time with you working remotely?”
“Mm… about that.”
“Holden, what did you do?”
I pulled out my phone and tapped on an app. “I didn’t want to have to keep making cuts to my games because of their concerns about the bottom line, and I hated that my boss thought she had access to me twenty-four seven. So I’ve been working on something. It’s in the beta stages, but I think it has promise.”
When I started my current job, I’d negotiated to keep the rights for any games I developed that they passed on. Recently, I took a couple and consulted with child psychologists and child development experts to figure out how to both avoid harmful elements and actively include supportive elements.
I didn’t think I was going to need to worry about my own bottom line, considering how popular the game had been among the kids in my testing groups.
“So you’re quitting?”
“Yep. Turned in my notice this morning.”
His eyes widened. “That was very scary and brave of you.”
I laughed, overcome with nostalgia. “That’s what you and Pops would say every time I tried something new.”
“Still holds true,” he said, kissing my hand. “What does Beckett say about all this? The app, the house…”
“He… doesn’t know yet.”
“Holden!”
I shrugged. “I might’ve overshot, I’m not sure, but I don’t trust that Miss Dora is as hard of hearing as she claims to be. So I was gonna see if he wanted to move in with me.”
Dad blinked, his eyelashes spiking with tears. “It’s that serious?”
I smiled. “I love him. I love being with him. The only thing I hate when I spend the night at his place is that I’m not near you.”
“You want to be near me?”
“Of course, Dad. It’s been hard, being away from you and Pops all these years, and I don’t want to do it anymore. I mean, we’re going to have to have some boundaries around pop-in visits so we don’t traumatize you, but I definitely like spending time with you.”
Dad threw his arms around me, and we stood in front of my new home, hugging and crying. Nothing about the last several months had been easy, and while I’d have given anything to have Pops back, I was proud of myself for doing the brave and scary things.
Just as importantly, I was grateful I’d had a true partner in Beckett each step of the way.
“So, you bought this place?” Beckett asked, chewing his inner cheek as we walked through the empty living room with its towering ceilings.
“I did.”
“And you’re moving in here?”
“Yep.”
His expression advertised the series of mental gymnastics he was going through. He couldn’t reasonably get mad at me for buying my own place, but he’d no doubt grown as accustomed to our cozy togetherness as I had.
Aw, hell. I loved him too much to let the torture continue.
“It is an awfully big house to live in alone, though,” I noted, tapping my chin as I examined the ceiling fan.
“Wait,” he said, a bit of temper showing up in his voice. “You’re getting a roommate?”
“No, Becks. Pay attention.”
That was probably an unfair ask, since the build and his legal troubles had been occupying his thoughts for a while now.
Thankfully the build was going well, and the legal issues had been resolved once Beckett provided the county with the security feed from that night. There was crisp, high-def video of Chase taking down the framing and setting fire to it. The video also clearly showed Beckett defending himself against an unprovoked attack by an armed assailant.
“Wait, do you want me to live here with you?” Beckett asked, looking up at me.
“There it is,” I said, booping his nose. “Knew you’d get there eventually.”
“Hold, I can’t afford whatever half of this is. You see where I live.”
God, he was so adorable.
“Becks, baby, you do know that I’ve got money, right? Like, tech money. Stock splits and partial ownership money. Plus, Jackson sent me my half of the house.”
“Okay…”
“So, yeah. I bought this house with cash.”
“Then why aren’t you in a huge house on the river?”
“Because my dad isn’t in a huge house on the river.”
“So you’re moving four houses down from your dad on purpose?”
“Yes. He’s already been warned to knock first.”
“Seriously, though, I can maybe pay for the utilities, but…”
“No, you’re not paying for anything. Nothing you do is reimbursed. You barely take enough for your meager living expenses from the Meeting House, even though it would be perfectly reasonable for you to draw a regular salary. You give to the community, I give to you, that’s how it works. Don’t argue with me.”
“Are you telling me what to do?” he asked, splaying his pale fingers across his hips.
“This is literally the only place in life where I plan on telling you anything,” I said, tugging on his collar. “The rest is all you.”
Pulling the collar free, he loosened his top buttons. “Then I’m going to need you to hit your knees.”
I complied, joy spreading through my chest. “Happy to, Father.”
epilogue
SIX MONTHS LATER
BECKETT
It was a double opening day for the Meeting House and Everly Plumbing, now Everly Plumbing and Bathroom Renovation. We’d decided to share a parking lot across the back of the property while maintaining an open space between the two buildings. Planning it out with the architects was one thing, but seeing the finished product was another thing entirely.
The result was way, way better—more—than either of us had expected. The building, while enormous in comparison to the original Meeting House, had a pitched roof and modern wood accents that lent it a feeling of home.
The vaulted entryway led to a generous corridor and lounge area outside the meeting room, with soaring double-paned windows that gave it a serene sense of the holy. Through a massive set of doors was the meeting room, another vaulted space with windows set higher up to allow both privacy and light.
We’d had the builders add a low stage for plays and weddings, but the room itself was open and could be configured in any number of ways. Most of the time it would be set up in our typical in-the-round style for meetings, but we had rolling desks and stackable chairs that would be useful for various community projects, perhaps even an after-school offering once we really got going.
Major’s place was much smaller but mirrored the architecture of the Meeting House. He now had a showroom for bathroom designs, as well as a couple of conference rooms and a cushy waiting area for his clients.
After a full day of giving away balloons and getting young people to sign up for internships at Major’s shop, we met in the Meeting House’s bright new dining room: all the Lost Boys, old and new, plus our friends from Lupe and a couple of my buddies from the ranch.
Hen, not wanting to be a distraction, had been working in the kitchen with Sawyer all day long. He was wearing a Meeting House T-shirt like the rest of us, but he’d paired his with a pair of skinny jeans, black Chucks, and a spiked belt, plus the guyliner he never went anywhere without.
I was happy to see him, but his “sabbatical” hadn’t even lasted a month. While the brief time off had done him some good, he was already looking ragged at the edges and still had months to go on his extended tour. He said it was all part of his contract, but we knew there was more to it.
What Hen failed to realize was that when Mr. Paige had said to drag him off the road if we had to, the Lost Boys took that shit seriously. He was coming off the road at the end of those dates, or we’d be intervening, big-time.
“Hey, cuz,” Oz said, throwing an arm over Hen’s shoulders. “Fuck, I miss you, man.”
Hen leaned into the hug. “I’ve missed you, too. Once I’m done with this leg, I’ll need to figure out next steps.”
Sawyer sat up, interested. “Any thoughts on what those steps might be?”
“Nothing set in stone. I read this phrase the other day: Remember your why. I realized I don’t have a why. Or if I do, it’s different from where I started, you know?”
Ozzie nodded as he slid in next to Walker, who looked like he might have a heart attack if Oz got any closer to him. “Makes sense. I think finding your why is a great use of your time, but make sure to give your brain a rest, too. You don’t need all the answers. And consider the fact that you arranged to be here today. You could be holed up anywhere in the world with the person or persons of your choosing bobbing up and down on your cock, and you elected to be here. In Seguin, Texas. There may be some why in that, too.”
“Ugh, you’re so smart.”
Leo and Major wandered over.
Leo really was a good kid, and I’d been excited when he said he wanted to work with Major. Better yet, Major immediately took on a big brother role with him. It was interesting to see Leo really listen and pay attention, to see him wanting to learn. I wondered if Major understood how amazing that was.
As Joel, Tristan, Holden, and Ren joined us, I couldn’t help but think of Mr. Paige and how tickled he’d be that we’d all come together again.
Holden sat next to me and kissed my cheek.
“Pops would be so goddamn proud of you,” he said, his pretty eyes crinkling at the corners. “I know I’m proud of you. You put in a lot of work, and you’ll be helping the community for decades to come.”
I leaned in for a kiss that probably went on a little longer than it should have. Well, hell. I was a gay, tattooed, God-doubting preacher. What did people expect?
“Thanks, babe. I’m fucking exhausted.” I gestured at the table as the rest of our friends took their seats. “But this? And you? Worth it.”
HOLDEN
After Beckett’s ranch buddies helped us with the rebuild, Dad and I started going with him out to the Texas Hill Country to spend time with them. It was always rewarding, but this Friday’s trip was particularly special.
We were being introduced to a young Japanese boy Charlie and crew had rescued. Charlie had asked us out because none of their usual places could take him. It was obvious the kid—Hikaru—had been through a lot of what the kids at Lupe had experienced. Lupe worked solely with teenagers, however, and Hikaru was only eight.
The same age I’d been when my dads took me in.
Charlie assured us that Hikaru could stay at the bunkhouse for a while, but it wasn’t a permanent solution. He wanted to see if we could meet him and “think of a good place for him.”
Charlie hadn’t done much to try to hide his intentions, but Beckett hadn’t hesitated to accept the invitation, and neither had I. Dad didn’t even bother to ask if he was invited; he simply informed us he was coming.
This all felt like we were putting the cart before the horse, especially since Beckett and I hadn’t even discussed marriage yet. Though I had to admit moving in with each other had only made forever seem inevitable. Nothing between us ever felt like a leap, not even pulling up at the gorgeous ranch. Our entire relationship was the result of setting one foot in front of the other, walking directly into our future.
Erik and Ant met us at the door.
Turns out, I’d been right about Erik and Beckett keeping it to frotting and hand jobs back when they were on each other’s roster. Beckett said he’d taken one look at Erik’s junk and asked for the side menu.
Ant, with whom I’d become friendly, once let slip that he and Erik were more versatile than I’d have guessed, and I valiantly stifled any hamster meme-related commentary.
“Look, I’m just gonna say…” Ant leaned in conspiratorially. “Maybe don’t ask too many questions about how Hikaru came to us, okay?”
Dad set his shoulders. “Just show me to my new grandson.”
Beckett and I shared a look. While information was thin on the ground, we knew Hikaru had been rescued in a major op right outside of Houston, his parents had emigrated from Japan to the States as college students, he spoke English well but preferred Japanese, and he no longer had living family members in either country.
“Dad, we don’t know—”
He stopped me with a wave of his hand, then gestured at our two hosts. “Whatever hell they rescued Hikaru from, he deserves the kind of love you two can give him. You’ll foster-to-adopt, I’ll help, and we won’t ask what they had to do to get him out of there.”
Probably a good call. Back when we were working through the legal drama with Chase, Anders—Erik’s cousin and a hilarious, sociopathic golden retriever of a man—paid Chase a visit. He reported back that Chase pinky promised he’d never attempt to assault or harass anyone ever again.
I was later told that Chase was only sporting nine fingers these days, but I was pretty sure that was just a rumor. Thankfully, a condition of his probation was that Chase was not allowed to come within a thousand feet of me, Beckett, or the Meeting House property, so hopefully I’d never be close enough to get a full count.
Despite my father’s impatience, we all gave Hikaru lots of space when we first arrived. He was adorable, with smiley, dark brown eyes, a bowl cut of pin-straight black hair, and arms and legs so skinny he looked like a stick figure.
When we sat at the table, however, I was pleasantly surprised when he chose to sit between Dad and me.
“Kon’nichiwa,” Dad said to Hikaru with a little bow.
Hello.
Hikaru’s eyes widened. “Nihongo o hanashimasu ka?”
You speak Japanese?
“Hai. My son speaks a little Japanese as well.”
I nodded and held out my hand. “Hajimemashite.”
Nice to meet you.
He shook it, then looked past me to Beckett, pointing at his collar. “You’re a priest?”
“Kinda.”
“Why do you have so many tattoos?”
Beckett winked. “So people know they can trust me.”
Hikaru laughed, and Beckett reached across me, holding out a fist. Hikaru bumped it with a shy smile.
One of the things I loved the most about these dinners was the ranch’s lovely tradition of looking back on the week and naming a good thing, a gratitude, and something they’d left behind. Looking between Dad, Beckett, and Hikaru, I had a lot to be grateful for.
By the end of the dinner, Beckett and I already knew Hikaru was coming home with us. We’d agreed to a weekend sleepover, but in my mind the die had already been cast. Charlie had connections all over and told us we’d be hearing from a friendly social worker in two days.
Dad knelt down in front of Hikaru and asked him in Japanese if he wanted to go home with us. Hikaru responded by throwing his birdlike arms around Dad’s neck.
I suddenly had a vision of what our future could look like. Dad and Hikaru as best friends, me and Beckett as the strict ones. Well, I’d be strict. Beckett would let him get away with everything.
Between us and the Lost Boys and everyone else in our community, Hikaru would have more family than he’d know what to do with.
“Whatcha thinkin’?” Beckett asked, holding my hand as we followed Dad and Hikaru to my car under the bright stars of a Texas night sky.
I stopped and turned to him, pulling him to me. “I’m thinking about the future. About raising that kid with a rogue preacher by my side, supported by Dad, surrounded by friends. I dunno. Guess I’m feeling pretty lucky. Just wish Pops was here to see it.”
“Hopefully me saying this won’t ruin my reputation as a skeptic, but I think he is,” Beckett said, kissing me softly. “I know for a fact he’s as proud of you as I am.”
