It's a Fabulous Life, page 1
IT’S A FABULOUS LIFE
A Novel
KELLY FARMER
For all the fabulous drag performers bringing joy to the world. You truly are magical.
THE ANGELS
The old RV turned onto Main Street and chugged past a large, cheerfully decorated wooden sign. Clara Angel bunched the top of her gold silk robe to ward off the chill seeping in as she braced herself against one of the windows.
“Welcome to Lanford Falls,” she read. “Cute.”
A smaller sign announced Home of Winter Wonderfest.
Clara took in the sights: Tall evergreens. A narrow wooden bridge spanning the river. A dog park filled with happy pooches romping on a Sunday afternoon. It didn’t look as though it had snowed recently, but here in Upstate New York, that was only a matter of time.
“What do you suppose happens at Winter Wonderfest?” she asked Gabriella.
Her drag mother focused on the road, muttering encouragement to the transmission to hang on just a bit longer. The brightly patterned scarf tied around her head and faux fur red coat made her ebony skin glow.
Clara turned to her drag sister in the passenger seat. Jovanna was touching up her eyeliner and sighed dramatically when they hit a bump. Her curly, brassy orange wig was not the most flattering against her pale face.
“Do you think they need to book some entertainment for the festival?” Clara wondered aloud.
“I’m sure they’ve had everything lined up for months,” Gabriella said. Always the voice of reason as the mother of the House of Angel.
“We could use another gig,” Jovanna said. She waved her liquid liner at her poinsettia red A-line dress. “This all doesn’t come cheap.”
“Your appetite doesn’t come cheap.” Their mother gave Jovanna’s ample frame an up-and-down glance.
“Don’t be jealous of my curves, old woman. Watch where you’re going.”
Gabriella clucked her tongue, then squinted at the road ahead.
“Where are your glasses, Mother?” Clara asked.
“I don’t need glasses,” Gabriella snapped. “You mind yourself and get dressed.”
“Won’t wear glasses even though she needs them.” Clara shook her head. “Once a pageant queen, always a pageant queen.”
They drove into a charming small downtown. Lush green garland hugged every lamppost. Each storefront was decorated with wreaths and lights and evergreen swags. It had a cohesive look, as though it had all been carefully planned to match. A group of teenagers wearing blue-and-white striped scarves stood on one corner, their harmony on “Greensleeves” beautiful and melodic.
“This place loooves the holidays,” Jovanna drawled.
A Progress Pride flag waved in the breeze outside a coffeehouse. Beneath it, a young person with spiky green hair shared a warm beverage and conversation with an older Black woman and an East Asian man, the three of them holding sketchbooks and art supplies.
Gabriella flicked the turn signal to where a sign pointed out a public parking lot. The faint scent of rich chocolate wafted into the RV. Clara smiled at a mom and dad and two kids exchanging hugs with a middle-aged white man and woman carrying full shopping bags.
As the RV rumbled into the lot, a variety of folks waved and greeted one another from their cars. “What a friendly place,” Clara said.
“That’s what happens when Christmas vomits all over you,” said Jovanna.
They parked at the far edge of the lot so as to not take up too many spaces with their large ride. The jovial metal sign at the lot’s rear exit declared Thanks for visiting Lanford Falls. We’ll see you again soon! Even that was wrapped in garland.
Clara perused their overflowing clothing rack for something day-appropriate. She held the sleeve of a teal number against her warm beige arm. Hmm. She wasn’t feeling teal today. Maybe the purple tea-length with a smattering of rhinestones. Or the royal blue jumpsuit with the sequined belt.
She touched the gold lamé gown she wore for their splashy final number at most gigs. It shimmered in the sunlight streaming through the windows.
Clara ran her fingers down the silky material. It was beautiful, but was missing something. One very important thing.
“Are you sure this is where we’re needed?” she asked Gabi.
“This is where I was drawn to go next,” Gabriella said.
Jovanna fluffed her wig. “Why couldn’t we be drawn to someplace warm?”
Clara tiptoed in her fuzzy leopard-print slippers until she stood between them. “Do you think … If we’ve been called here, do you think there’s opportunity for me? To wear the wings in our final number, I mean.”
Jovi groaned and rolled her eyes.
Gabriella waved a hand. “You’ll get your set of wings when you do what needs to be done.”
Clara’s heart sank. She knew what she had to do in order to wear the dazzling wings. “I have to prove my Christmas spirit shines brighter than the moon,” she mumbled.
“Which is exactly why you haven’t earned them yet. That kind of attitude.”
“I’ve tried,” Clara insisted. “I try so hard. I rescued that cat—”
“That was a raccoon covered in mud,” Jovanna laughed.
“I helped that nice lady find the perfect gift for her granddaughter. And there was that time I talked that girl out of getting bangs.” Clara nodded sagely. Those bangs would have been tragic.
“Small potatoes.” Her sister glanced over her shoulder. “You need to do something big. Something to prove you’re worthy of wearing the wings.”
“I just don’t know what that could be,” Clara said.
All drag queens were enchanting, but some possessed a little more magic than others. She’d felt it the first time she’d donned a wig and heels, like Gabi and Jovi. Empowered and fierce. Only she had yet to do anything truly life-changing with her magic.
Jovanna groaned out of her seat. “I have been sitting way too long. These legs need to get to dancing.” Her Latin feet cha-cha-ed past Clara.
Gabriella stood, placing her hands on her lower back and stretching with a moan. She followed Clara’s line of sight out the front window to the parking lot exit sign. It was so welcoming, a visitor would never want to leave.
“Everyone here must really love the holidays,” Clara said.
Gabi snapped her fingers. “I’ve got it.”
“Use the special cream from your doctor, honey,” Jovanna called from where their coats hung beside the door.
“You know what we haven’t done in a while? A good old-fashioned life transformation.”
“Ooh, a makeover?”
“No,” Gabriella said. “Though that might be fun.” She turned to Clara. “Do you want to get your wings this time, Clara Angel?”
“More than anything,” Clara said, clasping her hands.
Gabi pointed in the direction of the shopping district. “Somewhere in this town, there’s a person in despair. They don’t love the holidays anymore.”
“In this town? That’s hard to believe.”
“There’s one person in particular. I can feel it.” She touched below the knot on her goldenrod yellow wrap dress. “They want to get out. Leave this town behind.”
“Is it an adult? A child? A moody teen?” Clara hopped from foot to foot, giddy with the chance to earn her wings.
“You know I can’t tell until I know for sure.”
Jovanna shrugged into her shaggy off-white jacket. “When Mother knows, Mother knows.”
“We’ll find that person, and we’ll help them.” Gabriella nodded at Clara. “You’ll help them see what a gift the holiday season can be.”
“And then I can get my set of wings?”
Her mother clasped a warm hand on Clara’s shoulder. “If you help them have a change of heart, you can wear the wings in our final number.”
My wings. My very own set of wings.
“That’s what I’ve always wanted,” Clara said.
“Well then, let’s go.” Jovanna waved both hands impatiently at the door.
“Your sister isn’t dressed yet, and I have to freshen up.” Gabriella dismissed her with a wave. “I’m gonna revoke your wings if you don’t cheer up.”
Jovi grumbled and sank onto the cushioned bench at their tiny dining table. “Sorry, Mother. You know it’s my favorite time of year.”
Clara hastened to grab the purple dress. This was going to be fabulous, and she needed to look fabulous. She wouldn’t mess this up. Not again. No more muddy raccoon mistakes.
This time, things were going to go right. She’d show her Angel family just how bright her holiday spirit shined. This lucky person was about to become the most Christmassy Christmas person ever.
She couldn’t wait.
CHAPTER ONE
Bailey George waited outside one of the large windows at Caffeinated Corner, as she did every morning. The usual Monday crowd filled the café tables, chatting or reading the newspaper. The actual paper newspaper, since Lanford Falls was all about being old-school.
She bounced her knees, trying to get blood to flow down to her cold feet inside her tall rubber boots. The rest of her was nestled in her long, tan wool coat and green knit hat and gloves. Anything to ward off the chill on a dull, overcast December day.
Lulu propped her front paws against the brick exterior. She craned her canine neck as she sniffed.
Kurt finally noticed them from behind the counter. He shared a wave with Bailey and snagged a to-go cup.
Lulu whined and dropped back
Yvette passed by on her way to open the florist shop. Her cheeks were almost as red as her hair. She gave a cheery, “Good morning, Bailey.”
“Morning,” Bailey said.
“Looks like we’re in for some snow. We sure could use it for Winter Wonderfest.”
“We’ll see.” Glee washed over her. Whatever happened this year was not her problem.
The café door opened to the warm scent of coffee and pastries and a jazzy rendition of “The First Noel.” Lulu wiggled in anticipation.
“The usual,” Kurt said as he handed off the coffee cup. His bright crimson apron hugged his I do yoga for fun lean frame.
“Thank you,” Bailey said.
Her lifelong buddy bent to give Lulu a homemade dog cookie. She inhaled it, then sat, knowing she wouldn’t get any more without behaving.
“Piglet,” Kurt teased, then gave her another treat.
“You know this is the only reason I stop by,” Bailey said.
“I thought it was my sparkling personality.” Kurt rubbed behind Lulu’s ears and cooed lovingly to her.
“That, and dog treats.”
“And free coffee.”
“You can charge me any time, you know,” Bailey said.
“It’s all good. This place wouldn’t exist without your help.”
Now it was her turn to tease him. “True.”
Kurt stood and scratched at his dark hair. “Are you coming to Wednesday night trivia? Christmas edition. Arnie’s making his legendary red-and-green taco dip.”
“I’ll be in New York on Wednesday.”
“That’s right. I forgot.” He grinned wickedly. “You never go anywhere.”
“Not this time,” Bailey said. “I’m getting out.”
“Mm-hmm.”
“For real. I’ve got everything in order. Five whole days to ignore the holiday season.”
Kurt settled his hands on his hips. “Okay.”
Irritation flashed through her body. “I’m serious. This time it’s different. Nothing’s going to stop me.”
“I hope not. I’d hate to see you cancel another trip.”
“That makes two of us.” Bailey crossed her glove-clad fingers on the hand holding Lulu’s leash.
Kurt glanced inside the café, then said, “Gotta go. See you later, gator.”
Lulu tried to follow him, so Bailey had to gently tug her back before the door closed on her nose. “You can only go in when they’re not open,” she told her sad pupper.
They walked the few steps to the corner, where Main Street skirted along the large village green. The site where Winter Wonderfest would go off without a hitch that weekend. The enormous Christmas tree inside the entrance glowed like a beacon of good things to come.
She sipped her café au lait. Perfect, as always. Kurt could whip up a mean cup of joe. One of these days, she’d pay him back for all the free coffee. Though they tended to trade services in lieu of payment.
If she sat down and did the math, he probably owed her money from when she’d helped him start up the café. Not to mention waiving her commission when he and Arnie had bought their house. Such was life in Lanford Falls. Doing favors. Always doing favors.
They crossed Main Street, passing Gruber’s General Store. The hand-painted signs in the windows advertising sale items were the only things that ever changed. The brown brick building had been around since the early 1900s. The wooden shelves inside, nearly as long. Charming and vintage would be how she’d describe it in a listing.
Bailey shielded her face with her cup so Mr. Gruber wouldn’t spot her. She had things to do. Getting stuck talking with her old boss was not on the agenda. Mr. Gruber loved to wax poetic about when she’d worked there during her high school summers.
Martin exited his diner and set out the placard listing the daily specials. The fifties-inspired graphics on the door and antique plastic snowmen on either side matched the vibe of the place.
“Morning, Bailey,” he said.
“What’s good today, Marty?” Bailey asked.
“The Merry Meatloaf sandwich.”
His wife made the best meatloaf. “I’ll probably be around later to get one.”
“I’ll save you a seat,” he said with a denture-filled smile.
Bailey made a vague noise of agreement and continued down the sidewalk. They both knew she’d get it to go.
Lulu pulled on the leash, trying to head back to the diner. “No, baby girl,” Bailey told her. “We have to get to the park. You want to go the park, right?”
Her folded-over ears perked at one of her favorite words. She trotted back to Bailey’s side. The only thing Lulu loved as much as food was the dog park.
The imposing dark wood entrance of Potter Real Estate loomed large up ahead. Its single plain evergreen wreath contrasted the lush swag cascading down a nearby lamppost. No doubt Felicity was already at her desk, plotting ways to rip off unsuspecting homebuyers. Bailey resisted the urge to stick her tongue out as her navy blue boots clomped along the concrete.
She nearly choked on her coffee as Miss Josephine stepped out from nowhere. She was a shrunken, tiny pale lady with short, curly, snow white hair and thick glasses.
“Good morning, Miss Josephine,” Bailey said, mustering up a smile.
“Good morning, my dear.” Her thin lips upturned. Miss Josephine had been perpetually, just, old, even when Bailey was a kid. She’d been carrying that same black handbag forever. It was like time had stopped for her at some point, like it had for the whole town.
“How are you?” Bailey asked.
“I’m doing very well, thank you.” Miss Josephine patted Lulu’s head with a wrinkled hand. “I’ll bet you’re excited about the festival this Saturday. You always do such a wonderful job.”
“Thanks, but I’m not in charge this year.”
“You’re not?” She blinked, her watery blue eyes magnified behind her glasses.
“Nope. Ten years was enough.” More than enough. “I passed the torch. Susan’s doing a great job. It’ll go off without a hitch.”
“Oh, that’s too bad you’re not running it.” She pursed her lips, then brightened. “The good thing is, you’ll be able to enjoy it as an attendee.”
Bailey opened her mouth to say otherwise. Nah. It wasn’t worth another conversation about missing the town’s biggest event of the year. She glanced down at Lulu and said, “We’ve got to get to the park. Lulu’s friends are waiting for her.”
She took two steps down the sidewalk, but Miss Josephine didn’t get the hint. “You’re still on the Beautification Committee, I hope,” she said. “You haven’t given that up?”
Not that it was any of her business, but Bailey said, “Still on that committee.”
“Good. You have such wonderful ideas. The dog park, revitalizing the wooden bridge over Lanford Creek …”
“Okay, Lulu.” Bailey inched along, pretending like Lulu was pulling her. Even though Lulu stood patiently waiting. Damn well-trained dog.
“You do so much for this town. We appreciate everything you’ve accomplished. Especially when you stepped up to run your father’s real estate agency after he passed.”
Her heart used to twinge when people said things like that. It was so long ago, she simply nodded and said, “It had to be done.”
Miss Josephine gestured across the street to George Family Homes and the white twinkle lights outlining the windows. “That was so good of you. You were so young, but you saved the business and everyone’s jobs. And saved our town from …” She glanced over her shoulder at Potter Real Estate. “Felicity Potter.”
They shared a knowing look. “That’s a battle I’m still fighting, Miss Josephine,” Bailey said.
“Indeed.”
“Do you need me to do anything for you? Run any errands or anything?”
“Oh, heavens, no.” The older woman chuckled. “I manage just fine.”
“It’s always nice to see you,” Bailey said. “Have a great day.”
“You do the same, my dear. Goodbye, Lulu.”
They shared a farewell wave. Bailey tried to make herself invisible inside her fluffy blue scarf. At this rate, they’d get to the dog park by noon.
It would be nice to just once walk across town without getting stopped every five feet. Good thing Lulu enjoyed all the attention.
